what would you do?
By mnflower
@mnflower (1299)
United States
March 16, 2007 6:38pm CST
Alright my 18 year old stepson lives a couple of hours away and he knows the rules of my house knowing that I don't like people coming and spending the night that I don't know, yet he continues to call the day he is coming up and saying he is bringing someone with him to spend a couple days and hang out up this way...I asked him to call ahead of time and let me know and I just can't seem to tell him no his friend can't stay, but I don't know these guys he brings with him and I have alot in my house I don't need to find up missing, not saying they would but I guess this is where I need to really trust his taste in friends, Not sure what to do about this cause it seems when he brings someone with him they are only here to sleep and eat anyway and that isn't fair to us or his dad..what would you do or say to him? would you just tell him he had to stay somewhere else? or just trust his friend to respect our stuff?
6 people like this
19 responses
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
17 Mar 07
Hmmm, this is tough, because on the one hand, you want to trust his taste in friends and sometimes that can be hard to do, but on the other hand, you don't want to make them feel uncomfortable by laying down the law the second they walk in the door.
I guess the beat thing to do would be to ask your stepson to come over alone one day and sit down and have a proper talk with him about this again.
Remind him that you already asked him once to let you know ahead of time, and if he continues to call on the day that he's coming up, instead of a couple of days before, you will have to insist that he comes alone.
I wish you the best of luck in sorting this situation out.
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
20 Mar 07
thank you me and his dad sit and talk with him while he was here this past weekend and he just stopped over again and low and behold he called us first..so I think maybe I go my point across to him. he is a good kid and sometimes it is hard to trust 18 year old you kid or not, i was once one and i know how i was..lol but all in all i think it will work out.
@DMDstudent (57)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Tell him once very firmly "NO", you need to call ahead, like plan out your weekend.
He may learn from this lack of judgment.
However he is 18, looks emo and may hurt himself, hold a grudge, etc.
Remember back to when you were 18, sit in his shoes and think what you would have wanted someone to do.
@avs189 (1030)
• India
17 Mar 07
since you are elderly to him u can defenitely take charge of the situation and make him realize the importance of the rules prescribed by you ..not in strictly manner but in friendly and cohesive manner and try to take him in confidence which would eventually lead to make him more suitable to the house and given rules prescribed by u...
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
17 Mar 07
the boy is eighteen still a kid who needs his dad he shoudl be able to come and go as if it were his home if you dont like what he does you should speak to his dad and let him do the correcting not you !
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
17 Mar 07
I really feel strongly that this is something that you should discuss with your husband. Let him know exactly how you feel. Maybe you guys can come to a compromise. I understand how you feel about entertaining strangers in your house.
However, if you confront your step-son yourself he may resent you. After you talk to your husband he should be able to approach his son in a way where you wont come out looking like the bad guy. Communication is so important in any relationship.
@coolsrini1981 (13)
• Australia
18 Mar 07
Well..FIrst and foremost there is a need for a strong verbal communication that should go to your kid and i think the Father would be more effective here assuming your msg didn't have any effect so far.
Kids are not supposed to have such a very casual behaviour at home. Ask him to avoid bringing any friends at home especially if its for an overnight kind of stay. Also make him aware for your reasons of saying this..things getting lost, Improper atmosphere at home etc. Keep it clear concise and effective..am sure it will work.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
17 Mar 07
i will definitely have a chat with him and let him know how i fell... well, since it is my house, he has to abide by my rules and if he doesn't like it he can stay away from my house and don't live in my house... that's as simple as that...
@saket_123sharma (1063)
• India
17 Mar 07
just become a rude montheer or let ur step son do wht he wants to do and after sometime he will come to know and i hope he understands
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
17 Mar 07
its your home and you have the right to set the rules as you see fit. If you are not happy about having his friends in the house then you have to tell him no and mean it
blessed be
@jal1948 (1359)
• India
17 Mar 07
You say that he stays a couple of hours away why cant he take his friends there,does he share the apartment,If he needs to visit you he definitely has to abide by the rules of the house,set by you and your husband,his friends can only come if you permit them to come for a visit the question of staying does not arise,you need to talk and explain the situation to him in a firm way or take such steps as you deem fit to see that this does not occur, If you do not have any other children , or do have then maybe this is his way to exercise his rights over your property.
@chuggs (314)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Reiderate the rules to him and tell him that if people must stay the night woth him then they should do it at his place. Or maybe he could stay at their place. It sounds to me like he is being disrespectfull to you, though it may not be purposefully. I'd say that you and he need to have a serious, yet friendly talk.
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
17 Mar 07
You are the keeper of your castle. If he can't abide by your wishes, then I wouldn't let him stay. I would think he definitely needs to ask ahead of time before bringing strangers into your home. That is only fair to you, after all it is your home. If you don't stick to your ways, you might end up regretting it. If he is somehow taking advantage of the situation, you should put a stop to it.
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
17 Mar 07
I think I would be having his dad tell him the rules and let him know that although he is always welcome that he can't be coming over with friends to spend the night unless you both know his friends , explain the reasons why and let him know that you are both just a little uneasy with this . He should understand and if he doesn't then his dad is going to have to tell him that he is welcome to come to the house but he will have to find some place else to sleep at night until you get to know his friends .
Best of luck !!
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
17 Mar 07
You have to meet him half way I think. By this I suggest you make a rule whereby there is nobody allowed to stay mid week and during the weekend, insist on some notice, whether you know the friends or not. If your stepson is a nice guy and has a good relationship with his Dad, perhaps you could trust him a little but it is your house and you can't allow him to treat it as a hotel etc. Kids this age will push and push so you have to set down rules, be firm but fair and flexible but strong.
@Gabrielle1609 (278)
• Singapore
17 Mar 07
just give them the trust... if you do find something missing, tell him none of his friends can come to stay anymore...
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I guess the best thing to do would to let them know the rules the second they walk thru the door. And interrogate the heck out of the new kid. lol. My husband and I love doing that...as a matter of fact, that may your secret way of stopping your step-son from doing it all together. My teenage sister stayed with us for a summer and every single friend that she brought to the house got interrogated and questioned. She eventually slowed down on inviting them over and began to finally respect our wishes on notice.
@dumbu_veerabadra (48)
• India
17 Mar 07
According to me, just tell him to home only if he is coming alone. Or else, tell him not to come home. Say this to him seriously. Seriously means i mean, in a serious tone. See what will be his response.
