help me with my dilemma
By sweetstacy
@sweetstacy (159)
Philippines
March 7, 2007 1:57am CST
i terribly need help.since i could not decide for myself.here is my problem..
i have a boyfriend of 6 yrs years.from the very start my parents didn't like him at all,but since i was deeply in love with him,i held on to the relationship.i was even forced to quit school and got exiled to another place just to keep us apart.but because of that,i loved him even more.by the way,we're neighbors.when i got back home,we still were together,i just went away for 3 months.now here's the problem,just today,he texted me that if i don't follow the things he tells me,we might as well break up..i was like "what?!" how come it's so easy for him to break up the relationship?i have sacrificed a lot of things.that even if i don't have anything left for me,as long as it makes him happy,i give it to him.when i love,i love really deep.just a few days ago,he sold his mobile phone,because he needed the money,so i let him borrow my extra one.but just yesterday my mom went looking for the phone,so i got it back but replaced it with a phone that i rented from my classmate.then he got angry,saying we don't really need a phone..couldn't he just be thankful that i am the one offering him things that would somehow lighten things up?!because til now,he can't come to the house,because my mom would kill him.they're really not in good terms,and probably they never will.i didn't reply to his text message at all.sooooo..what do i do?i need advice!do i just break up with him then?oh and by the way,he tends to be verbally abusive,calling me names and stuff,but afterwards,he says he's really sorry and is very sweet again.please do help me!
7 people like this
56 responses
@brandi_girl_16 (624)
• United States
7 Mar 07
First of all it sounds to me that you may be lacking a little bit of attention because people, especially girls, don't come on here and say that their boyfriend is the best and they love him so much, then turn and say that he's verbally abusive, then turn around again and say that it's okay because after he calls you names he's sweet again! Why are you asking total strangers what to do about this? I think you know what you should do...break up with him because no girl deserves to be verbally abused and I'm sure you know this already. I'm not trying to sound mean in my response but I'm just calling it how I see/read it! Get rid of him already!!
6 people like this
@HerbLady (10)
• United States
7 Mar 07
I agree with Brandi and Charlene. You need to get this guy out of your life. Anyone that tries to separate you from family cannot be good for you. I was in a mentally abusive relationship and my self-esteem suffered, but I rose above this and am much stronger and more particular when it comes to choosing guys to have in my life. If you are questioning yourself about whether you should break up with him, you already know that you should. It's scary making that step, but don't you think you deserve better? Since your parents are not emotionally involved with this guy, they can see things in him that you do not. Trust that they are looking out for your best interest and rid yourself of this domineering manipulative individual. Good luck!
@smartnrich (1067)
• Malaysia
8 Mar 07
I totally with brandi_girl.I think better you leave this type of boyfriend.If he is really love you he should send you to your home and ask an appologize from your parents.In this world we have no more parents compare with boyfriend which they can come to to you and leave.If he is a good man he should make sure your relation ship with you parent is closer than before.So leave him, and start to enjoy new life because your parent and family always love you and want the best thing for you and your life.
@jengrin (944)
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
I think you're more in-love. Doing everything for him which suppose to be...its him doing that. I think he's just confident enough that you can't live without him. Why make a heart-to-heart talk in person to see things if you're still mean together. Tell him how you feel. hey it's just my idea. Hope this would help.
@MGjhaud (23240)
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
if i were you, move on to another thing. im not saying another man. but it depends on you. im sorry to your boyfriend [and to you as well]-- your boyfriend's mind is not that broad enough to understand things between you both. for six years, if he's really like that -- wow. anyway, you're i guess. you still can find another one to love and not hated by your mom. and would understand things you do for the sake of your communication or whatsoever.
3 people like this
@egay679 (152)
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
i dont see any good reason why you should not leave your bf. first and foremost, i dont think it is excusable for him to call you names even though he says sorry afterwards. women should be respected at all costs especially by men. second, i think that he doesnt care for you anymore coz he seems to be upset all the time with you. its not your fault that your parents dont like him. he should be thankful to have you as a gf coz youve cared for him a lot but he never acknowledges that. be strong, i know that breaking up with him is the hardest thing that you would have to do but you still would have to do it or you will just end up hurting...
