Is There Anywhere To Run To?

This is an excellent question, my friend. I would say it depends on when you reach your breaking point. You mentioned that your home is good, you enjoy the peace, you like your neighbors... all these are the pros. Yet on the flip side, you are living with someone unbearable. Is it possible to partition the place a little such that you would still have your personal space? In case you really need to go because there is simply no way to avoid this person whom you just want to avoid, then you have no choice but to move. I have no idea that you need to produce work references when you rent a place. At least in Singapore, I do not think such a requirement exists. However, for your case since it obviously exists, why don't you consider paying rent up front? If you can spare the cash, offering to pay e.g. 3 or 6 months rent upfront will silence most landlord. I would guess the rationale of work reference is to ensure that you are a credible guy who can afford to pay anyway. Surely real money works better. I hope this is just a hypothetical question and is not happening to you. :/

Wolfie, you raise several questions. 1. Unemployed and looking for a place to live. I would volunteer with organizations and after a while you would get a reference. I would also go to the Government Agency in your country that tries to find placements for people who are hard to employ. In the meantime I would try and bunk in with friends, rent a room where you pay weekly in advance and use my unemployment insurance money to pay for the room. For food I would go to food banks or to places that feed the homeless, if my money was not enough to pay for food. 2. If I loved my home and the peace that gave me but another person I lived with made my life miserable it would depend on the circumstances. If the home was jointly owned, if you were living common law, if it was a roommate situation. If I had to pay half of the value to the person with whom I was living with I would do it and break up. Same if I was living common law. If I had a lease together with the other person I would ask them to leave and find a roommate. If they did not leave I would leave and find another situation. If I was living with room mates I would leave. If I felt there was no place to run to I would leave town and start fresh elsewhere. If I felt there was no place to run to and I had some money I would put my stuff in storage and I would volunteer with an organization that sends people overseas to help in underdevelopped countries. You usually have to pay out some of your own money for airfare etc. I think there is always a place that one can go to, and yes sometimes one has to make a sacrifice. Hope you are o.k. yourself.

Well Wolfie I lived with my Ex Husband for 21 Years but there is only so much a Person can take, now fortunatly he walked out. It really depends how bad the Situation is but I have to admit I would stay (as I did) and just try my best to ignore the Person. I used to go in a different room and just read or something. You could also try and talk to the Person (didn't work in my case, promises got made but not Kept) and see if you can come to an agreement.

well i did leave my lovely rented house in which i lived in for 3 years 4 weeks ago i left my roomate that has been my roomate for 3 years that i love very much even if she has the same childish acts that we discussed in your last post i left my regular job and i left the city i never thaught i would be doing that i am a very independent person that handeled itself financely for many years..and here i was in a position that i have to leave everything that i loved so much because i did know that i was "stuck" i knew i wanted a better life for myself and it was clear that it could not happen if i would not do this step.. at that time i thaught i have nowhere to go to.. but the minute i decided to make the move i believed in i found out that 5 of my best friends actually organized a room for me to live in in their appartment, i was very surprised. i found out that my parents would love me to come back and live in their house for a few months in order to make what i want of my life. and i have found out that my best friend organized for me a job interview in an embassy..a thing that is not so easy to do..and that she opened a dooe for me to live in a place, which is not my state and try to make the best of me. you would be surprised how much doors would be opened for you in the minute that you'll make up your mind and believe in that step. i choose my parents house, and i am starting to study soon somthing that will bring me a better job career in the future. so if you really want to do a change, just do it and you'll be surprised how many doors will be open for you to go into:) good luck dear friend.

Hello wolfie, If i ever got to the stage wherein I felt like I was stuck with a relationship,I would first take all necessqaary measures to resolve the problem. I would prefer to deal with the problem head on. I would break the problem in to smaller problems and then deal with them one by one. If I was unemployed and I was totally dependent on somebody's magnanimity, then Iwould still contemplate leaving or walking out of the relation.Afterall there is a defined tolerance threshold of endurance in every person. However, considering that I am dependent on the person, I would start by discreetly looking for alternative avenues. Get a job, any job. So long as it can take care of my immediate needs and allow me some amount of freedom. Once i am on sure/semisure footing,I would take the decision and quietly walk out. What do I have to loose? Just a lot of bad memories and forgettable times. What do I have to look forward to? Challenges, a chance to strike out on my own and maybe ; be someone of substance someday. And when I write all this I am aware of the fact that it is easy to speak big on principles and ideals until one is under severe pressures with everything to loose. But then that is what I would do. ----swapna

Remember that roads are wider than they seem to be. There's always some place for you to run or hide or live. The choice is always yours. It was difficult for me to leave my marriage because I don't have much money and I'm scared I might miss the life I once had with my ex-husband. The fact that I couldn't take my kids with me somehow added to the imbalance. But life may only be there once for you to live so it's best to live it right. Whatever makes you happy! I walked out and saved what little sanity I have left. Starting over was harder than I thought it would be but God held my hand and see me through. Soon, good things started coming my way. I got my kids now and life has never been better!

