When you get old, would you go to a nursing home or stay with your children?
By Rexy_leigh
@Rexy_leigh (1189)
Philippines
March 22, 2007 4:04pm CST
Aging is an inevitable thing in life, and with aging comes some thoughts of who would take care of us... or will there be somebody amongst our children who would volunteer to take care of us... or should we just go to a nursing home so as not to give hassles whatsoever to our children and grandchildren...
well, here in the Philippines, close family ties has been a prevailing tendency.. and most old parents just stay with any of their children and grandchildren when they grow old 'till they breathe no more...and nursing homes are not really that popular here in our country..so as oldies retire, they just stay home with their children..and if they have many children, they can transfer from one to the other once in a while..
and yeah, my grandparents stay with my aunt for a month or so..then if she (coz my grandfather already died) likes, she can just go to any of her children's houses and stay there as long as she wants to...and she has also stayed with us for some time.. :P
now let's say you're getting old and your children give you the freedom to choose where you wanna stay... would you prefer to stay in nursing homes and be taken cared of by teh people you don't really know that much? or would you stay with your children and grandchildren and spend the rest of your time with them?
do share your thoughts.. :P
19 people like this
73 responses
@bluewings (3857)
•
22 Mar 07
After my granddad was gone,my dad was in charge of the family,it used to be a joint family with 3 brothers and 3 sisters.Once all his sisters were married ,he tied the knot and had to move out.But I used to visit my grandmother's place whenever I could and it was her choice to be with the only son of her's ( my youngest uncle) who chose not to get married.Every single child of her's would have wanted her to stay with them,but she knew who will need her the most.
Well, I have been told I won't survive that long ,lol but if the predictions of the astrologer are erroneous ,which is the case more often, and I happen to survive till tne,surely I will like to stay with my kids given the option.However,I will respect their freedom and perhaps might want to stay at some place with my wife where they can reach me ,but don't feel obligated to look after me.I don't think I would go to a nursing home or advise my spouse to.Perhaps I will move to an island with beautiful flora and fauna and beaches to lure my wife again into marrying me ,lol.
2 people like this
@Rexy_leigh (1189)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
Cool! that's a nice plan, bluewings..spending the rest of your days together with your wife in a beautiful island. :P
@kgsaravana (169)
• India
23 Mar 07
No staying with children will be more healthy than going to the nursing home. So live with children in the olden age.
@kgwat70 (13388)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I would rather spend the rest of my time with my children or grandchildren and nieces and nephews than staying in a nursing home. My family means the world to me so being with them would be a much greater feeling and since I would not have that much time left I would want to see them as much as I could.
1 person likes this
@kirsten_08 (147)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
i agree.. i would love them to see their faces than ones who's in nursing homes and i want to spend the end of my life with them.. Ü
1 person likes this
@Vanessa_Blair (20)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
When my parents or grand parents gets old I'd rather have hard times taking care of them, and hear their last breath than just putting into place with people they dont even know or met..
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
23 Mar 07
My Dad is going to be 94 this year and he says he ain't going nowhere. He wants to be carried off his property feet first in a hearse.
I feel the same. I love my home and all my stuff. I couldn't stand to be shoved from one daughter to the other. They would drive me nuts, the children would drive me nuts and I would be bored to tears coz they would insist on telling me what to do because they would say they know better than I how to look after me.
So, yep, I wanna turn up my toes right here.
@chaygylmommy (2470)
• United States
22 Mar 07
In my situation, I am just 36 and have 2 small kids (3 and 5 yrs old). When they are adults and I am old, I would hope they would want to take care of me. But, I also wouldn't want to be a burden. If I am bedridden and not able to care for myself personally, then I would rather be at a hospital/old folks home for the 24 hr care. i would never want my kids to feel burdened and have to divide their time with work, their children and making sure I bathe and eat and all. With my parents, me and my sisters have discussed it and we would all welcome our parents in our homes. But, we have also been told since we can remember that it is our responsibility to take care of them if anything happens where they need it. My mom is adament about not going to a retirement home or nursing home. It's also so scary because you hear about nursing home abuse so much and how these poor older men and women are abused and mistreated and cant' do anything about it. I would be afraid to put my parents in a place not knowing.
1 person likes this
@Rexy_leigh (1189)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
Yeah, I also those fears that my parents would be suffering from maltreatment if we put them on nursing homes.. well, maybe we could just get a maid to take care of them 24 hours at home, at least by then we can see them everyday and make sure they are well taken cared of.
@ShereeRamos (56)
• United States
23 Mar 07
Well if my children gave the choice to go into a nursing home or to be taken by them I would probably stay with my children because they would know how to take care of you and know what is best for you.
1 person likes this
@ShereeRamos (56)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I think that you should tell your kids what you want before you get to that point in your life.
@scooter1024 (1243)
• United States
22 Mar 07
For me I hope my children want to take care of me but if they cant I would deal with a nursing home. I think nursing homes are ok as long as the family dont put them there and forget about them. When a person gets put somewhere other than their home they still would like some kind of familularity. I would much rather have my kids take care of me but if thats not my fate then so be it. I plan on taking care of my parents as long as I am able to. I hope my children also are willing to help with their care as I did my grandparents.
