I LOVE my GRANDDAUGHTER but I DON'T think I am DONE ...
@texasclassygal (5305)
United States
June 22, 2007 12:20pm CST
I think I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer babysit my beautiful granddaugther. I started babysitting for my daughter while she was attending college last year, just on the college days, then it became, the one other day while she was at work, but I never seemed to mind since it was during the day and she always picked her up at the latest 8:30 pm. and I never babysat on a Friday. Nowdays she is working as a waitress in of the major restaurants here and she seems to be making more money working at night than she does during the day, so much, that she no longer has the desire to work during the day. She has depended on me the last 2 weeks to babysit her daughter while she is working, yes, at night, when she does not return home until 12:30 or later, which means that I must put her daughter to bed, and with my daughter's lifestyle her daughter goes to bed much later than I, usually around midnight, making it difficult for her to stay with us.
Today, was the last straw, I had my Friday off and was diligently working on my auctions when she called to inform me she was working a double shift and try to get me guilt tripped into babysitting her all day today, again. I told her I couldn't do it, it was just too much for me to handle. I love my granddaughter but the way my daughter is raising her is so different from mine and the hours she is keeping are too much for me to handle.
I feel sad today, I think I am done babysitting my beautiful granddaughter.
7 people like this
23 responses
@GardenGerty (160708)
• United States
22 Jun 07
It is time you quit being the baby sitter, and became grandma again. Available, occasionally and on you own terms. If it is best for her to do her waitressing in the evenings, then she needs to find someone who can come into her home and watch the little girl, and put her to bed at her regular time, in her own bed. She needs to be looking down the road to the time when that child will be needing a good night's sleep so she will do well in preschool or school. Perhaps your daughter could find someone from college, who would give her a reduced child care rate for the privilege of doing their laundry at her house or something like that. As long as she can guilt you into taking care of the little girl, she will, and that is not really good for the relationship. You are mom, and grandma, not an employee, not the babysitter. Stand firm on your decision.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160708)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Thanks for Best response. I had a relative's child live with me. I loved her, but the difference in our styles of discipline were not fair to the little girl, and sometimes the small amount of money I was to get for her care did not come, and sometimes there were medical bills that were not covered. I had to stop it, so I know how you feel.
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
You hit it right on with your comment, thank you so much, that is what I feel like, an employee who does not get paid and has horrible working conditions, running after a 3 year old is hard work, especially this one, she is spoiled rotten and my daughter has not discipline values, so it wears me out. Thank you, that is what I am missing, the Grandmother part, my favorite part. Thank you for responding, it is truly appreciated!!
1 person likes this
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I can understand your daughter's desire to make the better money. But I think she could be taking advantage of your kindness. She has not right to make you feel guilty. I never had the luxury of a parent to babysit my kids. I really dont think this is so good for the child either. I realize that people have to work and some at night but disrupting your life is unacceptable.I kept my older daughter's 3 kids while she and her husband moved out of town. Two weeks turned into a month and I was about to climb the walls! I vowed after that never again. I no longer have the patience to handle kids for extended periods of time. To top it off my daughter's husband thanked me but my daughter said nothing. Good luck.
2 people like this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Yeah I never had the privilege of a mother watching my two children when I was on my own trying to make it here in Houston as a single parent with no child support from their father. I worked nights, weekends, any opportunity I could get and I put my kids in daycare and never once asked anybody to watch them, I guess that is why this is so hard, she expects this and then plays guilt trips on me saying she will pay me for sitting but still has not paid back me or my boyfriend of money we loaned her months ago ..
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
25 Jun 07
My son borrowed several hundred dollars to fix his vehicle but has yet to pay us bac. He is always "broke". He makes more money than we do. Oh well, like they say I might just as well consider it a gift since I'll neve get it back. I sure could use it tho.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
22 Jun 07
Sometimes you have to step up and teach your children, grown or still growing a lesson.
I'm sure she knows she's using you, which is why she's pushing the guilt trips at you, but she still needs to learn you won't put up with it.
If this has to be the end of your babysitting the child, then so be it, but i'm sure she would never stop you from seeing that beautiful child, and maybe setting your foot down now will make it so that she understands you can only take so much, and will only babysit once in a while.
Things will get better, as they always do, this is just the bump in the road that has taught you something, but also in the process is teaching your big little girl something as well.
Congratulations on putting your foot down, and good luck with the rest of all of this hun.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
You are right, just sometimes you think cause they are so much older now, I mean she will be 28 this year, that you think they would have learn by now, but I guess you never stop! Thanks for responding, it is truly appreciated.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Isn't life wonderful when you are blessed with such friends like YOU, take care!
