Disciplining your kids.

i don't think you overreacted. .. i think you underreacted, if it was my son, i would have taken away the stuff as well as given a spanking. when my son does something minor such as bouncing on the couch, i put him in time out for a couple of minutes. . .but for major stuff like breaking stuff,lying, etc, i spank him and send him to his room for a few minutes

What I do with my kids,and still do....they are 9,10 & 16 is give them a choice.....they lose a privelege or an hour off bed.....I've been doing this with them since they were 3-4 years old and believe me,they do understand at this age and giving them a choice lets them in on not only what they've done,but the consequence behind it.....your daughter is at the perfect age to start this and it will help to teach her responsibility too

No, You did something any mother would of done. My neice is 2 and she get's punished like that sometimes. Why? because my 2 yr old neice is old enough to understand. She is much smarter than kids her age. When you bring up something she did days before she remembers and gives a little smirk! Like last night my mom gave her her cup ofmilk.. She drinks milk before bed. Well she calls my mom over and goes oh oh! She spilled the milk all over my mom's bed..all over her clothes, hair. And she was smiling. She didn't intentionally! She get;s things taken away just like your daughter. But it's mostly things she's playing with at the moment to make her get our attention.

When my kid got in trouble you bet he got a whupping. He knew the rules, he knew the boundaries and he knew what would happen if he broke them. I think a lot of the problem with society these days is nobody has been made to be accountable for their actions. Disciplining your child is not mean. Nor is a darn good spanking when necessary. That Dr. Spock guy started that no spanking BS many years ago, back in the '60's or '70's claiming it was going to damage their persona or some dang thing. Then after all the damage has been done in society, he changes his mind when he hit about 80ish and decided he was wrong. I believe in the "If you spare the rod you will spoil the child" line of reasoning.

Hi No, I think you did the right thing. You mayhave felt like a big meany, but you showed her clearly that she crossed the line and thats not ok. Kids totally need thse kinds of boundries and deep down somewhere they respect you for guiding them. As a mom of 2 and teacher I firmly believe this. Don't be so hard on yourself, you did the right thing.

I was always smaked as a chiled as a punishment and to be honest it hasnt done me any harm. I know right from wrong.

There are ways of doing it other than spanking them. You need to give them conditions, boundaries and what will happen if you do not do as I say. Remove them from what they enjoy, dish out some harsh punishment and also reward some good behaviour. Kids need to be praised but not over-praised. Also, they need to be punished and disciplined for the naughty things they do. When they get older, they will appreciate it. I am not an expert on discipline, but these are the things I have experienced as a child. I was brought up the old-school method with beatings,etc. In this day and age, children will threaten to phone the police and all sorts

I have not outlined any discipline rules for my two sons who are 11yrs & 5yrs Old. I just correct them when I see them doing wrong and tell them to follow it for future. So by passing of years they have disciplined themselves.

You did the right thing and should not feel bad for being a good parent. children don't learn or even worst don't respect you if you allow them to get away with things they know they should not do. all parents should have that stick to it nature. if you continue to do what you did you are going to find that you have rasied a great little girl and young women! keep up the good work

No I think what you did was fair if providing you had given her warning to leave the lamp alone. It's when children are young that they begin to develope skills necessary to know the differance between right and wrong. If in a situation of a more harmful nature you would want to trust that your young child will listen and respond to your voice and commands. It is hard but tomorrow she will think twice before doing something that she knows will take her privileges away from her. Take care MOM you did right.

No you definitely didn't over react. She is old enough to know that there are consequences to her actions and she's also old enough to know we can't hang off of lamps. I think you did the right thing. You didn't get physical but you got the point across that what she had done was wrong (not to mention it could have been very dangerous). These are the same types of discipline methods I use along with a few others (such as sending them to their rooms or making them stand in the corner). I don't think you should feel bad about it at all, you are teaching her right from wrong.

I am a social worker and work with all sorts of parents on many types of issues from the basic new parenting stuff to serious problems at home. And I think that parenting is mostly intuitive for people who have not been raised in traumatic or neglectful backgrounds. You were right not to spank her when you were so angry. Spanking should never be done out of anger, because then it's revenge not discipline. And you warned your child multiple time of the danger before giving her such a stern punishment. However, she is four and something that might help you not feel so bad about punishments would be to set a guideline for yourself. What do you think is fair to take away from her at varying degrees of misbehavior? Decided how much is taken away after so many warnings and then stick to it. If you have your chart in your head or even visible so that she knows the rules and the consequences of her actions, then maybe you want feel so mean when you have to put your foot down or worry about anger playing a part in the punishment. Also keep in mind that she is four years old and developmentally she does not have great long term thinking or impulse control. A punishment should be a quick response at the time of the infraction. If the punishment lasts too long or is given a few minutes later, her mind won't fully connect it with what she did wrong. Realize that you have done nothing wrong in disciplining your child. You didn't injure her or harm her in any way. You may always worry about your choices as a parent, but every parent makes mistakes and you shouldn't let that fear stop you from teaching your child right from wrong. If you love your child, do what you think is best and never harm or neglect her, you are a good parent. You may stumble along the way, but that will never make you a bad parent. Besides, next week she won't even rememeber why she was mad at you in the first place and you'll be the best mommy in the world again. Sorry if I was long winded, it's a hazard of the job. Hope I ws helpful and not preachy. That was not my intent. Keep up the good work mom.

