I hate you!!

It hasn't happened to me yet, but I do remember once upon a time when I was little I said it to my mom, but only one time. Here is what she said. "That's OK if you don't like me sometimes, cause sometimes I don't like you. I will always love you no matter what and I know you love me to. But God does not allow anyone to hate. There is no room in your heart for that." I've never said it again. She never yelled and said it very calm. Tell your friend that when she has to punish her kids not to take it personally or feel guilty for it. But some types of punishment allows your child one thought at the time. They are not thinking about what they did wrong or are worried about what theri parent thinks of them no matter what your friend thinks. The only thing going on in theri head is "I hate my mom, or dad" But remember you are not your childs friend, EVER, until they have kids of their own or even later than that. Think about it. As old as you are now do you really want your mom or dad to be your friend? The answer is no. Because every child wants that unconditional love no matter how old they are. A love that only a parent can give to their children. If they know you get upset for punishing them then they will be punishing you really because you are getting to emotional about it and they know you feel bad. They think if they can make you feel guilty then you will just give in and never punish them again. Good luck!

My kids are too young to say it but it would hurt my feelings and it will when they say it. They don't mean it. They are trying to get a reaction. I would just say I'm sorry you feel that way because I really love you. Then I would keep doing what I was doing. I wouldn't want to have a strong reaction. I think that would cause them to say it more.

Ive had this problem with my kids, what i have done (and i'm not saying it will work for everyone) is, made my child repeat what they said (2 or 3 times), i then asked them "what would you think if i said that to you?" (and list off the bad things that they did in the last few weeks), then i ask them again "what would you think if i said that to you?", then follow it up with "i love you, no matter what you do, i have always loved and will always love you", "so when you say that you hate me it really hurts me." if the discussion is started when you are only slightly annoyed, then let the conversation come down to a soft tone the child will change his/her attitude to "i'm sorry & i love you etc." I know it seems cold typed like this but, i do love my children and sometimes you have to be just that little bit hard on them to let them know that family love is important and you cannot say what is in your mind in the "spur of the moment".

I haven't heard those words yet, but I do remember saying them. My mother responded by saying I'm sorry you feel that way but I still love you. She is learning to express her feelings and communicate. I think children should be allowed to express, and then taught how to express correctly. She may say I hate you but you are still the most important person to her. She needs to know when she has tested a boundary, and you don't approve. Try asking her why she is upset and then explain your reason, it may encourage a new method of expression and strengthen communication.

You can ignore it for a few times but what if she keeps repeating it? Its best to make them realise that what they said did hurt you and its not right to hurt your loved ones. And by the way children learn from their family and surroundings. So you should be careful how you potray yourself infront of the kids. Have an honest conversation with them if necessary and let them know they are telling something that they shouldnt.

At that age they can't always find the right words to explain how they are feeling. "I hate you" usually just means "I'm angry". It's quite normal. One of my son's is almost 4. He says this whenever he's upset about something. The first time he says it I respond by telling him that I love him. If he says it again, I tell him that makes me sad because I love him. If he continues, I just say ok fine and ignore it. At a certain point they can be just saying it to keep your attention. They think if they keep saying it, you'll keep talking until to give in to whatever caused the problem in the first place. When it gets to that point, it's best to start ignoring their words. Eventually they'll realize that they aren't getting the reaction from you and it will stop. The more the adult reacts, the more a child will say it.

I cried the first time one of my girls said it to me. My husband was so upset he told her to never say that again. I know she did not mean it but it hurt none the less. We had a long talk about using your words to hurt others & about not hurting someone's feelings.

Bless your friend's heart. I remember when my 4 yr old told me that for the first time. Then the many times after that. I just tell her ok whatever, don't come to me when you want something. Which isn't maybe a min. later that she does. Then I will say I'm sorry but I don't help people that tell me that they hate me, lol. Then she's quick to say I'm sorry mommy, I don't hate you. Then I get the love you's. Your friend might as well get used to this new learnings of words. There will be many to come.

I don't believe children really know what they're saying when they say "I hate you". I believe the best reaction to that is no reaction. If it gets a reaction, positive or negative, it tends to reinforce the behavior. My child has let off with a cuss word or 2 when she was younger, and I simply ignored it. She doesn't use that language because she got no reaction from it.

Unfortunately, I think it is just a way that some children express themselve and their anger. My daughter says it all the time. I always tell her that I love her and that she would be very sad if that was the last thing she ever got to say to me. It's not uncommon for me to hear it at least once a week. It all makes up for it though when 'out of the blue' she comes up to me and gives me a hug and tells me I'm beautiful and that she loves me. The good definitely outways the bad. I remember that my brother was so distraught when his 3 year old son said I hate you, for the first time. He even took a couple of days of work as he was so upset. I just told him that it won't be the last time he'll hear it and that he better get used to it.

