Wedding plans...
By itsjustmeb
@itsjustmeb (1212)
Canada
March 5, 2007 12:23pm CST
Okay.
In the hopefully not so distant future, my fiance and I will be planning a wedding. Now our original plans were to fly off to Vegas and get married, but seeing as my younger sister stole my idea...I can't use it. If I do, i'll be the one called a copycat, and to be honest that title is old (especially when people steal your ideas all of the time!)
So anyways..we're planning to go off someplace and have the wedding, then come back to where we're living now and have the reception.
My fiance wants me to pick who I want at the reception, and lately I have been thinking about *not* inviting my family to the reception. Why do you think I would do this? Not out of spite. But because I know full well my family wouldn't make the attempt to show up. They have never been at anything important in my life, so why should I continue to let myself down by bothering to send out an invite.
My fiance of course thinks this is up to me. He also thinks of course there will be some type of backlash from my family. He is of course trying to play Devils Advocate here. But I know what will happen. My mother will give some type of excuse as will everyone else as to why they can't show up. My siblings will make excuses like they always have, about "well we have to work" "well we have no money". And my father has a vehicle and still won't come up here. If I had to have my family there, It would have to be in Vancouver, what is what we don't want.
So I am just writing this to get my feelings out there ... I mean i know people are going to say "well your dad should walk you down the isile" um kind of hard if he won't even show up.
And the argument "well the brides parents have to pay for the wedding" hahaha yeah right. That will not happen.
So yeah. sorry if this sounds depressing, but thats how my family is.
7 people like this
22 responses
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
5 Mar 07
It is EXCELLENT that you are being realistic about your family. Most people keep walking into the same situation and complain instead of accepting things and behaving accordingly.
I bet your wedding day and reception will be alot better without your being concerned or hurt with having invited your family and their not showing up. You can invite your truest friends to share in your joy!
HAVE FUN!
4 people like this
@Justme2007 (1848)
• United States
5 Mar 07
This is supposed to be your day send them an invite and then forget about it if they show up they do if not so what. You have to live for you not them its their loss that they will be missing out on a great day.
I have family like that but I can't allow them to upset me and you should not allow them to upset you. Make yourself happy and once you stop letting them get under your skin you will be a happier person. Good luck and god bless you.
@melody1011 (1663)
• India
6 Mar 07
I agree with justme2007, send them an invite and ask for an RSVP. if they reply they are not coming, go ahead and cross them off your list. Once you do that forget that they were even invited. So you can go have a blast on your very special day. Invite those who you feel are close to you and can share in your joy and happiness. Good lck to you.
@chloe9013 (532)
•
5 Mar 07
Im am truly sorry to here that your family wont even make the effort to see you on your wedding day, of all days. Its a good job your lucky enough to have a fantastic fella.
My opinion would be to send out the invites anyway but dont expect anything, that way if they do it will be a nice suprise and if they don't you know there will be no backlash from them for not inviting them. Your fella is right. At least no they wont spoil your great time with complaints over why they are not invited.
I really hope you have the best day ever!
@lizzieluvsu (76)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I agree with justme2007! It's your (and your fiance) special day and it should be however the 2 of you want it. but I also think it would be a safe, I guess is the right word, thing to send invitations to your family leaving it up to them as to if they want to come. You wanted to include them on your day and if they deny or accept them is up to them. Once you send the invites, they can't come back at accuse you of never inviting you in the first place.
Me for example, I'm not having my parents pay for a darn thing at my wedding. I want it to be how I want it and on my terms. That means lavish and my parents can't afford that. Also considering the way my relationship is with my father, I'm even debating on if I want him to walk me down the asile let alone be there. I've been told that's mean and my sad should be there, but the people who are telling me this don't know how he is. Sure, back in the day he may have been a cool person, but I don't see that. All I see is someone trying to dictate how my life should be and I don't want any part of that.
Bottom line. do want you want. only you know how your family is and whether you want that to be around you on your wedding day.
