Leading Double Lives

When i go abroad i turn into a purring pussycat just relax and feel totally chilled i think the pressures of life now are greater than they have ever been so we get stressed and can't relax! I work, i have 4 children but when there is just the 2 of us away together i can just be me no deadlines to meet role on june 2 weeks without the children to recharge my batteries

Brian, it sounds as if the retreat did you a lot of good. I get the impression from this post as well as some of your others that you are almost ready to make a move and get out of the controlling and manipulative situation that you are in. Look at how wonderful you felt on the retreat. THAT is the Brian that you should be every day. Do what you need to do so that you are that happy all the time. Life is too precious to waste in a horrible situation any longer. You deserve better.

Oh Brian, that is so sad. You must be wishing that the other side would of you would last forever, isn't it? I have done some things which I still don't believe I did. My hubby and I had a very very nasty argument one day and I was in tears by the end of it. I was so shaken up that I locked myself in the bathroom and actually hit myself. I am sensible person and I don't understand why I did such a thing! My hubby was obviously shocked. I somehow snapped out of it but I was never able to get over the fact that I did something as silly and so unlike me. That was surely the worst ever side of me, and it has never occurred again thankfully. It lasted only for a short while but it was like a different life for me.

Sounds like you really needed that break .. and if being away from home made you feel that good that quickly maybe you need to have a long think about just where it is you want to be .. and what direction you want you life to move in .. it's all very wekk to have a few ups and downs in daily life .. but to virtually become a 'new man' when you get away makes it sound like you really aren't doing yourself any favours living the life you have right now ..

I don't think you are leading a double life. I have never been on a retreat such as what you described. What happened when you entered the retreat? What caused your feelings of peace? You received first hand proof that you can be happy and live at peace with yourself. It is a trick of the mind that tells you that you have to be in a certain place to be happy. You are the same person inside the retreat as you are outside of the retreat. No matter where you are, you can give up being the old Brian and resort to creating the new Brian. What is your purpose for going to the retreat in the first place? Is it to find a moment of peace or to learn how to have peace and joy in your everyday life? The difference is in your thinking. Whatever you thought or felt while participating in the retreat, can be carried over into your everyday life. You do not need sacred ground to have sanity in your life. All those positive and uplifting experiences were created in your conscious mind. And your conscious mind goes with you where ever you go.

I can understand what you are saying. For me, I think it is because I'm very unhappy with my job (and there's a lot of stress that goes along with the job, but it's a long story!) and I'm not crazy about the town where I live. Sometimes you don't even realize just how much the choices you've made have affected you - until you get away for a few days. I think you should take this as a sign that it's time to make some real changes in your life, no matter how tough they are. That's what I'm trying to do.

i think you have spentyour fantastic weekend happily you have both of them with happy doble life,but in my country it seldom happen like you,is better you choose one of them and you can life normally.

not really leading double lives. but there are just instances, occassions where after being able to express myself, get rid of the stress, things turn back to how they have been. after a good long vacation where all i did is have fun, laugh, when am back again to the old place, things start to fall into how they have been prior to the days of fun and joy. yes you said it -- a complete transition. surprised at the change? yes at times. it all boils down to how i deal with the changes as they happen. if i let the bad things ruin my day, then i end up with a sad day.oftentimes i try to control my emotions and maintain a positive, happy outlook in life. but it's hard to do, really.

I think it is usual for almost every one. I feel that way too. I think it happens because when we are in a vacation we are out of all tension of real life what make us feel in a very different way. You don't feel tension or any responsibility during that time. In a vacation we are like a big kid free from all the tension and responsibility, so no stress or depressions at that time. But when we back to day to day life again we face the same thing like day to day work, responsibilities and facing stress. So we again act like as usual we do.

Reality.... When we forget our reality......and make changes.....the same thing happens to our inner self !! The worst part is coming back to reality.....it would be soo nice to live in that otherworld.....if only life was like that

Yes - it happens to me every weekend- come thursday and friday I am in a great mood cause i hate my job and the weekend is almost here- but Sunday monday tuesday and wednesday i am horrible to be around- my husband has mentioned on several occations how my attitude changes come Sunday, he knows I am unhappy here and I am looking but until then I will probably continue to behave this way. You said you were unemployed right now- that could be part of the problem- when you were away, you stepped away from reality for a while and that helps but is not the answer - you need to make a change in your life, it makes a huge difference. My husband was unhappy where he worked and got himself a new job- his whole attitude is different now- he is in a good mood and is genuinely happy, what a difference from his attitude before. I hope this helps.

