how do i protect my son without ruining his childhood

Tanya, I understand that your saying you want him to have freedoms, but he really is too young. I have a friend whose daughter used to play with my son. We found she was just a horrible ifluence on our boy. She was only 6 months older, but taught him how to push, and hit. (not that he wouldn't have learned it eventually) She was just mean to him, she hit him in the head once with a bat, and once with a real golf club. They are not allowed to play together anymore, He likes her still, he likes her alot, but he is too young to pick his own friends. He cried and cried last time she left, and wanted to play longer with her, but that's the last time he played with her. At three years old, he is still too young to make good descisions on who is a good friend and who is not. There is nothing wrong with intervening, and removing your child from these situations if you need too. Try to find families with the same values as yours, and allow your child to become friends with their children. Also, you need to put an end to his bad behavior immediately. If you allow him to be disrepectful to you or others, you are setting him and your family up for many hardships in the future. Be consice, and consistent with punishment. Also, watching him closely at the playground is not invading his privacy, he's only three, he has not yet earned the right or the need for such extensive privacy. When he's out in public, playing with friends it is not only your right, but your job to monitor what goes on. SO, don't worry that you will scar him in any way by being more diligent at the playground. You'll do fine. Good luck!

if you think that those children is not a good influence for your son, then you have the right as the mother to prevent your son from playing with them... because if you let your son mix with 'bad' companies, then the bad habits like you mention in your post will stick with your son and will be harder to get rid of as he gets older... so, it is better to take action now rather than be sorry...

Awww sweety...I was right exactly where you are now last summer..it was my biggest test in latting my son grow up a bit lol..and in return the same things happend..he would come home and spit,swear,he also got a bit mean and started to hit..I would tell him that what he has leanred is bad and that the other kids may be doing it..but mommy doesnt like it and he would be grounded if he copied them anymore...or i wouldnt let him play with them for a day or 2..and then he relized he wouldnt have anyone to play with unless he listened to me..it took me about 2 mths total of hard work and molding..that he understood..and he got much better,.but you have to remember..kids to what they see..and we cant protect them from this..but make them understand whats right and wrong..and its not just those kids down the street..they wil be in his clasroom as well..and playgrounds..you just have to keep on them and remind them..it will be ok..i promise you just have to be patient hun..

I don't let my children go out when I am at home..There are lots of toys here and they can watch tv anytime and also we have a computer where they can play games sometimes their playmates come in and play with them here inside the house. Why? Because I don't want them to catch the bad ways of the other children outside our home.

There's not a chance I would ever have let my kids out at that age alone. I didn't let them go out till my daughter was 7 years old. I don't think it'd make too much of a difference though. If kids at 4 and 5 years old are picking up these habits, then what are the chances of them getting better as they get older? I would have thought they'd get worse. I would go and watch him at the playground. Just because other kids mom don't do it doesn't mean you shouldn't. If it reduces the risk of your son picking up bad habits, I'd be all for it.

With my older two I took the angle of "I don't care what so and so did, YOU know what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable." It is hard though because he is only 3, I think talking goes a long way though, if you could sit him down and say, "(name), I see that you are spitting. Could you tell me why you are doing that?" "Do you feel frustrated or upset? Maybe next time we could try (counting to five , etc.)" I know it sounds adult-like, I am not sure where your son is at, different kids, different things work, I just found that by talking to mine like that from little right through, we are able to comunicate now that they are pre-teen's. I think it is always good to remember that a certain amount of the spitting etc. is normal "testing mommy" that is not saying that he should get away with it, just that it is something for him to try because he has seen it, the idea is to give a negative reaction to a negative behavior. Maybe you could say "Mommy doesn't like that wourd, it is a potty word. We can't use potty words." If he keeps saying them, (or spitting or hitting) have him stand in a corner for 1 minute per age of life. Or ahve a "naughty spot", wehre they are away from everyone else, cannot see the tv, or touch or play with anything and again make him sit there for 1 minute per age of life. Soon the negative consequence for the "wrong" kind of behavior will quell alot of the negative behavior. I hope this helps you.

hi dearest friend you let him play with those childrens it let him tackle with everybody when he grows up, if you dont let him go out he will play at home or become coward other thing is that let him play with those kids some less time call him by bribering him some of his fav. things.Then play with him buy some moral stories or fairy tales & explain him the diff. between good & bad things & what will happen if anyone does wrong things.Show him your love for him & your carefulness & sometimes scold him too bye love zainab

First of all sorry to hear this situation. My understanding is that if your son is old enough to play outside, let him be and let him to have his childhood moment. In any case if he's still toddler then you must not allow him to play with others. However you will need to spend more time to monitor his activities and probably it is better for you to place some restrictions too so your son activities can be controlled. You will also need to educate your son more about activities and tell him what he can do and what he cannot do and tell him the reasons too. You need to spend more time supervising your son, don't be harsh on him as well. I hope your son will learn the good things from you and he will grow up to become a good boy. Best of luck!

