would you feel hurt too?
By itsjustmeb
@itsjustmeb (1212)
Canada
February 10, 2007 4:21pm CST
My sister ended up engaged on New Years Eve - and then it was thrown on me a couple of weeks later that they wanted to run away to Vegas to get married. Didn't tell me a date at the time, and my sister knows I really do not have the means to just drop everything and fly (I am in Kamloops she is in Surrey) so I told her point blank there is no way I could have the means to come (she basically in no uncertain terms asked me to pay my own way there...and yeah)
So then just yesterday I come across my other sisters entry in Livejournal, and I find out not only is her fiance paying for my other sister to go, that she asked my other sister to be the Maid of Honor, and that really hurt ... because she told me years ago if she ever got married, I would be in that role. Okay fine. Big deal she changed her mind, nothing I can do about that right??
But I think the major MAJOR thing which is bothering me the most about this, is that her fiance is paying for our other sister to come, but they never thought of that for me. And im the one getting guilt tripped for not being able to go...
How would you feel? I know right now I feel really really hurt...and I don't know how to come out and say that to her...
(*LOL this is why when I do tie the knot im not telling anyone im just going to bugger off! no hurt feelings, no need to deal with drunk people LOL) ...
But the reason for this question is, she wrote me an entirely filtered LJ entry, saying how upset she was I couldn't go, blah blah. I am trying to think of how to word this to her, without tearing her head off.... Thoughts?
4 people like this
19 responses
@mari61960 (4893)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Oh, come on now, you can't really believe that two wrongs will make it right. Remember always "Do unto others as you would have done unto you"...be nice and play fair.
1 person likes this
@mari61960 (4893)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Well my first bit of advice and probably my best is wait. Don't write to her while you are so angry about it. If you can't wait you should at leas plan out what you want to say and make a rough draft. You don't want to respond in haste as you may say things you really don't mean or wouldn't normally say quite that way. I always seem to get myself in a fix when I respond to something out of anger. I would ask her why she is handling it this way and let her know how you feel. Maybe you should call your other sister and see if she has any answers as to what's going on.? I don't know I get paranoid when things like this happen and start thinkin no one likes me.. Funny how it's so easy to give the advice but in reallity I'de be asking the same thing in your position. Good luck, I hope it turns out to all be a misunderstanding...I know High Hopes...lol
@toyboxer04 (353)
• Malta
11 Feb 07
That is what I call good thinking. Nothing good comes out when you follow your first reaction. Think about it and the love for your sister will surely overcome your anger. I was thinking......maybe they offered to pay for your other sister because she is the maid of honour. If she cannot afford to go, they must pay for her because she has to be present at the wedding.
@cyrux004 (948)
• India
11 Feb 07
It certainly shows you love your sister and want to be there,most of the wars started as there was no proper communication,you have a mouth to spaek,a heart that is hurt,talk to her about the step motherly behaviour.Its not like you want to be at the wedding,its like you MUST be at the wedding.The maid of honour thing well i guess you will have sweet reveng on that.
@infamousaunty (241)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Hurt, but it wouldn't be something that I would keep hurting from.
Ask her why, tell her to be honest, and then move on. It's her big day, remember, and that her decisions are the only thing that should matter right now and NOT that you are hurt by them.
She's your sister. That your other sister was asked to be in the wedding is not the issue, but that you were not being paid for to get there, right? Why ? You should not be this bugged by it.
Are there other issues that the two of you might have other than this? Think really hard about your relationship with her. There are going to be answers in your questions.
1 person likes this
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
Yup I am hurt by it, but I have told her how I felt about the situation. HA This is why when I get married, I want to just run away, so I don't have the hurt feelings.
I think the other main thing which was bugging me is that her and my family always think I can just drop everything and go and run to them, yet not one of them has been there for me through anything...
@infamousaunty (241)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I moved about 80 miles away from my nutty extended family who, for the most part, are very much like yours in that those they expect more than they are willing to give.
@suzannaz (73)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I would be really hurt if this heppened to me. I'm not sure how you should approach her other then to be direct and ask what is going on? I think the part that would bother me the most would be that she is keeping stuff from you, telling you one story and living another.
Best of luck
@HawaiiGopher (1009)
• Belgium
10 Feb 07
Well, pour out your feelings like you've done right here. Tell her everything you think. It might lead to an argument but it will definitely allow you to find out more from her point of view. There must be a reason why she didn't pay for you. If you've both gotten along just fine and haven't been in any arguments recently she can't really have anything against you.
