Help, my marriage is fallling apart!!!!
By Lydia1901
@Lydia1901 (16351)
United States
February 9, 2007 8:36am CST
On Saturday, my husband told me that he has this emotional connection with this girl he met in class. He claimes that he had this same connection with other two women before. But, one of them didn't want anything to do with him and the other one was married, and didn't want to jerpordized her marriage just to me with him. So, he never knew how it felt to go through with a relationship like that.
So, now that he met this girl, he's saying that it is the same emotional connection that he had before and since he never went through with it, he wants to risk our marriage to see where it goes with the girl. He said we've been married for two years and never felt that connection with me. He felt every feeling but that one with me and he thinks it'll never happen like that with me at all. I almost died when he told me that and I didn't know what to do. I slept over it and the next morning, we've talked again and I came up with an alternative. I said since he still loves me like he said he does and he doesn't find anything wrong with our marriage except that connection, I said how about still be with me and try to see where it goes with that woman. Since he is happy with our marriage but that emotional part, he said that he'd rather do that than leave me anyways.
So, my question is, is it possible to love two women at the same time and still manage to love them equally? Or in the end he has to choose between the two? Did anyone ever go through this and if so how did you deal with that? Please, any help you can give me is great. Do you think a relationship like this ever continues somehow or does it end eventually?! Should I leave now before he decides to leave me again or what should I do exactly?!!!
All that I am really worried about is she'll make him choose between us and I am afraid that it will be her he chooses because of that emotional connection that he claimes is more important than all the connetions that we have between us.
34 people like this
120 responses
@Akeela (2078)
• Trinidad And Tobago
9 Feb 07
He's in lust and it could be you and not love it's so sad that he can do this to you and he'll will have an affair with someone beacuse if the girl before didnt have respect for you he'll done that. He is putting your health at risk what if she has an STD or something . I know you love but I think you have to get accustom with not having him around because he might leave you for her if she "fulfill his emotional needs". Hope you dont have any children together.
@Lydia1901 (16351)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Yeah, the sad thing is we have a daughter together and she is only 7 months. I hope she won't get hurt when she grows up from this.
4 people like this
@mastergkage (182)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
at an early age i think you should prepare your child to accept what is going on, so that he will not be hurt by that much
5 people like this
@silkyt34 (324)
• United States
9 Feb 07
it seems to me that he has already chosen and its her, why would he risk your marriage for a fling? and he said he has had these feelings before with other women, how do youknow if you let him go thru with this and the other woman decides she doesnt want to be with him and he still has you in 2 more years it happens again?? are you going to let him do it again?? it seems like he wants his cake and to eat it too, he wants you to share him with another woman so that he has you at home and can have the fun with her. i say leave now or just tell him we can try to make this emotional connection thru counseling or i'm outta here. he is asking for and you are going to give him permission to cheat, hooney i dont know you but think more of yourself, because you should be most important he claims he has everything with you except the emotional connection then he should know how badly he is hurting you, but again it seems to me he has chosen and it sounds like its her otherwise he wouldnt be so eager to try it
6 people like this
@Lydia1901 (16351)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Thank you for saying that because that is how it feels to me and I'll try the counseling thing. Hopefully, he'll agree if he wants this marriage to work just like I do.
4 people like this
@sirensanssmile (3764)
• Netherlands
9 Feb 07
I don't know why you would allow him the option of staying with you as he persues another woman. That is simply unhealthy for you and not fair. If he is always having these feelings for other women then why is he married to you? I know the idea of separating with him is hard for you to think about but you can't let him walk on you by persuing relationships with another and you as the fall back girl. No way would I allow this, I would leave. Yeah it hurts but honestly I think this is a bunch of crap. I think he is usingthis mysterious connection as an excuse to try to get in another woman's pants and still keep you. If he knew of these feelings and knew he never had them with you then why did he marry you.
Dear thing, please don't allow this man to have his cake and eat it to. You deserve beter than that.
5 people like this
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
13 Feb 07
well exactly does he plan on doing with this other woman. I mean it is possible to remain friends with her, but if he wants more from her, then you need to just get out now before you get more attached to him. But if he just wants to hang out with her and wants to be friends with her, then i don't see the big issue with that.
