He called me an idiot! I don't take kindly to that sort of thing!!!

I hate being called that too. My husband doesn't call me an idiot directly...but he'll make comments like, "Its just common sense." Finds ways to make me feel like an idiot. But he did call me an idiot once and I blew up. He later apologized, but still....

I like this story and I'm sorry your husband got like that. But I've seen some women insult their loved ones (not jokingly) rather easily. Idiot used at the guy is the most common thing I've heard either with friend's couples and a few stories/recounts from other friends and family. I've heard a few others too, some seemingly unnecessary when considering the circumstances (not putting groceries up in the fridge in the exact order she wants for one example).

It's not right and it is hurtful, I agree. I have had a few incidents where I said something I didn't mean and I was very stressed out at the time. It was a heated moment though, not out of the blue like that. Sometimes we say things we wish we can't take back. I would be hurt, but I wouldn't think too much into it unless there are other things going on that aren't normal. Is it possible that he's hanging around someone at work that uses choice words like that? It seems like choice words the people around me use rubs off on me and I end up saying them too. Just thinking of another possible way of looking at it.

Well let me say that I ran away from an abusive family when I was 13 and have been on my own ever since. I was verbally abused. I was called, dumb, ignorant, an idiot, etc etc. I was told I'd never amount to anything yaddah yaddah yaddah. To this day 40 years later those words still stick with me even though I love my dad dearly and am his care giver. I still have somewaht low self esteem from those hurtful words. No matter the reasoning behind using such hurtful words or phrases it is still verbal abuse to me. I am sorry but I do not tale lightly to this type of verbal abuse. That's all I can say for now in this matter. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~

Well, for me that's a "deal-breaker", I remember I broke up with my last boyfriend because I was trying to do something and he said "you'll never be able to do it", that was a strike for sure. I'm not married, so I don't know how much authority I have over this subject, but I read your whole post and I guess I could give you my two cents based on that. I'm kind of like you in these things, call me fat, call me ugly but don't insult my intelligence. But your case is entirely different, for three reasons. Now before I say anything, I hope I won't be offending you in any way, and if I do then I apologize in advance. Firstly, it was a bit of your mistake, that without even reading the label you assumed he got the apple scented ones and were in a way slightly being a nag about it, again, no offense. But of course that doesn't give anyone the right to disrespect you or call you an idiot. Secondly, as you said you've been married for 23 years and this is the first time something like that happened, I guess you could give him the benefit of the doubt here, that it's just because of the added stress of other things in his life at the moment. One strike in 23 years should be a record, really, because I've been around my parents, and I see one strike after another there, your husband seems like an angel in comparison. Thirdly, and this is most important, he apologized immediately. I mean, think about it, we've all had times in our lives, when we've let our tongues slip and said something hurtful to someone. The thing is in our head, it doesn't sound as bad, but when we say it out loud, then we feel the impact of it. The unfortunate thing about those words is that we can't take them back, but the realization that we were wrong and the immediate apology is like a 90% return at least. Don't you think so? I would say it's definitely because he's been working hard and been grumpy lately. I would say it's just the result of that. The fact that he realized and immediately apologized says a lot, and you should give him the credit for that. Of course words still hurt once they've been said, but then 23 years are more important than being called an "idiot" once, it's harsh but true. I love the fact that you guys have never called names in your relationship and the fact that you didn't do the same, when he mistakenly called you an "idiot", is great. Kudos to you, because sometimes people lose it and then the name calling war can start. I think you handled it quite well. I'm sure marriage is difficult but if you have that basic respect nothing can crumble it. I think your hubby deserves another chance, and I guess the look on your face when he said it, showed him that he couldn't get away with something like that. Of course, you have to be careful that he doesn't get away so easily, if, God forbid, he does something like this again. I guess it would be best, if you resolved this and moved on, you could just tell him instead of asking him why he said it, you could talk to him and tell him how hurt you felt when he said that, even if he didn't mean it. I'm sure he'll feel guilty about it and if he really didn't mean it, then he definitely won't say something like this again.

I think we've ALL said things we wished we could take back. Anybody who says they haven't should either just sprout their wings and start flapping right on up to heaven, or, as is probably the case, carve off those horns they just grew and throw them in the box with the rest of their collection. Anyway, it probably was because he was so stressed and I would say that, if that's out of character for him, I would chalk it up to that and try and put it behind you. If it's not, well, some deep-rooted thing is there that needs to be dealt with. Sounds like you took it really hard, so, as the dude in the relationship he should make a BIG deal out of apologizing to you, kissing the boo-boo, making it all better and then vowing to never let it happen again. Smart husbands ( somtimes I am, sometimes I ain't, to answer your question) observe when they've deeply hurt their spouse, make it right, and learn never EVER to do it again.

In past relationships I was called much much worse than "idiot". My husband has called me stupid. I begin to question why he called me that. I break down the reason behind it (usually called stupid when I am right!) and it comes out okay.

Well believe me you are behaving like a kid all over again. 23 years and you let a silly word come in between, that also after he has apologized. What do you call each other when you fight or are you like lawyers who maintain all civility while hurling at each other the choisest of expletives! Also never compare your relationship with that of anyone else’s. each relationship is unique in its own way. If there was any verbal abuse in childhood, the more you run away from it the more it’s likely to sit on you tight. Accept it for what it was whatever it was (as your profile says) and laugh it off with your husband who is your best friend. C.mon do best friends never fight and call each other names? Me and my husband call each other stupid all the time, no issues yet our mutual respect is there all the time. I call my son ‘kid’ and he in turn calls me a goat, but that does never mean that he can or is disrespectful towards me. If your husband had called you an ‘idiot’ in front of others, I would definitely have understood…but just between the two of you and that also when you know that he is not really in his senses…snap out of it!