It's good to hear you had a nice time Brian. I have to agree with you sometimes it's nice to become the real you. I used to be quite wary, never opened much as I thought this would give people a chance at getting to me. Those times I did open up was amazing and I should of done all the time. Kudos, ~Joey

Hi I'm Will glad to meet you, and while we're at it meet Liam as well, also myself. I used to joke about having dual personality because I tend to sometimes show some traits totally uncharacteristics from the personality I'm more dominantly known for. But you know what, it's just me, both of them, sometimes we discover something about ourselves that we haven't before, surprising us. Worry not, I'm a worrier too that sometimes I can flip from being ecstatic to downright gloomy. It happens.

I am glad you had a fantastic weekend away, it does sound like it did you the world of good, well at least for the time you were there. You probably felt like you was in a lovely bubble whilst at the retreat, then you returned home and your bubble burst. I would try to take on board all the things you learnt and try to focus on them, especially when you feel everyday life suck all the positives out of you.

I'm sad for you ... and I know that a lot of people will rise up against my response, but what the hey right? There was a time in my life when I was much like you ... on some sort of rollercoaster between what seemed like two different lives, two different people. I strived to be the good person, though I constantly fell flat on my face and turned into the mean person. Sometimes I maintained the good appearance, but the "emotional baggage, depression, negativity and pessimism about life" never went away. The difference for me was that I was at a breaking point and I knew that something needed to change or I would never find that good person inside of me. She would be destroyed by all that bad that was in me. Finally, I called upon the name of Jesus and He transformed me. All that I wanted to be didn't last until I trusted Jesus. Until I was able to admit my sin and ask for forgiveness I remained a wretch of a person. I have been freed of that and my life is full of joy inexpressible. I pray that you will trust Jesus to transform your life.

Yes- I have the exact same feeling whenever i go to goa (i make it a point to spend 10 days there each year). It's heaven.. i am completely changed. Like over here, i'm all work work work - In goa, i'm like a party girl , making new friends, relaxing at the beach, wearing my micro minis ;) - i even got myself a tattoo (i wouldn't have done it if i was here and i didn't think twice there).. it is like a totally different me.

Nah i have been the same all my life and don't expect to change for one reson that i am happy the way i am. I might have to rethink when i am no longer happy with myself. Currently double life means nothing to me. Just be yourself and change your views and behaviour and love all things will automatically be good.

I feel like this alot-- Every year me and 2 friends go on a shopping trip over Veterans day weekend- Just the 3 of us- No stop shopping from Thurs-Mon.. This past year we went to Pittsburgh-- We just map quest our route and go-- I think we're going up north this year. No problems-- No worries-- just plain fun! Then you get home and it comes back-- I've got this bill to pay- oh no I have to go back to work and deal with this tomorrow. It's a nice feeling for a while isn't it? I wonder what it would be like to win the lottery and not work- not worry about bills... I'm sure there would still be worries!

It seems that this is a case of self identity and one has to become aware about things regarding the process: Life is full of varieties and every person passed through those varieties by himself or herself with interpreting it ... At the same time one has to be aware that what is lacking when one place he/she is different and positive and other place in normal life he/ she is abnormal/ negative!?Some thing inside is hidden as a root cause because our mental capacities and imposition is so powerful some time that leads the person towards time being complex composition of mental, vital and physical reality! but this is curable by puting one's own self under a treatment, healing process, retreat or meditation under a spiritual guide! One simple technic is here: Just sit against the mirror and gaze in to your eyes and give a call to the positive image of yourself. Then repeat the call silently with gazing continuously till the moment you get a feeling that yes the positive image is here now and then submit to that image as your real-self and declare that I want to become like this! J ust do right now and see what happenes?

Brian, (I guess I should preface this by telling you that I'm a psychotherapist.) It's very normal to do what you did. It's the same reason that a lot of people then to relax more when they're on vacation. Maybe what you really need instead of a getaway, is a list of a few things you want to change about your current life. If you're pessimistic and cynical about your current situation. Choose what you want to change about it and then decide how you want to do that. After a little while, you might find that your current life is almost as good as the retreat you just had. You jsut have to make the choices to make the changes you need to have it all happen.