do you feel second best?

His mother and his grandma are the first women he known and he had been living with since he was born. I think it is pretty difficult for a girlfriend to top that. Then again when he is living with you he should get his pirority stright.

I know exactly how you feel... i feel the same but it is his mum, sister, neice, computer, the tele, cars (the list could go on) I have learnt to deal with it but it does stress me out sometimes and we always end up shouting about it... good thing is he never wins! ha ha ha

I've heard of it often. It sounds like this is something second nature and common to men.. I think they feel the responsibility toward the older family members.. and not so much toward their love interest, I don't know why.. maybe you're thought of more like a buddy (which would be first best, not second) and he can relax more with you, whereas he will offend his relatives if he doesn't hop to it.. But I think it's just laziness.. And a lot of men would rather the wife do it all.. But if both work, there should be chores for both. But how it is resolved, I don't know. I always thought reality like with my kids, if he hasn't any chores, neither do I. No dinner, laundry.. But to figure out a more fair division of work and chores. You have to consider the work hours too, I think. Then again, I may not be making any sense at all.. :))

Until you marry him he is not bound to you. Then he would owe you his loyalty. It will have to be something that he performs however when marrried the man leaves his family and joins to his wife. Ties are not severed just loyalties. Good luck with this.

Thankfully all of my in laws are miles and miles away. A good 14 hour drive if you have the pedal to the metal. I would be insane if I had to live near them. There is only one other sister in law that is an "out law" like me. She's married to my husbands younger brother and she seems to bear the brunt of situations like yours. Have you tried reverse psychology? Do you have a relationship with his grandmother and mother? How do you 3 feel about eachother? Or is your boyfriend a mommies boy? He needs to realize that he is with you. Fine if his mom needs help, but he should be "spreading the love".

If you plan to stay with this guy Id say youd better get use to it, That is a classic example of a mommas boy..I cant disappoint my mom or grandparents..When actually what it is , is that he is looking for "exceptance" from them he feels like he has to earn their love they have programed him to be this way..Ive had a couple of them and if it ever comes down to it and you and his family didnt see eye to eye on something he would also take their side its a no win situation. Personally Id rather be the queen of my castle and have a man that will break his back to make me happy since I am his life partner. Except that things will not change till they pass on or get out while your still young. Hope this helps..Good Luck.

aww hun..I have been there and done that..wrote a few books lol..I have noticed that if you are seeing a man that is very close with his mother especially you will marry his mom..and grandmother in your case too..and theer is no way to ever come in first no matter what you do..im sorry to say..so you a4e either gonna have to leave and find someone new...or hun our just gonna have to suck it up and relize this is the way things are gonna be...I left i couldnt handle living like that,,

Hi ya Missy. So sorry you feel this way. I don't feel this way with my present husband of 30 years. But, I always did with my first husband of 6 years. I suppose that is why we finally got divorced. As far as the nagging, most men behave like children, and need to be asked over and over to do anything by there wives/girlfriends. Not a clue why they run to their mom's first, but they do. Just try to have a nice discussion without fightning or putting him on the defense. Tell him how you feel honestly, and see if you can work out something of a compremise. Good luck dear. .

Maybe because you live together, he thinks that you have him most of the time. So whenever his family needs him, he feels that he has to to make it up to them for all the times that he is not with them. Or maybe it is the case of taking for granted the one who is near you. He probably thinks that you will not leave him no matter what, so he does not exert an effort to make you happy and want to stay in the relationship. Personally with my boyfriend, I do not feel second best to anyone or to anything. He always makes me feel special.

Ahh I understand what you mean missy, it happens sometimes with me too. My hubby seems to help the whole world, including strangers, except me. It is annoying and I feel totally let down. But I guess these men don't realize it. I think we should talk it out with them maybe it will ring a bell! lol

I guess a lot of women feel that way about their partners, the major reason is probably blood will always be thicker than water, so when matched up to their family, we basically know what will happen. It is still normal in a way that he puts his famil in his priority, maybe top of his list, but it would be worst if he puts everybody else before you right? The thing is you can never take that away from him, afterall family is family, I think same goes with you. It is good enough that after his family you are next. But sometimes it could get overboard that you'd feel self pity on how he treats his family as compared to you, well some things can be worked out.

Yes I feel like this with my husband but it is not just with his family , it also and mainly is with his friends . When they call he goes running and I don't know when he is going to back again . It is so annoying and we fight about this all the time also .

I can't say I do feel the same way, but it sounds like you guys might have a little problem... Maybe he feels that because he has left the house he must go the extra mile now for his family, but that still does not excuse the fact that he must be nagged all the time just to do something. Do you nag him constantly to do stuff? If you ask him to do stuff all the time, maybe he is fed up. I know if my gf was nagging me everyday to do something I would just move back out, why put up with all this. One thing you can do is do the things yourself then he will see that you are doing it and tell himself that if you can he can, you knoow what I mean??

no i think the respect and attention is the most important thing in a mutual relationship of a boy and girl and u dont expect so much it s nessesary

That's the way it happens. Some parents just will not let go of their darling sons. It was happening with me when I got married and I put my foot down. I told my husband that I was his family now, and he could choose which he wanted - his parents or me. The good news is, he chose me. That made me feel good...lol.

My man loves his mother, I mean loves his momma. but i have never felt that i don't come first with him. i don't know if i would be ok not be number one. i am very close with my family and i understand that bond, but when you are in a relationship you should always be first

I have felt this way in the past but I realized that nagging him want change his behavior, it will only make him shut down and get worse. Just tell him in a loving way and explain how you feel about the situation and that you don't intend on coming between him and his family and it is causing you pain and worry and that isn't healthy for any relationship or your own health. Some guys are so connected to there mothers and grandmothers that they can't help dropping everything for them but it does'nt mean he cares any less about you or your relationship. Good luck .

Family always comes first but he should also help you. Are you just seeing other or is the marriage on the cards?

For me I will have the same feeling with you,after all,every girl wants their boyfriends pay more attention to theireslves.The family is important to the boys but we just want get the same attention from them.

I have never experienced that kind of issue, but I can understand your feeling. That's a really annoyed problem. I believe he loves you. But meanwhile he loves his mother and gradmother because he lived with them for a time after all. In my opinion, you should talk to him calmly and directly, and if he really thinks for you, he will adjust the situation.