Have you ever felt so stressed all you can do is cry?
By pagibig
@pagibig (297)
Philippines
February 23, 2007 12:19pm CST
Work has been very toxic this week. I was actually out of mylot for a few days because of work. Today everything just didn't go well.
Here's my situation. I live with my parents. I have a 6 year old brother. I work at home. A few months ago, we lost our nanny, and mom decided not to get a new one. Her reason? Because i work at home i could take care of my brother. So my day starts like this. I wake up a few minutes before my brother comes home from school. I turn on my computer because i had to start work immediately. Then take care of my brother, prepare lunch, make sure that my brother finishes his homework, let him take a nap. During his nap, i go back in front of my computer and start working like crazy. When he wakes up, i fix his after snack, make sure that the house is clean, start cooking dinner.
Dinnertime, mom and my brother eats dinner. I don't. why? because i decide to take a nap. 9pm, mom and brother goes to bed and i sit in front of the pc to resume work. I work till it's 6am in the morning. Then i sleep. In between tasks, i manage to take a bath and get a few bites. I sleep from 6am to 10am. 10:30 am my brother goes home from school and my day starts again.
It is so stressful and tiring. On weekends, i manage to spend time with my bf, despite the fact that i am already dead tired.
I pay all the bills at home, pay for the groceries and at the end of the month, i'm left with around $10.
For several months, i managed to live like this. I managed to balance everything.
But today was specially difficult. Work was toxic and busy, deadlines need to be met. And i found myself extremely stressed already.
Then home life added to it. then my bf and i had an argument mid-day. It was so stressful and i couldn't focus on one thing. When i took a short smoke break, to calm myself i was able to focus again. Then my brother started crying. After i calmed him, i went to my room and just started crying. I was tired. I was so tired.
I don't know if i could still go on like this. I am slowly heading for a breakdown.
8 people like this
30 responses
@maribel1218 (3085)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
By just reading your post I get really stressed and how I pictured it out, you are one superwoman and you really needs a short break from time to time, I guess.
Even you are working at home those chores really can be tiring specially if you do it on a daily basis and you have to let both ends meet by working at the same time and paying the bills and all that.
I myself was sometimes exhausted by my studies, work and being a mother that sometimes I really think I have to give up one of them because I really can tell if I was doing well on a certain area and sometimes 24 hours is not enough do to all those things.
Pag-ibig you need to be brave and determined and yes crying is one way of releasing all the emotion that we have deep inside because sometimes it so hard to just quit like that even we are tired we have to go on for it was the only thing we can do for now.
I really know you can compose yourself together and figure out what is the best thing to do and you really have to settle things with your boyfriend for it will really affect your work and your concentration.
Take care and be brave you can overcome it. I really believe you can.
1 person likes this
@maribel1218 (3085)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
I really hope you find peace of mind in your situation and compose yourself already to face another busy day of your life. I really know you are a brave woman and you can do it. Keep the faith!!
Thanks for the best tag I really appreciate it.
@pagibig (297)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
Thank you for the encouraging words. Talking about it helps. Sometimes chain smoking helps. Sometimes shouting works. I can handle the daily stress. It's just that today, it seems that i lost control in all facets of my life.
I needed a moment to regain control and even that was denied of me. i'm really glad it's a weekend already. That's the only time i get to truly relax.
Sometimes you feel that you don't even have enough time to breathe. Sometimes you ask for help but it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes you give up only to immerse yourself again because you know you have a responsibility.
I just wish people around me could realize that i can't do it every single day. And that i get tired to. AAnd like an ordinary person, i also need rest. I need time for myself. My other discussion, i was looking for a house, because i wanted to get out of this daily existence. I think it would be less stressful to live alone. My parents can support themselves. It's just a filipino thing i guess. Now that i'm working, it's my duty to support them. Up to a point that they abuse me, take advantage of me.
I'm so tired.
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
23 Feb 07
Honey, I think that you REALLY need to re-think your sleeping schedule..that could be part of your problem! I would try getting to bed around midnight...get up around 9am-10am...start working till brother comes home...take care of him, lay him down for nap, work....dinner, work....then go to bed.
