Why is my mother like that?
By lonely_f16
@lonely_f16 (2146)
Philippines
April 12, 2007 5:08am CST
Actually, yesterday my mother and I had a fight again because I went out with my friend. Before that time, I was able to mention to her going to a place with my friend to exercise. I don't know if she forgot but she said I didn't ask permission. She even readied my pants for that occasion. When I came home she got angry and my father and I decided before that not to tell her about a present I will give to my friend. I know that she (my mother) won't allow me to give gifts to my friends. It's like she doesn't want me to have a friend. She got really angry and she said it's as if she isn't a parent of mine too. I know that it's not good to hide something from a mother but I know that she won't understand. Actually we ( my father and I) hid the gift but then she saw it and started wreaking havoc. I simply don't understand my mom. She is angry always at my friends even if my friends didn't do anything wrong.
3 people like this
24 responses
@punchery (67)
• China
12 Apr 07
Maybe..your mother is too protective towards you?She just want to know everything about you,just want to keep you in her sight as far as possible.Maybe you should have a talk and let her that you are already grown up,you want to be independent.I think your mother love you much,but you may not like the way she expresses her love.
3 people like this
@ryanphil01 (4182)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
mothers are indeed very protective of their children, specially girls. she is concerned of your well-being. the current situation perhaps in your environment makes her think that you might not be safe wherever you go.
or perhaps her age had something to do with what's happening to you and your mother. getting old is a factor to consider why mothers behave like that forgetting that they were once teen age girls,too.
try to talk to her nicely and politely.i know she will understand you.
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
thank you for helping me understand her it's just that when she's angry, she really says this nasty words which could hurt anyone who could hear it
1 person likes this
@kripplefolife (4)
• United States
13 Apr 07
yeah that happens to me all the time i think my parents have a hearing disorder baecause the never listen to me and then i always get yelled at it sucks
2 people like this
@suju15 (184)
• India
12 Apr 07
No mom on this earth will ever like to see unhappy children.If something is irritating her regarding your friends, then I feel you should sit down and discuss it with her.If she readied your pants then may be she is not fully against things.But your hiding things from her will only aggravate her anger.Treat her like your friend, share with her your joys as well as disappointments, then see how different life will be for both of you.
Trust me, my daughter is in college, and only this special bond between both of us, pulls us out of depressions, and makes our joys, manifold.
Always remember, friends may not be with you all through your life, in thick or thin, but parents forever will be there for you....whenever you need them....to feel happy or to cry with.
1 person likes this
@suju15 (184)
• India
15 Apr 07
I, agree with you, but we need to make a start somewhere.Do try and show her the picture from your angle, she should understand.Moreover, at least you will always feel in your heart that you tried to be fair in your relationship with your mother.How will you be able to transfer positiveness in another being by feeling negative about it yourself.Do it, I know you can....
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
thanks but it's not easy though to be open to someone who's always thinking in the negative way
@tutul0045 (2630)
• India
12 Apr 07
Ah i think your mom is just like any other mom. Mom are usually too carefull and more so abt their daughter.
I think u have to sort it out with her and make her understand that u r matured enough to handle situations and would love to take her suggestions if u needed one.
C one thing is for sure - if u give respect u will gain respect . so talk politely.
I can understand what may be going through u but these days lot of nasty things do happen. Most of the moms r scared of their daughter getting preg at a wrong age and things like that.
If u think for a second that u got a child - a baby girl may be u will understand that how much she cares abt u
Personally i got a fantastic mother and v love each other so much
I hope everything gets right wil u as well.
Cheers,
Tutul
@tutul0045 (2630)
• India
13 Apr 07
hmm friend dont think that way. Moms r special and u just need to undertand each other.
Give her lot of love and care and u will get what u want.
Cheers,
Tutul
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
thanks for that but then you know my mom is really hard headed and close-minded sometimes
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
I think the best way to understand her is to talk to her nicely about it, say how you feel about her treatments with your friends and maybe you can get your dad with you to talk to her also.
Maybe she doesn't meant that way, maybe she just wants you to be careful in choosing your friends.
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
it's really hard talking to her since she talks bad words and nastily..she has a high pridea and if she's angry she's angry
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
obviously, she is overly protective of you and jealous of your friends because of the divided attention that your friends are taking away from her.you need to be a good juggler to balance that attention and you will learn through the process.and aside from that ,your mom wants to be obeyed, you are still her little baby at 16. yes, you want to have your own life but try to balance it and the reality of it is that you give more time to your parents than to your friends.try to show them you care and a little carinyo will do.
