To My Mylot Friends - I'm Sorry.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
Canada
April 12, 2007 3:10pm CST
I'm a bit of a mess right now but I thought I should let all my friends know that I may not be around too much longer.
My partner and I have had a series of huge arguments and fights the last couple of days and things have gone downhill to the point that I don't know if they can be sorted out. My children are staying at a good friends again so they don't have to witness the fights and arguments. If things can't be sorted, then I have to try and find the money to get myself and my children back to the UK from Canada.
I always said that once I left the UK, I'd never go back, but if I split with my partner, I don't want to stay in Canada - if that makes any sense. If I go back to the UK, I won't have access to the internet any more.
I want to say thank you to those who've added me to their friends list, and who made me feel welcome when I joined Mylot a little over 2 months ago. I've laughed with you and cried with you. I feel that I've known some of you for years, even though we've never met. Thank you to every single one of you. I'm sorry it may not last, but the time I've spent here has been wonderful.
I hope things get better. I love my partner with all my heart and soul and I don't want to see this fail. We went through hell to be together, I would prefer that all our hard work wasn't in vain.
19 people like this
32 responses
@creativedreamweaver (7297)
• United States
12 Apr 07
Oh honey, you will be in my prayers. I hope that it can be resolved as well, for you and your children sakes. You never know, even the hardest of situations can bring about sunlight in the end. I am just sorry that you have to go through this. Bless you and keep us posted, I know we'd all hate to see you go.
5 people like this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you so much for your prayers. It's been a tough few days to say the least. If there's one good thing out of this, it's that my children aren't here to witness the scenes.
I've visited them at their friends every day, and I know they're confused, but it's better for them to be away from the bad vibes floating around.
My daughter saw me crying to my friend this afternoon. She came and put her arms round me and said "Mommy don't cry, it'll be okay." For a child of nine years old, she has a smart head on her.
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
12 Apr 07
I was wondering where you have been. Very sorry to hear about this... :/
I don't know what to say, my friend.. but God's blessings be on you. I hope you can get your life back in order soon. Take care.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Awww thanks Wiz. Yeah I've been laying low. I just haven't been in the mood to be answering many discussions.
I've done a few here and there, just to try and take my mind off things while my partner has been at work. Sadly though, it doesn't work for long.
I'm hoping for the best though. I'd be lost without him :o(
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
13 Apr 07
Sweetie first of all why would you not get the Internet in the UK I have got it and it is not that expensive anymore
Please let me know if it does come to you having to come back when and where.
As for the other well all I can say is that you might need to sit down and have a talk and I mean a good Heart to Heart to see what you both want and how deep your Love is for one another. I am divorced as you know I went through a lot with my Ex in 21 years and I tried but if it is only from one side then it will not work
After 21 years I gave up, the main reason being he was killing the Love for him inside me and to be honest I think he killed that a year before we even split up.
I really hope that you can both sort this Sweety I really do and you will be in my thoughts
Please let me know how things go in here or by PM I will reply to you
Love and big Hugs to you and don't give up hope yet xxx
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Honey, if I come back to the UK, I will no longer have access to a PC, and no money to use one in a 'net cafe.
Myself and my partner sat down tonight and talked. Well, he talked and I cried. But I THINK we've figured where the issues lie. The problem is going to be working through them, and honestly, I'm not sure we can :o(
I'm going to give it my best shot though. I'm not going to give up without a damn good fight!
I too went through a heck of a lot at the hands of my ex. I left when he attempted to kill me. And the only thing good out of that is that the kids were already in bed when it happened and didn't witness it.
I'll definitely let you all know how we get on. I'm surprised and very touched by the responses that people have left.
1 person likes this
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I'm sorry you are having troubles. Maybe you could stay with friends for a few days just to see I things can be worked out. Sometimes when your away from each other it works much better than being in the same house. I wish you luck and hope everything turns out for you Lots of hugs your way!!
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thanks mssnow.
