Threw my brother Out of the House
By sechsey
@sechsey (1831)
Canada
March 18, 2007 5:20am CST
As you well know, i have posted a discussion before about "living with brother: Pain in the A*s" before. I have voiced out my problems and frustrations there about living with him. As a solution to it since i posted it, i stopped caring and nagging. Life was a little easier for me when i didnt care about the messes he made and stuff. I got occupied and busy with business and so on. We also get to talk again without problems.
But he still did nothing around the house except of course cook when i dont cook. This morning i was pissed or already pissed anyway because of a result from last night. I came home after a long day trip with friends at 8pm. The breakfast and lunch dishes were at the sink still and all i can do when i saw it was to shake my head and start to mumble. I went upstairs, log online and chatted wt my husband. Had a fight with him too about something silly. Then came down after that to check on stuff, and i found my bro's and his gf dinner plates and leftover stuff still on the table. No one bothered to clean it up. Dishes were still unwashed on the sink too. And both of them were already sleeping at that time. I started to get pissed off and mumbled more to myself while i clean it up and pile it up for morning for them.
When i woke up at 8am, they were still sleeping and i hated the sight of all those dishes. Took the dog out for the morning and hated the site of the house still since it was dusty and all even if i jst mopped it the day before yesterday. I went upstairs again to get some snooze and two hour later my brother knocked on the door to use the pc.
I guess i was wrong on my approach but i showed how pissed off i was when he was there. Got on the pc and i shouted at him to clean up those dishes and stuff. And he jst said ok while he went on and started the pc. And then i shouted at him again at some previous stuff mistakes he made that piled up inside me, and when he answered me back about having no patience, i called it Hell! I started shouting at him about ALL the things i kept to myself including the fact that i had to include his gf in the budget and that i have to feed her too. (She contributes now and then when i dont buy any food.)
So to make the long story short, bro got fed up with my shouting and threaten to pack and leave and bring the pc with him. I said Good because you are long overdue on the packing and leaving.
I had regrets on what happened. I never meant for him to go pack and leave that way. he is still my brother despite how irresponsible he can be to my eyes. We already agreed anyway for him to move on April when i move back home. But not now nor not this way. For awhile there, i got depressed, hyperventilated with how upset i was. I got worried because it was his last two weeks in college and finals too. I didnt want to throw him out with no place to go or stay while he is still worrying about passing his subjects. I called on my other brother for that but he had other plans with his gf sister so....
I feel at a lost right now. I am guilty and regretful. And i feel like i am a terribly bad sister to both my brothers. I feel like i should have controlled myself and have continued to do so no matter how fed up i would have been. But i have other worries and they are all piling up. I guess that contributed to all of it today. I am tired of the responsibilities and i tired of all the crap i am getting for my efforts. But still, i feel i am the one on the wrong side. I am the bad person on these. I am the one who made a mistake. And i feel like I am the worst sister ever.
3 people like this
9 responses
@all4ucnc (861)
• United States
20 Mar 07
It's always harder to live with someone, even family. I didn't get along with my step-mom until I moved out. We do better in small doses of each other.
You can't beat yourself up over this, Everyone has a breaking point. You have someone under your skin, while your trying to manage your own life, and get things how you want them. Only to have to put things on hold, while your house gets flipped upside down while your doing what seemed to be a good deed. You weren't wrong so much as you just had a bad moment. Everyone is entitled to a few in there lifetime.
And even though it could have been handled better, or differently. You said what you needed to say, letting him know how you felt. Just be sure that before he leaves, you give him a big hug and tell him that, just because it didn't work out, doesn't mean you don't love him, or that he can't come by for a visit.
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
hi there! since you posted this discussion 3 days ago I hope you're feeling better now,Things like that happen once in a while,whether a roommate or a family member. Feeling guilty will nothelp you in any way. Just remember that he is your brother and no matter what he'll still be your brother and the same way you'll always be his sister.You'll evntually forgive and accept each other, for the meantime, to lessen that guilt feeling (which i hope had subsided now) you may call your bro and tell him how you felt about the situation..wishing you the best!
@sechsey (1831)
• Canada
21 Mar 07
Yes, the bad feelings have subsided a bit. Thank you. But not all of it. Its not easy to forget to get over it when you know you throw out your own brother out of teh house and created more problems for your parents to think of. In a way because they are worried about him. They always are. My mom actually gave me sh*t about it today. And really, i dont want to recount it anymore. Just gonna make me feel bad again.:P But id o hope my brother will understand and that he will understand me as well for what i have done or taken part of. Someday when things are easier, we will get to talk again like fine adults without me getting all wired up.
@ashuaaaaa (783)
• Germany
18 Mar 07
hmmm...this reminds me of my dirty roommate. same problem only difference is that i cant ask him to pack and leave. kudos to you for taking this step. remember that dont care for people who dont care for you.
