stepkids
By usmcsgtwife
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
United States
October 21, 2007 12:53am CST
my husband has an almost 12 year old son from a perivous marriage, since my husband rejoined the military and we are in California and he is in Indiana we hardley get to see him, but my inlaws were getting him either every other weekend or every weekend. When my stepson came to visit in July he was telling me he never goes anywhere cause he has no friends and always has to do things for his mom, He used to call my inlaws every week to visit and then all of a sudden it stopped, he now only calls when he wants something So I get a call yesterday from my mother in law who has not been able to get a hold of my stepson, she finally did yesterday and he tells her the reason that he has not come in is because he been going to the movies and haunted houses with his mom and her "guy" friend from work and he just just not have time, he said he has gotten his dad's messages but does not have time to call him either, I am not sure what to even tell my mother in law,?? my husband is beyond pissed and talking to the exwife is like talking to a wall she is always right and she will not even hear what you have to say
2 people like this
8 responses
@Feona1962 (7526)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Hi usmcsgtwife. Maybe your mother-in-law should call your stepson's mom and see if there was a misunderstanding and he is not allowed to go there anymore, or just to let them know she is concerned because she cares about him...I don't understand why he won't call your husband...Did he ever say he wanted to come to live with you and his dad?...I think there is a certain age when the child can say where he wants to live...I wish I could be of more help....
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Hello we had mentioned this to him before and he told his mother and she threw a fit. She is very money hungrey. He said that he does not want to live with us cause he does not want to leave his mom . My husband is just beyond mad, he said he is to the point where if he does not want to have anything to do with us so be it, then he is going to stop giving him things.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
22 Oct 07
I think the best thing for you to do is just to watch for chances to be supportive to your husband and sweet to the stepson. They are your only concern. I am sure this child is going through a lot. It can be very confusing for kids of divorce. He may not show any signs now, but when he gets older, he is going to look back on the roles that everyone played in his life and want to point the finger. It should not be about the adults any way, as long as it is not wrong, let it be about the boy. He is the only real victim of all of this.
2 people like this
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
22 Oct 07
yeah, she filed for divorce when my stepson was only 6 months old and the divorce was final when he was 2, she decided that she did not want to be a Marine wife.. I think if anyone is to blame it's hurt, my husband has tried everything and anything and she always seems to do something to put in the mind of my stepson,
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
21 Oct 07
Whether one is a step kid or your kid of your brother, it is better to be humane, kind and considerate as long as they need our moral support and help. Once they stand on their own leg, it is inevitable that they do not look at us. But it is better, because he is having your husband's blood to be affectionate with him, show some genuine love and care. You need not do big things for him. A small things and small gestures will make him respet you a lot.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Well, the kid maybe legit, Mom has a new guy and they are doing things with him and keeping him busy. Or Mom may not be letting him call. Or he may not want too..but one would think a kid going to see haunted houses would be something exciting that he would want to talk about.
Though I would thing your hubby should be able to go to court to at least set up some appointed times that the kid is available to talk.
2 people like this
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Yeah I think he is going to take te ex back to court this has been going on for a while now even before she got with this new guys, she pretty much has him brain washed.
1 person likes this
@BlueStarMom1 (931)
• United States
22 Oct 07
I know this probably isn't very comforting but he will grow up someday and his mom with lose some of her power over him. 12 is a hard age and if he lives with his mom he probably doesn't want to cause to many waves and make living with her difficult. I really feel bad for your mother-in-law though. My sons ex-wife took my grandkids to Idaho when they were about 6 and 8 and we are in Indiana. They are now 20 & 18 and I feel like I have missed out on everything with them. We just never got the chance to bond. Maybe someday they will decide they want to get to know me better. Right now they are busy with school and getting their lives going but I sure missed out on a lot.
Hang in there - time will tell.
BSM
1 person likes this
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
22 Oct 07
Yes I agree, before he would call all the time, then it got to be only when he wanted things.. My inlaws have decided to stop giving in and not get him things as little as they maybe
1 person likes this
@jayger04 (64)
• Australia
21 Oct 07
I would say its an age thing too. My step son only calls when he wants something as well unfortunately. They don't consider things we think are important to be important and at the top of their priorities. And without the mother guiding in correct etiquette of being human, you just have to take it as is. Just keep trying to contact him, maybe by writing. And when you do get throught o him, just stress the importance of why he needs to get in contact with his grandma and yourself.
2 people like this
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
22 Oct 07
Yes I think so too my husbands said he is no longer going ot buy him things that he wants, My mother in law said the same thing, my stepsons mom is very mind controling and I am sure she has alot to do with it
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
27 Feb 08
I have one stepson from Hubby's first marriage. We've talked a couple of times but he doesn't really like me and I don't really have much to say to him. He and Hubby don't really have any contact with each other so it's not really an issue.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Well, are you sure that he is your husbands' son as it sounds like my husbands' son. He hasn't come to visit us in over a year and won't call or anything. All that his mom cares about is whether or not the child support is paid on time or not. It is ridiculous!!
I get so mad and so hurt when I see how it effects my husband and yet I can't do anything about it. UGH!!!!
