mum against the doctor

My thoughts is the dr told her because I think legally they to tell patients of such illnesses and also if she gets to where is in too much pain, she will know why and he can understand treat it better for her. She is in my prayers, I know how you feel,my hubbies grandma is in the hospital and I love her very much-she has been very sick for the last year and I hate to see her suffer and feel bad.

If the surgey can help your mom be in less pain and improve her chances for living a better quality of life, I could understand pushing for her having it. Doctor's have to protect themselves in this day and age because of the high number of malpractice claims, so a lot of times they have to do things that we think of as cruel, in order to protect themselves, and to not have their malpractice insurance either cancelled or even go higher than it already is. I know it's awful, but it's not really their fault either. It's really the fault of a sue happy world. :-( Hugs to both you and your mom.

I agree with other posters; I think doctors have to tell, by law. But it's up to your mother as to whether she has surgery or not. Why do people think they have the right to make decisions for her? If she's able to decide for herself, allow her some dignity. When did we get to this place where we keep trying to control everyone "for their own good"? Maybe it's for the surgeon's good...

Hugs Jane. It might be what the doctors have to tell her. Maybe if they don't do it then they would get in trouble for it. but If they knew she didn't want any surgery then why ask her? Your mum is in my prayers. Hugs!

My mother had a mastectomy in her 70's and was totally cured...no chemo...no radiation. She also had colon cancer a couple of years later and had a small portion...maybe a couple of inches removed...got it all...no problems...no chemo...no radiation. She's in her 80's now and still going strong and still lives alone. It doesn't always mean it's going to turn out bad! Lots of prayer helps also.

My heart goes out to both you and your mum. I do agree with one of the other posters though at 78 your mum is not old. People are living till their 100's now so the 90's are now classed as old. The doctors probably did tell your mum for the very reason being that they had to. They would have been liable to have been sued if they didn't tell her. This way they have both covered themselves and told your mum the truth. The truth is sometimes hard to hear but it is necessary. Sorry my friend. (((Hugs))

I am so sorry that you mum is so poorly and is now upset as well, bless her. I have no idea why Drs do this, I suppose she has the right to know as it's her body and the right to choose whether or not to have treatment. If people were not told because of their age imagine the familys reaction if that person was otherwise healthy and active and could have been saved,

I personally think its very inhuman to make an old lady that scared. Nowadays, drs are of the view, that the patient should know everything. They dont understand, it is a case by case thing. There are instances, patient should know everything. But your mother's case, I also dont think she should know this. I am very sorry for her and please let her know that my prayers are with her.

Unfortunately they are legally obliged to inform the patient of their medical condition, unless of course the patient specifically says they don't want to know or if the patient is mentally incapacitated. At least that is my understanding of the law in Australia at the present time hope. As an example my mother-in-law has dementia, but the family has to be advised by both the Nursing Home and Doctor of the medical treatment she receives as well as a progress report on her condition every 3 months. The reason the family have to be told is because m-i-l does not know who she is let alone anything else. Also the Doctor is legally obliged to spell out to her the treatment options and in this case they are offering her surgery, but as it her right, she has refused it. Good on her, but of course she could live for many years yet, although hopefully that will be without pain, which can be controlled by medication if necessary. It is hard for your mother certainly, as it is for the rest of the family, but at least her knowing means that she can spend some time with her children and grandchildren while she has the chance. I do not believe there are any miracle cures, but she can still have some quality of life for whatever time remains for her. Do not let it get you down hope, because you cannot change the situation but instead pray that whatever time your mother has left is pain free.

Doctors have to do what they are trained to do, and unfortunately , sometimes they do it for the money. I agree that a person at that age should not have surgery. My mother was a similar case and she passed away 6 months ago, age 80. Old age and respiratory failure was the cause, she had lived with the cancer for 10 years, and except for some occassional pain and discomfort,she was ok.

They probably told her because they have to. What if they didn't tell her and she wanted to be treated right away and maybe they could get it all out? She can refuse treatment if she wants and just live the rest of her days as she wnts to. If she has pain she can get treated for that. It sounds like she is a strong woman and has her mind made up.

i'm sorry to hear about your mum and i hope she goes through the rest of her life as free of pain as is possible. my own mother is at present in hospital she has COPD as well as numerous other complaints. They have told us she isnt a candidate for resussitation and yet there keeping her alive with antibiotics for her chest infection which has recurred since being hospitalised, and oxygen they can do no more for her, and yes exactly why not let the elderly rest in peace or are they just being used as cases for medical science. bless you and your mum tc xx

It would be unethical to allow a patient to walk away without knowing what their condition is. They have choices up until their last breath and those choices are precious. Surgery or not, extreme measures or hospice, pain management or aggressive medication. Dying without knowing is not necessarily dying in peace. There is end of life care that, unless she knows about her options, she made need and not have all the information because she wasn't told. If my family tried to keep the information from me because they decided I'd be better off not knowing and I did find out, there would be a row like you've never seen before. Its her right to know her health conditions so that she can decide how best to use her remaining time and make informed decisions on whether or not to take aggressive steps with her condition. Her right as an adult to decide, it is after all, her life. How she makes her end should be as much under her control as it can be, she has definitely lived long enough to earn the right of informed self determination.

Hi, Can you please read my related response in this column regarding BIO ENZYME Plus?

Hey even my mom is also against the doctors. U must be surprised to hear that my sister and her hubby are doctors,but mom doesnt trust them or any of the doctors as a matter of fact to "ruin" her body by checkups!!

hi,im so sorry to hear about your mum,this must be a terrible time for both of you.my mum dosent have cancer but she is in ill health,shes 56 and mooves like an 80 year old,shes very slow,her head shakes,she has falls,cant co-ordinate her hands to carry things,even a coffee cup is a struggle.after some research i told her i think she should ask to see a neurologist.it might not be but it sounds like parkinsons disease.last night i dreamed i was lost on an industrial estate in leeds and i got a call to tell me she was in hospital.i couldnt find my way out and i just kept thinking "dont die,please dont die" its worrying me alot because the doctors are being totally useless with her.would the surgery make much difference to the length of her life?that poor lady,she must feel so lost,you too,i hope youre o.k.dont know what to say because i know nothing will help and im so very sorry

The physician is morally obligated to inform his/her patient of any health concern. The only time that they do not offer pertinent information to the patient is if they are mentally incompetant.

well... depend on u and u'r mother..for that age i think i agree with u,let's her on peace.

Tough decision my dear........... We are no one to stop her....Its her life her wish,let her do as she wish.I think it is pretty tough for her to undergo operation at this age...???

I am sad to hear about your Mum it is hard when someone is diagnosd with Cancer. That disease is horrible and I do hope they find a cure for it. I think legally the Doctors have to tell anyone about their diagnosis and illiness. When my Dad was diagnosed with Cancer the Doctor told the Family after Surgery and then a few days later told my Dad. The Family wanted to tell my Dad but the DR said no that he had to. Surgery for an older person is hard but especially with Cancer. If it where me I would not want the Surgery. If your Mum does not want it then I think everyone should respect her wishes.