The reappearing father.....

I think hes an A$$ for leaving why now whats his excuse gonna be to his lil girl,shes only 8 so its up to you if she feels she wants to see him then its your call but i wouldnt let him take her anywhere take it slow take him to court and demand back child support if he dont like it you go upon your rules he hasnt been there you and your man have.

I would tell my daughter the truth. It hurts but my daughter deserves nothing less than the truth. After that I will leave it up to my daughter to decide whether she wants to see her real dad or not. This will all be a shock to her and she can't be rushed into making decisions. If she's not sure yet then I would suggest you give her time to think things over.

The first thing you should do is talk to her about what happened between you and her father. Then tell her that no matter what she know knows that doesn't change the fact that the guy who raised her is her father. Tell her that she was and will always loved by you and her daddy (the person who raised her). You should let her meet her father. Even if he was such a jerk, your daughter has the right to get to know him and make up her own mind about him. Besides I'm sure that sooner or later he will show his true colors and possibly let her down. And when this happens be there for her. Good Luck! :)

Oh wow, this is dreadful when this happens not only to the child but also to the mother that had to suffer and go through the hard times by herself without the father of the child. I would contact him and ask him what he was up to but I think that your daughter would be very confused now and not know where to turn, I think that it would be best for you to sit down with her and explain the situation in a way that she would understand the situation.

My ex-husband has done something similar. He disappeared from our kids' lives after we seperated. He is coming to see them on the 31st of the month for the first time in 2 years. I know that you feel iffy about it. However, unless he signed papers removing his rights, he still gets to have contact. Allow him to see her, set very firm ground rules. And let him hang himself. Try your hardest not to say anything negative about her father where she might hear what you are saying. She will form her own opinions, and if she has you saying "oh he's a bad guy" or things along those lines, she may be less inclined to believe what she experiences negatively with him because you are against him. My parents were constantly fighting and telling me how awful the other was, and I hated it. My father and I are much closer than my mom and I because my father, while being a jerk, was honest. My mother let her feelings cloud everything she ever said about my father, and still does to this day, and they've been divorced for about 25 years. My point is this, allow it to happen. She will make her own decisions. Be on your guard, supervise it all. But in the end, if he is true in his intent, how can having one more person loving her be a bad thing?

No matter what you think is right or wrong, and no matter how angry you are with this guy, he has the right to see his daughter, if only for her to make her own mind up about him. He obviously didn't care back then but how do you know he hasn't changed in the last eight years? Your daughter deserves the right to know her Dad. She might decide that she doesn't want to know him, or she might want to, and no matter what her decision is, you have to respect that. Being angry with him isn't going to change anything at this stage. I wish you luck.

You should let him meet her. Explain to her first that he is her father by blood and that she should be nice to him, however she is allowed to love the man she has called daddy all these years and nothing can ever change that. Have a talk with her real father also about how the girl does call the other man dad and that he is not to upset her due to his own feelings because the other man was there when he was not. He must agree and not get angry with this before I would let him see her and only sees her in your presents at least for the time being and then later if you wish make other arrangements. I know it is hard and you are angry that he walked out on her and you but people can change... it may take 8 years and it could take more, but let him at least meet his daughter and really get the picture on all the wonderful things he walked out on.

Well, if I was in that situation I will tell him it's too late for him to be a father to our child he already denied me once and now he's trying to make contact? Why now? I will tell him to get lost forever and never ever come back because for me the father of the baby I will consider is the guy who stayed with me and took care of my child.

All I can say is that you can give it a try and see if it works. I would also make sure everything is squared away with your new partner also. I have been through this also. My daughter is 15 and her dad never wanted her. He had a one night stand with me and when I told him I was pregnant, he said he didn't want nothing to do with it. I met him when I was in the 6th grade and I was madly in love, I thought. Well, we moved and I didn't see him again until I was 20 years old. After my daughter was born, I met my now husband. He came into mine and my daughters life when she was 9 months old. We got married 3 years later and my daughter also called him daddy. I waited until she was about 5 years old and I told her the truth. I couldn't stand it. My husband and I talked and we thought it would be best if we go ahead and let her know. Her dad did see her once because he asked to and he hasn't seen her since then. He doesn't call her or do anything for her. I'm surprised he even knows her name. He has never sent her a card or told her happy birthday either. I wish you the best with your daughter but my daughter blamed me for a long time until she grew up more and seen exactly how her dad does her.

I think you should let her see him as well, hopefully he has matured in the last 8 years and can now be a positive influence in your daughters life, who knows? If you deny this now it will come back and bite you in the a$$ later on, but be cautious, because I am sure you want to know that burning question "why now"? after all these years absent from her life. Don't let your daughter be angry with you later because you prevented your her from even meeting her biological father, we all know who the "real" dad is here...bravo and hats off to the man that you are in a relationship with, I have always said that any man that is willing to begin a relationship with someone that has kids with another man is a extra-ordinary person...good luck, do it gently and not too fast...and have your husband there, don't leave him out of the loop because he isn't related to your daughter by blood...best wishes to your family, I hope all works out the way you want..