2 people like this
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
That is the thing though. I don't want to bother sending out invites because I know they won't bother to show up. Why bother sending out invites and wasting the energy when I know they will ignore it or they won't bother, or they will make up some type of excuse, or they will demand I have it closer to them.
I have had to chase their affections my entire life and im not doing it anymore.
I am not wanting them there. I don't want to invite them. Let them be sour when I don't send an invite, I don't care.
Everytime I send an invite, they ignore it or make excuses. So no thanks.
1 person likes this
@melindagr9 (143)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Its no big deal to not invite your family, there's no point oif you honestly dont think they'll sho up. Ultimately, this is your big time so you should have it exactly like you want it and have as much fun as you can.
2 people like this
@mbizmom (237)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Wow, your family sounds kind of rude. I could see missing a school play but your wedding reception is something big. I would have the reception wherever you want, send them invites to be polite and then forget about it. By inviting them you show that you're a better person than they are and by having it where you want instead of Vancouver you're showing them that you have your own life and they can be in it or not, the balls in their court. Enjoy your wedding and start a life with your husband that encompasses the values you want instead of the ones you were raised with. Congrats by the way!
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
Invite them because that is the right thing to do. If they say no as you expect they will they will be the ones who long wrong not you. You can hold you head high. If you don't invite them you many never live it down. Don't take that chance, life is too short.
1 person likes this
@Trace86 (5030)
• United States
5 Mar 07
My sister and her now husband took a wedding cruise. The captain of the ship married them and then the cruise was their honeymoon. They had an awesome time. It would be a nice way to get some quality couple time, a unique wedding and a vacation from the kids! Do you have someone to watch the kids for a week or so?
Nobody can make you invite someone you don't want to your party. You could have a nice get together at a restaurant or bar by your house and just invite who you want. It is your day, your wedding and your party! You are the boss.
@nzinky (822)
• United States
6 Mar 07
That day is suppost to be your day and you have the right to invite who you want.....You could always send them and invitation with an RSVP attached to it....That way you would know if they were coming or not....Don't let anyone spoil your day after all it is your wedding not theirs....It then will be on their shoulders and not yours..
I hope that you have a nice Wedding and it isn't spoiled by your family or anyone else....Hey there is no written law that says you have to invite them.....If they are that bad why worry about them.
@marief2rnurse (2704)
• United States
6 Mar 07
I'm sorry to hear about your family.
I hope you can find it in your heart to not get back at them. I still think it's better to be the good guy. If I were you, I will still invite them because they are family. If they do not attend, that will no longer be my problem anymore.
As far as copying ideas, you can still make your wedding unique so you can still go for the Vegas wedding.
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
Naw, its okay I found another deal from a previous my lot comment.
And I am not going to do this to get back at them, I just do not want myself let down again. I know for a FACT they wouldn't make an effort to come up here for the reception so there is no point.
I won't invite them because they won't come. They have been invited to so many things in my life and they never bothered to show. So whats the point.
@marief2rnurse (2704)
• United States
6 Mar 07
If no one makes an effort to be family, it will only get worst then. It's your life, your decisions. Goodluck and congratulations on your engagement! Enjoy your wedding!
@earthsong (589)
• United States
6 Mar 07
I'm with the first poster. Just invite them and then forget about it. If they show up it'll be an unexpected surprise for you. If they don't... well, you'll be disappointed to some degree, but you didn't expect them to anyway.
I'm sorry your family is so crummy to you, but you really aren't the only one. My hubby's family is pretty crummy to him too. I won't go into it, but you really aren't alone.
1 person likes this
@havfaith (174)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I know how you feel!! I had gotten married in August 2005. I wanted and had a church wedding cause I wanted my family and friends to be part a my special day. My mother couldn't be there cause she past awhile in 92. I am my dads only daughter and it hurt me very much cause he refused to walk me down the isile. He didn't even come to the wedding. I had one of my brothers walk me down. Both of my brothers were there for my special day!
