Guys: Back off the custody battles

Your approach is a little bit too simplistic. There are two reasons why men fight for their children... 1) Because they love those children just as much as their wife does... and it seem unfair that the law do not recognise this. The law see the man as a worker who does not have the time to look after children. But this law do not apply anymore... because plenty of women work as well... and they seem to manage. 2) In most divorces... the one who gain the children has much to gain financially... particulary the wife. If he gets the children... what he will have to pay out to his wife will be much less... and he can control how his money is spent on the children.

Often when one parent gains sole custody of a child/children in the process of a divorce, the other parent never gets to see their offspring. It seems pretty unreasonable to expect men to sit idly by to watch their children be snatched away from them. Too often people forget that men are as emotionally invested in the lives of their children as the mothers of the children.

What a blatantly sexist and one sided attitude. There is absolutely no reason to assume that a mother would make a better parent than a father, which is why every case should be considered independantly. I wonder what your reaction would have been if someone had posted " Women, lay off the custody claims because the father should have custody and be unchallenged"?

My advice would be a bit different. I took the high road, never got to see my kid and will be paying off back child support for the next 4 1/2 years, because I became disabled when he turned 19, then he decided to go to college. What I should have done was fought for custody because as it turned out my son and my ex were constantly fighting. I had to make a couple of 100 mile round trip drives because she had had him detained by the police because he wouldn't listen to her. To advise someone to take the high road is not real good advice, on many different levels. Every situation is different, and must be treated that way. For you to say for guys to take the high road comes very close to giving legal advice. Are you by chance a lawyer with a world license to practice law?

I have to disagree... I cannot begin to tell you how many friends and girl friends I've had in my life who were abused by stepfathers, in fact one of the most popular threats I've ever heard is, I'll beat you like a step child. Granted step mothers can be real witches too, and so can some real fathers and mothers. however it is a paternal instinct to protect our family, and you cannot do that when your kids are not close to you. In short, it really depends upon the situation and each case is different which is why this happens so much. Many women leave their husbands because they want their liberal freedom, and this all to often comes at the expense of neglect or abuse of the child. It takes two to make a child, it should not be a simple hands down, "If the woman wants, she gets". It just isn't that simple or that fair.

I'm a man, but i also think after divorce, if she was a good mother, i think the mother should have the rights... Mothers are more careful and i think love between mother and Son/daughter are a bit bigger than love father and son/daughter because you're born from your mother.. I think in some cases fathers deserve that too because some of them love much more the child than the mother loves... But it depends on each person and in each case of divorce.. Some divorces there is still friendship between father and mother and there aren't many problems...

In our country child below 18 years always live with their mom. After 18 years it is wish of children with whom they are willing to live if with mom they may stay or if with dad they may go but where is living they keep close touch with mom as nothing is comparable with mom's love and our country's mom rarely can live leaving their child with their dad's family. If any guy marry after divorce newly wife do not agree to take responsibility of ex-wife's child!

I don't know if I totally agree with you. I absolutely think it depends on the circumstances. I am married to a man who lost his kids in a divorce because his wife left him for another man. Shouldn't a father have a choice? Why should he have to see his kids every other weekend and holidays because his wife was unhappy in the marriage and made the decision to move on instead of sticking it out and trying to make it work, which is what you're supposed to do in a marriage? If a man wants custody of his kids and is as fit as the mother to do so, why wouldn't he fight for it? It's better than standing to the wayside and risk having your children resent you one day because they didn't think you loved them enough to fight for them. Let the court decide what's best and if the children decide they want otherwise when they are old enough to make that decision, then that is what will happen when the time comes. I don't think the kids should be put in the middle of it or anything if two ex spouses are trying to get back at one another, but I certainly don't think either parent should just sit back and let the other take control of the childrens' lives without a say. Let's get real.

you're right, the battle in custody for children will only make the children to suffer. I also agree that children are better with their moms, because the mother is the one who gave birth, unless if the moms are not capable of taking care of the children, then the fathers should take it over.

