This is for all those that think stay at home moms don't work as hard...
By Erilyn
@Erilyn (3020)
United States
April 16, 2007 8:01am CST
I recently was asked what I do for a living. When I said that I worked from home the reaction I got was oh so you are a stay at home mom? I would love to do that. You get to sit around all day and watch tv till the kids get home.
I get so fusterated with people thinking that staying at home means we sit around all day and eat bon bons. What they don't understand is that we have a lot to deal with on a daily basis, and we don't get down time or vacations. Don't get me wrong I Love my job!! I am just wondering where people get the idea that we do nothing all day long.
My typical day starts at 6 am. I make sure my daughter gets off to school. I then get my mans clothes laid out for him, get coffee started, and make sure that everything he needs for the day is ready for him. I get him up for work and make sure he gets out the door on time.
Then I get a few mins where I have a cup of coffee, then I start on laundry and cleaning the house. This includes dusting, cleaning the glass tables, cleaning the counters off, vaccumming the floor and couch, cleaning the sliding glass doors, etc. now in the middle of all this I do have to sit down for a few mins becasue of my back (I have 3 herinated disks in my back so I need to sit from time to time), when I sit is when I will post on myLot and check e-mails etc.
Then my daughter gets home from school and I get to hear about all the drama that happened whils she was at school, get her to clean her room and help with homework all while I get started on dinner. As soon as my hunny gets home from work I have dinner ready and waiting for him, while we have dinner he tells me how his day went. After dinner I will clean up a little in the kitchen while my daughter does dishes.
I then sit down with my hunny and will usually rub his shoulders becasue he is stressed from work. I make sure my daughter has done everything she is supposed to do and make sure she has gotten ready for bed etc. I run my hunny's bath for him, and talk to him about what needs to be done the next day such as phone calls he needs me to make etc.
Around 12-1 am I finally get to bed. Now by this time I am exhausted lol. So for those of you who tink sitting at home is nothing but bon bons and tv maybe this will open your eyes a little to what just some of the things we do everyday are.
And just think we don't get a paycheck at the end of the week for all the hours we have put in, we don't get a paid vacation, we can't even call in sick. But we love our job and wouldn't trade it for the world. Our joy is in seeing those we love taken care of.
18 people like this
42 responses
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
16 Apr 07
Good for you for posting this detailed account. I know exactly what you mean. I think that mothers especially have the blunt of the workload..and people don't understand that. I know there are many nights when my boyfriend has been home for hours and I am still working well into the night....so that just proves it. On top of the household work..I am also working on a writing career...
I do agree with you though...I enjoy taking care of my family....and I love them very much...no matter how much they get on my nerves...
4 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
Thank you. I think a lot of men would look at this and say well you don't have to deal with the stress we have to deal with at work. What they don't understand is that we not only deal with our stress but theirs as well. And some of us are trying to also run a business from the house which some days would be a lot easier doing from an office!
2 people like this
@mama4kids (690)
• United States
16 Apr 07
i am with you 100%!!!! i am a sahm too. i have a very hectic day. when my husband makes remarks like..oh you get to stay home or why are you tired you were home all day...i want to rip his face off. i have a 10 yr old, 4 yr old, 2 1/2 yr old and a 16 month old. my day is rough some days. i am also a college student and i write part time for the local newspaper. so i always have things to do and deadlines. i have a 2000 sq ft house to clean, daily...while my 4 kids run thru it making more messes. i take my daughter to the bus stop in the morning, come home, do school work or my job, clean the house, nurse the baby, get in a workout of about 30-40 mins, clean some more, make lunch, do laundry, feed the kids, take my son to preschool in the next town over (a 25 min drive one way) come home, clean some more, get the baby down for a nap, go pick my son up, then to the bus stop to get my daughter, then home to finish up my cleaning and work, then on to dinner, then it is bathtime and then the night time rituals begin. my husband clocks out somewhere between 6 and 8 pm. ask me when i get to clock out!! never!! i have to nurse the baby in the middle of the night at some point usually and my 2 1/2 yr old wakes up screaming a lot because his blanket fell off of him. and i didnt mention grocery shopping twice a week and driving back and forth the take kids to activities and play dates. oh and i run a playgroup in my community once a week. so one day just runs into the next. so us sahm's deserve a lot of respect!! we should get paid by the government for staying home and raising our kids. we would earn over $100,000 a year for all that we do. so dont disrespect us!!!