Goodness must be in the air .. just yesterday my b/f and I got into a heated discussion about something else someone said about me, it made me angry that he did not stand up for me and in our heat he called me a stupid idiot, I am still angry about that, but he claims it just came out, we are the same way, we have respect for each other and don't call each other names, no matter what, he has been really sick for the past week and blames it on that, but it just makes me mad everytime I think about it. I am with you girl, don't take it from him, no matter if it was a slip or not.

First I have to say that I am a single super sensitive person so if someone I loved called me an idiot i would be very hurt and it would take me more than a few hours to get over it.But with you two it could just have been he was tired and stressed.And he did apologized quickly, I think it isn't a major deal.What you should do. if you can, is have a date night. I mean go out and do something you both like doing.and have a rule that you don't talk about the house or work. Then you can tell if he is just stressed or if it is something else.

well, for me; it is hurt tho but as you were mention that it is small thing and he didn't mean it. You husband said sorry right the way tho, so it is a good thing. My husband never go over about household stuff with me, I am the only one in charge of those thing. He doesn't care what I have or what I done either. If I said dont buy this then he don't buy that. but sometimes he is trying to make me mad and he will make fun of me. but you know it is just a little thing and forget and forgive is the best thing for you both, and me too. But Im so proud of you that take it down so nicely and it ended with calming... Im glad :)

yes, it is understandable that you would be offended after your husband responded that way. no it isn't right and i certainly wouldn't want it said to me, but you did say your husband apologized that is good and he knows how you feel and felt about it- communication is important to tell each other how you feel when you don't like something or something hurts you --take good care

Oh hon don't let this bother you because he did say he's sorry. I'm very sure he didn't mean it but is, just as you put it, tired, stressed and snappy. It was just a slip of the tongue and not a normal thing for him to say. Everybody has done that at one point in their lives or another. Do yourself a favor, go give him a hug and tell him you love him. It'll make you both feel better.

As a husband, I guess I would have to say, we sometimes do dumb things like that. But of course the roots go deeper. Of course he doesn't really think you are an idiot, or he wouldn't have been with you for 29 years. It is hard to say where something like that comes from. To me, it sounds basically like a stress-induced lashing out. When you asked "...why he keeps buying apple scented ones." he probably took it as a personal attack before he had time to think about it. Kinda a knee jerk thing to be honest. Is his Boss on his case at work, or someone been critical of him a lot lately? In my first marriage, I know I was guilty of lashing out at her after she had been critiquing me for a while. She thought she was just trying to get me to see her view of things, but because of a low self esteem problem I would eventually lash out because I just couldn't stand to hear about ONE MORE THING I had done wrong. (according to her) I don't mean to imply that you are doing this to him, or that he has self esteem problems, just relating my experience hoping something in it helps. One more thing, do you have unresolved issues between you? Maybe a couple things, (or more) that you have major differences on, and has one or more of those areas been under some pressure lately? Oh, and by the way, in his mind IT IS NOT OVER, HE'S JUST HOPING THAT ACTING LIKE IT IS, IT WILL BE!!!!! LOL

i don't like to be called an idiot as well and nobody does... i'm sorrythat your husband use that word at you... but the fact that he actually never uses the word in the 23 years of marriage sounds to me may be it is just a slip off from his part... may be he is just too tired or stressed up... and he does apologise straight away after that... that shows that he does not do it intentionally... for me, i will just let it go for this time... there is no use to bring it up again and make the matter worst... but if it happens again, then i will not be so tolerant with him anymore... take care...

If man or women could know the meaning of sound or writings than uttering or reading the writings it is well and good. And gives feelings. If not, it has no feelings only sound and writings. One who correctly knows the meaning of word , gets one types of fealings and one who knows no correct meanings of the word gets another types of feelings. I do not know how I will interprete the meanings of sounds/ or writings. Because my feelings will be based on the way I interprete what I see and what I touch and what I read and what I listen. Thanks

Well You have narrated with details and such detailing indicates that some thing really unusual happened! Though you are trying to say it SMALL! I think that You have tried your best to take it easily regarding your relationship and love and so many other bindings too... But it has really some thing, punching you till this moment and that is important also! Because it is relating some things in between both of you! And the word IDIOT is not a word comes out really accidently! The man-woman relationship, wife-husband relationship and human being's relationship all are connected here and that's why you are saying repeatedly small thing and small happening! In real it is not smal though not big, but it is humiliating and confusing as well as touching your self esteem too! And you have to talk with your husband regarding this very basic touchy thing because it has a significance of your own self respect and self love for you! And yes I can guess that some where inside your husband some thing is felt very insignificant for you and he might be denying that since a long back also! We some time did not know how our mind and heart works and expresses differently but at the same time this kind of occurrence guide us to follow the cause and find out the root odd things from within to love and care more to our own beloved and friends and fellow humans! So now find out the root from within and dissolve also!

I think that when a husband calls you a name like stupid, an idiot, it is just like when your father scolded you. Mind you I wold not like anyone to call me fat, lazy, or a jerk either. In other words, do not call me names and do not make me feel small. Usually I bottle things inside and when my husband got angry with me, I literally became ill. So, if you can, do not let it get so far that your health suffers. You could ask him if something's bothering him? Usually it has nothing to do with you. I know I should have done that, but I am not much of the emphatic type.

He shouldn't have said that. If I had a wife I would rather ignore her if I'm starting to get irritated with her complaints, especially since this is a very small thing -- an air freshener!

Him calling you an idiot is really disrespectful and he stepped way out of line with it. You mistaking an air fresher scent doesn't constitute you being called an idiot, not by a long shot. It's good he immediatly apologized without you making him, but it doesn't make it anymore right.