There are MANY reasons parents battle over the custody of children. Some are legit, some are not. For me, personally, I did everything in my power to ensure that my ex-husband never got custody of our kids. His main reason for wanting custody was so he would not have to pay child support - which he didn't do anyway. Shortly after we were divorced, he remarried and decided he needed to show his new family how great of a father he was and he sued for custody. Well, since he used to beat them, he lost his case. OK, for that case, you have a point, my x did more damage than good with the kids in that regard. Now, my sister... She gave up custody of her daughter to the father when she was about 2 years old. My sister worked the night shift and would never have been able to get childcare, so it was "kinda" realistic for things to happen that way. My sister went on with her life, remarried, got a day job, and when her daughter was about 13, wanted custody. There was no "battle" but it only lasted a short while - the daughter was back with the father. Now, my sister is not abusive or neglectful, she just made a bad choice early on and it cost her some growing years with her daughter. Now, my current husband... He believed like you do - the kids belong with the mother. Well, after a couple years, he met me and found out (through some things that have since happened) that it was not really the best choice to give her custody and not fight for his rights. We went to court to stop her from taking his parental rights away (these kids are 16 & 18), and had we fought for custody, we probably would have won. We honestly feel that she has caused them emotional and developmental damage and that they have suffered because of it. They now hate him (us). Is it because it was too late? Is it because of the things we know their mother has lied to them about? Or is it because we destroyed their fantasy world? I don't know, but I still feel we did the right thing. I hope that when they are allowed to mature, they will realize their father was trying to help them. I could go on and on with just people that I know. Every situation is different and it's ultimately up to the courts to decide. Is that right? No, people shouldn't get divorced and have to deal with this. And if they do, they should have the best interest of the child(ren) in mind. It doesn't happen that way. I'm sure, being in the school system, you see a lot of the problems this causes for children and it's hard for you to deal with. But a blanket statement is not appropriate in every situation.

i think its a matter of pride of the father to take custody of their children..coz they think theyre the only who can support financially ...but what about the love ?? well fathers in general are so assuming that they can take all the responsibility of towards them...and never thinks of their ex-wife who carried the child in their womb for 9 agonizing months...

sorry Radicalpatriot but I hope you don't mind me making 2 assumptions here. My first one is that you have no children of your own (I know, you wrote you've raised 2) and secondly, that you are not, nor have you been a child who went through his parents seperating. On that, I say Thank God for you. Someone said earlier that you were taking a simplistic approach and I would venture to say that your approach is probably based on you saving your money, not allowing a custody battle to take away from your personal time and saving yourself the anguish associated with sticking up for your children. Please remember, it's not always about you and what you would want, you would want to place yourself in your childrens' position. Maybe they would want you to fight for them?

Yes well the majority of men do not feel like you do however, and it is difficult and the children suffer there should be no fighting over the chilren both should love them and be equal to them as long as they understand each other but most of the time they just want to make things ugly.

Maybe this "idiot father" as you call him, actually cares for his children and wanted to raise them. As a father, there is no way in hell I would just sign over custody and allow my kids to be taken from me without a fight. I honestly can't believe what I'm reading. Are you even a parent? What kind of parent would just allow their children to go to their ex-spouse without a fight? I say kudos, the guy wants to raise his children, the "idiot father" kept trying to gain custody, you say? I say that shows dedication as a father.

I personally think that the Children should be able to stay where they want to stay and also I know that most the time this is just being done to hurt the other party. I brought the Kids up as good as on my own when I was married as he prefered his freedom and Social Life, when we got divorced he reckoned he was going to get our Daughter but he was doing it to get back at me, she was 14 and my Son 17. Well my Daughter said no that she was staying with me

I once talked with this Canadian guy who was angry at women because of the women he knew. One, his ex wife who has custody of their child. He's also angry at the Canadian government for favouring women when it comes to custody. Two, his sister who according to him, has 3 kids and is now living with her 4th bf. How mysoginic. Anyways, like you I thought "why?, why fight for custody? Isn't it just going to make life harder?" Maybe some guys just really love their kids. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about the third mother, who uh..gave him up and moved to serbia or something like that. He considers her a traitor to Canada. Interesting character #22145 i met on the world wide web! lol

i guess when this happens will happen to me hopefully not i would still fight for custody over my daughter there is a possibility that i might never see my daughter again by not fighting for that right might mean that you dont care

erm...im sorry but i don't agree with that statement, what if the ex-wife is mentally unfit for raising children? i knew a couple who had this problem and the father fought tooth and nail to try and gain custody which he eveutally did, thank god becuase i wouldn't want to think what would have happened if the wife did, what im saying is, its different for different cases, you can't look at all divocres and say "the wife should always get custody" becuase sometimes that isn't always the best idea. well thats my input sorry for disagreeing but there it is.

This is an awfully short sited post... you write it just to get a rise out of the men on the site? I ll assume it's a real position on a topic... benefit of the doubt extended.... Every divorce case is certaily different. Your argument presupposes all parents are equal, there may be any number or reasons why a woman shouldnt get custody, any number of examples of how she may be an unfit mother. Britney comes to mind... I have a male friend who does not have custody, it is debateable who is the better parent, though financially, the situation has definetly not worked out in his favor. He brings in 2k per month roughly and pays 600 of that out in child support. His ex on the other had lives in a grand house and drives a fine automobile. She makes considerably more money than him, and continues to take his 6 bill each month. She is certainly not spending all this money on their son, further this kid doesn't have a college fund, which is where she should be putting the cash. best to all.

It is a matter of love and not every mother is more qualified to raise the children Children not disposable and it is wrong for someone to say it's to much trouble or too expensive to fight for your child. Some men and alot of women use them as chess pieces in the divorce, this is wrong, but fighting for custody for the right reasons is not causing unnecessary anquish. You have the right to feel the way you do but, that does not make it right.