@sechsey (1831)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/720153.aspx
this is the link to my old discussion about my brother.
And to add, my brother isnt that bad when you dont include how he is when he is living with me. I get annoyed with his uncaring irresponsible ways. Other than that, he is a good little brother to me.
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
18 Mar 07
You are not a bad person. Get that thinking out of your head. You are not the worse sister ever. You got angry of things going on around you and that is understandable. It is not good for you to keep your feelings of irritation balled up inside. Your brothers have to be more respectful of your wishes.
There are always two sides to every story. There is no use in feeling guilty or bad or sad. None of those feelings will help you. Admit they are their and you felf that way and then release them. Don't let all of this stress control your inner feelings. You can make the choice to feel good inside no matter what is going on in your life.
@sechsey (1831)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
I am just down now. I feel like because of how i reacted, it led to more worries. Im thinking where my bro can find a place that soon . And i dont his finals and studies to affected. He was still due to stay for another month with me until i move out. And since he did move out sooner, my parents will worry abt money again. So i feel i caused it and i just didnt think or what. :(
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
20 Mar 07
I don't want to sound cruel but who is paying for the rent or mortgage on the house you stay in? If it's not possible for him to contribute then maybe it's possible for him to contribute financially so you don't feel like feeding his gf also. I stayed with my brother now and then but since I didn't make enough money to contribute to the mortgage, I helped out cleaning the house etc even if they had a helper at the time after all his son was very young back then. I know that money shouldn't be put above family and friendship, but if he really cares at least his gf would help out cleaning the house and wash dishes. He is your brother, isn't he?
@sechsey (1831)
• Canada
21 Mar 07
Exactly what ive been thinking little mel. I dont want to tell him that i pay this and that. He knows. And i want him to at least make an effort. Its a sign of respect and gratitude too.
At first, his gf washed the plates after we eat. Volunteer to clean the house now and then. And suddenly she acted like my bro already. I buy food for all of us to eat and what does she do, eat so little and go up to the room saying nothing. Or also leave the plates on table or garbage here and there. Who wouldnt get annoyed?
The only thing i know i made a mistake of is that i let my previous night anger and frustrations continue and burst it all out on my brother. I used it to trigger all those frsutrations about him to come out.
@charming2837 (13)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
Dont worry about it. Everything will be ok. It just feels bad right now because its always that way when things go wrong. Your brother might be angry now and so are you and feeling sorry. But it will ok later...
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
hey, charming's right...don't worry about it. sometimes you have to be a little tough to be heard right. sometimes some people really have a hard time understanding simple things like washing dishes or throwing out the trash or sharing the budget for the food,all for the sake of respect and "peaceful co-existence" tsktsk. niweys, hang in there...it's all right feeling a little guilty for raging at your bro, it's your right as a sis and being the household "manager". more often than not, it's what behind the message that we're telling our family that must be heard right. it can get a little complicated to articulate when you're really angry, but who's perfect? be a little kind to yourself. let the anger simmer and die out and then you'll be ok. and then when you're in a better mood, have a serious chat with your bro and lay down all your cards. likewise with him. i sometimes do this with my family. i'm not the nagger type, i just hold it all in at first, then i burst, then i let the rage simmer down (or kill it, hehe) and then have a talk with the family member i have to contend with. but retain the respect. both for your family and yourself. be well...
@marymarj2002 (1769)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
Do not be sad and mad. YOu have done it because they made also mistake and it just happen that you have a problem that is why you are hot headed that time. I think they can understand you. It is normal to get angry to our household members especially if they don't cooperate and we are the one providing all the finances inside the house. I do that also to my husband sometimes. Because he sometimes does not care about us and I nag him that he should cooperate with me because he has little contribution to our family expenses. Even now we fight too much on email. Because he insulted something about me so I hate him so I tell him how he had a hard face because he does not contribute properly with me in our expenses. I told him to go and leave me and our son. So bad. But I still hate him now though I have some guilt feelings in my heart. Well, it is good that somehow I have expressed my emotion to him and my feelings. For you, I think it is just okay that you did that. Atleast they know that but say sorry for them.
@lpipe0240 (1161)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I can understand how you feel. You let things go and go and go until one day you can no longer take it and you blow up. You need to learn to pick your battle and to talk to people when things are calm between you and the other party. Have a good conversation, be sure not to yell and no name-calling. Get to the point of the discussion and work it out.
Hope things get better for you...
@pelo26 (1552)
• Philippines
20 Mar 07
As I see it, your reaction and ensuing actions that day were provoked by seemingly irresponsible and insensitive acts of your brother. Nonetheless, awful things were said and feelings got hurt. Maybe what has happened really needs to happen. You may feel terrible right now but it would be for the better for both of you.
