How Blunt Is Too Blunt?

I have been in this position a lot of times. I do understand what you mean to say. The problem with lots of people is that, they do not ask questions for answers, but more as just a prompt to boost their ego. When the truth shatters their myth, they react wildly. It is better to be honest and truthful, than talk behind their back. But, you can really improve in the way you put across things. You need to speak the truth, but in a polished manner, so that you do not hurt others, but also convey your meaning.

Being honest doesn't have to mean giving your opinion without stopping for a moment to try and assess how to best present your opinion! You may have thought she looked like a sl*t, in fact you might have been dying to tell her, but why open like that? If you open with something a little less vigorous, you always have sl*t to fall back on should they (horror!) try and ignore your opinion... ;)

Hi Candygurl24, It is possible, and I believe ultimately more helpful, to tell someone the truth without being hurtful. Being perfectly honest, your friend probably did not look like a brown blob at the back end of a horse. Rather, she was not wearing an outfit that was her most flattering. Or, she looked exhausted, and probably would be better served by hitting the hay early. See what I mean about the truth without the stinging review? I have been accused of brutal honesty on more than one occassion. However, I vowed long ago to only be brutal if brutality was in order. Otherwise, I commit to honest, and if possible, helpful answers. Make sense??? 'Course, when both parties understand it to be in jest, then blunt can be very funny. But, it's a very thin, fragile line. As for handling someone who is too blunt toward me? Well, my skin is pretty thick. And, I would always rather know the truth, than to have someone placate me with an 'ego cookie'. However, if someone is deliberately attempting to be hurtful, I will call them on it! If possible I'll use humor, if not a scathing assessment of their persona will follow.

for me the essence of keeping a good friendship alive is to be both tactful and blunt but know when each one is called for. Friends dont want a honest opinion, they dont always want the truth, what they want is to be made feel good. Every man knows that when a woman asks him if she looks fat in something, he better not say she does, even if when she bends over its likely to cause an eclipse. Its just a case of working out what a friend wants to hear and giving it to them, generally people like people who agree with them. Truth rarely, or ever has much to do with this. blessed be

I would call myself forthright rather than blunt, but I will always tell it like it is. Honesty is always the best way. If a friend asked me how she looked and I didn't like it, I would first pick on something I did like and compliment that. For example, "Well, your hair looks really nice, but I don't think that colour dress really suits you. It makes you look rather sallow" I train leaders and often need to address a fault, but I always find something good to say (honestly) first. I prefer my friends to be upfront with me and to tell me if I offend in any way. I do not like people who step around issues or worse still, who tell everyone else but the person concerned. Keep on being blunt, but temper it with honest compliments.

honesty is an exceptional quality - but don't ever lose that. However there are ways of saying things. Sl*t was porbably an unfortunate choice of word. Rephrasing slightly to 'its too sl*tty for me' makes it easier to hear. If then they go on about 'are you calling me a sl*t' ask them to listen closely to your words. This shows you have a respect foe indivdualism as well as being less provocative. But I empathise - I do get irritated when people ask for my oinion then don't like what I say. I have been known to say - do you want the truth or what I think you want me to say?

as YOU know. my husband is very blunt too. I find it very funny, except when he's being blunt to me lol. I think its a good quality to have, but there is a time and a place, just like with everything else. I mean if your friend wanted to know how she looked and that's how she looked then she shouldnt have got mad! you were just being honest. and that's what i like about you :) I love honesty. It's really the best policy !

I have to say that I am not blunt because I don't want to make anyone mad or hurt anyone's feelings. But, when I ask a question like what your friend asked, I expect an honest answer. Of course, I don't want someone to be mean with their honesty, but I do want an honest answer. If this person is your friend, she should know how you are and not get mad when you are blunt. LOL

I understand what you're saying candygurl, I actually thought for awhile that I was the only one who is like that. I very much enjoy like shedding my opinion as is, don't feel its necessary to sugarcoat the situation at all. Someone recently sent me a poem via email, even though I'd only known of her a few weeks(2wks). I didn't really read it, only skimmed through it... blah, blah, you know what I'm saying. I told her "it didn't move me" which were my exact words. I'm not going to lie, remember I didn't read it. Hey, she asked for my honest opinion! what else could I say,.. should I have lied... NO! What would really be the point. I love giving my honest opinion! Sometimes it shocking to them. I very much enjoy watching them, give me this "help me, I'm lost" look, on their face! It's funny to see. Hey candygurl i don't mind your bluntness, I guess that's why we are all here! "you think"! When asking for someone's honest opinion, keep an open mind for the answer! Ask and you shall receive!!

