How Many Chances Would You Give Your Boy/Girlfriend before you say its OVER?
By jay_em93
@jay_em93 (99)
Philippines
March 17, 2007 1:09am CST
My girlfriend has been cheating on me and i caught her once flirting with someone else, she said sorry and i gave her a chance to work our relationship out. Then my friend told me that she's spreading words that our relationship is now over and when i tried to confront her for me to know if it's the truth, she DENIED it. Then again my brother told me that he saw my girlfriend flirting with someone else in the pub. I've been thinking and wondering what i did wrong and i keep telling myself that this has to stop. Do i give her another chance again or should i just give up on her? I really love her so much but then i also need to straighten things out. HELP ME!!!
6 people like this
57 responses
@Garry_NEC (155)
• Canada
17 Mar 07
GET RID OF HER! GET RID OF HER! GET RID OF HER! and get rid of her fast and in the worst way possible....time to let the the innate jerk out that all us men carry deep in our imbedded genes...GET RID OF HER GET RID OF HER GET RID OF HER...and get rid of her before she causes you more harm. NO GIRL DESERVES TO BE WITH A GUY...AND FLIRT, AND FOOL AROUND WITH OTHERS...MEN dont ever let a b*&ch treat you like this...its not worth...once a cheater always a cheater...dump her like a bad habit...shes nothing...and not even a real women anyway.
1 person likes this
@smints8985 (1594)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Well if she is going arounf flirting with some other people then maybe she's not into you anymore, and her going around saying that you are no longer together, what could that possibly mean??
If the given statements are true then it only means she does not love you anymore, though you might still do, you are actually the only onw who can judge if she still loves you or not. But those actions suggest that no she isn't anymore.
I think you's be smart enough to read betwen the lines.
1 person likes this
@money_maker01 (1097)
• Malaysia
17 Mar 07
Well, I do give my boy friend chances before I take some decesions. I used to give some chances to him to think what a mistake that he ahd done for. I do not like to judge people because all of us used to make mistakes all the time. But, if he just let away the chances I will give him tons of bullet to be fired and made him headache! Ha ha ha
Well, in your case, I think it is better for you to talk heart to heart with her. Let her to confess what had she done. I think you guys need to be cleared with that stuff because in order for you to have such success relationship you must be be frank to each other.
1 person likes this
@ungraspable (13)
• United States
17 Mar 07
The second my boyfriend cheats on me, he's out. One time is enough to tell you she will do it again. You really need to move on, sorry.
1 person likes this
@kyran_12 (643)
• India
17 Mar 07
there is just last chance always as my last girlfriend said but then i dont mind to give her plenty more chances cause she is the only girl i love ever in my life , it has been 5 years we are apart and i have got more than 11 proposes but refused just for her, as i belive one day she will come back to me, at present i dont know where she is but then i love her the most ever, i know she love me too, but then it dosent matter for us a bout how many chances it matters for result and i still belive she will be back once if she ever loved me.......... cheers
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
17 Mar 07
If your friend and brother are telling you the truth, and I would hope they are I definately think she's had enough chances. I'd work out probably anything in the world with my husband but I don't think I'd ever give in about hte cheating thing and he wouldn't even get a second chance. Wait for someone who really loves you and you won't have to deal with things like this.
@simran1430 (1790)
• India
17 Mar 07
Well , i believe in the strategy that once a liar is always a liar , i can never forgive a cheating partner because i think that if he or she can go away once , what is the reason that he or she wont go away the next time too so , i cannot think that they will not cheat again , instead of forcing myself into a ditch i will break off right away .
@santuccie (3384)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I agree with simran1430. Difficult as this may be for you, try to remember that courtship is just what it sounds like...a trial. What do they do in court? They "try" people. Courtship is the same thing; you put another person to the test, to see if you are compatible.
It is not until the actual wedding that you state your vows and make that life-long commitment. However, what your girlfriend does now is something that should be considered when considering her as your life partner. What would you do if she cheated on you as your wife? That would not be good.
You said that your girlfriend denied having said the relationship was over when you confronted the issue. Do you know for a fact she has flirted with other guys while dating you? If the answer is "yes," that would mean she is acting in spite of a mutual understanding with you, a mutual understanding which, I assume, did not provide for polygamous, steady relationships. If this is indeed the case, and assuming you would not do something like this yourself, then you are too good for her, and deserve better.
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Seems to me it's time to call her out on it and end the relationship. You've caught her once, and people are telling you that it's going on again. Use your intuition. knowing when something is wrong and stopping it and calling them out on it is the best thing you can do. Don't let them continue hurting you. You need to let them know you will not be a doormat.