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
That would be nice wouldn't it? Unfortuantly if we did get paid they would just increase our work loads lol. All moms know when you have kids the cleaning is never done! Even when they get older like my 14 year old, I still have to clean up behind her. When she walks into a room its like she is followed by a tornado of trash!
2 people like this
@chaygylmommy (2470)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I agree! I am also a stay at home mom and there is no down time, that's for sure. My husband doesn't live with us due to job obligations so he's in Florida so I am--for all intensive purposes--a single mom. I, too, get up around 630 and get my son ready for school...take him to school and then go to the grocery store if I need to, the post office, etc. Come home and clean, laundry, iron, etc. I always have laundry and ironing! LOL I also have a 3 yr old daughter who's home with me all the time so I also have to deal with her, read to her a million books a day, play with her, etc. Go get my son from school, come home and do his homework, talk to him, go to tball practice and games 3 times a week, cook supper, bathe the kids, bedtime stories, bedtime, etc. After the kids go to bed, I pick up stray toys, clean up after supper, fold clothes since I don't during the day because my daughter wants to "help". LOL
I get to go to bed around midnight.
In between all of this, I do help my husband on the computer, as well. He is a District Manager at his company so I do some basic daily reports for him to help him out since he gets overwhelmed sometimes.
Of course, staying home does have it's perks...I do get to take a nap in the afternoon with my daughter if I am really really exhausted or sick. I don't have a boss standing over me...I'm not on any sort of really strict time schedule, but I am going constantly.
I love staying home and wouldn't change it for the world! But, it really is a hard job. My husband is one of those who says little smart things about how HE had to work so he's so tired. I used to get really angry, but I don't anymore. I know that staying home is a hard job and if others don't get it, oh well. :)
3 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
That we do lol. Sometimes I think that everything would fall apart if I wasn't here to hold it together. I went to work for a little while just to get out of the house for a bit. It actually doubled my work load at the house,
I had so much to catch up on at the end of the day. I think a lot of that had to do with my family feeling that I wasn't here for them anymore. When you get used to things a certian way its hard to feel that you are losing it lol.
2 people like this
@anonymili (3138)
•
16 Apr 07
I don't have kids and have worked ever since I was 17. I have never thought people who stay at home to look after their kids and husbands' needs sat around all day with nothing to do. Only a fool would really think that (sorry to the fools reading this LOL). All due respect to you for being able to do all this work and not be paid for it. I know mums who go out to work and they say that's a doddle compared to being a full time mum and wife... Well done to you, I hope lots of people read this and give credit where it's due :)
3 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
Thank you. I wrote this hoping to open peoples eyes to how much work actually has to be done on a daily basis. While I didn't add everything that I do on a daily basis, I put in the most time consuming of my day. Before now I always worked, it was a lot easier! Once you take over the running of a household full time you see a lot of things that you didn't do before lol.
2 people like this
@smartmom (826)
• United States
16 Apr 07
You are completely on the mark! I sure think it sounds like a hard-working job you've got there, and it does not seem that your vacation benefits are that great.
I really think this is the toughest part about being a stay-at-home mom, the fact that it is not considered a real job, so when our husbands come home tired from work, we get eiher no help or very little help with the evening chores - since we have not been at work all day.
Then if we have a baby or a child that wakes up in the middle of the night, we have to get up and get the child back to sleep, as our significant other needs to get up to work the next morning.
I sure could need a break by now, bt my husband straight out told me not to expect any. I asked for a few hours, maybe once a week, and his answer was that, since he was working very odd hours, this would not happen at least until July. Yet, my sweet hubby went out the door to play Dominos with his buddys - but hey that is not the same..... and do I dare mention it, he will start telling me about, how I don't want him to go out, and how we won't last five years from now with the attitude I have.