You can explain to your daughter the difference between a biological father (sperm donor)and a daddy (someone who is active in her life).After that let her meet him with not expectations( she still has a daddy)and form whatever relationship developes.He can never turn back time and become the daddy that bonded with her all these years but he might be able to have a uncle/cousin/relative/ she hadn't met before type relationship with him.If he realizes that he can not waltz in and try to replace her 'daddy' then I think it will work,providing he is not abusive in any way.I would want to have a long talk and see what he hopes to gain from all this.Also if your sweet child says she would be happy not to include him in her life at this time that for me would be the end of it.It's all what is best for this child.Children are our future and if this world will ever cure it's ills it will need well adjusted adults to do it. I know this is hard for you,Hon and I will be thinking about you.Good luck Hug hug R

Its ok.Dont be dissapointed.Time will show you what to do.

Can I ask since your daughter now knows..... just how is she feeling?? Be sure to sit with her and BE SURE TO LISTEN, ask her how she feels and be careful what you say to here. The biggest mistake parents make is not listening. If she wants to know details, tell her some and be sure to keep your personal anger away. Also ask her if she wants to talk with just you or both (you & the guy who helped raise her) and be sure to respect. Kids are starting to rebel at earlier ages then ever. If she wants to meet her Dad, then go somewhere you all can go but give enough space so your not hovering her but close enough to be sure nothing happens and the most hardest thing, you will have to let him talk to her & tell her his side of things and you will have to keep quiet and just remember you will have your chance later when you are home!!!! Good luck and please respond and let me know if you know yet just how your daughter is feeling about it because I have a 7 & 4 yr old and I fear the day Im in your shoes since Im in a very similar situation!!!!

Just tell her the truth, it might upset her but at least she knows what really happened before she was born. i would even add this: the person that you've been calling dad all these years might not have been your real dad but he's still loved me and took you on as well as part of me. yes i've seen this being done. one of my stsilers had a boyfriend and when she told him that she was preggy, he "Took off", left here then and ther. the F,en S**t did that and when she told us ( Her family ) she'd thought that she was going to be tossed out into the streets but wasn't. it was a joke for almost 6 months: Uncle this, uncle that, and i took it as a blimming joke till the day of my birthday and saw her on a side view, what a blooy shock that was. still he (the ex b/f )didn't come to see us and say sorry. his mum and dad wan't too happy on it either and they said they were sorry but we (My sisters and my mum and dad) still helped her. she thought that we might have got angery at her but we didn't. still go very carefully about telling her about what her real dad did and see what comes about from that.

ask your daughter if she really wanted to see and to know her father, if so, then let it be. but, if it was me, i definitely would not allow my child to have communication with the father because that will just make matters worse. besides, she already has a new father that she looks up to. based from what the man did to you and your daughter, it is just fair if you would just say no to him.

I dont agree with the fact that he left you when you probably needed him most and that he had done nothing to support your daughter, but he is still her father! There is not a lot you can really do to stop him seeing your daughter, it is better for him to see her when you know he is rather than him maybe turning up at her school to see her! But maybe let him know you have certain rules if you let him see her. Such as only visiting her at your house for the first several visits!

i think you have enough reasons to be mad your daughters biological father. But you can't hide your kid from him. Specially now that your kid knows her true identity (though i'm sure, she doesn't fully understands things yet). If were in your situation, i'll react the same way. But even if i want to, i can't deprive the father of his rights. Maybe, the best that you should do first is initiate a talk with the father and demand for an explanation of what he did. Try to settle first your issues before presenting your daughter to him. I think, i would be helpful for the child to accept his true father if she can see both of you as friends (or at least casual with each other). =)

Considering that we have the same situation, though im just pregnant, and my daughter isnt born yet- if ever that will happen to me like my ex suddenly wants to become a part of my daughters life- I would first tell my daughter why her real dad isnt with her in the first place, as soon as i can- i will let her know the truth, i will tell her that her dad chose his girlfriend over us.. thats why her real father is not with us now and eversince, then when the time comes that the real father wants to see the child - i will ask my daughter if she wants to see her real dad... if she wants to- no matter how painful it is for me- and no matter how much i despise the guy for leaving us- i will let my daughter see him, i will let my daughter decide if she wants this man to be a part of her life...

To be frank,A father is always a father nomatter what happens.I would have love to suggest that you should shun him but = the child will discover oneday.So the best you can do is to involve one or two security agents that will make him sign towards the safety of the child with promise that He will pay all the expenses you've been undertaking since he ran away...If you want to be somehow friendly to him,Fix an appointment with Him in the presence of your Husband and ask Him few questions as to why and where he ran to and what he did there.After confirming his stories,tell the child about what happened and give her to Her father.

I understand why your confound,if im in your position i think your kid deserves to know the reality about her dad,maybe before her dad is also confound but later on,right now he realized he's mistakes,you still have to continue with your life,atleast you'll have a peace of mind