jokes anybody

A young man of the Merchant Navy (and we may assume in days of yore before such things became fashionable in the Asian Pacific waters) is in a hostelry, not unlike the Benbow Inn, talking with an old sea dog, who, by chance, is a pirate. He displays the classic attribues, or rather lack of them, in form of one leg, one hand, and one eye."Say old man" the young 'un asks at length, for the rum is good and fear and rum are strangers, "say, how come you only have the one leg, what happened to the other?""Haar-haaaargh!" the pirate returns as pirates are supposed to do, "I got that there out in the Arrrrtlantic I did, when this ol' shark begins a quaaaarel with me, haar-haaaaar. He got a mighty feast out of my port side leg I can tell 'ee""Gosh" remarked the young man, though he may have expressed himself more crudely, "you don't say, a shark bit your leg off.""Haar-haaaaaar, young 'un, I do say""And your hook, I see you lost a hand?" the young man went one regarding the fearsom iron appendage that took the place of five digits"Haar-haaaaaaaar lad, 'twas fighting the King's own men that happened. I were boardin these here tub filled with gold, when up pops His Majesty's tars and well, one swiped it clean off with a cutlass, before I dives into the sea and swims for me life m'boy and errrscapes to a treasure island""That neatly sews up the Hackneyed story" the young man thinks, "Almost""And your eye, old timer" he says aloud, "in what tale of daring do did you lose that piece of vital anatomy.""Haar-haaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr" cried the pirate, "I gots that on account of a seagull shittin' in me eye!"The young man, used now to tales of terror and fight, is a bit non-plussed."Seagull sh*t lost your eye?"The pirate looked downcast"Har, well, 'twas only the second day after I got this 'ere hook!"