Lying boyfriend!!!
By hottie0728
@hottie0728 (1732)
United States
March 11, 2007 3:47am CST
I considermy fellow Mylot members as a confidant! You guys seem to listen to everybody and somehow we can relate to each others situation.
Anyway, I received a package from my bf from Guam but he works in the ship. It includes a japanese doll(from Japan), card, and a Hard Rock shirt(From Saipan). He said that he bought the shirt from his coworker who will be leaving the ship soon. He said that the shirt was meant to be sent to the Philippines but since he liked it he force him to sell it and he did. The shirt is really cute! I asked if they went to Saipan and he said they didn't.
While browsing online...I checked his bank account. He gave me his account information and everything so he knew I could access it anytime. I don't check it often because I know it's not right. Today, I saw that he purchase a ticket back in March 5 at Continental Airline and the destination was Saipan. There was a debit card purchase too at the Hard Rock Cafe at the same day. I can't really tell him that I knew he went to Saipan and Hard Rock Cafe because he will wonder how I knew it.
I was at my friends birthday today wearing the shirt and told them that he sent it to me. They were teasing me that in Saipan there are plenty of girls he might hook up with so I'm a little nervous. I asked my bf again when we were exchanging emails and again he said that he didn't go there.
My question is...why would he lie? Do you think there's something fishy going on? I do trust him now but before we have some issues of him lying. Do you think I should comfront him that I knew he went there because I checked his bank account? I don't feel mad at all but I'm just curious on the purpose of lying.
Please advice me guys!!! Thanks and happy Mylotting!!!
8 people like this
33 responses
@MissBrittBC (209)
• Canada
11 Mar 07
i dont know your boyfriend off hand, and there could be many reasons that he chose to lie to you. however;
A LIE IS STILL A LIE
i think if you really want to know what is going on, you should confront him, and be honest how you found out because he is the one who did something wrong by lying, not you. You only used information he gave you, and all i have to say is if he is lying to you, is he even worth your time???
You should have enough self worth to tell him where to send his lying ways, because he has lied to you about this on more than one occasion!!!!!
4 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
I agree...a lie is still a lie!!!
I just don't know how to tell him. I feel like he might think that I do check his bank account often which I do not. He haven't been lying previously but yes...I don't know why I'm staying with someone who has issues of lying. Maybe it's love, lol.
Thanks!
3 people like this
@franxexces (1096)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
tell your boyfriend what you know.. So he can explain or something. You have to tell him since so that you won't be left hanging. Coz if you'll not find out you'll always be thinking about it and it will disturb your performance at work or wherever. It's nice when you find out so that your questions/doubts will be answered.
3 people like this
@MissBrittBC (209)
• Canada
12 Mar 07
thats a really good suggestion fairytoes, even if the lying boyfriend claims nothing has happened, and he comes up with some great excuse as to why he lied, remember that he lied already and could be lying again, so make sure you dont do anything that could effect your own health, and make sure he gets tested to prove himself aswell.
2 people like this
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
11 Mar 07
i hate to say it, but this DOES sound fishy. The thing is, he isn't even smart about his lies. He knows you can check up on him at any time, yet he says he has never been someplace his account confirms he HAs been. i don't know him, so i can't think of a reason he would lie unless there was something going on. He i probably messing around with someone else...and maybe not necessailry anither woman, if you catch my drift.
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
12 Mar 07
yea good you should be tired as one lie always lead to another don't wait until the web gets too big and don't play games be honest with about what you know and your feeling toward him is lies tell him that you want the same amount of honesty from him that you have for him and tell him that you trust him and you want him to trust you also as with out trust there is no relation ship
1 person likes this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
I don't want to conclude that he is messing around. I think for me to find out is comfront him right? I'm just tired of the lies...
Thanks!
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
11 Mar 07
I would definitely confront him. It would be one thing if you hacked into his bank account, and he didn't know it, but since he GAVE you the information he should know he can't hide. Tell him that you had an uneasy feeling, and that feeling lead you to check his account. The details of his account confirmed that he had lied. Go back there and print off a copy of the transaction for proof, just incase you need it for osmething later. Who knows?
IF he's lying, then there's something fishy going on.
4 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Well if ever I comfront him now, he might change his bank account password leading me with no access on it. I don't think he'll do it anyway because he knew i'm gonna wonder more right?
Thanks!
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
11 Mar 07
Well, I don't know your boyfriend and I'm sure there could be many reasons for him lying, but a lie is still a lie.
If you're worried or really want to know, I'd confront him. If he loves you, he really should be working to build trust, especially being away from you, not trying to destroy it.
