Your money or our's

Sweetie, your man is a pig and an idiot. There, I said it. If the children are his and yours, then you should get a job and make him pay for the child care, maybe then he'd realise how much he's taking you for granted. And if he thinks staying home with the kids is such a walk in the park, maybe you should put him in a position to have to do this for a while by going to stay with frineds or family and leaving the kids home with him. And as for having to ask for money, you are not a slave, but an equal partner, and if he doesn't see it that way, you should ask yourself why you are putting up with this kind of treatment. It would be all too easy to demonise your fella and bemoan his prehistoric attitudes, but people treat us how we teach them to, and you have to take some responsibility for yourself. Does he treat you well? Do his good points outweigh the bad? Does he know how miserable he's making you? If not, and you really want this to work, you have to speak up for yourself and come to some arrangement that suits you both. If you can't, when your partner asks you to marry him, the best answer would be 'no'. Best of luck sweetie, and let us know how you resolve this one.

It is our money. My husband works and I am a SAHM. Marriage is a partnership. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but your husband is being financially abusive. Yes, there is such a thing. He sounds very controlling and that isn't healthy for a good marriage. I hope everything becomes resolved for you and your family and that you all find a way to make things work to where everyone will be happy. *hugs* Blessings

I am not even married, however me and my bf lives together and his money is my money and my money is his 0) I would not have it any other way. If u are sharing a life, you should also be able to share finances

My husband and I always have said it is ours. My mother and step father have sperate accounts and everything and he gives her so much a pay check to help pay for the bills and alot of their agruments are over money. Marriage is hard enough without having to worry about whos money is whos. You have a right to be upset.

in our household it's our money and neither one of us would think of acting like your fiance does. I would definetly work this out before you get married. It is wrong of him to eat out all the time and then say no to you. My wife doesn't work either for exactly the same reasons, her check would go to cover child care and not much else so it's not worth it. If he thinks you have it easy, make him stay home with the kids one day and see how he likes it. It's not as easy as it looks. You are not over reacting one bit, you have a right to be upset because he's being a butt.

You're not overreacting at all. You're either a team or you aren't. You need to be on the same page about money before the wedding bells ring or you're in for a rude awakening! More divorces are caused by money issues than anything else. Read Financial Peace or Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. You can get them from the library. You can also check out his site - www.daveramsey.com You'll be forever glad that you did.

Well, I never married nor have I had a companion of any kind so perhaps I am not entitled to make an opinion. Be that as it may I will say that my position on the subject would be: What's his is mine and what's mine is mine and the devil take the hind teat. I usually mean that in a joking manner but it would seem that he takes the same position seriously. I just wrote a lot of things but after reading them I decided not to post them as I do not want to make you feel any worse than you probably all ready do. I see the only way out is to try in some way to show your patience and understanding toward him but at the same time get him to see the error of his ways and hope that the love the two of you have for each other will see you through this unfortunate scenario. Good luck and God Bless. +

I am sorry that you are upset. I agree with you. You work just as hard as he does. Staying home with the kids makes a lot more messes to be cleaned that working outside the home with daycare to clean up the messes. I am sorry that he doesn't understand this. I don't suggest this, but I know a friend who did this once and it worked. One day she did absolutley nothing but change diapers and feed babies, but she left out all the mess, did no cleaning, did not even get dressed or shower, and left the house just the way it was with all the kids messes. She stacked up the dirty diapers (from two kids) and left all the bottles on the counter. He came home and when he asked what happened she said that since her work wasn't important enough to get paid for it, she decided not to. It made him understand a bit more and she was then put on the checking account and given a debit card with her name on it. I do not think you are overreacting at all and I send you my love.

wow, some guys just don't understand do they? I think that since you all are not married, it would be a good time to go get some premarital counseling. If he has these kind of misconceptions now, imagine how much worse it'll get once you say I DO! I seriously would tell him, that you all need consel on these issues, and see if he won't go. If not, go on your own, it'll help you deal with him at least. I know many people think staying home with children is an easy job, but we know how untrue that can be. There are days where I simply need a break, and I can imagine it's hard for you to get one when he thinks the way he does. Try to see if you can exchange babysitting with a friend, she watches your kids for a few hours once a week and you watch hers, it'll help you get some time away. As far as money, My hubby and I have a pretty good system now, he opened me a checking account, and we direct deposit 20 dollars a week into the account, all of that money is mine. I can spend it on myself, the kids or whatever I want. And on the occasion that I need a little more, I take a few ones here and there from his wallet (he knows I do, and never misses it anyways) just so I can have a little extra. I think you def. Need to talk to your fiance and see if you can work out something like this. If not, have you considered going back to work? I know it would be hard though, having to leave the kids, and I myself problably couldn't do it, even if I was in the same situation. Try and leave him home with the kids more, maybe go grocery shopping alone, and he can have the kiddos for a few hours, he may not realize what it's like. Good luck. I hope things turn around for you!

