help! my nanny spanks my litle girl!

It feels wrong because it is wrong. And you need to explain to your daughter that this is not okay with you, and that you are dealing with it. This is a very uncomfortable situation for you. I hope you find a good way out of this.

The relationship between your husband's family and the nanny with your daughter are unrelated. That loyalty that you have is misplaced. If you are not seeing bruising on the girl then there is no abuseive discipline, but you need to clarify what is allowed with your daughter and what is not. If youa re not comfortable setting limits with the nanny then you need to get rid of her. It makes no sense to allow someone to continue doing things against your wishes just because they have been around for a long time. Take control of your house hold and get rid of the woman if she's a problem.

this is classed as child abuse and you should not let it continue .talk to the nanny and see what she has to say but if it was my child regardless if there was a loyalty thing involved or not you should find another one this is not fair on your child and is in actually teaching your young child that this sort of behaviour is accectable

So if your nanny injures your child again and its a lot worse than pinching or a spank will you still feel loyal to her because of family ties, or will you protect your child ? this could have gone on all through your family life with this nannie and no one until now has picked it up. Whats more important an old family nannie or your childs welfare. I say don't sit back do something NOW!!!

Theres should be no ifs or buts about it, your daughter should come first! the fact that you are telling your daughter to behave a certain way just to appease the nanny, is deplorable! Your child's welfare should be the only thing you take into consideration here!

I think you need to sit down and talk to the nanny. Tell her that physical punishment is not tolerated in your household. Tell her if she thinks your child is acting out she needs to put her in timeout or whatever you do when she is acting out. That is not ok for your nanny to do that. She needs to know that her actions are not acceptable by you.

Oh my goodness, what a situation to be in, this could cause soo much trouble, please think things through carefully before you act. First you must tell your husband about the incidents and it may be best to do this with the kids so they can explain to him whats happening, let him deal with his parents. When he is aware of the situation then you can talk to nanny about what is acceptable and explain that you have been told what is going on and that it cannot continue. She will of course deny this and if you have a written contact this may have go down as a warning, you may be in trouble if you just ask her to leave with no notice and need to check your legal position first. However if you do not trust this woman which I would have to press my kids to make sure it was the truth, and they realise how serious a fib at this point could be, I would try to find a replacement regardless of any family repercussions and give her notice to leave. Perhaps even pay her holiday pay during the notice period so she is not round your children.

even though she's your nanny, they are your children and she is employed by you and your husband. i do agree that your daughter should avoid being bad, but what you should do is calmly take her aside when the children are asleep and talk to her about it. both of you should be on the same page with dicipline with the children. she should obey on how you want your own children to be diciplined. some mothers do give their nannys full authority of dicipline, but if you want another way, you have to tell her. set down some ground rules on punishment, and then write them down for everyone, including the children, to see. you can implament time outs and other methods that are effectful, especially for older children. i don't think she's bad, thats just how she was taught how to dicipline a child. everyone is different. its not abuse and i'm sure she loves and cares for your children as well. but if you do have a problem with the way she diciplines your children, you should tell her. in a nice way though so she doesn't feel bad.

What? Why are you asking for help? I don't understand. Why would you not fire her immediately? If it were my child, it would make no difference who her grandmother works for or anything else. She is pinching your little girl! That's child abuse. I would never let anyone get away with doing that to my child. And this may hurt my star rating, but IMO you need to apologize to your daughter. She has been victimized. Telling her that it was because she was bad sends the WRONG message. She needs your support right now, not blame.

Oh no don't worry about how this nanny is going to feel you need to worry about how your daughter is feeling and how this will affect her for the rest of her life. Your daughter is only 4 how bad can she really be? As far as I am concerned she can not be bad enough to deserve this treatment at all. Even if her brothers had not verified this information I would not of questioned her as children at that age don't usually make up stories as they don't know how to. If they do it is usually something that they have seen or heard and just understood it wrong. Anyhow I would tell this nanny to hit the road and that you do not appreciate your child being mistreated in this way. I would not hesitate to let everyone know either. You are the one who is responsible for keeping your children safe and it sounds as if your daughter is not safe with this nanny. Hitting and pinching now but what will happen next if you don't take care of this?

I think you need to have a chat with nanny. If this is not the type of discipline methods you use on your child (and really who pinches their kids??) then you need to say something to her. I can understand your sense of loyalty to her and why you would feel uncomfortable but if it were me, there's no way I could be quiet about it. When it comes to my kids I expect their caregiver to treat them the same way I do and that certainly does not include spanking or pinching a four year old!

A light swat on the hiney isn't harmful every now and then. I guess the question is what does your nanny consider being "bad"? Is it for normal 4 year old behavior? I'd sit the nanny down and have a serious talk about what your expectations are when it comes to the treatment of your kids. Some punishments are better dished out by the parents. Loyalty to her family is all fine, well and good, but the reality is that nothing should come before your family and treatment of your kids! If it feels wrong it's because it is, sorry if I offend you, that's just my take on it.

First off, I will state that there is probably a cultural difference between you and I, and to take my comments with that in mind. In my opinion, spanking is an acceptable means of discipline. That's the way I was raised and that's the way I'm rasing my kids. Spanking, however, is not beating, and is not the primary disciplinary measure, but rather more of a "third (or more) strike" method. And I always explain to my son what it is he's done and why it is he's getting a swat. And that's all it is is one swat. Pinching, however, is not discipline. That is abuse, pure and simple. My suggestion would be what several other people have said. Let the nanny know that you don't want her using spanking as a method of discipline. Let her know what is acceptable for disciplinary measures. My $0.02 at the moment.

Me, i know its probably not the right thing to do but i dont think i could stop myself from lashing out, not physically, because then you would be no better than her but id definatly give her a piece of my mind. A smack on the bum never killed anyone but pinching is a whole different story. That would make me mad. I give you credit though for controlling youself

There is no amount of loyalty that would allow me to have a person that puts their hands on my child. Now, that is your personal choice, but I feel strongly about that. BE careful I just hope it doesn't lead to anything else.

oh my god....anyway funny

"but i can't. you see, her grandma worked, and still does, for my husband's family for decades now and she has been very loyal to the family from the beginning. so, in a way, it's from a sense of gratefulness that we've agreed to take on this nanny so she'll have a means of income" BULL! You most certainly CAN say something and you should...I'm sorry but who she is to the family and how she came to be a part of the group so to speak is IRRELIVENT! she's PINCHING and spanking your daughter!! IMO that is COMPLETELY unacceptable and you shouldnt not sayin anything out of loyalties or anything of the sort..what about the loyalty to your child?? surely that over-rides the nanny!!

you do not need to feel guilty for having worries about how someone else is treating your child,and as for lolalty,should you not have this for your child first,also what we may see as a bored child,your nanny may see as a bad child,also ask your boys what it is that your daughter has done to punished,so that you have an idea of what she has done wrong,then correct your nanny in the way that she is treating your child,just has worked for your husbands family for a long time and is a very nice person does not mean that her relative is a nice person,lolxx

I wouldn't care who she is related to, I would not allow a nanny to spank and pinch my child. That is wrong. I think you should seriously consider finding someone else to watch your children. You don't want to confront her about this, because she may take it out on your daughter by hurting her even more.

Who's your concern for, your nanny's grandman and the nanny or is your child your main concern and her safety. If you haven't given the nanny your consent to give corporal punishment to your child then you should step in and fire your nanny. Some people hit and punish children too severely. And if your child gets harmed because of her you could be charged with not protecting her (your child) and you could lose her. Consider where your priorities are. Are are you one of those women who has low self esteem and let others walk all over you and your family? You'd better think about it!