accompaniment in Delivery
By Modestah
@Modestah (11179)
United States
March 17, 2007 4:49pm CST
Do you permit your husband to accompany you in the delivery/operating room for the delivery of your babies?
If so, is it out of desire for his presence or out of duress ;) ?
If not, why?
it is a fairly new phenomenon to have the father partake in the delivery
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some people have given me a bunch of grief over my decisionm but,
I was glad not to have my dh with me for the last birth. It was much nicer, and he did not have to see me "like that"
my mother was there however, at my head, rubbing my forehead - brushing imaginary hairs off my face and being a total gem. The spinal had me numb from the tip of my nose down to the tips of my toes, since you can not feel your chest rise and lower there was a sensation of not being able to breathe. Mother was such a wonderful companion.
This did not injure my husband's feelings at all, I think he felt out of place during the other births - and he was able to be right there to receive the baby still, and be with me in recovery and after.
5 people like this
22 responses
@Khokhonut (702)
• United States
18 Mar 07
My husband was present at the birth of all three of our children.
He was a great support for me and I can't imagine not having him there.
I always say whatever works though.
As long as you and your husband agreed on this decsion and there were no hard feelings then great.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
18 Mar 07
Unfortunately my husband was not at the birth of our child. I flew to Wellington, New Zealand from Samoa and we couldn't afford to pay for him to accompany me so we decided it was best he remained in Samoa. I chose to go to New Zealand to be with my sister and mom (since it was my first birth). I had my sister, my mom, my mother in law and two sister in laws and my best friend in the theatre, and she video taped it for my hubby. (He actually fainted within the first few minutes of watching the tape LOL). Later my father and brother joined us. I wish he was there to see what I had to go through and for the experience. I did not have a good birth and tore pretty badly. The recovery took long and was a bit of a struggle - luckily I had my sister and my mom with me every step of the way.
2 people like this
@princeworthy (1909)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I haven't yet had a live birth, but my husband was with me through my miscarriage. I also plan on him being there when/if I give birth again. I would also like to have my mother there. I don't think that my husband would allow me to ban him from the delivery room. I know he would want to see his child born.
@Boorach (30)
•
18 Mar 07
As a father I was present at the births of both my children - this is a joint venture after all, men are not just sperm dispensers!
I would have been very upset if I was stopped from witnessing the birth of my children.
Here in Scotland it's the norm for fathers to be present.
2 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I would have been lost without my husband there. For my first delivery, I was induced and "pushed" for four hours before they had to do an emergency c-section. He was right there, by my side, holding my hand in a time when I was scared out of my head. My baby's heart rate had dropped and it was a rush to get him out. He was there when we heard his first cry and together we wept with joy and relief. With my second, it was a scheduled c-section and he was there as well. My family was there (outside for the second) but I have always considered my husband my hero, my protector. I can't imagine him not being with me in a time like that. When he is with me I feel safe, protected. This was a bond we shared together I would never take back.
2 people like this
@shoelover (896)
• Australia
17 Mar 07
My husband was there for 3 out of 4 births. He missed the last one as I had gone to hospital the night before and the labour stopped. When it restarted it was over and done with in 6 minutes so he didn't have time to get there. I was present for the birth of my grandson. I actually helped deliver him as the nurses had just gone out of the room for a minute and there he was. It was a wonderful experience.
@cyntrow (8523)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I demanded it. I think that it might be a cultural thing with you. gathering from your name, I believe you might be of non-us decent. Correct me if I am wrong. Regardless, people should respect your decision. But I need my husband there to hold my hand and to cheer me on. I also wanted my baby to see her father first. I think it's important during the bonding process.
2 people like this
@ladymoonstone143 (1507)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I definitely would want my husband to be there with me during delivery because after all, it is half his fault why am in pain...lol.
If my mother is near me, then I would like my mother to be there too...but I know she will be a nervous wreck so it is much better she will watch my older child. My mother in law was with me during my first delivery and she was a nervous wreck as well.
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
Well it's not a new thing in here. My daughter will be 17 next month and it was common then already.
I wanted my husband in there and he wanted to be there as well. It was nice to be able to have his support and know that he was right there at a moment that could be uncomfortable for me. Worse came to worst I could always yell at him :)
No, really ,I was glad he was there even though things turned out not to be as bad as I imagined. He was the one that cut the cord and we will always remember that moment.
Of course this is probably not for everyone and I believe that if you think you will be uncomfortable having your husband there, then you shouldn't no matter what people tell you.
