To tell or not to tell???

I agree with you 100% he is an adult now really and he deserved to know , I asked hubby if it were OK if I told you about him, His mother told me he had a terrible temper( his brothers were swines and bad to their mam and hubby got really angry with them for the way they treated her( and quite rightly so , I have known him for 49 years and I know the temper is still there underneath ,But I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT , so yes you can inherit it but again yes you can control it , show this discussion to your handsome son sweetheart , he knows how much you admire and respect my hubby xxx

Firstly well done for telling your son that it must have been very difficult being honest and telling him. You have come a long way and you are doing well. You have done the right thing by telling your son about his dad. I do believe that a person should tell the truth no matter how much it hurts. You can see that your son respects more for telling him the truth. Well done to you.

oh dont back paddle now of course you have done the right thing ! Isnt the boy showing he is glad you told him the truth? didnt happen to me but to my son and his son but I was there alot of the time the stuff went on. My grandson has always blamed my son for getting a divorce from his mom. But it was the other way around She go tthe divorce for she wanted to marry some one else who she had move her out of our house back to her mom and dad and when I went to get grandson the feller was living there with her ,that was before the divorce. They got married 4 days after the divorce went thru . BUt for years she had bad mouthed my son telling my grand son what a bad father he was and he was no good and not paying child support and all that stuff. For awhile he didnt pay it but he got caught up and instead of paying to the courts he was buying her tires and the kid clothes and stuff that the court didnt see. WEll the grandson got to be 18 and he called his dad and said he was coming over to kill him(mySon).I got a phone call with my son asking me should he tell now? I told him it was about time the grandson learned just what it was all about and not leave anything out. And there was some bad stuff she had done that my son seen buthadnt said athing about the mom for all those years. well they had their talk and went well for awhile but grandson still throws fits saying my son never paid his child support the thing is after he turned 18 the payments stopped and the mom hated it thought she could do something else to get more money. Which shye didnt nough said

I'm backing you up 100% that you did the right thing. Your son deserves to know what happened to his parents. Look at the effect on him. It made him a better man by realizing that a bad temper can ruin relationships.

You just did what is right. If placed in the same situation I'll probably do the same. Tell the truth because like what the saying goes, truth hurts but it will set you free. Just be a continuous guide to your son. He might has bad temper but you should tell him to learn how to control it. Because if do not he might soon hit things then if it become worst he might hit somebody. So in this case, he should be guarded and guided as how to properly manage to control his temper or else he'll grow up just like his father.

Hone ,it is right because that's what you did..We each have to do things our own way..I also have a abusive 1st husband...I had a daughter and never said much about him but now years later she doesn't have anything to do with him...I've never asked and she has never offered.. This knowledge may help him in the long run... Sweetie whatever you do you will always look back and wonder if you could have done it better so just relax Sweets...You are the best...Even a mistake can help you grow xoxoxoxo

You will gain his respect more if you are upfront and honest about it, keeping secrets helps no one my friend, especially when he's at the age where he can understand and think logically for himself. It also makes him realize that he has to take responsibility and NO he cannot put the blame at his father's doorstep, even tho it's a great temptation. If you don't mind me prying would your ex husband would have told him the truth? Or do you think he would have lied, because that will make a difference and may change the status quo and it may also change his feelings towards his father, but that is not a bad thing, the lad needs to make up his own mind and only with the truth can he do so. So well done mum x

It must have been difficult for you to answer that question. I think you´ve done well by telling your son the truth. It might have been something that he wanted to know for some time and didn´t dare to ask. Kids and adolescents generally appreciate it when their parents are honest with them. We always tell them to be honest and not to lie to us. And don´t forget that you´ve been true to yourself. You mentioned that you´ve always told yourself that if your son asked you, you would tell him. He´s not an adult yet, but he needed an answer and you didn´t lie to yourself by lying to him. That takes a lot of courage and he will most likely respect you for it. A big hug goes your way. XXX Dana

I think you are a wonderful and courageous person for giving your son such honesty especially in such a hard situation. I am a mother too. I have a 3 yr old little boy and a new baby on the way and I am a firm believer in honesty with children whether it is something as simple as " will the shot hurt" or to something serious as you are dealing with. I think when it comes to your children it is best to be as honest as possible. It will make things easier in the long run and you won't have to deal with the possiblity of your child being angry with you later for lying to them.

