Could I be wrong? - is this a teenager thing?

well i dont really think u did anything wrong, however being that she is 17 i can also see why she was not very happy about it. when i was a teen i didnt want my parents knowing anything i did. also adding the fact that she is so close to being 18 she may be developing that sense of adulthood and independence which may be another reason she reacted the way she did.. id just try talking to her and letting her know that u didnt mean to invade her privacy, and that u want to respect her privacy however she needs to let u know how u should handle future mail from the school from now on. i think this will give her more of a sense of control and independence and will make her feel better.

Certainly there is nothing wrong in what you have done. In fact it is a must that you should know what her school comments about her. If it was a personal letter addressed to her, then you shouldnt have opened without her permission. But in this incident there is nothing for her to be angry about. I am a father of a 15 year old daughter also. I can understand your feelings very weill. I think you should talk to her and make her understand that she is still a child and with regard to education you should know everything. She should also understand that you as her parent will only have good intentions for her. I dont know which country you are from. But thankfully in our country, India, our children live with us mostly till their marriage and till now most of them feel that a little interference from the parents are regular matter. I hope you will be able to talk to your daughter about this and make her undrstand. All the best to you.

Nope, Mom is right! :) LOL You can open the mail, she is currently in school and you are paying for it. It is your right to open it. Now with her being so upset that you had opened it, I would ask her if there is a reason why she doesn't want you to open it. Is she afraid of you seeing something that she doesn't want you to see? Or is this just the teenager in her. I think things will blow over and she will see that there is no reason on why you can't open the mail from school. She will get over this. She will understand, and let her know that she would do the same thing that you have done. Don't worry Mom, your right!

When I was 17, my parents did not see all my grades, just the final ones on report cards. And even those ones, I saw first. I would have been rather upset if my mom was looking at my grades and reading my comments from my teacher before I even got to see them. And I don't think that's unreasonable. I think that at 17 you at least have the right to see your own grades before your parents do. That said, you guys have a unique situation since your daughter is away. I guess you could have opened it, saw what it was, and not continued to read it, and just sent it to her and waited for her to tell you about it. Or at least asked her if she wanted you to look at the grades maybe. I'm NOT saying that you don't have a right to look at her grades, but she IS 17 and I still think she should be able to see them first, or at least tell you it's ok with her if you look at them first.

i can understand your point that you needed to open the mail and make sure it was worth sending to your daughter, any normal person how opens someone mail will have a look at it, however i also see your daughters point and wanting her privacy respected, she is 17 and getting close to being an adult so she probably feel thats its her work and they its her business if she wants to tell you her mark or not (which im sure she would of if it was 83% on average) maybe trying sending all the mail you reeive from the school directly to her without opening it, that way she will be happy her privacy hasnt been breached and she can tell you her mark herself, i would worry to much about it. :)

Since it was her schoolwork, I'd say you did nothing wrong by opening it. You are still her mom, even if she is not living with you right now. If she was living with you, you'd be asking to see her schoolwork and grades, right?

don't overthink!This is a non-personal document and your intentions were not to snoop. Maybe she wanted to break the news to you her way and this way you just found out, flat. Anyway, don't overthink. Its small and insignificant, focus on making her feel good about her efforts and direct her to communicate better and address the real issue behind the rudeness/ misunderstanding.

I don't think you are wrong at all. She is still a minor and you are paying for her schooling. When she is working and not depending on you then she has a right to say something but not until then. Even then she does not have to be rude and disrespectiful Don't try to understand her point. She's a teenager and these days they are more prone to you owe me and I don't have to be nice either. No matter how you teach tem they go their own way.

You did right. Like you said after all your the one who is paying for the course and if she don't like you opening up her mail then let her pay for the course.

i think it is a teen thing. It is part of establishing yourself as an individual. She will be upset because to her it suggests you are not respecting her as an individual adult. I know that is not your intention, but in her mind it is how it looks blessed be

