The Real Me!!!
By Rozie37
@Rozie37 (15499)
Turkmenistan
August 27, 2007 9:27pm CST
Okay, this is going to take a lot of courage. I am by my doctor's diagnosis obese. I have been severely over weight for many years. It is something that I rarely ever discuss. Not so much because I am ashamed of it or afraid that people will make fun of me. I just wanted to avoid the remedies that people are sure to offer.
I have considered them all. Notice, that I did not say that I have tried them all. I know very well what it takes to lose weight. It requires eating right and exercising. You should burn more calories than you take in. I am not on any special diet or exercise regimen at this time.
I have a lot of things going against me, but the one thing that I need to help me, I have. That is my faith in God. Some of you already know that I have a severe mental disorder call Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is so bad that therapist refuse to treat me as soon as they find out what I have.
I am an emotional eater. Eating is one of the ways that I make myself feel better when I am upset, depressed, or lonely. I also have a lot of physical ailments that prevent me from exercising the way that I want to. I am accident prone and because of that, I have a lot of old injuries that have caused arthritis and tendenitis. I also have exercise induced asthma.
I still love to walk and dance, like I always have, but it is a lot more painful than it use to be, so most of the time I stay at home. My home life is filled with a lot of constant drama. I do not live in a regular home, but a board and care for the mentally ill. I don't know if I could describe it better as a circus or a zoo, but it definitely never gets boring.
I like to hang out with different friends that I have made hear in the last two years, but when the drama gets to be to much, I head for my safe haven and stay there. If I see a need, I will advocate and fight for anyone. But, I have learned to choose my battles wisely. There have been many times that I have stood to fight for our rights, and ended up standing alone.
Being obese is one of the most painful things in the world. I never knew how bad it could be until I really started getting big a year and a half ago after falling and breaking my leg. Now it is hard for me to get around my place without bumping into walls or having to walk sideways. I have not been able to go to the movies for a very long time.
It is almost impossible for me to find clothes that I can afford that fit. I am up to a size 6x now and am worried that one day I wont be able to buy clothes at all. But will have to have them made. I am on SSI, so I have a very limited income, but God always makes a way for everything that I need.
I never expected to feel like I owed my friends on Mylot the truth. I had never made real friendships online before, so I didn't know that it was possible to feel this close to people in cyberspace. My niece took the picture below, even though I was begging her not to.
12 people like this
19 responses
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
28 Aug 07
Well let me say this , it takes a lot of courage to tell others about who you really are and you sound like someone with a very big heart . You see you have a problem and that is always the hardest thing to face in life . The way one looks often affects our self esteem but often makes us a better person as we are able to sympatize with how others feel . Those who love you don't see your physical attributes but see the size of your heart and that is what is important in life . In life you will find that 99% of us have flaws but it is seeing these flaws and admitting to them that make us special as no one wants to be around someone who thinks they are so beautiful that the world owes them something . Beauty is what is seen inside when one does something good out of the kindness of their heart and who will stand up to someone alone knowing this is the right thing to do . Take Care and God Bless !!
3 people like this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
29 Aug 07
I don't really see my issues as flaws. I am exactly the way God wants me to be at this time. Although, I would like to change a lot of things. It is not my will, but his will that hast to be done in my life.
You are right, "Without suffering, there can be no compassion." That came from one of my favorite movies. "A Walk To Remember," starring Mandy Moore.
1 person likes this
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
28 Aug 07
I am in the same boat. I have a coughing condition that you described beautifully, exercising induced asthma. Right now, my doctor is trying to get my thyroid under control as it is having fun with my blood sugar and my cholesterol. What's worse is I'm adopted and there is no way for me to put a finger on my family history, which is showing more and more to do with these kind of issues.
*
You may need to get a motorized scooter, and water aerobics may assist you in seeking exercise. The water keeps the weight of your body off your feet, and if you 'fall' you don't fall hard. There are also flotation devices if your a weak swimmer. Being heavy and in a swimsuit at the Y.M.C.A. isn't at issue, as most often your co-swimmers have physical issues also. In some classes I stood out because I lacked an oxygen tank.
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Your very welcome. We're all fellow travelers on this blue ball we call Earth.
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Ok, I see you have problems everybody does, No one is perfect, all you can do is put things in Gods hands. and he will make things all right for you. I have grown close to a lot of people too. I like chatting with you. Ok, I just had to leave My comment, you are all right with me. Have a good night sleep!
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
28 Aug 07
HUGSSSSSSSSSSSS To You My Friend!!!!
You know, it takes a lot of courage to open up like you have and to share with us all about YOU! I can't begin to fathom what you're going through Rozie and all I know is that I have a GREAT friend in YOU.