Well, what can I do nothing, cause the benefits my job comes with all involves intangible things such as quality time with my kids, getting to see my kids grow up, staying at home all daty etc. But hey - I could really need a break by now.
The last two months we have lived in the same house as my husband, and I had two hours to go to the mall on a Friday evening, after my husband had made a lot of fuss. I could not even enjoy myself, because we had to fight about it.
Before this I spent two years taking care of my mother, and I had my child(ren) with me, and only rarely did I get a bit of help from my father. I am telling you - I need a vaction!!!
Thank you bringing up this topic Erilyn, and thank you for giving us mothers a place to vent.
3 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
Your welcome, I know what its like not being abl to vent about things lol. What I think would be a really good idea is to form a "support" group just small ones you know where once a week a bunch of moms get together at one anothers house and just kinda chill out for a little while. I have a teenager so its easy to get her to watch kids to do something like this.
2 people like this
@missybal (4490)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I believe that you work much harder than even your husband. At least he works his job comes home and gets to be taken care of by you. I get the same deal all the time. I have two work at home businesses. I have fibromyalgia and also trouble with my immune system so it's hard for me to keep going, even with only a husband to worry about. I have to take care of everything because he is military and so he is usually never available and then I have long periods of time when he deploys. People think that since my husband is away a lot that my life is sitting around eating bon bons. I do work for a living. I bring in money too. Not as much as my husband of course but I do try. I also have my entire family that I am always helping out. I still have both sets of grandparents, and a great grandmother. I take care of all the bills, the cleaning, I try to do canning and a vegitable garden to save us more money. I have to constantly help my husband with paperwork after paperwork for the military every time he is about to leave. If he is only going up to the base or the week(a lot of times he works monday through friday and he has to stay on the base because the trip is too long to travel everyday) I make lots of extra food and seperate it in tuperware so he can take it with him so he can have home cooking still and save money. Really woman don't get the respect they deserve a lot of times if they stay home. You do have a much longer day then mine. I don't know how you get away with it. I have to get 8 hours of sleep otherwise I'm just no good to anyone. Stay strong... I hope your husband appreciates you. You're a real gem.
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
Thank you. And I would say that he does sometimes lol. For instance he hates chinese food, but yet took me out to chinese for lunch. He doens't say it in words but he does show me how he feels. I don't know about being a real gem though lol. My ex husband would differ with that opinion heheheh.
1 person likes this
@cowgirl2701 (2079)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I had to work when my kids were little. I would have rather been able to stay at home with them. Now I have 2 grand daughters I have been able to quit my job and care for them. Chasing after a very curious 14 month old is lots of work. Also tending to a 6 week old at the same time. I enjoy it. Staying at home you do have lots of different jobs to do. I do have to say going out and working was much easier than staying at home.
@mrsturner (518)
• Canada
16 Apr 07
I totally get where you are coming from. Thankfully for me, my husband is not one of the people who thinks I have it easy. I take care of our home and then three days a week I go work at a local convenience store. He truely is grateful that I do what I do and pitches in with the housework that I falll behind on on the days when our daughter is teething and wants to be held all day, or our son wants me to play in his "house" of blankets. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I wish the world would realize that it's not the picnic they think it is. By the way, I do eat chocolates alot - it gives me the energy to go another couple hours. :)
3 people like this
@wvclaylady (45)
• United States
19 Apr 07
Amen on that one!!!! Add on top of all that, any "work at home" that we may do, and you get a total of about 80 hours a week! And, thank goodness our families have us to make sure they do what they need to, or they'd be helpless. LOL
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
19 Apr 07
This is true. There are some days it seems like are more 12 hour days than there are 8 hour days lol. With my oldest daughter always having drama, I have had a constant headache for the last 3 days. So everyday is feeling like it takes forever.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I can relate to you! People think that life is so easy being a stay at home mom. I run a day care in my home and people think I have life easy also because I don't "work". Well if it isn't work, I'd like to know what is. I have kids come to my home at 6:30 am, so I have to be up and dressed by then. I get my 3 kids up at 7am and get them off to school. By 8:30, I have 5 kids here ages 4 month-4 yrs old. I spend the day changing diapers, feeding babies, while trying to slip in a load of laundry here and there. The kids nap from 1-3, so this is when I try to eat some lunch and then get my cleaning in. The kids are all picked up by 4:30 and then I am off and running my kids to their activities. We finally are able to have dinner around 6:30, then baths and bedtime.