I get along with my dad and he loves my husband. All he ever said he wasn't coming to the wedding.
If I really would have known my dad wasn't going to show up I would have went to Niagra Falls, Canada and got married.
@AnnaB87 (761)
• United States
6 Mar 07
Sometimes it is better to just have your wedding without a reception, then in a few years after you have been married a while you can always renew your vows and let your children play major parts in your marriage renewal.
Or something,
I think that it would be better to just not mention any reception then to just get your feeling hurt over and over, maybe instead use the money for some luxury for just you and your new husband and consider it and extra honeymoon treat.
Hope you have a great marriage, and try to not let your family or anyone else spoil your marriage, you can have a great marriage just remember it will take work. Okay.
1 person likes this
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
?That sounds like a good idea. I would rather my kids be involved than my family.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
I'm actually getting married next year at the top of Grouse Mountain. If you want something thats different yet won't cost an absolute fortune I suggest you have a look at the Website below.
http://vivalasweddings.com
The lady who runs this, Christine, is a wonderful lady and very friendly and professional. She'll answer any questions you may have and can arrange viewings for potential sites where possible.
I must tell you that she doesn't run the activity packages any more because her lawyer was making noises about liability insurance and so she decided not to keep up with them, but some of the other packages are fabulous, and not all of them are in Vancouver.
As for your family, well I say do what feels right to you. It's your and your fiance's day and you should have only who you want there.
I wish you all the very best.
1 person likes this
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
Grouse Mountain - thats in Vancouver right (well outside of it)
That sounds tempting, I will tell my fiance about that for sure ..
@gary87 (129)
• India
6 Mar 07
let your family be as it is, it maysound depressing to most of us, but as known by all of us, all the fingers of the hand are not the same and thats the case with you.. so dont get dpressed at all something will surely show up in the future......
@babyreyn (934)
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
I am sorry about it, but I highly suggest, talk to your family, invite them in your very special day in your life. it is not the money or the big occassion that counts, it is the present of the people whom became a big part in your life and that is your family. It is consoling you are walking in the aisle and your family is with you. Try to contact them and invite them.
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
5 Mar 07
deb, you can elope just about anywhere nowadays, it doesn't have ot be Vegas. My hubby and I eloped to Door County, WI and it was absolutely perfect. I can understand about your family, no one acknowledged when my hubby and I got married either, probably because it was my second marriage. But when my sis got married it was like no holds barred, nothing was too good for her. If I were you I'd invite them just to be able to say you put forth the effort, and if they don't show up it's their loss, not yours. Just be true to yourself and do what makes you happy, it seems pretty clear all your family seems concerned with is theirselves anyway. Good luck to you!
@sanjeev8302 (126)
• India
7 Mar 07
It really is the way today's life is friend. Why feel depressed or let down. Your fiance is with you & that's all you need - your love & your family. Why worry about those who just don't care about important things in your life.
@romel_ece (1290)
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
Your wedding day will be the culmination of your being single & the start of having your family of your own.Make this day the most memorable day of your life.Invite your whole family & even your close relatives.This will be the moment that your dad & mom will turn over you to your husband.The most important part is that this the moment that they will give their blessings & prayers that together with your husband will make a happy family of your own.
@Erinlpx (179)
• United States
6 Mar 07
Quite honestly - it's completely and totally up to you what you want to do here. If I was in your predicament though, I would go ahead and send the invitations - without expectations. If they show up, then that's fine and well, and you've avoided any backlash that may arise, without having to get into a "Well you never show up to anything" argument with them.
On the other hand, you already know how unlikely they are to show up, so you really won't be disappointed if they don't, right? You sound like you're emotionally prepared for them not to be there, so them not showing up isn't the nasty surprise it would be if you weren't already attuned to their behavior.
I'm more sorry than I can say about this situation. It's very sad that your family are so unsupportive of you. All the best to you and your fiance, may you have a long and happy life together creating YOUR OWN family, full of the love and support that everybody needs :)