When I was younger, I remember being scolded for immitating the children that I play with. That is why my mom resulted to having the children play in our backyard instead of me going out. I think it has been beneficial because my mom would visit us while playing 'tea-party' and would play with us. One time she pointed out the importance of not using words that swear people. She illustrated a story that my friends were all listening thinking that it was just another story-telling. My friends were all great friends and knowing that my mom can also be their mom, when we grew up, they would still consider my mom as their second mom and ask advices. Another possibility would be to correct your child and closely monitor him by way of bargaining. If he wants to continue playing with the kids outside, he has to promise to not immitate the nasty habits like spitting and cursing. When asked why, explain thoroughly that it is a bad habit and how it makes people feel when they do that. When our children have a better understanding why they are being corrected then it would be easy for them to follow. Now if your child agrees to stop immitating then he can go out. But if you catch him again you will revoke his privilege of playing outside and a corresponding house chore will have to be done to play outside.

Sounds like some of the children he's associating with are missing some real good trips to the "Wood Shed". Might want to discuss this with their parents. If they seem to don't care or make the remark, "Oh, we don't spank our children", just reply with, " I sure can tell" ! Maybe suggest to them to start planning what prison they are going to visit them at when they get older.

You can't protect your child like that unless you want him to grow up not knowing what to do in any social situations. If he hears a swear word, sit him down and explain to him why swearing isn't an acceptable behavior. If he spits, let him know how it is gross and other people don't appreciate it. As long as you make it a learning experience, so he knows what is right and what is wrong, he will not grow up to be a bully, but rather a better person.

learning new things for a child is a part of growing up, this includes good and bad, its always together you cannot separate both. i know its hard for a parent like you being in this situation. if you already knew that this kids he's playing with is bad influences, keep your child away. try to play with him and by that age i think its helpful to read him a story, a fantasy or fairy tale maybe, i know all kids likes that, that connects to the attitude that he shows and explain to him every lesson that you might get on the story. we have a saying, a child's first school is home and a child first teacher is parents. hope this may help you with your problem.

You absolutely need to put boundries in place with your son now! He needs a strong and consitant message from you about what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. I work with older children and if the basics are not in place at 3, 4, 5 years old negative behaviour patterns will continue to escalate. Praise and reward good behaviour, make time to spend with your child doing fun activities. Encourage socialization with other positive children e.g. mother and toddler swimming sessions or play groups. By being firm now you are not ruining your sons childhood you are giving him the potential to achieve good things for him future. Good luck, be strong!

If you love your son, and give his chance to attach this world ,including bad or good things;Maybe some hobbies is impact him, but he must learn about to identified them; So this is start to him;

Honestly I think it would be in your childs best intres to follow him but at a distance so that you can still keep a watchfull eye on him. If you see other children playing in ways that are not appropriate then you may want to find there parents and let them know what is going on so that they can correct there children as well.

see I dont know where do u belong to.... but in indian, we don't allow a 3 year old boy to move out freakly....ya he may go for swings in the eve or to some nearby park...or a toy tricycle.....but everytime a parent needs to follow him.....and if 3 is the age in ur place to let them out(which is definitley not at all obscure and is perfectly acceptable) ,, then let him play let me even go wild at time....coz if u will try to act very maturedly with him at this age or talking precisely, if u try to 'tame' him for becoming civilzed at this age, you'd rather be snatching away from him, his childhood..... you may keep a vigil on him and if something really offensing happens, you'd always be handy to take care of it..otherwise,let the bud bloom with its total energy./... and teach him good things alongwith the bad things he is laerning--- ifu r a good mother definitely your goodies are going to catch more attention in his brain in comaprison to those bad things he is getting from any where else at all....

There is a huge jump between three and five. Three year olds will do what ever they see other children do. It's not really what they think is right or wrong. If other kids are doing it it is alright. I know you don't want him to feel like he can't express himself when you are following him around but you want him to respect himself and others.

Hi, I have three boys and I completely understand what your going through. My 3 and 4 yr. old have the same problem they hang with my neighbors and my oldest son who are ages 8,10,and 12. They pick up nasty habits I got to the point where every time they went out to play I had to sit them down and explain that just b/c the others kids did these things did not make right for them to do it and every time they came back home from playing we went through the same conversation until they finally realized that it was not nice to use bad langauge and to hit and back talk all the time. It was no quick fix though it took a couple of weeks twice a day of explaining before they really understood. I hope this helps good luck to you.

If you want him to respect people then teach him to do so and don't feel bad for saying "no" to bad habits. You aren't ruining his childhood by teaching him right from wrong. You are helping him to be a productive member of society. So many parents these days are so worried about offending someone that they seem to forget that their job as parents is to teach the child how to be a proper adult. In my neighborhood, the parents let their kids run wild. That's not healthy for the kids because if they don't learn to respect authority now, they won't be able to take instruction from an employer or behave like a decent person in public. You can't isolate your child but you can teach him proper behavior. Now that you've seen what these children do, you need to teach your son that this behavior is inappropriate and that he will suffer the consequences if he copies it. You need to set up a system of rewards and consequences right now while he's young enough not to develop such bad behavior. Put a small board up and write down privileges and consequences and buy some stickers to show when he's earned a privilege and when he's been disciplined. Find ways to reward him (that don't include food). You don't want to set him up to use food as a reward in life. That's a dangerous habit. And, determine a consequence for misbehavior such as time out, etc. Watch the program "Super Nanny" and get some good ideas. That's my advice.

i'm a mother of two little girls and i have the same concern but came to realize that i just have to have more activities inside the house, ask or watch what the children are into and have a family game or something....and close the curtains ...lol...