1 person likes this
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
i do give attention to my mom but she doesn't want me to give attention to my friends and neither does she want any presents to be given to my friends
@TriciaW (2441)
• United States
12 Apr 07
Maybe your mom is afraid that she will lose you if you grow up. I know it is hard to understand and not your job as her child to get her over that fear but maybe tell her you want to have a mom day and set a date. Maybe if she has more one on one time with you she would not have the need to fear losing you. I would also talk to your dad about speaking with her. Perhaps some family counciling is in order. I do think that it is actually your parents job to work through this and hopefully your dad can get your mom the help she needs.
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Well apparently counseling won't help if my mother won't cooperate and neither would my dad have any time..Although I know this fight of our family would subside later, it still pains me because there might be a fight again when I'll go with my friends
@natalie1981 (1995)
• Singapore
12 Apr 07
Moms, who can understand them? I know about the giving gifts stuff. I also hide the fact that I give gifts to my friends from my mom. It's because she'll go into this long lecture about how when she was a little kid, she had few friends but she never gave gifts or anything, blah, blah, blah. You just have to learn when to tune them out and when to listen. I've already mastered this craft. Just always make sure never talk back. When explaining your side, be rational, don't let your anger get the better of you.
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
I don't know but I have a huge temper too although i try my best to be rational too
@little_angel (2458)
• Australia
12 Apr 07
Maybe you should introduce your friend to your mother. Let your mother know about your friends so she can trust you and your friends. Good luck with that.
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
She'll know who my friends are so she can already identify and scold my friend..she's really very protective to me, mother.
@zengguoxing (773)
• China
13 Apr 07
It seems that your everything is in the charge of your mother.How can she charge so much,she should give her kids more room to do their thing themselves i think.Is this the custom in your country?I'm not sure.Fortunately,it's very democratic in my family,my parents never restrict me so much.Wish you good luck.
1 person likes this
@amodak (272)
• India
12 Apr 07
Mother's are like that,they always lok after you as like a bodygaurd,they always trying save you from bad things but some time it gets opposite what they actually mean to instead we understand the things wrongly.some time they may be wrong but in that they are some where right also.so i advice don't take this type of argue seriousl,she is your mother what ever see says its only from her mouth not from her heart,by heart she will always love you.
1 person likes this
@piropos (312)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
It's not that I am siding with your mother, but what actually surprised me is your father's attitude towards you. He seems to approve of what you are doing behind your mother's back. I don't know what motivates your mother to act like that or why she wouldn't want you to have friends (I'm sure though that it is like that), but talking to her about what you want and what you need (and clarifying the difference between the two) will make a lot of difference and will go a long way in smoothing your relationship with each other.
@lonely_f16 (2146)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
it's not conniving it's just that we know that my mother wouldn't understand about this..she's close-minded and hard to deal with..she's strict
@hanruilengxiang (5)
• China
13 Apr 07
maybe you should try to communicate with your mother just like between friends.try to tell her you need friend. i remembered someone said understanding is a mutual work,so try to understand her.
1 person likes this
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
12 Apr 07
Oh dear have you asked your mother why she does not like your friend or for you to have friends it seems very strange for a mother to react in this way to her own flesh and blood and especially to her own daughter, I was very happy that my daughters had friends and we would even go and buy presents together to give to their friends.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
12 Apr 07
It seems to me that your mother is afraid of losing you because you're growing up. She wants to protect you, and in her own way is treating you like a child still so that she doesn't have to accept that you're becoming an adult with a mind and feelings of your own.
I think you need to sit down with her and talk. Try to figure out where her problem lies with you having friends and why she's so angry with everyone you know. You might be surprised at her answers.
1 person likes this
@mlgb_24 (638)
•
13 Apr 07
it sounds like that your mom is so protective of you. are you the only daughter? is she jealous of your friend/friends? is it not that you are spending more time with your friends than her? is it not that your friends know more of you than her? i experienced that with my younger sister before = we're ok now. she used to be out with friends most of the time. she used to spend more time with friends than family..so what happened was her friends know her more than we do. and it hurts. probably that's what your mom feels as well. what do you think?
@iceraynaud (26)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
I'm not too sure why your mom is acting that way. As a mom I want my daughter to have as many friends as possible but I want her to choose her friends as well. I want my daughter to stay away from other kids that might influence her to do bad and I believe that's what your mom wants for you as well. Try to talk to her about it, there's no better way to resolve this than thru proper communication. Good luck.
@confusedheart (207)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
i guess you should introduce your friends to your mom to let her know that you have good company. Also, try to invite your mom and your friends for an ultimate bonding experience! That'll be fun... I guess te reason that your mom feels that way bout your friends is that she feels left out. If you can develop a better relationship with her not only as a mmother but as a friend, maybe she will loosen up. Try it