@bentodd2000 (77)
• United States
11 Feb 07
No. It was their business. My wife and I got married and did not invite anyone. We never told anyone for three months. Ha Ha.
1 person likes this
@faylinn_chaeli (1619)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
Why would she be upset, when she can do something to help you to go with them. HAve you asked her for the right reason? Maybe there's a reason why.
1 person likes this
@neonanda (344)
• India
11 Feb 07
well do care for ur sis wheater she doesn't do with u but some day she would came to know abt that she had a bad understanding n she would say sorry to u
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
10 Feb 07
Maybe she has not offered to cover your expenses to attend because like you said she had asked you in the past to be her Maid of Honor and she has changed her mind since then. Do you think if you tell her that it's not a problem that she has picked your other sister and your ok with it, she'll then purchase your tickets for you?
1 person likes this
@jennybeans (912)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Honesty is the best policy in this case. I would give yourself some cool down time so you're not just grabbing at angry air when you do talk to her. Then write a letter to her. Sit on it for an hour or so, then go back over it and make sure it's not too accusatory or you'll regret it later. Then make corrections as you see fit, and send it. Giving yourself enough time to reflect and think this through will give you an advantage because you won't be clouded by your emotions. you'll be able to address it rationally and honestly.
@LightninStrike (5915)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
11 Feb 07
I think you have all the right to feel hurt. Your sister has been .....not really delicate to say the least in which refers to being the Maid of Honour, and directly rude in which refers to paying your other sis' trip to her wedding.
I don't know what you will do in which refers to your relationship with her from now on, but i would tell her how hurt i am...and definately would not accept any attempt of guilt games being played one me, since it is not your fault that you cannot be at the wedding, as you know.
Stand for what you think and feel.
1 person likes this
@koolraj_inlove (842)
• India
11 Feb 07
sorryy no opinion in family matters..! its better to remain silent..!
1 person likes this
@Radicalpatriot (665)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Bottom line: Do not rely on other people for anything. If they do agree with you or assist you, consider it a bonus. When you strike out and support your own efforts, the return is yours. Relying on others will lead to continued disappointment. Why be let down? Boost yourself up.
1 person likes this
@patgalca (18391)
• Orangeville, Ontario
11 Feb 07
I know how you feel. My niece got married and everyone in my family went except me because I couldn't afford to make the trip. Yet, my husband and my kids and I went to see his family for his parents' 50th wedding anniversary party. And I know darn well the minute a niece of his gets married he'll be on the first plane out of here.
I am tired of always being expected to go there, to pay the trip, but no one ever comes here. It is not exactly the same as what you are going through, but the principle is. I didn't find out until after my niece's wedding that I probably could have afforded to go AND my parents gave me some money after the fact. Why they didn't offer to pay for me to go to the wedding I have no idea!
Well, we are all human and sometimes we just don't think. We only think about ourselves and forget to put ourselves in other people's shoes... and I mean that in both directions - for them and for us. It's one of life's hardships that I don't think will ever be resolved.
@b0nkers (88)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
You should tell her how hurt you feel about it all. Ask for an explanation as to why they did that for your other sister, and why they didn't do that for you. Hopefully, there's a good explanation for that one, and it will help you resolve your ill feelings towards them.
@rahuldmhatre (736)
• India
11 Feb 07
wll yes its hard, but let me ask you some thing that did u ever had an arguement with your sister, or did u fall out over something?....u see because this may sometimes result in a situation like this....and that her fiancee is paying for your other sister to attend is just rude, at least i think so...but if u are so desperate to go, and i think anyone would be, as sister is a sister and marriage is an important thing that cannot be missed for anything...so i think u should try to attend the wedding, however, i think u should make her known about the feelings...so that she will realise her mistake....but i am for sure u cannot miss this wedding, afterall she is your sister......if i were in your place i would have told her that it is wrong of her fiancee to pay for just one sister, but in a mild language, and also that she had promised that u would be the maid of honour......i know this will make her realise her mistake...take care
@imsilver (1665)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I'd go with tearing her head off personally.. lol.. but maybe that's just me. Don't let them make YOU feel guilty about any of it though. If she really wanted you there they'd offer to pay your way to (or pay part of it anyways) since they are paying for your other sister to go.