Tell him you checked his bank account. be upfront and honest, and at least he can't accuse you of lying to him, although he may have issues with you checking his bank account. he might accuse you of checking up on him, and if you decide to confront him, you have to be prepared for that possibility.
At the end of the day, the final decision is yours. There are pro's and cons whichever way you decide to go. Just make sure you're prepared for them.
Good Luck.
4 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Thanks!
These advice really helps!
I hope (crossing my fingers) that nothing fishy is going on.
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
11 Mar 07
Why don't you create an opportunity for you to "legitimately" access his account? I don't know what you need to do but since he gave you his account details, you must have need to access it sometimes.
So on one of these legitimate accesses, you happened to see this purchase for the ticket. Then you can ask him casually in a btw manner how it happened. Did he lose a bet to a colleague? Paid on someone's behalf because that guy didn't have a card? Or?
Just put it casually so that he won't take it the wrong way. But if he doesn't laugh it off and instead start getting defensive, then hmm... maybe something's really wrong.
Hope this helps.
3 people like this
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
11 Mar 07
(((Paid on someone's behalf because that guy didn't have a card?)))
THAT WOULDN'T EXPLAIN WHY HE LIED ABOUT GOING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
(((Did he lose a bet to a colleague?)))
THE BET WOULD'VE HAD TO CONSIST OF HIM PURCHASING THE TICKET AND LENDING HIS CREDIT CARD... NOT LIKELY!
I agree that if he is on the defensive, he is guilty as charged!
3 people like this
@sirensanssmile (3764)
• Netherlands
12 Mar 07
No what I saw Lordwarwizard as saying is that for her to think of a reason to openly check his bank account....
Then pretend as though she just, by chance saw his Saipan purchase.... She can then innocently ask him about it in a curious, casual fashion about the trip.
Lik for instance:
"Oh I didn't know you went to Saipan? Did you or did you pay on someone's behalf?"
That way it doesn't look like she is confronting him or accusing him....
Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. I would come up wth some valid reason to check it and then talk to him about it like it's no big deal.
2 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Maybe to purchase the ticket online for a friend maybe a valid reason...how about the purchase of the shirt? Do you think he even lend his card to a coworker? I don't think so!
Thanks!
1 person likes this
@varunaqua20 (1)
• India
11 Mar 07
Hi.look as per my experience, one can lie due to many reasons.so don't really press on it when u discuss about this. Now as you guys are into a relationship, both of you should be honest and straight forward to each other. if he hasn't been true to you, then you should..tell him that you accessed his bank account and know the truth.
Ask him politely to give a specific reason to why he lied to you..and mind you ask quickly before he finds another exuse.
It may also be that he booked a ticket for someone else from his account..so be patient and ask him as soon as possible because delaying will only increase your curiousity and will complicate matters..
all the best..!!
3 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
That's what I'm saying...purchasing a ticket online for someone else can be a valid reason well how about the shirt that he gave me that was purchased on the same day too?
Anyway, thanks for responding!
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
11 Mar 07
you mentioned that back then,he already had an issue about lying to you. hmm. that's kinda fishy especially now that he had lied again about him going to saipan.
i had a boyfriend before whom i suspected to be lying to be. well, we can tell some certain changes in them and we can tell if they are hiding something from us. and i caught him cheating many times and yet,even when i caught him on act,he cleanses his hands. and finally,the last time, i broke up with him already. i realized that too much lies is enough.
as of you,i am not saying that you should break up with him,too. it's still up to you. you have proven your point and so, if you have enough courage, go and tell him about what you know. and you'll see upon his reactions if he's lying or not. and we are sure that he's gonna try to clear his name and not admit to it. worst is he might point the blame on you telling you that you shouldn't have tried to access his bank account and you might be the one feeling bad about what you did. so, before telling him what you discovered, take in so much courage first, you'll gonna need it.
whatever you decide is up to you. so, you should be brave enough to face him.
by the way, you have the right to tell him your feelings... after all, you are his girlfriend. respect should be in between you both. lies kill trust...and kill respect as well.
2 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
12 Mar 07
yep. good luck to you! and keep us updated (if you won't mind) on what will happen after you have done the confrontation.
well, you are right. it's better to talk to him when he called. you'll feel it inside you if he is lying or not. sometimes, women's instincts are right.
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Thanks!
I'm still trying to figure out when should I comfront him. We talked through emails most often and sometimes he calls me. I might ask him when he calls me because hearing his voice would tell if he's lying our not. Throught emails, he can think of all the alibis he can think of or respond whenever he wants to. Besides a phone conversation is impromptu so whatever comes out of his mouth may tell the truth or still a lie...