I don't think you are overreacted. Kids are smart than you think. I have a 4 years old daughter. When I angry to my daughter, I just raised my voice a bit (no yelling nor spanking) and she's not allowed to play and no smiling. Couple of minutes later, I will take her on my lap and she must look at me when I'm talking to her (with a clam voice). Then I'll explain why I'm angry and she must say that she's sorry and give me a big hug. Up till now, it works perfect. When I said 'no' she will know that I really meant it and there's good reason behind my 'no' and mostly she'll listen.

I too think that you are doing a right thing. I don't believe in spanking. I have learned that if you use spanking, you are actually teaching your kids that spanking is a form of discipline. I really don't want to promote that in my family. Toys mean so much to them at this stage, so they already feel like it is a huge punishment. If you are soooo mad, better to give them a time out. That also help to give yourself sometimes to calm down and think twice what you can do to teach your kids. Know that you are teaching them not hurting them.

I have no kids. If I had kids, I would make a table for them and put things in the schedule in order to follow up. They keep more time on study physically or mentally or play. They should learn from the parents first before going to school. I think it is better to list the family rule for kids, explain to them and stick on the board or some where in the house, so they remember and remind them with our written rules and conduct rightly. If they keep out of track, they make their mistake on that and this. We can remind them. I followed my parents’ notice every time when I was at home. My 3 years old cousin used to broke the glass of my dad, my dad didn't say any thing. If she is only four, she is learning every thing around, you have to understand and be patient.

i'll give perfect discipline for kids

As parents we should discipline our kids, oit very important otherwise they'll grow wild and out of control.. The question now lies as to what kind of dispiline you will use. I do no think you over reacted. You just did the right thing. But make sure you explain to her the reason why you did it.

i think you should teach your kids good maners and leave the rest to them.

my dear madtownsweety: I firmly believe there was an overreaction on your part to do that with your four year old kid. At her age, though that pole lamp was snapped by her to half, still she has no fault at all. She deserves to be loved and never to receive any form of punishment. Talk to her with love and understanding. Make her understand that what she did was wrong. This is the kind of punishment that she must receive and you can never go beyond that. At her age, you can build her to be at her best. That was what i did with my only daughter. I made all the encouragement during her tender years which paved her way to be on top of her class when she graduated in the elementary. She passed that highly competitive entrance examination in high school in our country's premier university where she was among the top 100 high school students that qualified from the 1,835 examiness at that time. She passed the upcat (also in our country's premier university) with flying colors of 94% in mathematics. Now, she is about to graduate this Summer 2007 in the University of Philippines - Baguio City, Philippines with a degree in Bachelor of Science in Mathematics. As a mother, it is you, side by side with your loving husband, that will shape the future of you 4 year old daughter. From now on, do away with any form of punishment against her or to your other kids, because what she deserve is love, understanding and caring. She is your flesh and blood. If she is hurt, then you must be hurt too. If she is loved, it is you that was loved. Do not worry, because you mother in law will always understand your kid. She was once a kid too. Mothers will always understand their grandchildren. What is money when compared to the feelings of your kid? Money is nothing, but your kid's feeling will remain to be your main concern. In fact, you cried when you punished her. It is a guilty feeling on your part. Anyway, there is enough time for you to say "SORRY" to your kid. Talk to her now and make her understand that what she did was wrong and never repeat it again. I am sure, she will understand you and your relationship will get better. Thank you so much, nestor p. polo family

Being raised in the fifties I do believe in spanking but I explain fully to my child that some things are not acceptable and not to do them. I usually warn her once telling her that if she does it again spanking will be coming to her. I make it her choice whether she gets a spanking. But things that are dangerous like running into the street where she is nevee to go without an adult will get immediate swats. I then talk with her about her decision to get the spanking and that it is not negoiatable that she is not to do it.Kids often do nmot think they play but some things are just a NO. As for the lamp it can be replaced but the child cannot. Have a wonderful day.