It sounds to me that your sleeping schedule is too sporadic and that can cause you anxiety! Good luck!
@GardenGerty (160949)
• United States
24 Feb 07
This would be a part of the first thing I would have said, as well. Try to sleep differently, and see if you can do the majority of your work while brother is at school. It sounds as if there is not as long a school day for kids his age in your country as there is in mine. Use the time you have got.
@sj_chaudhry (1537)
• Canada
23 Feb 07
sooo poor of you..all i want to do is give you a big hug..and i think you need one. but i dont understand why you have to pay all the bills and grocerries..whatthe ahck your parents are doing..?? sorry to say i dont understand...
you should talk to your mom that you cant handle the boy and the work ata same time..she should arrange nanny or other wise the load of work will kill you some day.... this is my very friendly advice...
@pagibig (297)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
because dad doesn't send money and mom handles the school bills for my brother.
I'm just really near breakdown now.
For the cynic and sarcastic. I'm not asking for money, nor for pity. I just felt i needed to get it out of my system. I'm nearing breakdown and i have nobody to depend on but me.
@writwing54 (2)
• India
24 Feb 07
Well, this is the odd situation you have and you stated it in a way that leads to express yourself as a breadown holder! But at the same time if you think positively that how much capacity you have to do things this way and try to find out the ways to make more avenues for yourself to get rest and entertain with your own ways using music, reading book, or even doing light excercise or little time spend for meditation to get your mind fresh and active positively ... I think all the stress would disapear from you and you will get a satisfaction inside that you have done good things for you and your family as a life promoter!
@boldriq (201)
• Slovenia
24 Feb 07
I guess we respond differently to the stress. There has been a day when stress made me cry. But mostly when the situation got that tense I just froze. And I physically broke down. My mind just shut. I ussualy spontaniasly divert my mind to something completely different and attend to that. But I don't know wether I've had the biggest stress in my life yet. There had been some difficult things , but which was the biggest stress... Well ask me that in my final hour...
@fairygreen (533)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
i guess its normal to those people on the go..yes sometimes stress can make us cry to the extent that are pre occupied if wat comes first, but you should suit yourself and have time to relax once in a while..:)
@prestocaro (1251)
• United States
23 Feb 07
a great stress reliever is a long walk. try this at dusk or at dawn (sounds like you are up at both times): walk in a safe place (and carry mace just in case) for about 30 minutes, maybe longer. this will give you time to meditate and focus your thoughts. the exercise also releases seratonin in your brain which will make you feel better. Whenever I am having a stressful time, i find that this alone time helps me greatly.
sounds like you need to get out of the house! i'd be going stir crazy in your place, especially with the pace... it seems like the whole day is chaotic.
good luck! i hope you feel better.
@pagibig (297)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
Yes i need my alone time, my quiet time. But i can't have that in the middle of the day. It's always just a few minutes or moments. Just enough time to wipe away the tears and put on a fake smile. i don't want my brother to think that i'm crying because of him. and he is bound to think that, because he spends the whole day with me. He will think that if i cry, he did something wrong. And it's not right. Whenever i could, i got to my room, cry a little, and come out a few minutes later.
@coolchic101 (848)
• United States
24 Feb 07
Can I ask what you do for a living? I would like a work at home job too.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
24 Feb 07
i am so sorry for your condition... does anybody else at home can help you at all??? what does your parents do??? why you have to pay for bills, groceries, working, and taking care of your brother at the same time??? it is too much for you to handle... you need a break... just let your parents know that you need a break... otherwise, you will have a mental breakdown soon... talk to somebody of you have to and share your burden... you will feel better after that... good luck...
@GardenGerty (160949)
• United States
24 Feb 07
If your mother is working, she should pay some of the bills. What would she do if you moved out? I know you would like to. Where is your father, that he is not contributing? Your culture is different from mine, but I would never have expected as much from my kids as your parents do. It is good you are respectful, but respect goes both ways. My children, as adults, helped with minor chores, and paid me a percentage of their income for rent/room and board. Sounds like your life is all backwards. You did well to talk here, if you have no one else to talk to. It is correct, that talking, and crying release stress, but they are only temporary cures. Good luck, speak up for yourself with your mom.