Unfortunately, staying with friends isn't really an option. I have a cat to feed and with the hours that my partner works, I can't guarantee that she'd get fed.
Not only that, my children are staying with friends so that we have a chance to work things out, and so they don't witness any ugly arguments.
I've been visiting them every day and it's tearing me apart. They're confused about why they can't come home yet, and although I've explained to the best of my ability, I'm not sure how much they understand.
We made a little headway tonight and I'm hoping that tomorrow we can talk some more. I'm not ready to give up without a fight.
@easymoney75503 (1702)
• United States
12 Apr 07
oh hun i am so sorry to hear this. we dont know each other but there is not a person in this world that hasnt hard a hard spot in there relationship with someone. i know things seem really bad and i dont know what all is going on so i cant say they will all be ok. i hope they are though. sometimes it just takes talking and sometimes it takes getting another person invloved. it sounds like you have both tried hard to be together though. i hope things wil work out. best thing you can do is talk and be respective of the other ones words. try to find that common ground. give and take. like i said before i dont know the problems and i am not trained to fix anyones really but i have been there and i do understand how hard things can be. hold in there and if any of us can be of help just yell.
3 people like this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
We really have tried hard to be together. We met online and a lot of people we knew online didn't like it. There were people - so called "friends" - saying bad things and it got rather tough.
It didn't help that my ex started visiting the same chat rooms as me and telling a load of lies about me and my partner. We soon found out who our true friends were. We fought for three years to be together but we were happy.
Thank you for your kind words though. I don't think any of us are really "trained" as such to fix other peoples problems, but sometimes, just being there is enough.
I'm not sure where things are going to go from here to be honest. We did talk a little tonight, and although I spent most of the conversation in tears, I do feel we took a small step forward, so I guess we'll see from here.
@4cuteboys (4099)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I am so sorry to hear about this. It's sad when you feel like things are over, but since you are still hopeful, that is a good sign! Me and my hubby have had our share of problems, but have always ended up on top. Hopefully you guys will too. If you do leave know that you will be missed!
2 people like this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you for your touching words.
it's a tough situation, but not one I'm ready to give up on yet. If things can't be worked out, I can at least say that I tried my best to work through things.
@rainbow (6761)
•
13 Apr 07
Oh Sweetie! It's awful to hear you so upset!
Sometimes we have to try so hard for the things we want and make huge changes in our lives to get them and then wonder why.
I don't know how long you've lived together as a couple but all relationships hit nasty horrible times and if you work together you can get through it, making allowances and dealing with problems together as they appear. I hope you can sort things out so you are both happy as possible again!
I would miss you so much if I didn't have your kind support and advice, if you do end up moving back to UK, I hope we can keep in touch, I'd hate to loose you!
I'll ask the angels to watch over you.
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thanks so much rainbow hon.
We've lived together as a couple a little over 2 1/2 years now, and we had a tough time of things at the start. Thats why I was always more proud than most people who meet on the internet.
We've hit rough patches like everyone does from time to time, but it's blown me away with how quick things turned to sh!t this time, not to mention how severe it's turned.
We made a little headway last night and I'm hoping we can do the same tonight. I want to bring my kids home soon.
Thank you for asking the Angels to watch over me. I've asked for mine too and I think they're around me. I feel a little better this morning at any rate. Maybe I'm just all cried out lol.
@lossforredwords (3620)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
That is too sad sure I'm gonna miss you, you are one of my favorite user here and I always love your discussion. I hope thing will get better soon with your family. I'm sure lots of user here will miss you.
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
I hope things will get better soon too. I woke up feeling a little better about things today, so hopefully we're back on track. We'll find out tonight when my partner gets home I guess.
Thanks for your kind words.
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
12 Apr 07
Sorry to hear this from you. I truely enjoy your discussions and responses. There is always hope at the end of the tunnel though. Maybe try to figure out what the main problem is that's causing these fights is a start. I have learned that talking and not yelling nor blaming the other is the best way to discuss problems in any and all relationships. Just voice your FEELINGS is all I'm sayingh. Not to blame him or others. Try talking it through and see what transpires maybe. Hope things get better as I'd miss you a lot around these parts. Good luck and keep us informed one way or another please? I'm happy to hear that the children are kept away from the fighhts/arguments etc.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Hi Grandpa.