1 person likes this
@scooter1024 (1243)
• United States
22 Mar 07
For me I hope my children want to take care of me but if they cant I would deal with a nursing home. I think nursing homes are ok as long as the family dont put them there and forget about them. When a person gets put somewhere other than their home they still would like some kind of familularity. I would much rather have my kids take care of me but if thats not my fate then so be it. I plan on taking care of my parents as long as I am able to. I hope my children also are willing to help with their care as I did my grandparents.
1 person likes this
@cloud_kicker_32 (4635)
• United States
23 Mar 07
ya know it all depends on many things..like..When im old if im able to care for myself..i would rather die in my own home..but if i need serious help and cant do anything for myself..i will weig the situation on..where my son is in his life,,are his kids grown..will he have enough room? how much a burden will i be? what problems he may be going threw,,i in no way want to be aburden on my child..but if he wants to and can i would rather stay with him and his family then..otherwise i guess the nursing him here i come!! lol!!
1 person likes this
@brckoba (795)
• United States
22 Mar 07
This is issue is been like a fear of mine. I don't really want to go to a nursing home when I'm old and neither does my wife. So I'm trying to save as much money as I can to be able to hire someone to care for me and my wife in our golden years. I can only hope that my daughter and future kids will be kind enough to visit us and care for us. :/
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
23 Mar 07
i really do not know what would happen when i'll grow old..
i am not evn sure when that will happen..i am still in the child stages..as some people say when they see and hear me..lol
i can just talk about it from the aspect of my parents
i would want them to be at my home
and do not see a choice of me putting them in a nursing home..far andisolated from the family.
i think it is very healthy for elderly people to have their family with them and to hear the laugh of the children..
but there is a long way till we get there..my parents are still pretty young:)
@dlkuku (1935)
• United States
23 Mar 07
After working in a nursing home and an Assisted living facility, I can honestly say that I never ever want to live in one.
I've seen such deplorable practices done by staff and even bosses that it horrifies me.
I've seen staph infections run through the home because of sloppy handling, that it is scary.
I've seen abuse, mostly mental and emotional.
I've seen the lack of care for people.
And the worst part is, I've seen neglect by patient's own families. There are so many lonely people in these places who are sitting their wondering why their family never comes to visit them. As if they were something to be put away and forgotten.
1 person likes this
@Jellytang (698)
• China
23 Mar 07
When I am old, if I am still healthy, I will stay with my children. But if my health condiction is bad, I won't live with them. What is my staying with them for? I just want to help them do something and make them live more easily. They can live well, and I will be happy.
@nel7575 (11)
• Malaysia
23 Mar 07
I think I would rather spend my old days with my children and grandchildren. After all, I have been taking care of them for so many years until they are old enough to take care of themselves. Why should they dump me in a nursing home when I have sacrificed a lot for them.
As a Malay, it is normal for our race to care for our parents when they are old. If these "warga emas" (golden citizen) are neglected by their children, the community will perceive them as irresponsible and disrespectful towards their parents.
I believe that if we treat our parents well, our children will do the same thing to us as well in the future. Love your parents, and your children will love you too.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
29 Mar 07
I don't have children, and I don't plan to have children. My grandfather is in a retirement home, because he needs more care than any of us in the family are qualified to provide. I would like to take care of him myself, as I'm the only one who still lives in Guelph, but I can't, because of my poor eyesight and physical challenges. As long as I was well cared for, I don't think I'd mind a retireent home too much. The one he is in allows him to be extremely independent.
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I never ever want to live in a nursing home. The old people who have to live there are just being warehoused there, like you would warehouse a lot of refrigerators in a large building. Those old people are just put there, somewhere where they can wait to die. Their family has the responsibility to take care of them and to show them love and affection.
@nafeesa_mohd (281)
• India
25 Mar 07
well since i hav not yet got married and not yet became too old... i cant say about it... and i have not thought about where will i be when i'm old or whether i'll alive till that time... thats different... i think i'll be living with my husband only in our house... otherwise depending on my child and his or her spouse we'll take the decision.... mostly i'll try not to disturb my children... i'll stay on my own....
@3r7sweetie (937)
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
Here in the Philippines, old people do not usually go to a nursing home. Usually, it is their children that take care of them when they are so old already.
@luintaurien (972)
• United States
29 Mar 07
There are a lot of factors that would enter into this for me. I have high cholesterol and if I have a lot of heart problems and such I would not want to burden my children with the expense of taking care of me. I don't like the idea of living in a nursing home but if I had to for health reasons I would do so. I would prefer to be on my own for as long as possible and have someone check on me on a daily basis so that I can stay where I want to without being an undue burden on anyone.
@gwenmari1029 (1481)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
being a family oriented person, i do want to stay with my future children and grandchildren if ever i'd reach old age alone. i'd want someone to be there to show me love and care (hoping that they would give it to me).
but if it would come to a point that i'm old and i still have my husband with me, i may consider staying in a nursing home with him. i won't want to let my children 'suffer' by taking care of me/us and adding me/us to their burden. it won't really matter where i stay as long as i have my other half who would still be my support and strength.