@RogerRover (85)
• Canada
24 Feb 07
All the time. I don't actually cry but all I can do is sit at home and just close my eyes and wait until everything blows out of my mind. Just sit in the dark or with the lights on and close your eyes. It works wonders for me
@uniquesoul (230)
• Canada
24 Feb 07
i know exactly how u feel I'm a single mother of two boy's ages 2 and 5 and there quite a handful half the time there is not enough hours in 24 hours to do all the things u need to do and i think yea crying lets some unneeded pressure out and just by reading what u are goin through is very stressful and really think a good rest would do u great right now, more sleep ,eatting better and relaxing ...And when ur having a bad day try to change ur chain of thought before it get's blowen out of proportion and ask urself will this really even matter a hundred yr's from now or something out of the ordinary before the mind get's to far into thinking about it...God bless, Wish u best of luck
@A_Skywalker (274)
• Bulgaria
24 Feb 07
It happens often to me, I dont have many free days and I only work, when I come home I have to do homework. It doesnt happen often to me to go out somewhere and have fun.
@Makesense (14)
• Singapore
24 Feb 07
I suggest you look for a job working out of home.
You should discuss with you mom and I am sure she is understanding.
@jean_gomez3 (105)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
wow! you're a superwoman! I cant imagine myself doing that,I felt so stressed upon reading your discussion.but anyway,that's life,my advice is to pray to God,ask Him for more strength to handle everything,more wisdom and more graces.but you need to rest sometime,and spend little time to talk to God.You love your brother right?just think that you're doing this because you love your family and Im sure that they love you too....
@Invest_Master (282)
• India
24 Feb 07
Well there are these kind of situation but what you need to do i think is to make a strategy how you gonna over come al these things and after you do it and go through your plans you would see some difference.. Money is all around you all yu need are the ideas to exploit and make some profit from it.
@lossforredwords (3620)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
im so sorry for that, i hate to hear things like that you really seems so stress. i hope day come where you can manage again and put yourself together. maybe one thing you can do is ask your mom to get another nanny cause that would be a big help. yes another payment to do but the help it will give you and your family will supressed that stress.
yes i ahve been in some stressful situation before. like from my previous work where every singel time is stressful. there is this time where i always cry before going to work. and because of that, im starting to lose my self and im not feeling any more fulfillment from that job, i deicded to resign. cause it doenst give me any self fullfilment.
@KetanGulati (579)
• India
24 Feb 07
well mah life too had been quite a stressful, coincidentally my mom was just telling this to me when i read this discussion that Keytan its you only who can actually make this out and stand this much stress and hardships and still keep on yourself energised.... i work for almost 18 hours a day and am still happy.... though I am not even paid accordingly.... but i am still happy.... beacuse when i put in labor, i get success and people recognise that labor and success.... it in itself gives me immense pleasure and satisfaction and happines....
and so i keep on going.working happily ;)
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
Dear, I dont think your brother is your sole responsibility. Maybe you and your mom should have a long talk. If this goes on, you just might end up in the hospital for breakdown. And that is no joke. All the more no one will be able to take care of your brother and the bills. From your story, where is your mom when all this is happening? How come you're still the one cooking and preparing your brother's snack and all. I hope you dont let your stress get to you through your brother. It's not his fault and he probably does not understand whats going on. Do you still have communication with your dad? I think you should let him know that he has an obligation to send money. Besides, let your mom know that you have a life of your own that you want to live someday. This might even cause the tension between you and your boyfriend--and thats hard. I wish you goodluck
@lucius67 (41)
• United States
24 Feb 07
I used to feel that way, take my work home with me,lay on me until it disturbed everything I did. It bothered me all the way up to the time I had to be rushed to the hospital because my blood sugar level was 497. I had just spent 4 days in a diabetic stupor. I spent the next 6 days in ICU and then 4 days in a regular room. From then on I decided that I was not going to let the small stuff get to me ever again.