Well, if it was me, I'd prefer to have my parent call and ask me if they want them to have something opened when they receive mail for me. My sister's mail comes to my house all the time since she's away for the year at school, but since it's her mail, I always ask her if she wants me to open it and let her no what's inside. She's always said yes, and I've opened it up for her... but I think that being given the chance to say no I'd rather you not open that one, even if they never would say that is showing that you feel that you can trust the person which can go a lot with a person, especially at an age like 17. Seeing as it was a math course, I would think that perhaps she was angry because if she usually struggles, then she figures 'well, what if she always just checks it and next time I do really bad?' or perhaps she has other things on her mind that maybe making her upset and she's just transferring that on to you. I understand that you paid for the course, and want to see that she's doing well... but I know when I was at 17, I wanted to be more left to make my own decisions and not always have my parents into everything that I did. At that age you are always told things like you have to act like a grown up, but then we have our parents doing things that might seem like an invasion of privacy, which in my opinion is something that would be okay at a younger age. What if it was a different course that she was taking, and she had to write personal reflections about something? Thinking back, I've even had to do that in math before, and things like that, were 'personal' as the name suggests and I didn't want to share them with the teacher, much less my parents. So, it's hard to really understand the whole reasoning behind why she's angry, but I can think of some where it might make me frustrated to have someone 'checking up' on you - which I don't think was your intention, but it could be misinterpreted. Plus, I don't think that just because you are paying for the courses that it gives you the write to go and read through the things that she is doing. Now that she knows it's a possibility, it might just get her more worried about handing things in knowing that she won't be able to defend her work before you see the final marks from it. I guess I'm a bit closer in age to the whole school thing, as I just got out of college last year, so I can understand some of what she might be feeling. But I can also tell you this. Lots of times at that age, you get upset over trivial little things that don't really matter. It's not always what you did that matters, because peoples moods can be all over the place, so one small thing can get blown way out of proportion in a teenagers mind, but it is just as easily pushed to the back burner later because some other emotion is bound to take over. Just bare with your daughter, I can only imagine how hard I must have made things for my mother as I was struggling to finish my schooling in the non-traditional ways (because I dropped out in high school after having some things happen there I couldn't deal with anymore), but my one salvation was how my mother was always on my side and guiding me through things while letting me make my own decisions. It's the same way still between us, and now that I'm a few years older, I can fully appreciate just how great she really was to me. Now that you know your daughter might get upset if you open her mail... next time you may want to just ask her something like 'oh, you got some mail from 'such and such'. Did you want me to open it and see what it is?' If she says no, then she says no... if she says yes, then find out what's in the envelope and let her know. At least that way she can feel she has a little more control over the situation, and will feel that you trust her enough to give her some privacy since that's what she seems to be after. But you are her mother, so in the end it's up to you. All I can do is give you my thoughts. I wish the both of you the best of luck :)

If I were in your place, I would have done the same thing. Being her parent, you were right, and you know that. If you were somebody else not related and not concerned with her in anyway at all, then doing such a thing would be an absolute no-no. But then it's a growing up thing to have that feeling of having the right to privacy. My daughter is like that too, sometimes. That's why I keep my hands off her cellphone even when I see it lying around in the house...even when I am terribly worried about what she and her friends are up to sometimes. She'll get over that someday. In the meantime, always remember, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE. Being a mother requires a lot of patience, and UNDERSTANDING. It's difficult... but when the time comes and it's her turn to be a mom, she will realize that Mommmy always meant well for her daughter.

YOu sure didn't do anything wrong. Just explain to your daughter that why you opened the mail. You don't open any other mail of hers do you? Just let her know when it's pertaining to school work this is something you need to know and you have every right to know whats going on in that part of her life. Yeah it's a teenage thing. Just talk to her and let her know your reasoning behind it talk to her like she is an adult I think she would appreciate this as well...I think it will all work out...communication is the key!

children must b given their own privacy.....but i don't think it's the right thing u did by opening her mail...

I don't think you did anything wrong. It was something from school not a personal letter or anything like that. You are paying for her to be in school and you do have a right to know how well or bad she is doing in her classes. Her reaction would make more sense if she had gotten a bad grade. But she didn't; it was a decent grade. She has to understand that this is not a typical situation and things are going to be handled on a touch and go basis. I think this is really just a teenager thing. At her age, kids are big into having personal space and privacy. She'll get over it.

Sounds like a teenage thing to me. Of course you would have to open it so you could know whether or not to forward it to her. I'm sure she knows this but her thought was probably so focused on "my parents read my mail" that she just flew of the handle without even thinking about what she was saying. I supose you should have asked to look at the work, comments etc. But it's not like you opened a letter and read it or something...lol

I guess you as a parent would have all the rights to know what is happening to their children's activity. I guess I would do the same since I really have to know how my child is doing in school. I think its just a misunderstanding and you'll have to explain to her that the mail is not really a private matter between you and the school. If it was a private mail from her friends it would have been a different matter but it is your interest and hers that you know what is happening. Hope that your daughter will realized that soon.

At 17 you should respect her privacy and mailed the package to her if it was addressed to her. If you expect her to behave like an adult you must treat her like one. I do not think you are completely honest about your motivation, I think you were curious. I could of course be wrong but that is how I see it all the best urban

As her mom you had every right to open her book and read her marks and the comments her teacher wrote. On the other hand, I think you spoiled the thing for her because she wasn't able to look at her mark herself Aside from that, all teenagers hate their parents going through their mail, and maybe she trusted you to just open the package and send it on to her. Yes, you DID pay for those courses, but she's the one putting the hard work in. Maybe she wanted to be able to tell you what her mark was, and feel that sense of achievement for a job well done.

I would think it'd be fine. It wasn't a bad mark or anything. I did much worse in math. Hah. But being that I was 17 not all that long ago (I'm 19 now) I can kinda understand. It's not right of her to get rude, really, but I was definately pretty moody at times at that age. I really had no reason to be, but I was. Just typical teenage stuff I guess. For me I probably would have been mad because I probably would have been hiding my grade as it would have been a bad one for math class. So I can't tell you why she cared, but for some reason or another she did. Maybe she wanted to tell you over the phone or through email the good grade that she got. I think what you did is fine though. Parents do have the right to know about their childs grade especially when they're just trying to help them out.