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
22 Jun 07
Parenting never stops Luv, just the way it is, she should know this by now, but she doesn't seem to, which is why your there to guide her the right way.
you know i'll always be here to talk.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
22 Jun 07
You are right, your granddaughter is a beauty! I feel that your daughter is taking advantage of your kindness. She needs to grow up and take responsibity for finding different child care for her daughter. Tell her that in a pinch you will babysit, but you can't do it every day.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Thank you, I think she is gorgeous, but I a partial, yes, I am hoping that she will grow up and take responsibility of her daughter so many times I feel like saying to her that I was not the one that wanted another baby in the family, but I always bite my tongue, cause I love my granddaughter, just I am not ready to be a Mom again, all my kids are grown now!
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I think that you should remind your daughter that you are not the mother of her child, you are the grandmother. And the advantage of being a grandmother is you can visit but not have the responsibility of taking care of the child 24/7.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I have told her that a few times, she gets upset when I say I don't want to have anymore children to take care of, I am just tired of taking care of kids and so ready to take care of ME .. thanks for responding, it is always appreciated!
@kodie420 (872)
• Canada
22 Jun 07
Im sorry to hear that your sad but I think you did the right thing because it sounded like your daughter was starting to take advantage of the situation. My sister had a baby about 3 years ago and the similar thing happened between my mom and her the only difference is my mom was'nt brave like you and say NO. Well 3 years later my sister isnt working right now but guess what? My mom is still watching her all day and most nights. I talked to my mom and have told its not right that my sister take such advantage of her (and on top of everything my mom is disabled as well) and her biggest fear is my sister will not let her see the baby again. My sister has even threaten this to so it really doesnt help but I know sure my sister might not let her see her for a week or 2 but I know she would eventually be back asking again. Just as Im sure you'll be babysitting your granddaughter again. I think you just showed your daughter your not going to be taken advantage of and I personally think everything will work out fine! Good luck
2 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
22 Jun 07
sorry to intervien, but looking at your mothers situation i thought i would let you in on a little something. Your sister has no legal right to keep the child/children from your mother, if she tries such a thing your mother can go to the police, get a lawyer (even go to legal aid if she needs it) and can file for her grandparent rights, grandparents have just as much, if not more rights than the parents, and in many cases i don't agree with this, but in this case, sounds like the child is better off in your mothers hands anyhow, but what i mean is your mother can have it so your sister has no choice but to take the little one to your mothers at least once a week to visit with your mother for the duration decided on.
There's always a way.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Way to go Ash, you are so right, there is a grandparent's law where the parents cannot withhold the children away from grandparents and if I ever had to do this to see my little granddaughter, I would in a heart beat!
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I love my granddaughter too and babysit occasionally. I love taking care of her but when you are older it's not that easy and we do have things of our own to do. I am sorry this has become a problem for you. But don't let it destroy your relationship with the little cutie. It's not her fault and your daughter is old enough to take responsibility for her daughter. I do sometimes wonder why it is that the kids of this generation are so different from when we raised our kids. I never had anyone of my parents babysit unless it was an emergency. I hope you can work it out so there are no hard feelings!
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Oh, I am sure we will work out, I raised her not to keep ill feelings, especially with family members, I just hate the discord that has developed between us due to the babysitting, I would never want to be far away from my granddaughter, I moved back to Texas just so I could be closer to her, afterall, she is named after me !!
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I think she just needs to realize that her Mother can't do it all the time and not to assume that she will! Thanks for responding, it is truly appreciated.
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
25 Jun 07
Well, I don't blame you. Too often nowdays, grandparents are used for baby sitting, rather than as promoting valuable contart between grandparent & grandchild.
You can only explain to your daughter that you need time to yourself, that you other things in youur life to, & that you simply can't manage all this baby sitting.
You may be prepared to baby sit certain hours, or you may not. State thse hours very clearly. Your daughter will have to find a daytime child care centre, or a night time baby sitter & pay her he approoiate rates.
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
22 Jun 07
OH it's too bad your daughter's life style isn't working - I know exactly what you mean though. I'm 'old' and I like to wind down by 9 and be asleep no later than 11. But I'm up at 5-6 a.m. daily - my daughter will be up 3 in the morning but then sleeps until noon or later - that's not good for her two kids who really have no schedual at all.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Yeah that is me too .. I wind down by 9:00 and asleep by 10:30 at the latest, the other night she was here I was laying down with her to try and get her to go to sleep at 10:30 and she kept telling me she was not tired, yet I was falling asleep, I can't do the late hours anymore, nor do I want to start, thanks for contributing, long time no see, hopefully good on your part, take care, my friend!