I know exactly how you feel when people think that being a stay at home mom is easy. It is a job and it makes me furious when people think it's a breeze.
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
People who think its a breeze should spend a day with my 14 year old. Dealing with her issues is enough to drive anyone crazy lol.
She said something one day about having issues, I told her she doesn't have issues she has subscriptions lol. I had a friend of mine say she wanted my job. I had her take a day off work to spend the day with me and see everything I do in a day.
She went back to work and never said again she wanted to have my job lol.
2 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
16 Apr 07
AMEN!!!! I am a stay at home mom as well. I have a stepson in elementary school, a son who will start prek in August and a daughter that will start prek in august next year. So at the present moment I have two kids at home with me during the day. It is a very hard and at times stressful job. There are times that I even have to remind my husband how hard my job is. We work 365 days a year with no break (unless we happen to find someone to watch the kids while we take a vacation). Being a stay at home mom (or dad) is the hardest job one will ever do in thier lifetime. We have to be all kinds of different occupations all at one time. Doctor, Chef, Maid, Teacher, Wife, Mother(or father), Chauffer, etc..... and like you said the only payment we get is to see the smiles on the faces of those we love. Which to me is worth more than any amount of money.
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I was going to make a list of all the jobs we do in one day but I don't know if I would have the room lol.
The funny part is we are never recognized for what we do and yet we still do it every day. And we wouldn't trade it for the world either.
3 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I have always wondered. We have all these different job descriptions as moms. So why when we do decide to return to work can we not use them as experience. Now I know a job like doctor would be a little far fetched. But think about it we clean our houses why couldn't we use that experience on an application for being a Maid. Nobody ever thinks about the things we do at home on a daily basis as having experience in that field. What better experience then something we do at home. Do you agree? But of course for me I don't know that I want to return to work after my youngest kids are in school.
4 people like this
@heero1103 (322)
• Philippines
17 Apr 07
Well, people who does not do much house chores thinks that house moms only sit at home and watch television, which isn't. My mom, for example, always stay up late just to finish the chores. The only difference of that with those who are employed is that "they stay at home".
Imagine?! You have to do the laundry, ironing of clothes, going to the market, cooking food, preparing food, cleaning the house, planning activities, budgeting family income, and if there is a child at home, your work is doubled.
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I never thought of it that way but you are right. A few of the people I know who have said they would love to be in my shoes do practally nothing throughout the day except go to work. They are mostly the ones also that think I do nothing all day long but sit around and watch tv.
1 person likes this
@siddhu_3 (3)
• India
17 Apr 07
Hi, Well i truely appriciate ur words. Actually working from home is really a good idea. And lots of people do this nowdays this is where you can have more time for your family. If you think it helps you in two ways. Like you can take care of your house as well as u can work. It save your timing which take you to travel from your home to your office if you are working somewhere. It save your money which you would be spending and also for eating and drinking coffee or may be any other thing which ofcouse is an extra cost.
I personally belive working from home is deifnately a good idea. You can spend your time with your family, which is also very important specially if u have kids and they are small.
Well i have seen many owners do work from home. As they have put good people to handel there office and they dont need to come to office. They can mannage it from staying home. And the technology has grown so vast I mean nowdays we have phone,internet connecting to a person has become so easy. And i really agree to your statement "Our joy is in seeing those we love taken care of. Everybody earn for family.