We have figured out where the problems lie tonight. It's a small step forward, and I do hold hope still.
I really do not want to let this go without trying my best to sort things out. We're both to blame I guess for whats transpired, but working through the situation is really taking some doing.
Thanks for the good wishes though. I'll keep you all posted on what happens.
@jchampany (1130)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I am really sorry to hear about you and your partner. You will be missed greatly if you go. I hope that things can work out for the best for you and your children, whether there or in the UK. You are a strong person and will prevail no metter what. I wish for you the best and will be prayig for you all. Hugs.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you so much for your touching words.
I too am hoping that things will work out. it's tough as they are right now not knowing whats going to happen.
I really do not want to have to move back to the UK. I'd be homesick for Canada, but if my partner and I split, I'd have no choice.
1 person likes this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
13 Apr 07
All I can add is my heartfelt hopes that you will be ok and that things will work out for you hun. I will miss you on here, you are a wonderful person, and deserve all the happiness you can have.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Awww hun, thank you.
We can only hope eh? Myself and my partner did actually talk a little tonight and we made a little progress. Well, I lie actually, he talked and I cried lol, but yeah.
I'm not sure how we're going to proceed from here to be honest. I don't want to give up on what we have, and I don't think my partner does either. Every relationship goes through problems, and we have too, just not of this magnitude before now.
I guess it's going to be a test of our love for each other, to see whether we can make it through or not. If we do, then it will only make us stronger.
1 person likes this
@bluewings (3857)
•
13 Apr 07
I am sorry ,rugrat.Would hate to see you go ,but I would understand if you have to.You are a gem of a person and I hope things work out and you stay.I am so proud to have known you over internet.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you SO much bluewings. I've always enjoyed your discussions and the laughs we've had. I truly hope I don't have to go too.
I'll keep everyone posted after tonight. I'm hoping we can sort things out because I want to bring my kids home. Having them away from home isn't fair on them. They need their mommy.
@magicalmerlin (1623)
•
13 Apr 07
Things sound really scarey for you at the moment. You did well to find somewhere for your children to stay. I find it difficult to understand that a couple can be together for 2 1/2 years and then break up so quickly and loudly (if not violently). I am lucky to have been happily married for 21 years. You seem to love him so I hope it works out quickly for you and you can stay in Canada. You deserve to find happiness with the one you love. My fingers are crossed for you. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you Merlin. You brought tears to my eyes.
It's tough right now, but I'm hopeful. It's just taking an emotional toll on me, not least because I had to remove my kids from the situation. I always promised myself that if things ever got bad, I'd get them out the way, but I've never actually had to do it before.
Relationships are fragile things to say the least. I don't want to lose my partner. He's my life and I would be lost without him.
1 person likes this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Hi there my friend..
I'm really sorry of the things that are happening to you right now, I pray that you do resolve it as soon as possible. You've been good here, and I also like to receive some of your responses to my posts, as I like the way you put your words into it.
I may be a little selfish here, but I don't think going back to UK would be the best solution for that. All you have to do is sit down, have a serious talk and settle whatever problem your into right now. I believe that by doing this, you can always come up with a better solution.
Take care my friend, hope to hear from you soon. And that it would be good news, good day..
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thanks so much for your kind words, and your honesty.
If I'm totally honest with myself too, I don't think going back to the UK would be the best decision for a number of reasons. But my family are all there and I guess it would give me a bit of space and time to lick my wounds so to speak.
We made a little bit of progress tonight though and I'm hoping and praying for a way through this whole sorry mess. Hopefully we can get through it. I shall keep you updated for sure.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Feeling as you do you must hang on with all your might. Do you need to talk about things? Maybe you need a different perspective. can you get away yourself ...find some space and some peace to meditate and have clear thoughts? You sound a bit frazzled and defeated right now. I'm only getting to know you, but I'd like my friends here to be my friends for a while yety to come.
