Ever wonder if maybe you're too nice?
By SirMattias
@SirMattias (106)
United States
April 4, 2007 6:49pm CST
Approximately twenty minutes ago while eating a late lunch (or early dinner, i'm not sure which), an old acquaintance sits down next to me... I use the word acquaintance loosely, as this has to be one of the more irritating people i've ever met.
I met him in my dorm last year, and he's the kind of guy that just gets on your nerves really fast.. But not in anyway i've ever seen before. For example, i'd be doing homework in my room, and he'd awkwardly step in, and say hi... and then proceed to take a seat, and ask if he could -watch- me do homework.
I'm a decent guy, i give new people a chance, and i let some things slide, but after about a year of random encounters that reek of awkwardness, and lack of basic social instinct, i (along with most of my friends who were in agreement about his strange antics) did what we could to avoid him.
But at least weekly, he tracks me down somewhere on campus, sits next to me, and when i say i need to go somewhere else he'll say "I'll come with you", or "I'm starting a study group for (insert class here)" when he really means will you study with me.
I don't have it in me to simply tell the person to leave me alone, and he doesn't take my subtle and not so subtle hints... so here i am stuck in this ridiculous loop.
Has anyone else ever gone through this sort of thing?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@xlilkttiebanix (156)
• United States
7 Apr 07
Hmmm....being too nice...Yeah, I used to think that all the time. In fact, I still do. Many people tell me that I'm a very nice, and polite person. I have found that you can get a lot more things when you're that way. Though, when it comes to people like that, you have to be blunt sometimes, and risk hurting them, because they won't listen to anything else. And you'll most likely have to tell them a few times, and raise your voice slightly, just to get thru their thick skulls. Obstinate people like that, who don't have the common sense to take a hint, need a reality check sometimes. Yeah, not sounding very nice right now, am I. Well, with the things I've dealt with, where being too nice got me nothing but problems with a few people, I've learned to have some back bone, and stand up for what is right for me. Others don't have to do the same thing, but there are times when the situation calls for it, and you have to know when those times are. Get it over and done with, don't just let things keep on as they are, for when you do things like that, it never ends, and it gets worse until you blow up horribly. Then you feel terrible about what you said and did, go find the person, apologize, and it starts all over again, letting them win in the end.
@SirMattias (106)
• United States
7 Apr 07
A fine point, but luckily i don't think i run into him enough to get to the 'blow up' point, but considering he's in my o-chem class so there's always potential. I guess I'm worried that when a time really comes for me to tell someone to leave me alone, I'll never be able to do it, thats probably why i started this post to begin with.
@xlilkttiebanix (156)
• United States
8 Apr 07
Look, when you run into him next, tell him how you feel bluntly. Don't play mister nice guy, he'll never listen, and cling to you more -because- you're being nice to him. We've both been through similar situations, and it's the same thing every time. Like when you told someone that you can only be friends with them, while they sat there and clung to you because you were one of the few 'guys' that was nice to them. When the time comes, I know that you'll have it in you to tell him to scat. Don't worry, I have faith in you.
@sapphiresage (431)
• United States
7 Apr 07
The guy sounds lonely and like he is trying to make friends. Maybe he's awkward, and maybe he does lack basic social instints. But did you ever think that perhaps with the help of a friend, he could learn to overcome those things?
When people get unsure about themselves, they get a little flaky. And it sounds like this guy's been unsure of himself for a long time. Give the guy a chance; it sounds obvious to me that he thinks you're pretty neat. You never know but that he might be pretty neat in his own way, once the social awkwardness is out of the way.
1 person likes this
@SirMattias (106)
• United States
7 Apr 07
See the thing is i did give him a chance last year, and i think he lost a game i let him borrow and told me he gave it back to me, but it's more then that. Even when i did try to make conversation with him all he ever talks about it school. I found out the other day that he not only goes to his class sections, but every other section in the quarter for organic chemistry. Barring the fact that anyone who has -that- much free time tends to act strange enough, it's incredibly rude to the people in these full sections who have to sit in the aisles for lecture, because he took a seat he shouldn't be in.
I do not approve :p
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
22 Aug 07
I am sorry if I offended you, but I don't understand why you are irritated if he only wants to watch you do your homework. Personally I think he is lonely and he is desperate to have a friend to talk to. Maybe you should be a little more tolerant and try to initiate a conversation which will let both of you feel comfortable with each other's presence.
Some people lack social skills because they really don't know how to socialize. However deep down they have a burning desire to be friendly, they just don't know how. Maybe you should discuss about it with him in a nice way and try to teach him to socialize. I believe he is a nice guy, it's only that his following you everywhere made you uncomfortable. Just think about it this way. Now you help him. Maybe in the future he will help you in a way you don't know yet.
Friendship is something to be nourished every day. It is better to have an awkward but honest friend than having a charming but ill hearted friend.
@Bleep811 (5)
• United States
8 Apr 07
Honestly? No. *Chuckles*
I am a very, very blunt person. I find honesty to be a worthy virtuy... so much so to the point that I come of as caustic at times. A flaw that I have come to embrace with the utmost pride, thank you.
Yes, just call me a royal... Are we aloud to swear on this thing? Oh well, never mind that.
Anyway, your pain in this story is ultimately amusing. But, have you made any attempt to tell the gentleman to 'screw off'? In... politer terms, of course.
A nice... "I'm really sorry, but you creep me the hell out' just might do the trick.
I know, I'm so helpful.
Take care. ;)
@bhappy2 (327)
• Australia
13 Oct 07
I'm like you and have a lot of trouble saying anything to anyone if I think it will hurt their feelings, so, like you I tend to get walked on. Not good. From what you say I think this guy has a problem with his social skills and this may be a genuine disability but if you don't say something he is going to make your life pretty miserable. I have done some conflict resolution lectures ( of course they didn't take) but what I learned is this. You just tell him, "Look pal, when you do this it makes me feel vey uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you would make an effort to stop doing it". I might work and it is worth a try. Good luck.
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
25 Aug 07
Sometimes I do wonder if I'm too nice. It seems like it I am some of the time, but I've seen other times where I'm supposedly "not nice enough". I think other people say the latter to shame me into doing a favor for them, when they are to lazy, stupid to do it themselves.
@Lauraleigh99 (4718)
• United States
5 Apr 07
Yeah I am the same way It is hard for me to be mean to people unless they do something to really make me mad. But if the only thing they are doing is being clingy that I can't a bully and tell them to go away I give them hints too and hopefully they eventually pick up on them!
@freak369 (5113)
• United States
8 Apr 07
Sigh ... This happens to me a lot. The meaner and quieter I get, the more it seems to draw people to me. I wear my headphones to the gym, stomp around in army boots and never smile yet these people feel the need to strike up a conversation with it. The kicker is they have absolutely NOTHING in common with me. I do tattoo work, got to the gym, do insane things ... they go to the mall, spend hours slapping on make up and talking about celebs ... I just don't see why they feel the need to try and talk to me let alone ask me about lifting and cardio.
If you really want to get rid of this person, start acting a little crazy. My favorite thing to do is to ask them if they ever had the desire to join a cult and sell books about humanity door to door. You can take that and twist it to your own needs but the general topic of cults is usually enough to make them think twice about stepping inside your personal space.
