Do you rely on someone to help you keep going?

Hey charm 88, I think your friend has a major problem,and if she does not know it,she will some day.It is fine to be devoted and have a good marriage but you are not suppose to lose your own identity...I just wonder if she has got this way herself or if her husband is a control freak and just not telling anyone.Why can't she step out of her house without her husband? is he demanding? or is she crippled? I feel sorry for your friend...Please do not envy her,she does have a real problem,not something anyone should envy...I will tell you what will happen if something happens to her husband,she will be a basket case,and she would have to become a grown woman and learn to think on her own,she might even grow up some...I hate to say this but she has become a cripple..and codependant...I could never fit into her picture..I am very devoted to my husband to ,but i can also leave him at home anytime and function just fine all by myself...I use to be in a relationship sorta like hers but i resented it,and i will never get into another one like that...She needs friends and to go shopping and get out more ...and leave hubby home...

i appreciate the lady's high devotion and attachment she has towards her husband. and i feel shes more confident about her husband's decisions and always relying him everytime has led to her tendency to depend on him. too much of attachment is also bad. better to have attached detachment. speaking of myself i have always taken my own decisions and handled things without depending on anyone but being my better half i have talk before i do the things. and she has equal abilty like i do.

I have been married for almost 46 years and we do most things together we even share the housework , hubby is the one who reads all the documents and takes care of them , I can and have done it but he does it for me , I do the check balancing and the saving and the bargain hunting , I rely on him and I don't want to manage without him but I know I could , but there as some women who leave everything to their husbands because they want to and because their husbands want them too and they will be totally lost when they go ( as your friend will be ) My hubby and I are friends and the way we manage things suit us and we manage well together , xx

I have also always been Independant when I was married I would not give that up either So I managed great when I got divorced 6 years ago I have always been independant even as a Child and I am glad that I have as I manage great just like I always have

I know of people like that too. They are just too dependent on the other party. If it all goes well, then good for that person... but what if something bad happens. We can only hope for this person' sake that he/she can be independent and face the challenges when called upon. You are a tough bunny. Protect wizzy, don't bite him, alright?

Yes i do rely on someone every time i go out for shopping. With out someone's help i cannot finish of my shopping, cause i never like getting things or doing shopping alone.

When I got married my friends hardly see me too because there is no one to watch my son when I go out, though if my husband is not working he would offer me to watch our son while I go out with my friends yet I declined. After a year, my husband almost pushed me out of the house to go out with my friends, he said he didn't want to me confine myself inside the house all the time because I'm married and he never wanted me to lose touch with my friends. I often find myself relying on him too much probably the reason is that he's always treating me like a baby ever since we met but now he's forcing me to stand on my own feet whenever he's not around. He's very supportive and appreciative of my actions and I love him for that.

Your friend has a problem. Most likely a fear of the outdoors, or similar. It is very wrong that she can't do anything without her husband, that she is so reliant on him. What is going to happen if her husband is hospitalised, oe even worse. It would also be good for her own self confidence if she learnt to do a few activities independantly. Seriously, yoyur friend needs professional help.

you have to understand hat there are people who are very dependent of other people for them to move with their lives .maybe because when they were a child they were taught to be dependent on people to live and move on with their lives.there are a few of us who were taught to stand on our own and make something about ourselves in this cruel jungle called life.

Oh no - I am not like that at all. I am like you - an independant bunny:-)) Of course I love my partner, but he doesn't own me - nor me him! I lived on my own before we met, making all the decisions, and dealing with everything alone, and if I had to do it again - I would do so. I'm an only child - never really had anyone to share things with as a child - just me and my parents, - and that made me very self-reliant - alth9ughthere are people that I love, I really don't need people, not anybody, to survive. I think it is unhealthy and unnatural for someone to be so reliant on another human being - it is bad for her, and I'm sure it is also bad for her husband. Certainly my partner would hate it if I was so clingy and needy like that - it would drive him crazy!

I know some people like that. They can't do anything on their own without having someone else tag along or shoved up their butt. I can't rely on other people. I do everything myself if I can. I can definitely walk without limping. I can make my own decisions without having any help. My husband relies on me though, in helping him make decisions. He always likes to have people around him all of the time, no matter what he is doing. I am just the opposite. I like my privacy and my space. I do need my husband in my life though because I love him very much and he is the only friend that I have.

