Getting married a virgin has it's downside =(
By fieryfrost
@fieryfrost (316)
Philippines
February 1, 2007 9:39pm CST
When I was single I've always been proud of being a virgin not for any religious reason, I thought it was something really nice to do...to save yourself for that one special person, he being the first and last as they say. But then lately I have been experiencing and feeling it's downside.
Firstly, I don't have enough experience doing it so it tends to be monotonous and just same old things. Secondly my husband expects me to do the first move sometimes, but the thing is I don't know how to do it (refer to my first problem with experience)! Sometimes I would pitty myself about this, I can't even make my husband happy from this side. I usually blame my lack of experience for these. Can you guys help me? Help me solve these problems because I just want my husband to be happy by being a good wife, who can fulfill this. Thanks in advance.
14 people like this
30 responses
@trialrun01 (644)
• India
2 Feb 07
See, I really respect your thought of staying virgin till you got married. In todays' world only a few people think like this inspite of the fact that it is the right approach towards life.
Now as far as the problem of you being inexperienced is concerned, see you are facing this problem with your husband, but this would have been the case if you would have done it with someone else. Everybody does everything for the first time at the start.
A very easy tip for solving your problem is to note down the moves your husband enjoys the most and try them whenever you wish to turn him on. If it works, you will learn the lessons.
Try it and let me know if it works.
1 person likes this
@fieryfrost (316)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Hey thanks for the wonderful response. I would surely take note of that the next time we do it. It's actually a good idea and I'll surely update you with this. Thanks so much!
@happythoughts (4109)
• United States
2 Feb 07
If he isnt happy it is just as much his fault. He needs to be able to tell you what he wants and needs. Its all about communication! If there is one thing I have learned it is that you cant have enough communication.
@fiyahcreation (2140)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Sorry for that, but do you feel chemisty in the bedroom with your husband, because if you don't then it tend to feel uncomfortable
@fieryfrost (316)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Thanks for the reply. I certainly do. I just can't let go of my inhibitions and I still do need more information on how to do this.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
2 Feb 07
My husband was my first, too, although I didn't really think about it as saving myself, more that I didn't meet a guy I was that into, especially with all the associated risks such as STDs.
If you haven't been married for very long, it is just a matter of time. I am sure your husband is happy, he is probably just looking to improve things so they are even better for both of you. Just try things out that you like.
Oh, and you can probably get books about this at the bookstore or the library.
1 person likes this
@fabwisp (1327)
•
2 Feb 07
I think you just need to relax and be a bit more confident in yourself. It will all come naturally. The more you worry the harder yu will find it becomes. Have you told your partner your worries? Explain to him how you feel and I'm sure he will be more than happy to help you!
@fieryfrost (316)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Thank you for that reply. I do tell him about that. We talked about it last night. He understood. He gave me some tips and all that and I am still getting more strength to do it. Also trying to overcome my shyness.
@monkeywriter (2004)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Um. Speaking from someone who is waiting, for religious reasons, I think you did the right thing! You didnt say but was he a virigin too? I know that can probably make some difference on it (or I'd think since I dont know). It sounds silly but sometimes I agree with the whole thing about experience. I agree I wont know what I doing when I havent. Its just a matter of fact. But in the end I WONT be sad I waited. I will be happy. I would rather not know what I am doing then be really into knowing what I am doing.
I'd recommend books, or whatever. I'm sure they would help. Talk to people who might have tips too. I cant say too much seeing I am a virigin. But maybe this might help you out a bit. Good luck!
@fieryfrost (316)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Thank you for the response. Yes he was a virgin too but he had more knowledge about it. He knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. I am sadly not like him who is aggressive about it. I consider myself conservative =(.