@deevik (47)
• India
18 Mar 07
I guess anythin can b tolerated..but nt this..I hate 2 say this..but u shud slowly try 2 avoid her..infact hate her possibly...bcoz only this way i guess u can break the relationship as u said u lov her...Its tuf realy tuf...but just accept it...else u r goin 2 face n ur goin 2 troubl urself..Tjis gul seems 2 b nt srsly intserstd in u..
@AbhishekBhandari_22 (22)
• India
18 Mar 07
tell her wats goin on in ur mind. maybe all dat uve heard or seen could be misunderstandings.
if its not then ask her once n 4 all if she loves u.
if its yes n she repeats dat. spank her n set her free.
if its no jus spank her, forget her, find next.
PS:- i aint tryin 2 hurt ur feelins dude.
but this is wat we call d 21st century
@pelo26 (1552)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
Does she love you back? Because if the love is mutual, she wont intentionally do things such as flirting that might ruin your relationship. How long have you been into the relationship? Are you sure it's not just a case of over jealousy? or insecurity? These can ruin relationships also.., think about it.
@jay_em93 (99)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
I don't know if she still loves me, i never bothered to ask her that, all i do is just confront her right there and then if what i saw or what i heard is the truth and all the time she would just deny it, yes she says that i am just insecured or paranoid. I've been tryin my best not to be jealous but of course you can't help feeling like that because you love her. If she'd just tell me that she wants to find someone else then i'll have no choice but to give her up.
@ColourfulWorld (7)
• Malaysia
18 Mar 07
i agree to pelo26. love is mutual and both party need to respect each other. though it hurts but i would suggest you to have a nice talk with her about this matter. ask her how she feels and tell her how you feel. if in the end she doesn't have any intention to be committed then it's time to get going. don't stay there and beg for mercy. let it be a good ending for both of you.
wish you good luck in this! =)
@Penfencer (297)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I've always been a big proponent of the second-chance clause. Everyone deserves a second chance, because I believe everyone makes mistakes in their lives and mistakes shouldn't necessarily herald the end of a good relationship. That said, you may have heard the quote that says "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." You've already given her a second chance. It's time to be firm.
@werkaholic (74)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
hi jay, if you think that she had step too much of your masculinity, then it is the time to say it's over. in loving someone, you have to learn to love yourself first. i can't stand to be with a cheater who had made promises out of nothing. maybe for me, i'll give him only one chance because once you did forgive her for the 1st time, she will always be doing it because she knows that you are always there for her and she has an assurance that you really love her.
@superbeeeyatch (688)
• United States
18 Mar 07
Sorry to hear about the rough time you are having. Relationships can be very hard at times. You have to examine all the good things and compare them with all of the negitive things.
I can't say not to concider giving her another chance, but you have to know your limit of what you can accept and what you can't. It is not fair for anyone to not be truthful in a relationship. But I believe you need to confront her and ask her what she is thinking, and tell her that she needs to make a decision on wether or not she still wants to be with you.
You can let her know that you love her, but let her know that you won't let her walk all over you anymore.
You have to go with your gut feeling. Be truthful to yourself and ask yourself if she is really worth holding on to. You will win in the end.
Take care and I wish you the best of luck.
@CheSabCabMD (619)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
That would depend on how much I love him and how deep my wounds are because of him.. It really is a case to case basis..
In your situation, my advice is, perhaps you would need some time off away from each other.. that way you could both re-assess certain things in your relationship, like how much you are willing to accept certain things about her because of your love for her, and other things like how much she is willing to sacrifice just to be with you.. Good luck..
@aaa0126 (205)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
yes you need to straighten things out,,she got lots of problem,, you must help her..if you really love her you can set her free, and let her do whatever she want o do with her life, but if your still concern and care for her, keep her until she realized what she's doing is not right for both of you,,yes it's unfair in your part, but if you really love her you''ll forgive her! but if in the long run,she's still like that,, you must still forgive her and let her go,, maybe she's really NOT INTO YOU!..ooppps sorry..
@DesigningLife (903)
• United States
18 Mar 07
Hope things are going better since your post.
I think the question should not be, "how many chances should I give her?", but "where do my own boundaries lie?", and "am I being true to my own ideas about how I want my relationships to be?".
It appears that this behavior is part of your girlfriend's character/personality. Nothing you do, or say, or desire is going to change someone else. You cannot fix her, or be so perfect that she will stop a characteristic behavior, but you can decide whether this is something you want to blame yourself for, live with and ignore, or leave behind and say "next...?".
Good luck and best wishes. :)
@brendz072683 (3)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
If you think you're girlfriend is too much, I suggest you leave her. There's no point in continuing your relationship if she is not honest and loyal to you. Why do we enter in a relationship? That is because we want to spend our time and maybe, just maybe our whole life with that person. I think your girlfriend is immature. I'm sorry but I think you need to leave her. You deserve someone better.