4 people like this
@cuddleme01 (2725)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
Am sorry about this lydia. i think it is not proper for your husband to do this. but i appreciate your hubby's honesty to you. but i really find having you and the other girl as your hubby's partners as an outright slap on your face. it's like your hubby is trying to justify an affair with another woman by asking your permission. am sorry, but that's how i see it. i think you should talk about this again. There can't be two of you in his life.
@redanbien (4)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
it happens.
why don't you do open yourself to a possible new relationship with another person? if he can do it why can't you... right?
i think that he doesn't deserve you, and that there are a lot of men out there more worthy for you.
hey! just pickup that confidence of yours and pretty soon you'll find the right one.
how old are you?
3 people like this
@redanbien (4)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
hurray for you!!!
go find some guys... now!
2 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
17 Feb 07
Men! why do they always have to ruin a good thing? I wouldn't be so nice if my husband said that to me we have our problems of ups and downs but if he ever came out and said something like that I think I would feel hurt and be outraged. He is just wanting a way to cheat maybe? I am htinking the smart thing to do is settle for a separation why settle for him taking this woman out and enjoying it while your at home waiting? Why should you come in second or not at all when it comes to making love? I don't want to be mean or nothing but you need to leave him you are far more worth it so it may hurt for a while but him being with this other so called woman and you together is going to hurt way more and think what your family and friends are going to think? Suggest that you want to see other men while he is on this connection quest and see what he says? Love comes in all forms and sizes and I think you need a break from your marriage for you and maybe him can get things figured out. I hope you all the best and remember all the women out their who will be rooting for you on whatever you may decide. Good luck and god bless.
3 people like this
@bharti_regan (665)
• India
13 Feb 07
well so sad for u.......really it hurts when som1 betrays som1....nevermind this is a part of life...my condolence r wid u.....
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
The thing is, in this situation, you seem like you are only responding to his feelings - you want very badly to keep him, which I would if this were my husband, but other than that, how do you feel towards him? Do you want to leave him?
Because you need to look at your choices right now, now just wait until he chooses.
3 people like this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
I meant, not just wait until he chooses.
And how could this "emotional connection" be more important than the fact that the two of you have a child together?
3 people like this
@Lydia1901 (16351)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Apparently, he said he'll always be here for his daughter and that will never change. I do love him very much and I am hoping that it will work out for us in the long run.
2 people like this
@phon4u (2215)
• Laos
9 Feb 07
My opinion, if he loves two women it is like a ball and a chain. I heard there there were a husband with three wives. It would be good at the beginning, if his wives know the share they have. He must have a lot of money. If he has none, I don't think his heart will not be able to find any where to be hung. It is hard for your mind as well. It is like you like to eat some thing so much, but you are not allow to do, how do you feel? I will feel hungry and thirsty for it. Talk to him such as : Is she the one who help him to make a frame and construct the house, arrange every thing, she may love the properties much more than the real love. She may break his love life with you. Can you tell me what year he was born and what year she was born or How old are they? I will help you more personal ideas about them so you can treat it.
@Lydia1901 (16351)
• United States
9 Feb 07
He is 7 years older than me and he said that the girl is about the same age as me. I will be 24 in two days.
2 people like this
@palina77 (1177)
• United States
9 Feb 07
I advise you do not leave from your own. This is not fair that keeping wife in house a man can contact another woman for marriage. That woman should understand that once she may be ckicked out by that untrusted man (your hubby). Do not move see the final goal. If it happend to me then I would keep a blade in my hand and would cut the butt of such untrusted hubby so that his marriage desire keeping a wife in home would vanish for ever. Plese keep in touch with me.
@Lydia1901 (16351)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Thank you and I will keep you posted.
2 people like this
@ronita34 (3922)
• Canada
16 Feb 07
Well first of all i think that it was a huge step to tell your husband that it is in fact alright to have an affair. Yes i said an affair as this is what you told him to do. I hope you know that this is also going to involve more than just an emotional connecton. If you can handle giving your husband what i woudl call permission to break all of your wedding vows in order to hang on to him and if you are in fact happy with it than i guess that is ok in your eyes. I think that it is wrong and that if he feels this way than maybe there is more for you out there as well!! Good luck and God bless!