@MellieC (783)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Oh this is not a downside at all! It can be fun! If you both are inexperienced this means you are both ..for lack of a better phrase "clean slates!" You both can try out new things together and find out what you like! :) You should try to watch videos or if these turn you off you should try to get a book, say like the Kama Sutra *i'm sure I misspelled this* Read about the new positions and see which ones catch your eye. Talk to your husband about your shyness don't feel afraid to tell him how you are feeling! If he is more experienced than you are then maybe he can show you a few things ;) Communication is another thing you should work on. He's your husband (hopefully for life) and you should be able to talk openly about these things with him! :) Good luck!
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
2 Feb 07
If you want to spice things up, try watching a video. It will help you get ideas to what he might like and maybe what you might like to try. You also have to be very open with eachother. let the other person know what you like, what feels good and what doesn't. then you can have experiance with the man you love.
@willocfc (963)
• Australia
3 Feb 07
Lack of experience does not mean there has to be a lack of passion, if you want to try new things then talk to your husband about it, if you dont tell him how you feel then he will just assume you are happy and you might find that by talking with him about it, he might be feeling the same way you are
@pogoaddict (72)
• United States
3 Feb 07
First of all, let me commend you on saving yourself. Although it seems tough now, if your husband truly loves you, he will cherish this about you and work with you. I was my husband's first, and I have had the same type of problems you are referring to. He's not as experienced as I have been, and he likes "certain things" done to him, without reciprocation. But through ALOT of turmoil and resentment, he has learned that he has to please me also. All it took was to just speak up and say what you want/need and even if you have to, ask him "how" he likes it. Been there, and still going through it. But please just stick in there, he has a precious commodity in you that no one else has.
@sazzy29 (63)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
well, it's simply your husband can help you asking him to teach you things you wanna know. you can also read magazines or watch xxx movies. just that simple!
@sandphinx (131)
•
2 Feb 07
i was in a similar position when i got married. you have to gain experience somewhere and there is nowhere better than with a guy who is committed to you and has shown it. try the ann summers website and check out some of the books dvd's and video's for tips. also ask the guy what he wants you have a ready made tutor there and he will love it.
@draconess (650)
• Canada
3 Feb 07
I wouldn't consider it a downside, more a challenge. This way you can discover everything together, you just have to be willing to be creative and try new things occasionally! You need to learn to be comfortable with yourself, and have fun!
@nishanity (1650)
• India
2 Feb 07
oh thanx gal!! i didn tknow tht this could happentooo.. i am a virgin too and i like u am planning to be so for my spl guy!!
so i gues i just have to educate myself on how to be satisfying in bed!!!
thts all rite???
i guess u ought to do so too
@sunil_p77 (95)
• India
2 Feb 07
well being a virgin has nothing to do with first moves.....first moves which ur hsuband may be expecting deal with turning him on into the mood for a nice time..may be ur husband is looking to u to instigate something...dont link virginity with that.......well u can try different stuff on different occassions it will help ur enjoy more
@ILANEDRI (1921)
• Israel
2 Feb 07
I think that you are one of a kind. Not many girls keep their virginity to the guy they are going to be married with.
I think that you should tell your husband that you are a virging, and explain to him that you saved your virginity just for him. This will probably will make him proud and happy. There is also the thing for him to be your first one.
Guys love to be the first guy with a virgin woman.
I'm sure your husband will understand you, and will give you the fully respect for your decision.
Just be honest with him, and tell him everything he needs to know.
@Tarrish (562)
• United States
2 Feb 07
There are so many books you can buy on this subject that I assure you you're going to be just fine. Read up on different things to do in bed with your husband.
Also, let him know how you're feeling. Maybe the two of you can explore his body together. He'll be the navagator, and you'll be the driver. You know what I mean? Then you can learn what he really likes, and I'm sure he'll return the favor.
@ms_fery (251)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
don't think negative for being a virgin before you marry your husband, as for the experience try to watch movies and read some books, your problem is actually a major problem, if you really want to make him happy try to asked what are going to do to make him happy.
i just hope you get better the nest time i saw your post.