3 people like this
@subathra (3519)
• India
7 Mar 07
i think your boy friend is very unfair saying that he will break up if you dont do what he says...is this real love..if its so..he would not have uttered this comment to you.he is so selfish and for a healthy relationship both the boy & girl needs to be flexible which your boy friend lacks.he doesnt seems to understand your help that you did for him in the mobile incident.he is not the right guy for you.even if this ends up in marriage the problem will keep on continuing.see... when our parents stress something there is always a meaning in it afterall they are the one who cares for us more than anyone in this world.dont dishearten them.its high time you break up this relationship and concentrate in your studies.
4 people like this
@jotofulani (1)
• United States
7 Mar 07
break the whole thing off!!!dude should be grateful to even have a chick like you....ready to give up a lot for the relationships sake!!F***k the dude and though it may be hard...end it!!
@rsa101 (38126)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
You are pretty young to be in a serious relationship like that. I am sorry but I seem to agree with the first few people advising you to leave that abusive relationship. Whether verbal or physical it should be the first signs that your relationship is not worthkeeping.
I would give you the benefit of the doubt, talk to him and say what you feel about it and make him compromise to change his ways regarding the verbal abuse. If by any chance he does change maybe I could give you another chance with him if not then as they say "RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!" before eveything becomes too late. I see that you are not yet tied with each other there is still time to change your mind.
@lovesfreedom (1245)
• United States
7 Mar 07
He is abusive and controlling. I say cut your losses and run in the other direction as fast as possible. Believe me, it will only get worse if you were to marry him. He already seems to think of you as property and not an equal partner.
Being abusive toward you and then apologizing and being sweet is such an old story. It is just another form of control. Quit falling for it!
3 people like this
@ciaosamson (541)
• Philippines
7 Mar 07
Based on the last part of your discussion I'd say you're not in a very healthy relationship. The fact that you're being abused should be reason enough for you to leave him.
Why don't your parents like him? What is it that he wants you to do?
Fine, you love the guy. But never forget that you have a brain up there and it should still be used even in matters of the heart. Stacy, don't let anyone force you to do things that you don't want to.
3 people like this
@joby_09 (498)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
What kind of guy is this? i mean, you've been together for six years and yet, he still hasn't won the hearts of your family? there must be something wrong with this guy. And i agree with most of the replies here that girls shouldn't be abused in anyway. If he's really sorry for what the things he said, why does he keep on doing it? I think there's no sincerity on that. Think about it. You maybe missing a lot best things in your life by staying with him.
@domesticengineer (576)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
Hey girl, it's time to wake up. I'm telling you this, he doesn't deserve you or your love. With what you have stated, it is obvious that he's not really that committed to you or to the relationship. If he really loves you he will definitely find ways to be in good terms with your mother. Your mother will always be your mother. And though it is already irritating to hear, mother really knows best. Just remember, giving up on him will open wonderful opportunities for you to meet some other deserving guys.
@cielo_22 (38)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
its really painful to get rid your boyfriend out of your life but its the best thing that you should do.if he trully love you he will understand you before you speak up.and for all the things that you`ve done to him hes really dense not to understand or even feel your love toward him.im sorry but hes so self centered,you still have mistake because you let him abuse your love.
i suggest that you have to heed your parents,once you did it they will help you ease out of your problem.you came in earth all alone you can live with yourself too.
what i mean is you can go on with your life without him even though its painful but its only at the first few months.time will heal wounds and somehow somewhere out there theres a person who is mean for you.
@mschiqui (1284)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
6 years?!!!wow, that is very long already and considering that your parents does not approved your relationship w/ him.. 6 years, means 6 years of good, bad, happy and sad things together.. I guess you knew him already that much and i guess you had bonded already that much and breaking up with him for me will be a very tough decision to make.. You should talk things out..Ask him and yourself also, if you both still willing to go on with your relationship.. Will the both of you still willing to spend another 6 years together? Is 6 years together enough for the both of you..I hope you're relationship will be ok and hope your mother will be ok also with teh both of you together..God bless you!