@smilingurvashi (1151)
• India
9 Feb 07
dump your husband. i think he doen't deserves you after hurting your feelings and disrespecting your emotions this way.
3 people like this
@Princesssonia (271)
• United States
10 Feb 07
she is just being honest, she didn't do anything wrong. No one can help her unless she wants to help her self. She need to take control of her life and stop feeling sorry for her self. She has a baby to think about. He is not good, he did it before , he would continue doing it again and again. Thats is not a good exsample for her daugther. He can always be a father no one would take that from him, but she needs next to her someone that would respect her and fulfill her as a woman with out having to share. There are way to many desises out there for her to stay home and her husband infected her with one of them just because.
1 person likes this
@nady100011 (594)
• United Arab Emirates
9 Feb 07
She needs help not to say dump him!
by the way nice avatar.
2 people like this
@amylou8521 (324)
•
16 Apr 07
I think for you're sanity you should absolutely no way allow him to continue with both, i have been with my partner for 3 years, and we have a daughter together, however i have known something wasnt right from the beginning.
I'd never met his family and was like a seperate life to his 'normal' life.
In the end when it all came out, he'd been engaged for 6years, however was also seeing me for 3 of these, i have absolutely no doubt that he loved me, but even though deep down i knew the truth i didnt leave him.
In the end my patience has paid off and we are together now and i still want him despite everything but it drove me mad all the other times, and i know i am silly!
You're husband shouldnt ask this of you, i dont think its fair and i believe in marriage for a reason and that it is sacred, but if he left you at home to go out with this other woman, i cant even explain the feeling you would get in you're chest and stomach, its sickening! Please dont do it to yourself, you are worth much more than this.
In the end though you will only decide yourself what will happen, i wish you luck with this and hope one day you can be happy and in turn have a partner happy and content to be with you and only you!
Take care
Amy
3 people like this
@Graymsqtech (496)
• United States
18 Apr 07
I think that the husband is a Cad and that he should be put on notice to stop his ways. I am sorry you had to go through your turmoil and that lydia does hers. Be strong get the love you deserve is the best advice. Dont settle!
1 person likes this
@kgwat70 (13387)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I feel that he should choose only one woman to be with and that is the one that he loves and wants to be with the most. I do not think it is right or fair that a person be with two women or one woman with two men. I think there could be a lot of problems that could arise with having a relationship with two women. I would try and continue talking with him or maybe go to marriage counseling to see if you two can work things out. I am sorry that this is happening to you and hope that he decides to stay with you and love you.
3 people like this
@thatcrazyqbanita (3312)
• United States
10 Feb 07
personally, i dont belive in true love, there is not one single person out there whos perfect for you. there are many people you will get to know and love. he should respect your marriage
3 people like this
@Princesssonia (271)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Omg, girl are you for real? Don't you have any respect for yourself? He got what he wanted, he doesn't want to feel guilty so he tells you to accept his conditions. I hate to tell you but your marriage was over before any woman came around. Do you have any children? If you do, think aout them. That is not a good exsample for them. If you don't, what are you doing still in that house. You still young and the same way he found someone else you'll do the same. Now you going to say I love him, well in order to love someone else you need to love yourself, inorder for someone to respect you you need to respect yourself. You didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't you. You won't be the first or the last one to get a divorse. You'll find someone that respect you and care for you the same way you'll care for them. It took me 3 tries to find my true love, now Iam happily married. Once I was on you same shoes. Belive it or not you'll laugh about this one day.Please move on, you'll make it don't e afraid.
3 people like this
@rocky_alexis05 (63)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
Your husband seems unfair. you cannot hit two bird at the same time. Love must be given only at one person. Maybe talk to your husband again and try to know what kind of connection does he talking about and try to build that connection on both of you. if it does not work, maybe there is something wrong on your relationship and try counseling. If still it doesnt work between the two of you, better leave her than be sorry. Just my 10 cents of opinion... the decision is still lies on your hands.
Note: Be careful on what you decide since this will change your whole life.....
3 people like this