Oh I do hope things work out for you....if you feel like talking please pm me. Sending you big hugs and a hanky.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thanks for the hugs and the hanky MsTickle. My nose is sore because I ran out of Aloe Vera Kleenex lol.
I do have space to meditate and have clear thoughts but unfortunately, I'm not able to concentrate enough.
If things haven't improved by the weekend, I'm asking my friend to take me up the mountains and see if I can't persuade a ranger to take me round to the lake on a skidoo so I can be at one with nature and try meditating there.
They're not supposed to do it, but I know most of them well enough and they may just do it if I ask. They've seen me often enough there in the summer to know not to disturb me.
I do hope we get things going on the road to recovery before then though. I'd like my kids to be able to come home this weekend and know that everything is settling down again.
@rx4life (1930)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I'm so sorry you are in crisis...I will be praying that it works out..but in the meantime make sure you are in a safe situation..not saying your partner is a bad person..just concerned with the fighting..one always has to be concerned about escalation..glad you found your children a good place..I'm actually almost speechless..I just really have enjoyed interacting with you and having such good discussions..if indeed you do leave ( and I pray you don't have to).I will miss you so much!!!) Hang in there..or at least do what's best for you...stay in touch..I'm sad but hopeful!!!! Be well..
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you SO much for your kind words. I'm praying we can work through this too.
I think a lot of people who know about the current issues are quite surprised that I found a safe place for the children. I do feel that I must mention that my partner is not violent. He never has been and I know without a doubt that he never will be. He saw the effects of domestic violence that I suffered with my ex.
I really really hope I don't have to leave mylot. I'm praying for a way through this mess right now, and just maybe in a few days I'll be able to report that things have settled down.
@charms88 (7538)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Oh honey, please don't make make me cry. You've been my friend for only a few days. But I will understand you for whatever you decide. There's more to life than mylotting. I know how difficult it is to deal with a rocky relationships. I wish you more courage and I hope everything will be settled again.
I always seek your responses because of your honest, well-thought and witty remarks. Gee, I'm going to miss you really. I feel like I'm losing a friend here. Is there any way that we can communicate like emails or something. God bless you and may you find the path to happiness.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Just when I thought the tear ducts had run dry for the night. I read your response and started crying again lol.
Thank you for your kind words though, I really appreciate them at a time like this.
I am hoping for a way through. We made a little progress tonight, and hopefully we can do the same again tomorrow night. Step by step I figure we can't go wrong.
If for whatever reason we can't work it out and I leave, there will be no way of getting in touch with me unfortunately, because I won't have access to a PC. In the meantime though, you're more than welcome to PM me here any time you like.
@Zelmarq (12607)
• Cebu City, Philippines
13 Apr 07
You will be over this mess youand your partner are through and our prayers are with you. I hope sooner or later things would turn out right and things would be the same with you and your love. Just have faith for things happened for a reason and this reasons may also make you a better person in the end. Just dont lose heart for you are not tested beyond what ypu can bear and you are brave enough to face all these.
Hope you have a nice day.
Take care!
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you for your kind words. I'm touched by your thoughtfulness.
@easy888 (10405)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Sorry to hear that, I hope you can get over it, I do not know what actcually happen with you, but as you say you still love your partner, I think things are going to get beter when times go by. I hope I will see you in mylot again no matter where you are.
Good luck
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thank you for your kind words.
I hope we will make it through this. I know we still love each other, but I guess the real test is whether it's enough to see us through our current "issues" so to speak.
We both hate fighting, but yet we're so hot headed and things get out of control. Only this time it blew right up and the situation is altogether more severe.
I hope that I don't have to leave Mylot. I'd hate to have to say goodbye for good and writing my final post I think would break my heart even more. I really really hope it doesn't come to that.