I was in the same situation (years ago) my children's father was very abusive to me and it was the contributing factor to leave and not raise my 2 children around such abuse (they were 6 mos old and 2 years old when I left), he never paid child support or attempted to contact the children, although I never told my children the reason he left until they were late in High School and then just because their father was coming back into their life and saying horrible lies about me and trying to pursuade them to live with him. I did not do it out of anger, I sat both of my children down and explained to them that their father loved them but his love for me was painful for anyone to endure. Now that you have told your son you need to reassure him that his father loves him and that he would not abuse him or hit him. I wish you the best, it took years for my children to understand the man that gave them life but they do now.

hi honey,you know you did the right thing,first of all..i noticed it as well,he is a different boy,you gave him a row the other day and he took it and never did what he's been doing lately and yapping back at you..and also..if you had lied it would have been extremely difficult to take it back in the future and tell him the truth.as always your judgement is spot on when it comes to the kids. love you sweetie..see you if you're in putting a bet on the national.xxx

You have done a good thing .instancaes and incidents shall be known to the chidren there should be no hinderance, as they may feel that the parents kept them in dark suppressing the past and facts. It will lead to frustration and distrust about parents. Except personal secrets, every thing shall be known to the children at approprizte age

Since your son asked, you did the right thing by telling him the truth. I admire the fact that you have never allowed anyone to speak ill of your son's father. This time, though, it was a direct question and your son was 13 and was ready to hear the answer. Believe me, your son probably has some memories of the past, no matter how well you have tried to hide them, and he has decided that now is the time to seek the answers to his questions. It would have been a great disservice to him if you had told him anything but the truth. Judging by what you have said, I know that you were matter of fact and didn't go into any unnecessary detail or say what a horrible man your ex was. Quite frankly, from the sounds of it, I would say you have handled the whole matter very well. I used to work with children of divorce through the "Rainbows" progamme and you are the type of parent that we loved to get...you didn't put your child into the middle of your problems with your ex. Thank you!

First of all, I'm glad to hear that you did the right thing and left an abusive relationship before you were permanently hurt or worse. I don't believe in lying to children about anything. Eventually, they will find out the truth and resent you for not telling them what was really going on. Having said that, I would say that you not only did the right thing, but you said it in such a way that was compassionate towards your son. He already knew the truth any way so if you had lied he wouldn't have believed you and may not trust that you will tell him the truth about other things. The best thing to do is to allow him to express his feelings about it if it should ever arise again. I am a very big believer in therapy so if he never needs it (or you for that matter), then by all means seek it out, but it sounds like you are on the right track and a great mom.

Well having a fourteen year old boy myself...I think you did the right thing. I think that if he asked you then you should answer him with the correct answer. He is old enough now to understand it and hopefully this will help him with his own demeanor in the future..because he will not want to be like his father. I think you did the right thing...I have always been honest with my son...and I think that is the way to go...good luck...

It sounds as if you handled the situation perfectly. Honesty is the best policy but depend on how you say it and you were great. You can see it paid off as his attitude has change. He was also correct in thinking his bad temper could be inherited and he is the only person who can control it. Kudos to you mummymo for handling this delicate situation in an honest and forthcoming way

its good that you have tell the truth about the break up about his dad its very important that you son should know even at a young age. And look what happen after youve told him..he appreciates you more and been trying to communicate to you as well even his behavior he had open up to you and ask about it.

I think at his age he is old enough to know the truth if he comes right out and asks this. He could have seen some of this and you not even have known he saw it. If you had lied to him, you would lose credibility with him. I'm glad you were honest, but didn't belittle his daddy at the same time. I believe you handled this very well. I hope things continue to go well for your relationship with your son.

I think boys who know their mom was in an abusive relationship in the past are less likely to hit their wives/girlfriends in the future.....I think he really sees the long term of what it can do to a family.

If asked the question straight out your son must have had some idea of what had been going on and I think you did the right thing in answering honestly to him. I dont think you would have gained anything in being dishonest because in time he would have found out the truth anyways. Children are often a lot more perceptive then given credit for.