@bettyrose20 (997)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
I have here reasons why you have to let go of him even though you love him very much and that you're relationship now is on 6th year:
1) he is becoming cold
2) ungrateful (he didnt nothice that you lend him the cp)
3) verbally abusive (it is far more destructive than physical abuse)
4) dominant
Love yourself first before giving love to someone.
@funnysis (2619)
• United States
8 Mar 07
Love is a powerful tool and it is astrong tool if you really love him follow your heart do what it tells you your heart is lead by a higher power so it will steer you right as long as you beleive there are always sacrafises to make and you just sometimes have to say we need to talk about this or write him a letter sounds like your mother is being very hard on him by not giving him time to prove his love I would also find out why your mother will not support you I have 4 girls and I don't like some of there boyfriends but I put my differences aside to be there for each of my girls I want them to be happy and learn and as the mother I am also the teacher.Good luck and I hope you make a decision for you not everyone else.
@nexus_livez (61)
• India
8 Mar 07
He seem to be Egoistic,narrow minded,possesive,dominating..
& then he abuses you..
My dear, my suggestion would be..
Well I think he is not the one for you.
But then again its your life..make a right decision..choose someone who respects you,love you for what you are..
Abusive..dominative..well??
You really need to think,is he really your worth..
Im not offencive..but just think over it..
God bless you..
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
8 Mar 07
The thing is some men like a challenge you parents acting out is probably a good laugh to him and he does not really care about you what exactly do you like bout him the abuse or the fact that your parents does not like him and it gives you a chance to be rebellious be real to you guys like these are a load of crap and you look and sound like a nice girl so why try to get your life ruin for an a hole think about it do you want to spend the rest of your life with him next thing you suffer from depression physical abuse trust me if the though turns you on it wont once it get real real cause trust me no matter how sweet he gets some of the time or when he needs some thing from you he will not stop being abusive it will only get worst when some one truly love you trust me you will know I mean really know cause you will sit thinking about how lucky you are and how you wish every woman in the world had a man like your
@tatzkie (644)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
we have a more or less same situation with my gf. But im not like your bf. Im deeply inlove with my gf and i dont want to hurt her in whatever way. I never wanted to leave her and break up with her because i love her so much and that i dont want to see her in tears.
Now in your situation... i think you dont deserve the guy. yes you love him.. but u must love yourself more because thatz the foundation of love towards others. Yes love means sacrifice. u did ur part. I think he should do his and dont put you in this dilemma.
in a nutshell.. cool off with him... then make him realize his mistake of hurting you that way. and also rethink and rejuvenate yourself... love yourself.
@ruzzen77 (57)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
you know, i used to be in that kind of situation where my parents don't vote for my boyfriend. my parents even threatened me that they won't send me to school if i will continue seeing my boyfriend. but because, i really love him, i continued seeing him and disobeyed my parents. later, my boyfriend called me and said he got a girl pregnant and we never seen each other then. it's really painful when you thought you gave everything just for the sake of your relationship but it looked like you haven't fought for it. you know, your mom is right. you can have someone better than him. i don't think he really deserves a person like you. you're a kind person and understands being in a relationship. you did your part in a relationship already. you've done your part and did it perfectly well.
@raydene (9871)
• United States
8 Mar 07
You need to turn and run as fast and as far away from this guy!Leave now before you are married or have kids with this guy.He is sending up alot of red flags with his behaviors.If you stay with him eventually he may hurt you and not just your feelings.From your photo you are very pretty and alot of nice guys out there would be very happy to treat you like a princess.This man does not RESPECT you and I doubt if he knows the meaning of it.As far as love this kind of person doesn't love they only possess!
Please get out of this relationship,get some help with you self-esteem so that your next boyfriend will treat you with respect and you can have a partner in live not be his servant!
Please don't be offended.I just feel that too many young girls today are being abused by their boyfriends.If each would look in the mirror and see their worth they would not allow anyone to treat them badly.
Raydene
