Is it right to stay in amrraige that is unhappy just for the kids?

This is sad. It looks like he has already made the choice to separate by not living with you and your children because he doesn't want to get up early for work??? looks like he didn't take his vows seriously did he (sorry dont mean to be rude). When he married you, he also made a commitment to your other children, so why is he treating them like that? I'm sorry to say but he sounds very selfish to me and wants his cake and eat it too. I don't blame you for feeling this way, and if he isn't willing to sort it out, then what other choice do you have? I think you may be better off without him, i'm sorry to say.

what in the world are you doing in that relationship?You never go where your kids are not welcome and you never ever expose them to people who don't have their best interest at heart.No happy pills because you have enough things going out of control and you need to be strong right now.Get away from him amd raising your kids well alone is far better than raising them with such a small person.

I wouldn't stay in this particular relationship for the sake of the kids. Especially since he isn't good to ALL the kids. That's not a good thing for any of them, not even the one who is his kid. He's being incredibly selfish - he gets to live in a nice house, and play dad, but what do you get out of all of this?

I really feel for you in this situation :( I dont think staying in a relationship for the kids sake has EVER worked for anyone. One happy parent is much better than 2 unhappy, fighting parents. I also think its difficult when the children arent your partners. I am in this situation myself, and I reckon I could write a book on the subject!!!!! Follow your heart, and do what you feel is right, for you and especially for your children. All the best.

I don't think it's a very good idea to "stay together for the kids", especially in the situation that you're in. If you don't even live together, then what's the point in staying married? I mean, all you already took the step to move out, why not take the final one and sign the papers? I think your kids would want you to be happy, and who's to say they won't be happier with this decision? I think if your 2 year old daughter was 15 years older, she would tell you to do what makes you happy. In my situation, life was much better when my parents got a divorce. Maybe yours will be the same. I hope everything turns out great for you and your family. Good luck.

You deserve much better as do your children. I believe a marriage is about love and respect. It doesnt sound like you are getting either. I think you and your children will all be better off if you stop this before it gets any worst. The best of luck to you!

i dont think you should stay in an unhappy marriage just for the kids. sometimes people try to do that because they think its what's best for the kids, but i, personally, think its wrong. an unhappy marriage is an unhealthy marriage and unhealthy situation to be in. kids shouldn't have to grow up in an environment like that.

I believe your best bet is to talk to a lawyer. You probably can get some type of assistance if you check with your county. You need to know what choices you have. If you take the kids and leave is it considered abandonment? And, many more questions that may affect your kids. Will you need to find another home to live in or will he? How will things be split up? Can you make it on your own? Can you get help from your state? Do you have parents or relatives that can give you some mental support? Do you have someone to talk to (like a pastor). You are not being fair to the kids by staying in this relationship. Nor are you being fair to YOU. Even if you have to scrimp and save and not have every necessity, it would be better than living like you are. He sounds as if he is in the same boat as you. Possibly, even using you. I give you credit for sticking it out 10 long, drawn out years!

There are times, when all of our marriages are unhappy. However, it is the hope that the marriage is more happy than not. If my marriage made me feel so unhappy everyday, I would want to see first of all, if there were anyway to fix that, to make it more happy. If, I have tried everything and really worked on it, and it did not improve, I do not know that I would stay. However, it cannot be just you, or me, on our own, it is a two-way street, and so, it would also have to be worked on with the hubbys. I would talk to my husband and see if he cares about our marriage or love, and relationship, and if he wants it to be a success. I would do that first. If he does not care, I mean really, really, does not care, one way or the other, that is a very difficult thing. It means that you are practically invisible. That does not make a marriage, it is not even a good way to live. So, see, how he feels, and if there is anyway to make an unhappy marriage turn into a happy one, try, if it is not even a marriage and never will be, you must think about all that you will lose and gain, and then make your decision. Do not rush into anything. Think with your mind and your heart. A good marriage takes time, and maturity, and integrity.

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time with your marriage. I first have a question... you asked if you should stay together for your 2 year old child well my question is should you leave for your other children that aren't your husbands? Having a split family is hard, I come from a split family and we went through years of pain because my step dad didn't want a "new family" he had 3 kids from his previous marriage and 1 that he and my mom had but my moms 2 from her previos marrage he wanted nothing to do with. He didn't want to have to pay for anything or include us in anything. It was really rocky for several years and by several I mean like 7 or 8 years. But we are now a great family we all love each other and my once "step-dad" is now just simply my dad and I love him dearly and he loves me the same. I know get on with the story how did everything change... well my mom put her foot down and told him that either he was going to try or she was gone. The problem was that he never took the time to get to know us, sure we all lived in the same house but we didn't enteract much unless he was getting in to us. But once he put his selfishness aside and put forth the effort to get to know us he realized that he loved us and that we were great kids and that he had been the trouble this whole time. Now let me tell you it didn't happen over night so don't expect miracles and we did go threw some family counceling and he and mom marriage counciling, so it took some time but here we are the closest family I could ever ask for. I wish you luck and you will be in my prayers.

