Best joke of all times

The president of a national bank and his wife attend a big charity gala. On stepping out of the limousine the wife recognises the doorman and gasps "Oh my god charlie I can't believe it's you, It's so good to see you!" The president and his wife then proceed into the hotel for the Gala. Curious the husband asked how his wife knew the doorman. "Oh Charlie was an old boyfriend of mine in fact at one point we were engaged." The husband replied "but I bet your glad you married me instead of him." "Why do you say that dear?" Asked the wife. "Well he's just a lowly doorman and I'm the president of a national bank." The wife replied "but you are forgetting one thing dear, had I married Charlie HE would be president of the bank!"

No offense to blondes! This isn't the best joke I've heard but since I cant paste I decided to write a short one. A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2am. The wife (undoubtely blonde) picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know? That's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said "Who was that?" The wife said "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear"

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. A few minutes later a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Man: "I committed adultery." Priest:"How many times?" Man: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Rabbi: "How many times?" Woman: "Once." Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5." In a Madrid train station, there were two Jews in the line to buy tickets to Paris. A few people behind were two Turkish guys quietly watching the Jews, always wanting to play tricks on them. When the moment came, the Jews bought only one ticket but, to the astonishment of the Turks, the two of them got on the train. As it was a non-stop trip, at a certain moment a conductor came into the car and started clipping the passengers' tickets. The Turks, watching the Jews, started to giggle, certain that the Jews would be caught. But, to the Turks' amazement, before the conductor could see, the Jews ran and both went into a single lavatory. Used to having people in the toilets, the conductor knocked on the door: "Paris, Paris, ticket, please!" Immediately, the Jews slipped the only ticket they had under the door for the man to clip it. The Turks were astounded by the trick (and mad, because they had spent money unnecessarily). After a few days, Turks could be seen in the line to purchase tickets back to Madrid. The Jews came a bit later. Of course, the Turks bought only one ticket. What surprised them was that when the Jews saw it, they left the line without tickets. Again came the moment when the conductor stepped into the car. The two Turks went for the toilet right away, the same way the Jews had done before. The Jews sat patiently until the Turks were in the lavatory. Then, in a flash, they went to the toilet and knocked on the Turks' door. The Turks immediately slipped the ticket underneath the door. The Jews grabbed it and dashed into the next lavatory.... . It was several weeks before Pesach. I had 12 bottles of whiskey in my cellar that my wife instructed me to empty. She said, "Empty each and every bottle down the sink," so I proceeded with the task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth sink, poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink, and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses, and sinks with the other, which were 29, and put the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incohol, but thinke peep I am. I'm not half so thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here the longer I get.

LOL these are al really funny

Here's a joke for you: A Pastor was driving on an inter-state road, when he met a Police man, quite naturally, wanted something form him. Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offense, the Pastor called the Officer to say he was a Priest to which the Officer replied: "Please, leave the Pastor thing... in any case, as a Pastor, you must have a bible in your car, bring it. Please read Matthew 5:25,26 to me". The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read: "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the Judge and the Judge may hand you over to the Officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."