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
19 Apr 07
I wasn't taking it off subject. As a stay at home mom saving moeny on the gas I would normally have to use and the business clothes I would have to buy is another bonus. I was agreeing with you and saying that the savings is also nice. I do also work from home as I design websites from the house.
It was not my intention to go off topic in any way shapr or form. And I am sorry if that is what you thought I was doing. There wasn't much else for me to respond with since I had already touched on all the other points earlier in the disscussion or in my pervious comments.
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I have seven children and three dogs. If anyone wants to have my job for a week to give me a vacation so they can sit at home and watch TV eating bon bons...they can come on over and try it! But I guarantee there will be no watching TV or eating bon bons! The only time TV is on and I am actually watching it is when I sit down to eat dinner. One whole hour a day!!!
And honestly, it really pisses me off when people think it is easy!
I HAVE had a career. And while my partner's career is moving on up...the more time I stay at home and work, mine is moving down and I have no benefits!
No life insurance.
No pay check.
No taxes coming back.
No payments into Social Security.
No vacation days, sick days, or personal days.
Holidays I still have to work...and then it is overtime.
And if I ask him to cook dinner, I get the comment, "I've been at work all day. I just got home and I just want to sit and rest now."
Well gee...it most be nice to be able to "leave work"!!! Because my work is here and there is no leaving it!
Wanna complain about getting called in at night?
How about the nights we get puked on because someone is not feeling well?
Or getting up to check on something that you heard in the middle of the night to find dog poop with your foot in the dark! Great...no way your going right back to bed after that!
Sorry...I could just go on...but I seriously think that people think that staying at home is not stressful...they need to come to my house and give me the vacation I so deserve!
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Oh! And to earn our own little bit of money...we have to work HOURS just to get a dollar! Talk about crappy pay for us!
Sorry...no offense myLot. LOL
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I think what is is too is that people who stay home one or two days don't really get the idea of EVERYTHING that is involved in being a sahm. It's the little everyday stuff that you have to learn to manage. I can micro manage a bunch of people at work with a lot less stress than micro managing a house. The one comment my other half makes that does get under my skin sometimes is I need to get to bed....someone has to work in the morning.
@emisle (3822)
• Ireland
16 Apr 07
I'm 20 and have yet to have any kids, but I've always thought it would be easier to be in the workplace! I think a stay at home mum's job never stops, at least when you're in the workplace like your spouse they'll be more compelled to chip in in terms of cooking and tidying up. I think raising good kids is one of the hardest jobs a person can do.
2 people like this
@ethanmama (1745)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
I am not a stay at home mom. I think being a stay at home is harder than what most people think. I prefer going out to work as I really love my job. I hate doing household chores so for me being a stay at home mom is harder than pursuing a career. That's why I have a lot of respect for women who choose to pursue the role of a full time homemaker.
2 people like this
@stacy624 (2776)
• Canada
16 Apr 07
WOW that was very well said! I to am a stay at home mommy to 7 children expecting our 8th in Aug, and everything you said is sooooo true! There is no time for sick days or Vacation time! But in the end this part in our life is better than pay check they could ever offer me =)
Take care and Best Wishes
Stacy
2 people like this
@charlestchan (1415)
• Malaysia
16 Apr 07
wow.. amazingly long post.. =_= .. it seems like you're trying to tell that home work mom is actually doing a very good job huh? erm.. yes.. i do agree with you.. if all ladies refuse to be home moms.. then i'm sure everyone house will be untidy and extremely messy.. i always ask my mum to wash my clothes.. last time :) .. now i do it myself... there are lots of things that we dont' notice... we actually need a home mom so much that we always neglect them.... anyway.. i still agree that home mom is better :)
2 people like this
@prashantrjp (275)
• India
17 Apr 07
no ,i on the other hand feel that mothers at home do the hardest job...it is very tough to take care of every one...feed them..see to it that they get every thing that they require....working for ppl out of love and not money is most noble thing..and its always tough to take up reponsibilty of others...its just like we breath but still dont take a notice..so is a mother behind everyone and every act...but we dont notice it normally...
2 people like this