I too am blunt - to the point that I had a friend fall out with me. We'd gone clothes shopping, and she saw a top she liked. Low cut and pretty tight. She tried it on and asked me how she looked. I told her she looked like she could do with losing a few pounds before wearing something like that without getting laughed at. She stormed back into the changing rooms in a huff and didn't speak to me for the rest of the trip. Now we haven't spoken in 10 years lol. If someone asks me for my opinion, I'm going to give it to them as I see it. I'm not going to lie to boost their ego or make them feel good. If they look like sh!t I'll tell them they look like sh!t. I was taught to always be honest, and I'm not going to change just because not everyone appreciates my honesty. I shouldn't have to compromise my values for them.

There's a fine line between honesty and brutality. "That outfit doesn't look very safe" can be even more effective than "You look like a sl*t"; and it doesn't have to hurt anyone's feelings, either.

It's nice to be able to tell it like it is, but sometimes there's a need for discretion and tact. A lot of really blunt opinions can be softened by saying "don't take this the wrong way, but...". After all, being honest is good, but hurting someone's feelings isn't.

honesty is an exceptional quality - but don't ever lose that. However there are ways of saying things. Sl*t was porbably an unfortunate choice of word. Rephrasing slightly to 'its too sl*tty for me' makes it easier to hear. If then they go on about 'are you calling me a sl*t' ask them to listen closely to your words. This shows you have a respect foe indivdualism as well as being less provocative. But I empathise - I do get irritated when people ask for my oinion then don't like what I say. I have been known to say - do you want the truth or what I think you want me to say?

Your right, you shouldent have to give an answer that is anything but the truth, Maybe you can find a way to sofen the blow though. I know i would feel really insulted if someone told me i looked like a s*ut, especially if i had spent time putting together an outfit. Perhaps she was dressed that way for a reason. Chances are what you presive as sl*tty and what she does are two different things. Ive tried to find tactful ways to say my opinions. And i stop asking for others opinions when i know there is a possability of getting an answer i might not like...

LOL I'm the same way, I figure hey if you don't want to know the truth, then don't ask me. I used to get in trouble at my old job all the time for that lol. It got to where my supervisor would just look at me and say I don't care what you think, this is how it is so deal with it...But, I have learned that some people can't handle the truth, and you need to learn to candy coat it for them a bit, or at least say it with a smile or laugh, so their feelings don't get hurt. I don't necessarily like or agree with having to do that, but it just saves the aggravation of an argument. But I will say, I've had a lot of people admire me for that quality of being brutally honest and saying it how it is :)

Lol no I am not but my Daughter is. I will tell the truth but in a more tactful way lol. I certainly would not let someone go out looking a mess. But my Daughter would come out with a comment similar to yours lol. She is a Person though that will say what she thinks and you always know where you stand with her.

hey if your friend really looked like a sl*t and you told her that then i dont see the problem! i think there should be more people like you! i hate people bein all fake! dont change your bluntness! try putting it in a sweeter way! might help!

Its okay being blunt in a right time and in a right place but in a right approach too. We must aware that not all people will understand for your being blunt.Sometimes, its more suitable to respect their feelings and sensibilities.

I have been in your dituation so many times. I would advise that most times you keep your opinions to yourself. Most times , tell people what they would love to hear sothat you wont create so many enemies for yourdelf. But if you dont really care then be yourself.

Blunt is too blunt when you don't soften too many hurting words with some positive feedbacks. It's not always all negative. There's always some positive in any given situtation. It's only a matter of taking the time to find the upside (or words of kindness)in that situation. I usually like it when someone's blunt but I can't help but get hurt if he says something too hurtfull.