Goodluck on me...=)
1 person likes this
@missybal (4490)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Well I wouldn't let him know that you know what he doesn't want you to know. I would keep a good eye on him though. You deserve to know if his lie is innocent or not. It could be he was there with girls or it could be he didn't want you to know he went there where there were girls and he didn't want you to worry. However don't be a fool, and blow it off. Get more info. When my husband was away I had handled all the bills and had his email address and password. I'm not ashamed to say I snooped. He's military and he's away a lot, I deserve to know that he was being faithful. It wasn't exactly like I didn't trust him, but I needed to know I wasn't being a fool by trusting blindly.
3 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Well the difference is that you're the wife and happily married. You have the legal rights to snoop around on where he's been whereas I'm just a girlfriend which I think I have less right. Eventhough...as a person I need to know tha truth right? My situation is very difficult and I just don't know where do I stand. I don't want to force a marriage since I know I'm not ready yet. Everytime we talked about it or our future I would always say that I have to finish my school first.
Thanks!
1 person likes this
@loujac3 (1188)
• United States
12 Mar 07
If it really bothers you as much as it sound like, then it is time to get down to serious talk. Don't badger him, since it will be an obvious setup. You have what to you seems like evidence and that is obviously upsetting you.
Tell him what you found, let him speak his peace, then if it is too much for you to deal with, let him loose. To continue the way you are going is bad for your relationship and your mental health.
Good luck!
2 people like this
@fianne (1057)
• United States
12 Mar 07
miss hottie, hello. my question, why not ask him again if he did go to saipan. my advice, if he says no again, tell him you did saw the proof he went there through his card. perhaps he has his own reasons why he does not tell you but of course, you are his girlfriend and he should just tell you the truth and not the lie. why keep it? well maybe he does not want you to be hurt if ever he has some reasons behind that's why he decided to keep it to himself and not telling you either. once again, it's not recommended in a relationship. a problem, if ever there is, should be talked about, not to be kept and keep on telling lies.
2 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I asked him a couple of times and he never admitted it.
1 person likes this
@kyuttytzeh (264)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
Hi Couz, Talk to him and explain everything what you have seen at his bank account.. Ask him and know his purpose why he didnt tell you the truth.. Obviously, he lied to you but remember, behind of all reasons, there may be a purpose and you should know it either a good or bad reason. Talk and say everything you feel about the situation.. Small lies can turn into a bug lies in the futute. So, right at this moment, you should talk about it. I know, he has a reason for that, and it's up to you, if it is acceptable or not unless that reason may be a lie also ( hahahaha! no im just kiddin' ) nwaz, dont put yourself into limits... Still, I consider the importance of his thoughtfulness to give you and to send you some stuffs regardless he lied or not.
2 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Thanks couz!
You know what I've been through with him right...I'm just getting tired of it but I'm not sure when is enough. He called me a while ago but the way I talked to him is really cold. Good or bad reason of lying is still a lie... you know! I hate to wonder what's going on. I know I need to comfront him , I'm a little scared on what would his reason be.
Thanks again!
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
Go ahead and confront him. Then decide if his answer is believable or just plain bulls__t. He gave you his account information anyway so why should he complain about you checking the transactions.
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Lending a debit card to a friend? I don't think that would work since it's a debit card which requires pin but he it can be use as a credit card but requires to see a picture ID right?
They're on their way to Washington state and he might visit me here in San Diego for a couple of days only. I think it's a good idea to watch his account till he arrives here huh...maybe there's more to find out but I hope not! I would prefer comfronting him personally or on the phone rather than on email which is our main communication.
Thanks again!
1 person likes this
@mssawyer (72)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
okay, for me? a lying boyfriend should have all your warning bells ringing. my boyfriend lied to me about smoking before, but never on things that would make me doubt his fidelity on me. i agree that you should confront your boyfriend, but before doing this you should have a solid plan behind you. do you have enough evidence? what will you do if he turn the tables against you, says you don't trust him and what-are-you-doing-prying-on-his-stuff. what if you find out he does have another girl? are you ready to let him go? you don't just jump out of the plane without a parachute, now, do you? =) good luck and i hope your boyfriend lied to you in good faith =)
3 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I think I have enough evidence because I already checked his Continental account to and I'm positive that it's a roundtrip ticket from Guam to Saipan. Also the purchase of the shirt which I don't think would show up on his account if he pid cash to his coworker right? He's not a retail store to accept card anyway. I think that a pretty good evidence already.
In case he hooked up with a woman...I'm ready to let go of him even if it hurts. He knew from the start that if ever he cheats on me, he will lose me for good.I'm so sick and tired of his lies.
Thanks!
