Why are men so useless?

Don't generalize and be judgemental towards men because there are a lot of good men out there. The way i see things...it's not only your husband who has a problem...both of you are in that relationship so each one of you contributes in a way to a problem. The best thing you can do is to sit down and talk. Make him realize the things he is doing that you see as not good. And make your point and tell him what you want and expect from him as your husband and as a father to your kid. Let him do the same thing to you as well. Of course, do it in a gentle and mild manner where both of you can air things out calmly. Communicate...that's the cheapest and best solution that is available to you.

I know what you mean. I guess he has a different set of priorities, or he might also be feeling insecure around the baby. Try to clear things up with your hubby. If it still doesnt work out, you might want to try what i did - i left the baby (kids actually) with him for a whole day. No warnings, i just literally handed the baby over to him and said 3 words - "I'm going out". At the back of my mind i felt guilty leaving the kids with their dad for the day but i also had to have that break. =)

A lot of men, in the back of their mind, still think that babies are the mom's responsibility and them working and spending an hour or so a day with them is plenty. I often have to remind my husband that I spend all day taking care of our boys and if I want to read a book or play a computer game for a while (my "escapes") that it wouldn't kill him to take care of the boys for an hour or so. He is a good dad and often feels bad that he doesn't help enough but he seriously is clueless in HOW to help. We've been married for over 10 years, we have an 8 year old and an almost 11 month old but I still have to sometimes give him direction. Trash can be overflowing and he won't take it out until asked. It just doesn't dawn on him that it needs done unless I ask. Getting mad will only make him dig in harder. Talk to him as calmly as you can and let him know that you need a break, too. He can watch the baby while doing some of his chores. My husband will put our youngest (our oldest mostly entertains himself, even though he is non-verbal Autisic) in his exersaucer and take him outside while he washes the cars and such. Jesse loves to watch him play with the hose and listen to the radio in the shade. He'll sit while we foild clothes if we play peek-a-boo with him as we do it ("hide" behind towels as we fold). Maybe you just need to tell him to take baby with him. Good luck!

Yeah...i won't begin to "defend" here an useless guy..but try NOT to generalize this , ok? You can actually add words like "some" or even "most"...come to think of it...i did lobby here for men and women to get to an equal point of view.As easy as you did...i could say the same thing vise versa : why women ALL are attracted to shiny things ? why ALL women are so emotionally ?..these things are not true not are they ? yeah...and my guess it's because the "ALL" factor is included.

am i allowed to speak in that discussion... well men have many more things to do.. i understand he also bears the same responsibility towards his child but comeon give a break... are u so tired of nursing ur child that u r blaming ur hubby to have him/her..

My wife had this problem with me a while back. When women go too long taking care of everything without complaining to thier husbands, Men just accept it as being OK, and while I'm sure you have complained in the past, you probrobly havent changed your behavior much with him. Botomline, when you threaten to alter his lifestyle he's use to...he'll start helping out more.

SilPhil, not all men are like this. It sounds as though your husband is simply immature. Try talking to him and let him know how angry you are and maybe he will being to see your side of things, or at least agree to compromise a little for the sake of having some peace in his house. Good luck. BTW, your baby is adorable!

Hey you both need some adjusment.I am agree with you that men are useless.I am not saying as I am a man but I am saying as I am not useless.I can adjust my works ,my hobbies and my spare time with my partner.I am not married but I have some experience on that.I can surely say only adjustment made you happy.Try to adjust and understand what your partner's problem and make solution sometime for him.Then he should be helpful to you sure.

My brother in law was like that, he had very little to do with his sons when they were babies and even toddlers. Now though is a different story, they are 10 and 8 and he is always doing something with them whether it's coaching their sport team, fishing, going to the footy, riding their bikes together, going camping for the weekend. Now it's kinda like my sister never gets to see them. I think he didn't know how to relate to them very well when they were small, maybe your husband is the same.