You aren't wrong. There are many men who don't seem to understand until they get put in the situation themselves. My ex never realized how good he had it until I went into the hospital. Even then my mom took the younger kids so all he had was the older ones after school when he got home from work. He couldn't even manage to do the simplest of things without help from the kids.

i think it's high time that you seriously think about leaving that man. honestly, i'm a bit saddened by your post, you're not overreacting!

I understand how u feel. I am a stay at home also but my partner lets me eat if i am hungry. I do most of the cooking, all the cleaning, and look after our son. I feel uncomfrtable sending my son to childcare as he is only 16 1/2 months old and he has downs syndrome so he cant walk yet but he is close. And even if i go to the shops wich is a 5 minute drive and my partner looks after him he screams while im gone. But yeah back to you, from what it sounds like it seems that your husband is judging you for not working and that he feels the need what you can and cant have as he is suporting you. Sit down and explain to him how you feel. I am sure he will understand.

I agree with you mommy20032005. My husband and I have one checking account with both our names on it. That is the way it has always been and we have been married for 23 years. I take care of all the bills. I try to keep extra cash out so I can give him money to buy a hot lunch every day. He does work hard delivering mail and needs a good meal each day but I eat out quite often myself. I hope you and your husband can come to a peaceful solution. I know this must really be frustrating for you. A lot of men don't realize that being a stay at home mother is a job, you may not get a paycheck but you most definitely have a job. I still am a stay at home mom but I have a paying job also. I have a contract with a local hospital and am a medical transcriptionist but I still have to cook supper and keep other things going here at home as well. Best of luck to you. :):)

Of course you deserve some of that money. You are raising your kids, teaching them everything they know so far, keeping the house clean, and doing all the other wonderful jobs that come with it. My husband works and I stay home with the kids but it is our money not just his. I work part time from home for extra money too. My older 2 kids aren't even his neither. My sister is going through the same thing she isn't even allowed to have extra money to take the kids to mcdonalds during the day or anything. I just don't understand it. I would seriously talk to him about it because you deserve it as much as him. How would he like to feel the way he is making you feel. It wouldn't be a good feeling at all.

First off it is not easy being a stay at home mom. Many don't really know how hard and exhausting it can be. For one you hubby gets a clock out time and moms don't, even the ones who work away from home. I think you have every right to be upset that he does this to you. It is a full time job and then some. Just because you don't get a paycheck does not mean you don't deserve one.

try to make him stay home for just one day with the kids, lets see if he doesn't appreaciate you much better. im a stay at home mom too but my husband always include me to any finances that he makes if i said no, he won't argue with me anymore, beside eating out by himself with out you and the kids, i think is a little selfish, he doesn't care about you and the kids, at least treat you out once and a while since your working so hard in the house.

Unfortunately, this is common with some men. Taking care of kids, a home, meals and all of that is a full time job and you shouldn't have to ask him to buy you a meal. You should be able to keep a few bucks in your purse just b/c you want to. Personally, I wouldn't let any man treat me like he is you...but thats me. Your choices are either to put up with it or put your foot down and if you decide to put your foot down it may not be pretty. LIVE IN PEACE

My husband works and I stay home with the kids, same situation as yours. We couldn't see throwing my paycheck right out the door to child care, and questionable care at that. A safe and secure environment for our children is the most important thing. He works long hours, I keep the house nice, have his food ready, rub his feet and back, etc, but it's all my choice to do and we both feel it's a fair trade. The money that comes into the household is ours. We consult each other before spending any money to ensure that our finances are steady and spent in the appropriate places. He's not greedy or selfish with the money because he's the one actually out earning. We both feel our roles in the marriage are equal. Sounds to me like your fiance is a bit of a control freak. That's sad that he feels that way and is making your miserable.

If that's the case you should make it all clear to him that what his is yours too.. and if he didn't agree with that get a job yourself and spend it for yourself too and your children .. give him a taste of his own medicine..