Whether you like it or not I am sending you something in the mail. I don't know if you are able to take it/use it but I'm sending it anyway. I know what it is like to eat when I am down and out and even though my weight has fluctuated over the years, this is beginning to help me lose a bit with exercise.
We are here for YOU and will always be :) Hugs to you my friend xxox
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
29 Aug 07
Love ya right back Rozie :):) Keep posting and keep sharing and if there is anything I can do to support or just be here to listen, then I am here my friend. God is good and I am so blessed to have met you! Hugssss! xxox
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Don't worry, I'm not shocked at all Rosie. You seem alright to me. Plus I'm sure with our companionship, your family's support and your own inner strength you may be able to beat your current demons.
We are all here to support you Rosie. You need fear nothing sharing such things with us.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Er, you have nothing to fear sharing such things with us. Sorry bout that
1 person likes this
@lancingboy (1385)
• United States
28 Aug 07
I know an alternative to emotional eating that might work! Have you tried crocheting or sewing whenever you are feeling down? If you don't know how, you could always learn and substitute that for eating. Once you see your progress on whatever item you are doing, you might feel much better because you see something that you created. Plus, you might be able to go to a craft fair or something to sell your crafts for a little extra income. Hope this idea helps! Good luck.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
28 Aug 07
I agree. Think of what else you could do Rosie. I myself am obese but I try to look for things I could do. They say that we usually have great voices because of our built. Maybe you could sing or even start your own talk shows online. In that way, you would be busy and would forget about your depression. There are groups like that in Skype.
Look for what is good in you everyday, and share it to people around. You can do arts and crafts like lancingboy shared and for it you could have extra more income.
Don't worry Rozie, you are not alone.
=)
@TheCatzMeow1 (579)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Your heart and spirit is in the right place. I know that losing weight is a difficult thing. It can even be very depressing. It doesn't help to have physical ailments that makes exercising more painful than anything. Like with any problem or goal, all we can do is take life one day at a time. It must of been very difficult for you to extend yourself to post this since it's something you don't usually talk about. To me it's what's on the inside that counts. I truly wish you the best!
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10117)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Hi Rozie girl.Regardless of how a person looks it shouldnt matter if they are your friend.You dont owe us anything here at mylot.You are still my friend and will always be regardless!!!It takes will power to loose weight.Im currently on a diet myself.You have to start slow.Dont rush take your time.We can share ideas if you like.You have my email.I know you are a strong believer in God and with his help and believing you can loose weight its going to happen.
shaunita
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
28 Aug 07
Don't feel bad I am on disability myself from having multiple sclrosis. I get down myself from time ti time. Like tonight I lost my bowles but it is nothing I can help from time to time. I have a bit of a weight problem myself also. Well I always have truthfully since I was a child. Not as bad now but I am still over 200 lbs. You have a very nice personality and that is what I look at with anyone I know not what they look like or what is wrong with them because I have problems myself. I think you are a great person just for being the person you are :)
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
28 Aug 07
hi rozie! thank you for opening up with us, I know it must have been so hard but you did it,you shared and you let see not only the real picture of you but the real you,your personality and character..and I can't help but admire you with that courage.
Faith in God-if you have it,then you have all the strenght you will need to face all your battles. Just keep on trusting Him. Remember what HE said in the book of Hebrews,He will not forsake you nor leave you.
I hope I can be a friend to you. :) and hey..you're such a beautiful woman..sad that you weren't facing the camera but I can sense you have one great smile to offer.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
28 Aug 07
Thank you so much. I don't like taking pictures any more. My niece got a hold of a camera that I had brought to take pictures of them. When I first saw the picture, I could not believe how big I was. But, I had to let go and give it to God.
If I gave my problems the attention that an unsaved person would, I would never do anything else. I started seeing a new doctor two weeks ago and it made me realize just how strong my faith is. Midway through the conversation I said, I didn't realize how bad things were until I came here today.
That is because I can not afford to spend a lot of time focusing on myself. There are things that God has me doing for his kingdom. He will heal and bless me when the time is right, but once you give something to God, you have to leave it there so he can work on it.