I am not yet married but I have a lot of friends and relatives with the same problem. I think that it is really hard to get out of a marriage especially if you have kids. The number one reason given by estranged couples for staying together is the kids. However, I learned from a research paper I did in College about Divorce, statistics shows that children whose parents are divorced are better than kids who have parents who are together but painfully live with each other. If I will be in this sad situation, I will have to be courageous enough to end the relationship and move on. This is of course after exhausting all possible remedies for the problem. I will end it at a time when I still have respect for my partner. I will not prolong my agony of waiting for him to be the first one to give up on our relationship. I am pretty sure that the kids will eventually understand the situation for this is not uncommon these days.

sounds like you're already living seperate lives if you don't even live together. the kids already realize this...any damage that a divorce may do probably has already been done. the only time i would suggest staying together for the kids is if the two parents can be adults and still create a happy home, even if they aren't in love with each other anymore. i had a friend in college whose parents were getting a divorce and he said that he was very surprised and apparently they had wanted to get divorced for quite a few years but decided they would stay together until him and his sister graduated high school. bottom line...divorce is never easy, but neither is living in a crappy environment. each situation is different. so, if you already live apart and he is nasty to your kids, then get a divorce and make a happy home for you and your children and share custody of the little one. i hope you start to feel better soon. also, remember that it takes 2 to make your marriage work...have you saught out some couple's counseling?? there's no shame in it...honestly! take care.

Here is my advice, if you are not unhappy then you need to get out of the marriage because it is not going to get any better. That is wrong that you all are married and aint living together. That is a lame excuse if he does not want to stay there because he would have to be up earlier to leave for work. What doesnt family matter to him? Just do not take his daughter out of his life because of your problems. Maybe you all can still work things out so she can see her daddy. Because no matter what he is going to always be a part of her life. And one daddy she is going to ask one of you why you both are not together and you have to tell her.

By all means, everyone is entitled to be happy. I can relate to your situation. I spent the last 6 years of a 13 year marriage hoping things would get better. I was a child of divorce and swore that when I grew up and got married that my kids were not going to go thru that. Well, I was doing all I could possibly do to hold it together- but my ex, was the only one that was happy in this relation! She was doing exactly what she wanted- having various affairs and so on. I knew what was going on- but I wanted to keep it going for the sake of the kids, hoping that things would change. Things just got worst! The kids and I were miserable! We (the kids and I) ended up leaving! I got a divorce from her and let me tell you- that was the best thing that could have ever happened! I still kick myself in the rear for not doing this much earlier! I wasted six years of our lives putting up with that woman- for the sake of the kids! My advice- make you and your kids happy even if it has to lead in the way of a divorce.

I think you have to consider a lot of things. All marriages go through really rough times, but they usually get better as they mature. Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do and I can honestly say I've been up and down with my own so many times I've now lost count after 7 years, but glad I've hung in there. If you seperate it will hurt the kids, if you stay and have problems it will hurt the kids. Either way your kids are along for the ride. That's why I really would recommend toughing it out, but is it really fair of me to give you advice when I don't know the entire story? Probably not. I can only tell you what my experiences have been. My husband and I are very different than we were before having children. We almost had to reintroduce ourselves to one another, and still do from time to time. It's a constant act of transitions, but you'll have that with your kids too. They're maturing and going through all sorts of stages and trials on an ongoing basis. Your husband and you are doing the same thing. Just don't do anything in haste. Also, don't talk trash to your friends about your husband because that will fuel or anger and intolerance for your relationship. It's better to take it to God in prayer and not to spill out too much personal detail to a friend or even another family member. Coming here with this is a mixed bag. You're anonymous, but you're still opening a door for some potentially bad advice. I've done that with people I know. Opened that door and made a bigger mess of my life. I've learned that there is only one friend I can really share with and I always pray about the situation before I do, only giving her enough info to know I'm struggling with something and will she listen. I don't ever say anything bad about my husband, even when I'm burning with anger. In fact, I learned not to call anyone when I feel angry.

Did you love each other before? Is there something you could hold on to such as being happy on the first few years of your marriage? How did he change? Have you also change? Try to do something about your marriage, make him happy and try to please him, talk to him and try to understand where he's coming from If after exhausting all your efforts to make your relationship work and it still doesn't. Maybe that's the time for you to move on (your kids will understand) and someday you'll find someone who's really for you and who will truly love you whoever you are.

You cant live together,even cant divorce.its very critical situation,i can understanding what are you undergoing? Dear i would suggest try to find the cause which affecting your life.Both are you perfact for each other,there are only some missunderstanding between you.Try to clear them all,have patiance and start loving him again,soon you will get him as he was before.Best of luck

If he is bad with your other children then it isn't a good situation. I would have to divorcce my husband if he was bad to my daughter, my kids are my world and I refuse to let them be treated badly. Obviously you saw a problem and are now seperated from your husband. Try talking to him see if maybe things can straighten out.

My parents are still married, but my mom wanted out on the wedding day. Her mother guilted her with the cost of the wedding, so she went through with it. She says the only thing good that's come from her marriage is myself and my brother. They've been married nearly 40 years, and my mom has never been happy. She's put up with too much. She stayed together because my brother would have panic attacks at the thought of being the a kid of divorce - he used to be a bit too into his social status. My mom used it as an excuse well past us both being out on our own. Then, she felt too old to make changes. To make a long story short, having two parents together that shouldn't have been made our lives pretty miserable. We both have some mental health issues that I would bet stems from our parents fighting, and my dad being himself (not a nice person). I honestly believe we'd have been better off if they divorced. I know my mom would be. She feels too old to go through it anymore, though she's only 60! If it feels like it's going nowhere, then it might be. If you haven't attempted couples therapy, maybe try and see what comes of it. If he's not willing to work at the marriage, though, there's your answer. Good luck. I'm divorced (a very different reason), and it's not the black mark I was raised to think it is.

All the marriages that i have seen have been rocky. What you have to do is look your life and think. Is this really going to affect my child? Your children will get two rooms each, two lots of toys, two lots of Happy parents because you are clearly not happy in this situationa dn maybe a clean break will make the both of you happy. You will both know your boundaries and have a new lease of life nad maybe all the anger and hurt can be put into making it easier for the kids