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
24 Jun 07
A 3 year-old is a nice age to babysit, tough too. lol. It seems that you will miss babysitting your beautiful granddaughter. I am sure your daughter will bring her to visit you if you are no longer babysitting her. Alternatively, you can still go visit her.
I understand the feeling. At times, I too miss my nieces but sometimes, it is simply too much to babysit them as I have my own schedules. I do not mind babysitting if I am free and available but if it crashes with my own schedule, it sort of make me feel very awkward. I have help to babysit my nieces since they were born.
@Sherry12 (2472)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I certainly understand, even though I know it is hard for you to not be babysitting her. I sometimes think that we so much want to help our kids, that they just come to expect it. And, then it ends up we are being taken advantage of and by the time we realize what is happening, our kids think they are doing us a favor.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
What a great perception. Thanks for contributing, it is always appreciated!!
@laridbz (1280)
• China
22 Jun 07
I think this is a very common problem between daughters and mothers. I don't have kids yet, but when I was little, my grandmother raised me for about 2 years.
My mom would work during the whole day, and I'd stay with her. I don't remember almost anything, but I'm very grateful for what my grandma did to me.
Anyway, my grandma was already retired at the time, and she wouldn't mind at all taking care of me. Actually she loved it, so it wasn't a problem between them.
I'm really sorry to hear about this issue, but I'm pretty sure you'll figure out a way. Cheers, sweetie!
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
We will figure it out in time, I am sure, thanks for your contribution, it is always appreciated.
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I can certainly understand your feelings. When I last visited my parents, they watched my son while I had a much needed night out. They usually go to bed around 9pm, which IS my son's bed time, except that in their time zone it's 11pm. He wouldn't go to bed. When we got back from the movies it was around 10pm and my mom pointed out that my son wasn't even acting tired and asked how late I let him stay up. When I pointed out the time difference, she understood, and after that I was more considerate of her schedule and if she was watching my son I would be back by 9pm, so she could go to bed.
You shouldn't feel bad that you have to stop babysitting. I'm sure you'll miss the time you get to spend with your granddaughter, but it's not fair to you for her to expect you to always be able to babysit and for her to expect you to rearrange your schedule to accomodate the way she raises her daughter.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Thanks for your input, so nice to hear that I am not alone in this, your contribution is always appreciated.
@dojhue21 (24)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I feel for you abd I don't think your daughter is taking advantage of your compassion, I think that she has grown use to you babysiting her child. The fact that you haven't yet approached her about the situation leads her to think that what she is doing is okay and that there is nothing wrong with it. You need to confront your daughter about her taking advantage of you and also about the way she is raising her child. She will appreciate it later
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
22 Jun 07
Yes, I do think that she takes advantage of me, but I also think that is what kids do with their parents, without even considering the end results, thanks for responding, it is appreciated.
@keepermykitty (2573)
• Canada
24 Jun 07
Well it sounds like your daughter is taking advantage of you , I would have to say No myself Mainly cause its got to be hard on your granddaughter more than anyone else ...
And thats not fair to you or your Granddaughter !!!
@venshida (4836)
• United States
23 Jun 07
Sorry to hear, but I understand. I think you should talk to your daughter. It appears to me like she might be taking advantage of your kindness. Yes, you love the little one, but she is responsible for the child. I would hate to have to babysit all the time. You already raise her. This is your time to have a break. I hope you get the issue solve real soon.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
23 Jun 07
I wouldn't stand for it either.
My son, I could pass off for more than a few hours and if I'm forced to I never leave him for an whole day. (Pretty much around him all the time) =)
Thanks for sharing it, I'm sure you'll miss her but this is a point and action I think you should take.
Kudos!
~Joey
@larabellarina91106 (59)
• United States
23 Jun 07
I understand completley, I think maybe it would have been better if she had asked you in advance, since she didn't and just expected you to do it, it drove you nuts. My sister used to do that to me.
Does she pay you?
Does you state have daycare assistance?
Well, I would probably, say to her. "If you can't find a babysitter other than me who would be okay with nightshifts, then you need to either go back to work during the day, or find a job that is during the day."
She has to know that you are helping her, and without your help she would have no choice but to find a schedule the fits around a babysitter, or daycare. So she should treat you the same.
@mcarmy (14)
• Spain
23 Jun 07
yeah, i understand you. now the life is so hard when the parents both is working,they are alwyas depending of the family to babysit their childrens. i think is nice to be with your granddaughter but now it´s the moment for you , first the husband, then the child and now the granddaughter. now you have to rest and live a little.
