Am I wrong?

Hi Carol_M. Sorry but I would like to ask, "Why?" I mean it's not something wrong or bad to concern about your sister but then what makes you set the agreement-- No Boyfriend? Does her studies drop a lot and finally disappoint you? Or any other issue there which caused you to set the agreement? I am sorry but I am really very curious as even my parents never set the rule. Alright, after all if that is the agreement and your sister has actually agree to it beforehand, then she shouldn't break it and you have the right to do that. However, my question is still the same - What makes you set the agreement? Sorry..I am just curious

I can't say that I agree with the idea that having a boyfriend is automatically going to reduce your sister's chances of doing well at college but the rules behind your support were very clear. You sister has made her choice and you shouldn't feel guilty about stopping the support you have been providing.

I think you're wrong because why don't you want her to have a boyfriend? As long that she work hard at college and she have good maks, the rest is her own life. You should'nt put her in that situation, you decide private things like that. If you decide to help her, do it not by trying to controll her life. Have a nice day Pete

Wow Carol, what a wonderful sister you are to do such a kind-hearted opportunity for your sister. Unfortunately, your sister took advantage of the situation and really messed up.....I'm sure she'll feel the bite of it in the future. I was going to suggest maybe her and her boyfriend could see each other just once a week, but I guess that's all done with now since they eloped. Is he going to keep paying for her college now since she's married? The shame of it all is that your Mom ended up telling you instead of your little sister. I would have been furious. I know you're feeling guilty because you love your sister very much, but, your sister decided her own future right now with her decision.........what a shame this is.

it is just fair to decide not to send your sister to school bcoz of wat she did.she deserves what was given to her as a consequence of her not following d agreement u once (or twice) made.it would not be healthy if you just let it happen thus, enabling her not to realize her wrongdoings (i must first clear this one; going out on a date is not wrong but betraying your sister-provider is a no-no).She must come to ponder the not-so-bright side of the thing she got into.let's just say, that's the price she must pay.

what she did you have to support her because this is her way and this is her life if she did bad thing "for you" you have to still support her because she support you too in future.you have to say your trues and let her for decision.if she didn t good think "for you" and if she need help you have to help her because she is your sister

I know it gets to be ery expensive. I am in college right now. She won't qualify for any financial aid or anything?

I guess it's just right, since you're the one's who supports her in finishing up her studies. What you did is for the benefit of her future and not just simply for youe own interest, just tell her that she can anything she wants after she graduates. But for now, she needs to concentrate on her studies and work along with you. I'm sure she'll understand you, just point out clearly what you expect from her as of this time!;)

I hate to say this but it sounds like you had a choker hold on your sister. I don't understand why you decided not to let your sister date? Depending on her age it's actually not that surprising she eloped. Perhaps she felt boxed in by your conditions? Have you talked to her about how she felt about you and your conditions? I'm not condoning your sisters actions just trying to see it from a different point of view. From you've told us it sounds very one sided, but I understand you had all the best intentions for her. Perhaps when things calm you can talk to her about why she made the decision she did.

Hi Carol what a lovely and sweet sister you are. I wish i had a sister like you. Anyway i understand how you must be feeling let down, angry and a bit resentful. Don't worry cool down a bit and you will know no matter how much we love our sisters, brothers, our destinies cannot be the same. She has made her decision by choosing to stay with her boyfriend and breaking the agreement petty or otherwise with you. So accept that. And no you are not wrong. Just wait for some time if the boy friend is someone who is not going to support her i am sure she will realize her mistake then both of you can sit down and talk out a different way to deal with the whole situation. Please don't feel guilty. It is not your fault. You cannot carry someone's cross no matter how much you love and care for them. Sometimes being too kind and helpful to people we love, we actually deprive them of opportunities to learn more about themselves. So relax let her learn her lesson in life and i am sure she will come to her senses and to you. Like they say blood is always thicker than water. Once she comes back you can work out something:) Till then take care and relax :)

What a tough situation you are in. You obviously want what is best for your sister and think that this guy she is living with is not good for her. You care for her a lot and have been very generous which probably makes you feel very betrayed that she has moved in with someone who is no good for her. The problem is that, by cutting off her education funding, you are limiting her chances to be successful in life. For me, schooling not only paved the way for a great job, it also built my confidence so I stopped dating losers. Maybe if your sister stayed in school, she would eventually realize what a bright future she has and that she doesn't need to date people who are not good enough for her. Why not compromise? tell her that she has lost her free pass to school and from now on everything you pay for will be considered a loan that she has to pay back WITH interest.

