Do we have to take sides?
By raijin
@raijin (10345)
Philippines
March 29, 2007 11:40pm CST
This has just popped outta my head, and I thought that it would be a great topic to discuss here.
Just think of it as things that always happens to our everyday lives, let's say with our friends.. If two of them have had arguments or misunderstandings, and the very first thing they did is ask for your help. What's the very first thing you would do? Will you take sides, choose the one whom you are in favor of? Do you easily lay judgement on the other, while tell the other that he/she did the right thing?
Well for me, I won't take sides on them(both friends or not). My very initial reaction is, to settle whatever differences they have. Besides, taking sides would only make matters worse. I'm always for the betterness and fairness of a healthy relationships with people, friends or not.
11 people like this
17 responses
@Jemina (5770)
•
31 Mar 07
That's right, it's better not to take sides so that no one would feel unfavored. I try to be a peacemaker instead. When my friends are in a fight I try to make them see that what they're fighting for is not worth fighting at all. Whether one is right or wrong, they should not make a big fuss over it.
3 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
2 Apr 07
yup. better to make both parties feel that you don't take anyone's side at all. actually, being a pacemaker is not fun at all. it's a difficult task to go through... but i say, it's fulfilling.
@mari61960 (4893)
• United States
31 Mar 07
No I don't take sides. I am usually the peacemaker in these types of situations. I try to help regain a peaceful relationship between the two. Sometimes people just have to agree to disagree. I try not to judge anyone, just as I don't want to be judged by others. Good discussion thanks....mari
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (161080)
• United States
31 Mar 07
At first I thought this might be in relation to a myLot discussion. I have been in a situation where two users I like a lot did not see eye to eye. I actually believe that kind of disagreement is harder to clear up than one between two people face to face. I am with you. Do not take sides, do encourage them to resolve it in a grown up manner.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
31 Mar 07
Yes, it has somewhat something to do with it. But I would like generalize this discussion, to apply it to all of the things that happens in our evryday lives, so that it won't happen again.
Let's all appreciate each other, after all, this community is just a small, virtual world we try to live upon.
2 people like this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I don't like taking sides. I hate whenever conflicts arise between friends because they always want to put you in the middle. They always try to get you to come to their side by telling you all of this information that the other person did or said, especially against you. I really try to stay out of it, but sometimes it's hard.
3 people like this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
The best thing to do is to always stay neutral, as I've said on my post. The most important thing is to help them both, settle their differences and do whatever possible steps we should take to make sure that they end up in good terms again.
3 people like this
@wildhorse (1293)
• Egypt
30 Mar 07
I know it's not good to take sides but sometimes you have to. When I see that someone is right and he asks for help i must support them, of course taking a side against a friend puts you in a bad situation but if i have to I have to, and most of my friends are reasonable and would listen and understand what is right or wrong.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
For me, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong, the first step that I would do is to think on how could I make them get along and settle their differences on a very peaceful manner. Because I value my friends, and losing them both would only meant that I did not do my best to keep them together!;)
4 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
2 Apr 07
basically, i don't take sides. for one, i am not sure if the whole story is true and i am not sure if which side's story is real. so, better not to put judgment that quick.
most of the time, i listen to the sentiments or anger of the people who run to me for conversation. i just listen and i rarely give out my ideas. all i do is to tell them to find time to settle things together... atleast one common day to sit together and talk things through. i always believe that everything can be resolved when the two parties are willing to talk about the issue.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
2 Apr 07
yep. even judges put cases on trial and hear what both sides have to prove. what more with us ordinary people? atleast spend time to listen and try to help mend their differences.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
2 Apr 07
That's true my friend, and I'm glad to know that most of you who responded here do share the same thoughts as mine!;)
If we do value friendship and if we treasure our friends/families/relatives or whoever they are, then the best thing to do is just listen to both sides. Let them settle their own differences by their ownselves and play our part as an observer, or if we try to back away from them as much as possible.
@lossforredwords (3620)
• Philippines
31 Mar 07
Definitely not. Whenever I'm on that kind of situation I always try to look at the situation outside or where I analyze first what really matters. I see it out of the box then let each of them see the real deal cause for me our decision are affected by our feelings. I f one of my friends are angry the way he thinks of the situation may compromised so theres a possibility that he don't really see the situation.