1 person likes this
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Hey Rozie. Nice to meet you. It takes a lot of courage to admit you need help. I too am overweight. I just moved to Arizona and I have never been happier than I am now. I have a positive attitude and I am already startign to lose the weight I gained from sitting around all day in rainy Oregon. The sunshine here has given me a new hope and it makes me want to help myself. I guess what I'm say is everyone needs to find out what makes them happy and makes them want to help themselves. I found mine. I pray that you some day can find yours. EVEN if happiness means you can accept yourself the way you are.I will keep you in my prayers. God does answer prayers. He answered mine to get to Arizona and now He is working on my prayer to get a job. I WILL find the perfect job for me. I wasnt trying to tell yopu what you need to do just suggesting some things that might help. Its up to you to find out what truly works for you. Hugs to you. You are beautiful, no what what.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
29 Aug 07
I'm going to say this. You look a lot like my sister in law, who I feel was a beautiful woman. I know we all got problems and such, I got some myself, and that's no lie. If you love to walk, then walk; I have heard you can lose weight just doing that. you drink water, so that's good and a great start. You say you eat food, perhaps you can replace it to fruit or something healthy for you when those times occur. Just a thought. But I believe you can beat this thing. You say you have God, yes, He makes it possible, so put your trust in Him. Listen for Him, and keep all those who aren't in your corner out of your business. just do it and don't say nothing. I'm rooting for you lady. Keep up and don't stop. Your also in my prayers as well Roz. Peace.
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3048)
• United States
28 Aug 07
It takes real courage to tell people something you have kept quiet about, and that is a reason why I think you are stronger than you think you are. You know what needs to be done, and one day you might be able to lose some of that weight, but it shouldn't matter as long as you accept yourself. Only you have the power anyway. I've never had friends online either, but thanks to Mylot, I have made a few that I feel close too. I'm glad you decided to share with us. What exactly is Borderline Personality Disorder?
1 person likes this
@LearningToBreathe (11)
• India
28 Aug 07
Thank you rozie for sharing your experience.Its good that you did it.You know that your realization is the first step towards your fix.Its a pity that your physical problems restrict you.Determine yourself and make yourself so strong that you are able to pass through a hell storm.Obesity is such an issue that invites other mental conditions along with it.This is the very reason that you should brace yourself and not think about turning back.Your exercise induced asthma may restrict you,but you can look over your eating habits correctly.Resort and retreat to a different passion that you have instead of food.Think music and dance that you enjoy.Use your imagination and you can even write a record of your experiences.Think positive.You are your enemy if you don't think and do straight.Seek joy from your memories and all the small things.Keep your faith in god.But, you know that god helps those who help themselves!Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@LearningToBreathe (11)
• India
28 Aug 07
Its not in the bible.Its something we are all familiar with,but don't know its origin.This quote is attributed to Sidney Algernon(1622-1683) in his "Discourses on Government".The similar quote"God helps them that help themselves" is attributed to Benjamin Franklin in Poor Richard's Almanac of 1757.Earlier versions of the quote include:
"Help thyself,heaven will help thee"(La Fontaine,Book VI,fable 18)
"Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act".(Sophocles)
@34momma (13882)
• United States
28 Aug 07
you don't owe anyone anything. you are a beautiful person no matter what size you are. when you are ready to take those baby steps to do what you have to do then we here at mylot and yuwie will be here to support you. so you don't ever have to be worried to let us know who the real you is. you are still the wonderful friend you were yesterday as you are today and that is all that matters to me. big or small
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
28 Aug 07
There is always something you can do for yourself. Create a plan to lose weight if that is what you desire to do. I have lost 20 pounds myself since last December just by walking, doing some arobic exercises and eating less snacks and junk food. As hard as it might seem, I think you need to look at your situation from a different light. Quit thinking in terms of being obese or mentally impaired and think in terms of being healthy and able to create a better life for yourself. From what I have seen of you on this site, you are a great person. I think you have the power within yourself to make any change you truly desire. And for sure, the Creator is on your side.
1 person likes this
@crazynurse (7482)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Hi Rozie. I admire your courage in posting the picture and discussing your health issues with your myLot friends. Notice I say friends, because you can sure find a wealth of them here on myLot. It is good that you are comfortable enough with who you are to come forth and reveal yourself to us...that is courageous! It really sounds like you have done a lot of self-reflection and know yourself very well. (emotional eater, choosing battles wisely, etc). As for weight loss, I will not preach to you about that, as you have plainly stated that you fully udnerstand how it needs to be done. When you are ready, you will lose weight! You sound like a very strong person who can accomplish whatever you set out to do!
1 person likes this
@laurika (4532)
• United States
28 Aug 07
I really feel with you.I have mum probably the same size like.She has also so many problems with shopping, so I am sending here clothes from here(USA), she is from (Europe) adn there is no more size she need.You know, I am trying to help her a lot, we all try, but the problem is, she thinks everything is from her many different sickness, she has.Very interesting is i am oposite of her, I am very skinny.I would like to help her, but she doesn't listen and eat evrything she want to(bacon, fat...)The problem is she have to want and then we can try fix the problem.I hope you are different, I hope you want to lose some weight.I can imagine, it have to be very hard when you are emotional eater.But when you will loose a little bit, you would see, how happy you would be.I wish you good luck and lot of support from all your friend.
If you need something I am here for you and would be glad to encourage you.