My hubby was the same way. I had to have a c-section and two weeks after I had the c-section, I went to the grocery store. My hubby was at a friends house. I did not have any trouble getting the groceries and I had a bag boy load the grocerys in my car. When I got back to our house, I called my hubby to come and help me carry the groceries in the house. He said I could do it. Just carry one bag at a time. It hurt my feelings so bad. My son is 14 now and I am still mad about it.

I agree! I have two and I agree it is almost like having another child. Why do they get to do whatever they want while we take care of THEIR kid. I mean they are our kids too, but why do men do that? I agree with you 100%!!

oh my god, you have just discribed my life (if you just exchange remote control car for fishing). My partner doesnt seem to think that women need a break, because looking after children is not proper work! I know he might go to work during the week which is fair enough, but surely on a weekend he could just spend a little time with my son while I have a break. I even go out with my band singing on a weekend night, I get very tired but I still come home and get up with the baby in the early hours. He said to me that "I get a break when the baby is asleep", its not like I can go off and do something on my own, that isn't my singing. My friend just broke up with her partner because of the same thing, He still can't see what he has done wrong. Fools the lot of them!

you ASK him to watch her? I would have just gotten up, gotten ready and as his butt was sitting on the couch or where ever, I would have walked over given him a kiss on the lips, and said I am going to get the shopping done, I will be back in a little while, I just changed baby's bum, she is playing on the floor with her toys now. Bye bye. oh there will be the protests "But I was going to go and race my remote control car, so you have to take her" to which you reply, the stroller is in the closet, I think she might like watching the car go, plus it gives the two of you some time together, be back in a little while. Them jsut leave, even if he is talking, just leave. If that doesn't work, well guess what? You have to decide whether it is worth your being there or not, because if you are going to have to do it alone , you might as well be alone!

I hear you! Last weekend I was supposed to go out with friends and my daughter's father had said he would take her for the night (she lives with me and this would be the first time I was going to go out since I had her 4 months ago). He always complains how since we don't live together he doesn't get to see her. Anyway, so I dropped her off and went home to get ready, come back to say goodnight to her and his mom and sister are there (whom, by the way, have only seen her twice) and he thinks he's going out to the movies with them babysitting. Now what is the point of complaining about never seeing her and then just ditching her with practically strangers? He gets to go out all the time and could have just as easily gone out the next night?

I kind of giggled at the subject, but after reading the actual discussion I must say, you need to talk to him and tell him he needs to start helping out more with the baby. It shouldn't be a 'system' thing either, he should WANT to offer to help with the child. You do deserve a break too. I hope things work out.. If it makes you feel better I think men are useless too sometimes :P My mom's boyfriend can't change a tire to save his life and we got a flat while driving on the highway this morning in a blizzard.

This is just how men are. Some may be more useful than the others. But, certainly men help more than nothing. They can take on burdens and other things that women have a hard time doing. Just love and respect your husband and hopefull y he will do the same! Well, good luck with it all. By the way; do you think men or women will respond more to this discussion. Do you think men will try to defend their status or women prove their point. Anyways, all the best for the future!

Why oh why are they like that? Honey don't worry you're not the only one complaining about that. You are only one of the millions of women suffering from that problem. Men just don't have a valid reason from doing that. Do you know why? Because men don't mature they just grow old. Agree?

I know how you feel.irritated and frustated.i feel the same .my husband also never offer me any kind of help and hardly spends an hour with my baby looking after him......but now i think i had enough .he wsa the 1 who deperately wanted a baby right now and i am the whos deperately caring about him and its only me!i really had to give him a nice brushing to make him understand i want some time of my own .just alittle.i gues it worked abit .....but then again some things better than nothing......and the other problem is my baby has got so attached to me that he doesnt want to be with his father!i guess all i can do is wait till hes old enough to get onwith his life and also mine.......just time!

Maybe it has something to do with the conventional idea that the women are expected to do everything around the house, my friend. It can be irritating at times though. My husband, fortunately, is not like that. He helps me around the house which other men find degrading to their masculinity.

If ur loving a man ...u must able to love his worst part too.....after all no one is perfect...