~Memories~
By grayangel
@grayangel (274)
United States
February 3, 2007 6:01pm CST
I created this poem because of my memory loss. I have no memory of my childhood. So here goes:
Memories
By:ME!!!(X_X)
Are memories what make person?
What if one has none?
What kind of person would he or she be?
Memories of childhood.
Memories of the past.
All gone.
I have no memory, I am nothing.
I am an empty shell with a soul trapped inside.
What will death bring me?
Will it bring back my memories?
I look inside of my brain and I see nothing.
Many can remember, why not me?
I looked to the ground and wounder what could of happened?
To lose my memory?
To lose my soul?
I try hard to remember but nothing comes out.
I pounder if I was meant to me.
If I was I would have memories.
But I don't.
I try to find a light deep inside my heart.
There is no light to be found.
I live an empty live.
I think hard that someday...
My memories will come back to me.
2 people like this
3 responses
@jennybeans (912)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I think you use some very powerful imagery, and it has a sense of emptiness about it, like something is very obviously missing.
I would like to offer some constructive criticism, but I never do that without permission.
1 person likes this
@grayangel (274)
• United States
7 Feb 07
You are more then welcome. All of the stuff you will see here is rough draft and subject to change.
1 person likes this
@grayangel (274)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Interesting input. Thank you I will see what I can do with that, I am not a very good writer, but I do try.
1 person likes this
@jennybeans (912)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Okay. I would recommend chopping it up a little, getting rid of the structured appearance of the lines. I think it would create a more haunted effect, as this is definitely meant to be a haunted poem. I would get rid of the open narrative voice and disconnect the speaker a little bit from the poem because he's disconnected from himself and he has no memory--he's not sure who he is. As it is now, it's a little telling, and you could really use the power of the words to SHOW us this lost soul calling out from the void.
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Oh my, this is so sad, I'm crying for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to not have memories - my memories are what make me me. Is there a chance that you will get them back? I hope that you will be able to build good memories from here on and will at least have those to look back on.
@grayangel (274)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Thank you. I lost my childhood memories but I have made some since then and they are very good. I am out to get married, that is going to be the best memory I have.
@cillerman (403)
• Bulgaria
9 Feb 07
I like it. It describes what you feel, it's clear. I like the short lines. They just keep on adding to the weight, to the loss. Like a little hammer hitting on a nail.
The long sentences should be very strong as to keep the overall feeling of the short.
It's very good.
1 person likes this