3 people like this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Stay neuteral pointing out the good and bad points of
said argument etc. Thats the way to handle it in a
peaceful, friendly manner I say.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
I do that GrandPa, as much as possible. Even here in mylot, I go for fairness regardless on what the issue is all about. But whenever there's a time where people would try to gang up on someone else, that's where I choose my side.
And believe me, I always choose the one who's being ganged upon!;)
3 people like this
@freesoul (3021)
• Egypt
2 Apr 07
Hello raijin :)
Oh yes, people act like children sometimes and argue about small things and expect you to take sides, I hate to be in the middle but i try to "mediate" and convince each party to reconcile and compromise.. It's not easy to play the "peace maker' and sometimes you get hated for it (for not taking sides) but it's the best that we can do, taking sides makes things more complicated.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
2 Apr 07
I finally got a chance to converse with!;)
So what time is it already on your place? It's already past 2 in the morning here, and I'm just wrapping things up before sleeping. BTW It's April the 2nd here!;)
True, as I also wouldn't want to get involved at most of their petty quarrels. I only mediate when things got more worse, and that if they do not stop in arguing to senseless things.
1 person likes this
@WeenitsMom (492)
• United States
31 Mar 07
I guess for me each situation is different. If I happen to knw that one person is right then, of course I will take their side. If I don't then I play "devils advocate" and try to help resolve the situation. Or, if that fails, then I just listen to them vent. Many times that's all they really want anyway. Now, if it's my family, I don't mess around. I just tell them what I think straight away. I have always been the outspoken "black sheep" of the family anyway. Why change now! LOL!
1 person likes this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
31 Mar 07
I guess it is our fault if with all the possible things we did to settle their diffences, did not come to a better solution. But sometimes, it does need time for things to work out well. I will just hope for both of them to get back again in good terms in the near future, and I would also accept whatever choices they would make.
2 people like this
@WeenitsMom (492)
• United States
31 Mar 07
When all else fails, just let them both know that you are still friends with BOTH of thema dn let them work it out on their own.
2 people like this
@galatea (686)
• Philippines
3 Apr 07
I'm a big proponent of compromise, meeting halfway. It might sound as being indecisive but in the end it's usually the most rational decision of all. When we take definite sides, we tend to doggedly adhere to everything in that extreme and we close our minds to possibilities. We miss the best of both extremes, the best of both worlds, the middle ground, the halfway, the compromise.
1 person likes this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
3 Apr 07
Correct, the best way thing to do is stay in the middle. Be rational most of the times, to keep good relations from both parties. Know where we should position ourselves and the consider our limitations, if ever we decide to take part on resolving their differences.
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
31 Mar 07
I am one who stand by justice. In any arguments, I listen to both parties before coming to a conclusion. It can be my best friend, but if he is in the wrong, I will not take side with him and say he is right, though I may try to soften the blow. But, if the person is well-known bully, likely I will discount his words and take sides with the victim.
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
2 Apr 07
My grandfather taught me to listen to both sides, and to make my decisions from there. If both sides have a point, mention that to them, if only one, then go with that, just as long as the decision was mine, and wasn't influenced by anyone. That's all that really matters to me. I don't want to take sides. My Dad tried to get me to take his side in the divorce, but I wanted to remain neutral, and that's what I ended up doing.
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
1 Apr 07
i do not think that we have to do anything that we do not feel comfortable doing
the same is for taking sides we do not have to take them
to prove somthing to others
we usually take them when we want to prove different things in a dynamic conversations
we are not in war..and there is no use in loyalty to this side or the other
just to ourselfes
don't you think so?
@calie_j (31)
• United States
31 Mar 07
If I know both people involved I try not to take sides. I am there for support. I will voice my opinion. And I will let them know that what they do is their choice, I cannot force someone to do anything.
I just did this with my parents today and had to tell my mom that this was her problem not mine and she could not force dad to do anything he didn't want to do. They both try to put me in the middle but I refuse to do it or take sides. I've been burned too many times by one of them telling the other one that "I" said something in order to influence their decision; including my mom making up things I never said to get dad to do something she wants.
1 person likes this