1 person likes this
@PrettyCheng (7)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
When something is wrong, people tend to cover up. I can say that perhaps he did something that you may not appreciate..so he is lying about it,in order not to hurt your feelings, or maybe just to cover his motives. He is hiding something..something that may hurt you. So he lied. Its up to you to find out or let it go.
@Jshean20 (14348)
• Canada
11 Mar 07
Something does sound fishy in this situation and I definately think that you should be confronting him about this. Long distance relationships (or even temporarily long distance) can be tough at the best of times and I really don't think it's a big deal that you checked his bank account records, it should just be a reassurance for yourself as to what he's up to. If he has nothing to hide than it shouldn't be a big deal.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
12 Mar 07
i think you should confront him... i will if i am in your position... i will tell him how i know that he goes to Saipan and i will ask him why he has to lie to me... i don't like people lying to me especially people who are close to me... it just breaks my trust to that person which will be very hard to be build again... so, yes... confront your bf and ask him for an explanation...
2 people like this
@jhoanee (598)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
its not gonna easy when u will learn that your bf lied to you. i know its hard but why dont u try and talk to him. tell him about how u find it in that way he cant refused and will tell the truth. for sure there is a reason behind why he didnt tell that he was really in Saipan. maybe it could be for ur own good or some fishy thing. you wont know the truth unless u will ask him directly. i cant say his reason of not telling you is good or bad for you. long distance relationship is not that easy but if you willing to make the relationship work then u must be honest with him with what you feel. for sure he wont think u bad for opening his account coz in the first place why would he trust you about everything on his account if he wont think that their is a possibility that youll gonna open it. so if i were you talk to him and in case you will find out that he is really lying to you then its up to you on doing the move. what matter is you are honest to what u feel for him.
2 people like this
@saseedharan (102)
• India
11 Mar 07
After reading your message, one wonders why your bf has a to tel a lie. It strongly denotes that something fishy is going on surrounding him. Of course, you are in a much better position than anybody to find out the answer to this. Good luck.
@leksis12 (21)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
Hold your horses dear...
One is innocent till proven guilty...
indeed it sounds fishy. and as a woman, you will be naturally suspicous and would always want to know the truth.
but be careful..Don't go throwing accusations at first.
Be patient and talk to him when you got the time. Ask him again. But not in the suspecting and accusing way. tell him you know about the credit card. and ask him if there's anything that's happening you should know and that he can always talk to you...
Trust, I believe is the most important factor in the relationship.
BUt if he is guilty, make your decision. You can either dump him or punish him.
But if you choose the latter, be sure that after he was punished , you already forgave him.
Hope this helps.
1 person likes this
@Aryanbharani (209)
• India
11 Mar 07
Seems you have got a problem similar to a one my gf had a few months back, she confronted me and it ended up simple, i waned to keep it a surprise for her.Since im a guy i can tell u all the ways a guy can think, to begin with i'll tell u all the possible happenings, one obviously is that he could have access to many more gals at saipan, but that neednt be the case, he might have got the shirt at saipan, but knowing that u might doubt him, and inorder to avoid the doubt he could have said he dint go there, or maybe its a show off, he wants u to believe that he loves u soo much that though he couldn't go to saipan he bought u a shirt from his co worker by pressing him.Please leave this issue alone and go on with ur life, or confront him in a polite manner and clear ur doubt, its always better to ask than remain in doubt. Sincerely Aryan
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
11 Mar 07
There was no element of surprise, as she'd already recieved the gifts.
YOU SAID: he might have got the shirt at saipan, but knowing that u might doubt him, and inorder to avoid the doubt he could have said he dint go there, or maybe its a show off, he wants u to believe that he loves u soo much that though he couldn't go to saipan he bought u a shirt from his co worker by pressing him.
That isn't even logical dude! If he wanted to avoid her doubt, he would've been honest! Also, wouldn't you think that she'd appreciate it more that he'd traveled to get her the shirt than buying it from a friend?
With a comment like this, I'd think that you were the lying boyfriend : )
YOU SAY: Please leave this issue alone and go on with ur life
2 people like this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
11 Mar 07
I agree with MySpot...I can't understand what your point?
Avoiding my doubt so he chose to lie? B*llshit!!! Don't you think I would doubt more since he lied? I would appreciate it more if he bought it directly from Saipan than buying it from a coworker. It means that the shirt is not meant for me in the first place.
Go on with my life? This issue doesn't stop me from living my life ok!!! I just want to be clear on what's going on and what's causing him to lie. Don't try to cover my bf just because you're a guy too.
You should try to work on your reasoning next time...maybe that's why you're having problems with your gf too.
Men! Just stop lying ok!!!
2 people like this