I generally ignored mine. Or I would respond with, well I am sorry you feel that way. I know you think I am mean, but I love you and want you to be a good girl/boy... When they got older, i told them well, I still love you... and if they were really pushing my buttons I would tell them well, I know you hate me and all, but your stuck with me until you grow up so I guess you better get used to it... My son hated when I said that...lol Both of my children are grown now..and both of them are good kids, so I think I handled it ok.. It does hurt your feelings when kids say that, but they say it because they are mad at you. They don't really mean that they hate you.. They really mean that they are mad at you because you wouldn't let them do what they wanted. They say hate because they don't fully understand the meaning of the word. They know basically hate means the same thing as not like.. My best friend would discipline her kids when they made comments like that. We argued about it. Her statement was that they were being disrespectful.. But what it really was is that they would say it and it would hurt her feelings so she would hurt them back..only she did not see it that way.. I told her she was not teaching them respect by her actions.. she was teaching them fear.. to this day she disagrees with me...lol She would have to sit on her hands to keep from smacking my kids when they would tell me that.. it would infuriate her.. (my kids can not stand her either) But I usually just said well, I am sorry you feel that way. I love you though.. I think they got the message... it took awhile.. but no fear of me... it is hard to do when they hurt your feelings and you want to cry.. but kids do not understand that you would lay your life down for them... they only think you are mean because you punish them, or make them do things they do not want to do.. Tell her do not take it personally... recognize it for what it is.. Tell her to ask her daughter to explain to her what hate means... and listen to her reply...that should confirm what I just said... lol Tell her "welcome to motherhood" ;)

You can try ignoring it, but if your child starts saying it more and more it means they need to a learn a lesson. Sometimes you need to let a child know that they are hurting your feelings instead of punishing them. If she can say 'you do hate me, fine then take care of yourself' within 10 minutes the child will come crying and apologize. Sometimes you need to do untypical things to be the best parent.

I had a child that did the very same thing !! What I found that worked for me was that that I would say to him that I loved him very much too , when he said it !! Yes it is very hard on you , it broke my heart when my son said it to me !! They do grow out of it !!

Well my children did try that but I just told them that was ok because no matter what I still loved them. After that I didnt say anything else to their outbursts. Just ignroed it. The main thing is your child knows that no matter what they say to you , you will always love them. But they will still have to ovey their parents.

My little sister learned the "I hate you" words from school in kindergarten she is 5 years old and my mom gets mad when she says it but me I just grab her up and tickle her and tell her tough because I love her and that cancels out hate and continue to tickle her right out of her bad mood. I think it is hte only way other ways when parents or others get on the defensive just shows them that it means something and then they will continue to use it to get a rise out of people. So in showing it has no meaning it doesnt get used as much as they would otherwise. So tickle them I say.

My kids say it all the time. I just ignore them usually. They are just trying to get to me. My oldest started it when she was 3 or so. She quit after awhile because I wouldn't react to it. But the other two heard her saying it so then my youngest started (she was about 2 1/2). If I am really mad at the time I usually respond with, "well I don't like you much either right now," and send them to their rooms so we can all cool off.

The first time my son told me that,hes 4 too btw...,I was devastated!! I called my best friend and sobbed..like he took my birthday away lol..The second time..when he said it i knew he was just being cruel and knew it got to me..sooo.this may sound bad to some..and i dont care because it worked and he never said it agaain..I got the phone..and I called out local time and Temp guy.. I named him Bob lol..anywho I called and said : Him this is April ******..and my son Skylar hates me and i believe he doesnt want to live with me anymore..so i guess he wants a new mommy.." Sky ran to me and appologized many many times and said hed never say it again..that he was just mad.and never again..iu love u mommy..i hung the phone up..and its been about 7 mths..and now he just says.,.,IM MAD AT YOU!!! which is ok..but thats what i did..

I haven't just been told "I hate you" but "You should never have become a mother! I wish you weren't my mother!" Unfortunately this is not coming from a 4 year old but a 13 year old. I believe it is just a way of expressing anger and I ignore it. At one time she was mad at her dad and made some disparaging remarks to him. Half an hour later she was asking someone to drive her somewhere. I told her she wasn't going to go to Taekwondo tonight or any other night until she apologized. I said this several times and eventually she apologized. Something my mother said to me forever rings in my head - "I love you. It's the things you do I don't like." I think that about my husband all the time. LOL!

This happened to me last week, from my very placid and calm Daughter (7), To be honest my jaw probably hit the ground, I was quite stunned not by what she said but by which Daughter it came out of, I would more expect it from the younger one (6) as she's always up to something, things that can be dangerous. But with the 7 yr old, We just told her we loved her anyway and nothing would ever change that, we tried to talk about her feelings towards things, if she felt pressured by us , friends or school. and well we got no where, So it's off to the school on Monday to see if her teacher has noticed anything. wish your friend best of luck, and tell her to keep the lines of communication open with her child.

i think you should ignore it ,because children often say something unreal,as i also say that to my mother but that is not true,i love my mother so much.