are you dumb or am i missing something?

I'm with you on this one, I can't understand how women can let these men do it to them over and over again. I have never been in this situation but to me I would think that they would want to get out of this situation. Maybe they are too scared to for some reason. I especially don't understand the ones that will leave their abusive partners and then get back together with them a few months down the track. Like I said though, I have never been in that sort of situation, so I really don't know what they would be thinking.

Unfortunatly this kind of man when not drunk or mad is almost always a really nice guy. And he is esspecily when he wants her back. She married him because she loved him. Something about him attracted her and she has no control over that. Attraction is not a choiuce you eitehr are or your not. It is hard to understand why a woman would continue to take that abuse but it happens all the time. It seems to me that women are able to foget the bad and remember the good far easier than a man can. If not how can they continue to have children. If men had to have babies there would only be one...count on it. I am sure you have done all you can to try to convince her but the thought of being without him is far less preferable. I so so hard for everyone else I know but there really is little you can do. The best thing you can do is be there for her when she needs it. Instead of putting him down simply point out the problems so she can see them clearly. I have a sister that put up with this for a long time but she finally had enough and has been happly married to someone else for many years now. It is kind of like any addiction until she sees it for herself she will not chance. Just help her see.

well like i answered in the other post and yes i did answer one of them. There are many reasons for this. It can be very low self esteem that the person has. There are ones that they dont think that people will love them, and they will take any attention whether it be good or bad. Sometimes it does work out in the end and they can live a happy life together, it may take many many years but it can happen.

A few years back I actually said the same thinga s you do now, How vould anyone let them hit them, That was until I myself found myself in that situation. A man just don´t hit a woman - or atleast mine didn´t. he gradualy started to take me down to the point where i felt like i was worth nothing (without touching a hair on my head) and he had me thinking that the only person who ever would love e was him. When u are in that dark place you really do belive him - and you want to belive him. So you stay. He makes you loose all your confidence and by the time he hits you the first time you are already stuck in his net! I stayed for a total of 4 years and getting out was not easy. I still live with a threath over my head - but I MADE it - I DID get out. It is so hard for someone who has not been there to understand exactly what is going on. I listened to noone - I felt as if they were jealous, or just wanted to break us up - coz that is what he had me thinking. men who abuse women are usually very manipulative... They first make you love them, then they take u down and THEN they hit you. by then it is already to late!!

I personally would never stay with a man who beat me.. Luckily I have never been faced with this situation. I think it has alot to do with the women now knowing what to do- Where do they turn? Usually the man abuses them mentally and physically and they are afraid of what they will do without him. I find it sad.. I do not know anyone who is in an abusive relationship... I'm not sure I could be around any man that beat a woman.. I'm a pretty strong willed woman and I'm sure I would shoot my mouth off.. Which wouldn't be good for the woman. I think that any woman who is being abused needs to get out of the relationship especially if there are kids involved! there are people and places to help them. I'm sure it would be tough- but they'd be much happier in the logn run. I'm not in their shoes so I cannot judge them, or say that I would leave. I hope to never have to walk a mile in their shoes.

i would say some women just have a sickness and like being with men who beat them. I have a cousin who is just like this. She is now 41 years old and still has relationships with men who beat her. She wont listen to anyone in the family and i think my family and i have tuned her out when she complains she knows how to get out but wont do it. I myself dated a guy who hit me twice, and both times i ended up decking him and then i left. Any guy i date now knows i wont put up with it! I would just say your friend has a sickness and likes to put up with it since she doesnt want to leave.

Thank you. I would like to know why these women let men beat them? I mean where have these women been raised? have they lived under rocks or something? Seriously, I would never let a man hit me or beat. My mother and grandmother raised me not to be weak and to stand up for myself. You do not ever let a man beat you, ever. You let a man beat you, then you prove yourself weak, you let him win. Do you want him to win? No, then do not let him bet you.

To everyone who asked why she stays or says that something must be wrong with the woman who stays with an abuser, I have a question. Why are you blaming the victim? If someone is raped, do you ask what she did to deserve it? If someone is hit by a drunk driver do you ask what that person did wrong to be hit? NEVER, NEVER, NEVER blame the victim. It is not their fault these things happen. In an abusive situation, long before the first punch/slap whatever is ever thrown, the psychological abuse happens. The abuser has convinced the woman that no one will ever love her the way he does. That without him, she is nothing. That if she tries to leave, he will hunt her down and bring her back. So, coupled with the other thing she might get like security, genuine remorse when the abuse occurs, the woman may feel she has no choice but to stay. It takes the average abused woman 7 tries before she permanently leaves her abuser. These women deserve our help and support each time they do try. Not our condemnation when they don't succeed in making it permanent. Because if we only condemn, criticize or even try to dictate what they should do, how are we better than the abuser in try to run their lives?

i feel your cousin thinks less of herself cause no one should let nobody beat them if a man put his hands on you once and you do nothing about it like if you hit back or call the police if you do nothing he is and should do it again cause it's your fault for letting it happen. Tell your cousin to get out he really isn't worth it at all.

It would not do any good to try and explain to someone who has never lived through it because no matter what we say you will not understand. What I can say is that what is important is that you stay there for your cousin and never let her down. For her to leave she will have to know that she has people who she can count on no matter what.

I am not dumb.......But I could never watch a man hit another female. That is just sick. I will do anything in my power to stop that if I ever witness it. THANK!

They are not dumb. They are searching for help. It's their way to get more secure about what they are going to do next to help themself. It's not always easy to get help and, when you do, your afraid that the abuser will get even more agressive. Let's say for example that a woman, mother of 3, is getting abuse by her husband. That woman doesn't work, it's the husband who support the family. If that woman leave, what she's going to do to support her children? Often, women getting abuse don't leave because they have no issues, no solutions, or are not able to see a solution by themself. Please don't say ever again that people abuse are dumb, it's just they don't know what to do.

First of all let me say I am not in this position personally nor do I know anyone who is abused physically. That said, I think that women stay in these relationships because they have low self esteem. Usually these men don't just beat them but they tell them that they are lucky to have them and that no one else will want them. If is only when they realize that these things aren't true do they get out if at all.

it probaly is fear unfortunatley, i knew someone who was on the reciving end of one of the relationships but she finaly got enough courage to leave him and she said that she couldnt because she didnt know what to do with out him but it is hard to understand

those guys are acting slowly, first they let the woman fall in love, and the longer it takes the more they are going to be violent! at the first hit, i think they are obsessed by their man, and ofcourse this man says sorry, it never happends again etc. i think they use all the bad words also to make the woman small and don't have their own opinion anymore! if you don't take the right step the first time he wants to hit you it will happen again! my first boyfriens stood in front of me with his fist in front of my face! i told him that if he hits me right now in the face, this face will be last one he sees this day! he never tried it again! i know i am strong, and other woman aren't but i hope they will be one day and get the hell out of these violent relationships!

you know what? i don't really know if the person has confused love with obsession. She needs professional help. Sometimes you think you're in love and willing to love that person for whoever he/she is, even if he/she does the wrong things, you are blinded by love and try to justify everything. Sometimes, even if it means sacrificing your physical, emotional and well-being. Make her see that there are other forms of happiness out there, and that the man she is with right now will only bring her more pain and suffering than happiness.