Like most things in life it's a choice. It works for some, it doesn't work for others.
@gramskaren (661)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I had my husband present in both of our kids birth and would not of had it any other way. I would not be able to stand my mother being with me during that time. My husband was a great comfort to me. I know I was horable to him at times but he understood and was glad to be there
2 people like this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
I had my daughter's father right with me when I delivered. We actually weren't together at that point but I insisted he be there because it was an experience he wouldn't have wanted to miss. He was pretty good about the whole thing - apart from falling asleep sat upright in a corner of the room lol.
It was different when I had my boys. I had caeserians with the both of them and insisted on general anesthetic so he wasn't allowed in theater. He was there when we were both taken back up onto the post delivery ward and was able to spend a few minutes with us before being ushered home. Well, it WAS after midnight after all lol.
2 people like this
@jjwatson28 (572)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I loved having my husband with me with all four of my births. He helped so much. HE knew how to calm me down. and help me breath. I dont think i could take away the look on his face watching the birth of our children, and cutting the cord on all of our children. Besides its the last chance to be a total butthead before the baby is born.lol There are so many men out there that leave the instant they hear im pg. So i conmend the men that stick to it and are there for the wife. I also completly understand if they cant handle the birth too.
@happy2bmommy (305)
• United States
17 Mar 07
when we got pregnant with our first, my husband told me he didnt want to be in the room with me. i was a little upset by this, i couldnt imagine why he wouldnt want to be there to see his baby being born. i didnt force him to be there, but i told him that it would mean so much to me if he were by my side. when the big day came, he stayed by my side the whole time. he even looked down there as the babys head was crowning! lol. now we are pregnant with our second (due any day now) and he is so paranoid about missing the birth. he calls me everyday from work to check on me and see if he should come home. i know now that he wouldnt miss it for the world.
2 people like this
@DeenaD (2684)
• United States
18 Mar 07
Well, I think is really a matter of personal preference. I had my husband with me for each of my four deliveries, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He is my best and most intimate friend, and I feel much better with him there than anyone else, including my mother.
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I had 4 c-sections and my husband was in the OR for 3 of them. The last one he missed because he was sitting in the waiting room with our other children. I was alone for that one and it was very boring and lonely. There was a nurse that tried to keep me busy talking because she could sense I was getting anxious. She even help my hand for a bit. But for the most part I just stared at the ceiling waiting for the baby to be born.
I would have never had anyone but my husband in the labor/delivery room if I had gone into labor and delivered that way. I wouldn't want anyone but my husband to see me "that way", lol.
1 person likes this
@Calais (10893)
• Australia
18 Mar 07
I believe that they should not be there if they dont want to, c'mon you know what men a like. and they would be sooo nervous theyd get in the way. Its different for everyone, My hubby was there for my two, but you do see women forcing theirs to be there. Its not fair on them ,they dont understand the pain your going through.
1 person likes this
@spindrift (197)
•
18 Mar 07
I would rather my husband had not been in the deklivery room during the births of our childern he missed the middle child.
But really I think he felt out of place and I did appriciate the docter asking him if he wanted to see the babys head crowning.
I had a natural birth each time and I think with the last one I was a bit concerned with how he felt and not on myself that i felt a bit bad and wanted to find a way to include him but in all honesty it a womans thing and we need to listen to our doctor or midwife at the time to have the man there is a modern thing a we feel that we have to ask them and some I bet just say yes so not to be called names.
I would rather get on with having the baby and then relaxing with new baby and dad after.
Now he brings up thinkgs I do not want to mention in conversation really.
But that is just me
1 person likes this
@spindrift (197)
•
3 Apr 07
Thank you for that It is my first best response,
But I think we do agree about this and I am thinking that if I have one more baby i may ask him if he would wait out side, the worst thing is when the doctor/miswife asks dad to look at the babys head crowning I just do not want him to see me at that point
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
18 Mar 07
It is a personal choice whether you and your husband feel comfortable with it. Some people choose to and some people don't. If your hubby felt out of place then being there to receive the baby made it all the more special for him and it gave your mom the opportunity to experience this with you. I only have one child and my mother was not able to get to California from Florida in time because they put me in 2 weeks early. My husband at the time was present. I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I was very happy to have him there, of course it became a circus when my neighbor decided to come by and try to video tape the birth. We only asked to borrow the camera! LOL
1 person likes this
