My 14 year old has a VERY bad attitude, Can I change it?

I have two older sisters and we were always wild growing up. All three of us now have daughters, and boy are we prepared for it. My oldest sister has 14 & 17 year old daughters, one thing that we have always used as a healthy outlet for her girls is for them to hang out with me. Im only 10 years older than her oldest, so since she was little she has always thought of me as her incredibly cool aunt. This allows me to play somewhat of the friend role, but her mother can guarantee that I am responsible with what I say and do with her. I act crazy and do things that she feels her mother would never do,like listen to the same music she does. Since we have established this relationship, my sister feels she has an older person her daughters will listen to that she can trust. This really helps to diffuse most situations. So maybe if you have a friend or family member you trust that your daughter connects with, ask them to spend some time with her. Maybe that would give her an outlet for her feelings without causing an argument between the two of you. They could also give her her some great advice.

I remember being 14 and being a terror! My mother was wrong,out of the loop, embarrassing and I wanted nothing to do with her! I was wrong of course but you could not of convinced me then! It has a lot to do with hormones and that is something that you can't controll unfortunatly. I think you should have someone else try to talk to her like maybe a favorite aunt or older cousin or something. She may have some things on her mind that she is just not willin g to talk to you about. Try to think of something that just the two of you can do together that she will enjoy and spend some quality time with her .Don't push her to talk about any thing. Maybe just share some stories(non-challantly or she will think its a lecture) that you think may relate to her. Let her know that you are there for her. As for discipline, Stick to it. She is 14 and needs boundaries. Try to avoid screaming matches and don't get sucked in to the "What ya gonna do about it?" It's a trap!! I would not reccomend physical violence. She wont respect you for it and things may get worse. If she doesnt want to pick up her clothes - fone you wont wash or fold them either and she will be stuck with dirty clothes. Wont get off the phone? Take the phones out of her room. Has a smart mouth? Ignore her and dont respond until she can talk to you with respect. I know it is hard but this stage wil pass - eventually. My mom and I are great friends now. Hang in there. I wish you the best.

I think you have to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. As she grows older, the situation will likely only get worse. Explain to her the importance of having a good attitude and take it from there.

I have a 14 year old daughter too and I feel your pain. Now I hear lore that one day they wake up, somewhere between 19 and 21, and love you again just as quickly as they woke up and thought your whole lot in life was to ruin theirs. Just a little comfort there. I have no advice. I am going to go lock myself away now before she comes home. :-)