There are so many reasons factors why your friend is like that. Does your friend want to always be her husband's side wherever she goes, to the grocery, shopping, going out with friends? Then I agree that your friend's dependency on her husband is dangerous for not just for your friend, also for her children who are also relying on her. Her happiness is dependent on another person. It's like if her husband did something she doesn't like, she would frown the whole day, affecting the people around her since her every mood would depend on what her husband's reaction towards her. On the other hand, does she need her husband to rely on taking care of the kids while she's aways for awhile? Does she need her husband to do some things while she would do other tasks? Taking care of 5 kids is ard enough and one person cannot do it alone. Relying on someone to do a tasks while you have to do what you have to do is different from being a person dependent on someone. There are things that you can do on your own and best as a team like raising 5 children and at the same time securing the future of 7 people (5 kids+ husband+wife). What you can do to your friend is remind her that there are things that she needs to accomplish on her won thru situations/circumstances. Site examples, what ifs but of course we wouldn't want those things to happen. Better be prepared in order for her & her children to survive. There are limited tasks that can be accomplished in a dependent person, more for an independent person, but so much more if there are inter-dependent, working as a team. I hope I make sense to you

I've had a recent painful break up, we were dating for over 3 years, but I guess life is full of unpleasant surprises. Not going into details, but I feel sort of bad for saying in a few pots that I hoped it would keep strong and last for ever. I tend to rely quite a bit on those I like, but for attention, friendship, someone to go out with, to have a few laughs with... I think everyone needs some to rely on in that aspect!

I feel I would like to be like her. I had a period when it seemed that everything I tried to do was wrong. It made me very insecure. However, my wonderful (no really) husband refuses to do some things for me and is often not around to help anyway so I have to manage. I feel much safer when he is around. I am looking forward to us retiring so that he will be a buffer between me and the world more often. It has been great finding MyLot with such wonderful people restoring my faith in humankind. I lean on my teenagers as well at the moment.

I'm 20 and have no problem managing on my own. I know that my parents and friends are there if I need them and I suppose that adds to the security I feel. I really feel sorry for your friend because if that were me I think I'd feel kinda trapped.

My husband and I are not joined at the hip, so to speak. I do tell him when I am going out to meet friends or do something else, mainly so that he knows and I can make sure that somebody stays with my child. He does the same too. However, I do not need him to approve what I want to do if it does not really affect the family as a whole. The same for me too. I can safely say that we can stand on our own if the other is not around.

Your friend certainly deserved some concern. I have often feared for those who after marriage, become too dependent or handicapped when the spouse is not around. If it was my friend, I would have told him/her the cons of being dependent. I have been independent and alone for many years, and striving well. Ever since the day I found joy with company, I never like the independent feeling. I am one independent person if the need arises. Otherwise, I do not mind being a happy parasite. It is definitely a blessing to have someone to depend on or someone dependent on you. It beats being alone.

I have been married for 11yrs/together for 12. I admit openly that I am very dependent on my husband. I don't really go anywhere without him and we make ALL decisions together as well. BUT I could definitely take care of myself & children if I had to. I do work now so I am not dependent for money, just support, etc. We are all each other has really as his family is in another country and my family, well they pretty much suck. So we depend on each other for a lot of things. I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as you are able to take care of yourself should the situation arise.

I think I am a dependent person and I usually depend on my family, friends or teachers. When something bad happens in my life, I usually rely on others' comforts and supports to keep going, and I offer supports to people around me as well. But I am always taught that I should be more independent, for nobody will stay with me all through my life. I agree with this point, so I am trying to get stronger and more independent.

it's not bad to rely on to others specially to your family, friends and to GOD... but this doesn't apply to all situations.. there are some circumstances that needs you to decide alone.. what i can advise practice to be independent too.. so that if the people u rely on needs some help u can also be the one they can lean on.... u can pray first before deciding into something important so that GOD will give the knowledge and wisdom to have a good choice. GOD bless