I am the type of person who has to have things right in my head , if things are bothering me I sit down with the person concerned ( usually hubby or Ross ) and we have a family confab , we all say what is worrying us and what the others can do about it , This has worked for us for quite some time , Once you get it out in the open It feels so much better and to be honest sometimes the other person doesn't realize the thing is annoying you , If you keep it in it will only fester and get worse in your mind , sit down and talk about ( It all) xx

Phew .. tough question ... I have been in a similar .. but not as 'bad' situation and it made me ill and I almost had a breakdown over it .. All I can say is .. it wasn't until I moved away from the home I loved .. and moved into a really awful dump of a home that I realised just how unhappy I had really been and how ill it had been making me both physically and mentally .. I creied for a week after moving .. and then I suddenly realised all that 'pressure' all the 'unhappiness' was gone .. and that I wasn't crying because I was unhappy .. but because I genuinely felt I had 'escaped' and was HAPPY !! I can't make your mind up for you .. but I would strongly advise you to think of yourself first .. try and 'see around' the situation you are in .. and do anything and everything you can possibly think of to either boot out your flatmate .. (best solution, but hardest to achieve) .. or find new accommodation wherever you can .. If the worst comes to the worst you can always move in with me .. (now there's a scary thought hehe !!) .. own room (tiny) .. will need to do a bit of housework to get the place up to your high standards .. but you could have a breathing space from your angst .. Ohh .. and I have panoramic views to die for .. what more could you ask for heheheh !!!

If it gets to bad, in my opinion, there's always a place to go. I'm sure a friend would let you stay on his or her couch.

I would stay with that person. I believe that essentially, as we are all alone, we are all trapped. Right now I live with my parents and even though I am free, I feel suffocated all the time. I think the problem with modern society is that it is so limiting and guilt ridden. I mean there are too much talk these days about being always politically correct. At home you would be thought of how to conduct yourself properly in front of people. You can never do what you want to do where ever you go. Of course if things get unbearable, I believe I would always have a place in my friend's or family's house.

i dont think i would like to start over with nothing and i think anyone who does so is very brave and admirable. i would prefer to make the person leave.or at least try to persuade them to leave. if this didnt work then a compromise of some sort would have to be reached if i was to live in the same house as the person. i think i would save for a while until i felt i had enough money to leave and take any job as long as it paid.eventually when the time was right i would leave but i would not leave with nothing.

Wolfie if you need a place to stay, my house is always open for you. lol. Um if i needed to get away I doubt i would find a place. I am kind of comfortable here anyways. I got all my stuff here. Plus my computer and all. Would be hard to lug around since I don't have a car. So in a way I am stuck here. If someone else lived here and i didn't like them I would probably still stay and try to ignore them as much as possible.

Speaking from experience honey no matter how much you love your home etc there is no way that it makes up for the stress and heartache of living there with someone who makes you unhappy! I was extremely lucky - I had my grandparents to take me in and make a home with til I got on my feet! If I had nothing I would still have left and lived in a shelter or refuge until I could support myself! I know this is all easier said than done but I would advise anyone in such an unhappy situation to get out - while they still could! xxxx

I surely would make the sacrifice. Its not neccessary and even so not human to stay in a situation where there are problems with some persons. I think I would use the escape by running back to my parents house. Thats always save. But first of all I want to clear things out with that person. Only if there is physical abuse or so I would go right away. In other terms I would discuss with the person why he or she is acting that way.

I have been in such situations a few times in my life, most recently I was living with someone a few years ago and we broke up one night when we went, the closest person to me to go to was 1,500 miles away, so I ended up staying until I get up enough money to move, which was about 3 weeks, the hardest 3 weeks of my life and to boot Valentine's Day fell in one of those days.

I think I would check into finding a new roomate in my area. I would check for any online roomies that would show the listing for your area. I would also consider finding a reasonable landlord who would work with you and work out a plan. I do believe that you never give up, you just keep checking different possible solutions.I also know that sometimes churches will assist and if you have any agencys that help in housing assistance thats a great idea too.

I was in that situation sometime in the mid-eighties, and fortunately my mother was nearby. Unfortunately soon afterward, because of her divorce she lost her house that her father built, the same house I spent the first half of my childhood in. So for a time both she and I were homeless together, along with her significant other and his two kids, and my sister, all in their mid and late teens. We even went on an extended camping trip for a month or two in a state park. I got odd jobs here and there, she had relatively more stable work, but getting a place to stay was still a bit of a hassle. That option I won't consider at this time - though being homeless I had experience, being both homeless AND unemployed AND being by myself, I never experienced. My imagination runs wild with all the scenarios, especially in this area where I live, where criminals for some reason attack homeless people without provocation. I would definitely sell all my possessions and move out of the area if I'm faced with the situation. Is (or was) this a romantic involvement, or purely platonic? I'm wondering if maybe there are legal grounds to ease the situation, though I suspect that is a long shot.

nope i wouldnt make the sacrifice.if this person is so damn annoying i ll see to that ,that person get out of there.but if there indeed comes a breaking point with no other alternative then what can be expected of us to do but leave.and it can get really tough because there is no immediate place we can get for shelter especially when we are unemployed.it would be tough times ahead.i would follow the sayin if you cant beat them ,join them.i ll become as annoying as that person is to me to him.lol.

Hi Wolfie: I was in that exact situation for many many years, I had no one I could turn to of at least that is what I believed, I had two children and no where I could go. I did try once, when I was expecting my last child, WHO is now 36 but My ex husband over heard me talking to the welfare office and that ended that. He told me I was free to leave because I was useless, but the kids would stay with him and He told me his family had enough money and clout to make this happen. I was at that time naive enough to believe him as he was very manipulating and abusive, It wasn't until He found a "better" job for me away from the family that I came to understand that I was not the stupid, hopeless useless incompetent person that he daily told me I was. And the other odd thing about this was that I was the bread winner for 80% of our marriage, It was beneath his dignity to work at any job, where he had to get up and do actual work. if he wasn't in charge he wouldn't do it.I found out years later that he was constantly in touch with his family begging for money, and they had no use for him. But long story short, I had that job for 3 months and broke my wrist and had to return, but I had a taste of what I wanted and needed and it took me quite a few more years but finally after my kid were grown up I was able to walk away with out looking back. It was a very difficult and scary journey, but It didn't stop me then and it wouldn't stop me now,

Respected sir, My answer for all your question is NO.