I dont understand why you chose to ban her from having a boyfriend? If someone made that offer to me I would have said thanks but no thanks to be honest. I know you ment well and its great that you agreed to help but education and love are 2 major things in life and no one should stand on the way of both of them. She is an adulst after all.

Hi Carol, That's a tough situation. Tough Love, isn't that what they call it? It's hard to give advice not knowing the whole situation between you and your sister and her bf. You know the situation better than anyone. Did they actually get married? I wish I could give you some guidance but I wouldn't feel qualified. I wish you luck, happiness, and peace with your situation.

First of all I'm curious as to why you wouldn't allow her to have a boyfriend until she graduates? Was it because you felt that a bf would be too distracting? Because I can tell you from experience that when you tell a person to not do something they're going to go and do it anyways, and frankly I don't think you should stopped her from dating him unless you had a good reason which it sounds like you didn't at least not in your post (I could be wrong) but I'll admit eloping with the bf wasn't the best idea either, but you forbidding her from dating a guy didn't help matters either, the one of the things people have to understand when going to college is that there will be a time in college where they will screw up but (unless they are hopeless) they will learn from their mistakes and remember how they felt when they screwed up. Plus being in college (granted it's not the time to screw up)one has to learn to grow up and learn to take school seriously and to learn to be responsible. I don't agree that you should have forbid her from having a bf, but I do agree with the fact that you are no longer going to support her, because frankly by her getting married she was pretty much telling you that she no longer needs your help so I agree that you should cut her off from helping her with her studies. If she is old enough and can afford to get and stay married then she is old enough to find a way to pay for school.

I think you were not totally wrong. its very great that you took care of your sister's education. But the way she acted seems taht if you would have continued with money, she would still have eloped. But you could have make her understand that its your hard earned money that you are spending for her future, not to timepas with her BF. She just could not understand her own good and have acted this way.

I'm not saying that you are wrong. I think your just angry because your sister betrayed you like this. I've known a lot of people who have restricted carers. However it's more to with trust then anything else. Your sister may have felt boxed in and thought "I'll show her I'll date who I like whenever I like" She is trying to make you angry and hurt. I don't know both sides of the story, and it looks like it's working. It's probably a lack of maturity that is making her do this. She felt she had to rebel against you to prove that maybe she could make her own decisions. I've seen it a million times when I was in high school. However most of these marriages ended in divorce or worse. You have to ask yourself do you want to lower yourself to her level? Or do you want to be there for her when things do go sour? The issue with you and your sister is much deeper than money and college. I don't need a 3 year psychology degree to see that. Since what your after is self satisfaction that you did the right thing. I don't know if you did, in all honesty I would have done the same. However I think it would be wise to work out these issues with your sister before it gets even worse. Take some time to calm down and think about from your sisters view. Do you relaise this could be hurting your parents? That now you and your sister are making them chose between the two of you? I think take a step back and think about it. Not all decisions you do just affect you and your sister.

Well, it depends I guess. Is her bf mean to her? I think she should have told you she was eloping first, despite whatever the situation may be. You are the one giving her financial support, so she should have talked to you. If she's married now, then her husband needs to help with her education.

Hmm,cool discussion.well if I would B in ur place I would hav not done this kind of move,cauz U r not upset cauz she broke the aggrement or she's having a bf,but in truth U r upset cauz she hurt ur emotions,inspite of giving so much things to her like ur money,ur hardwork & everything which U can use urself 2 live a better life u r giving it 23 her without any problem & in return she's not even listening to U.-dat's the problem I think & it's natural also. But dear One thing I know iz Lov & responsibilities don't come with any agreement,it's ur responsibilty to fullfill her dreams & rather U must tell her the real facts & must console her wid these matters without having any agreement. I know ur r a very nice person & even U earned some respect in my eyes,u r doing a wonderfull thing & I advice U 2 continue it. All the best.

It was a very bad move by your sister. She could have at least been the one you inform you of her plans, after all you are the one spending for her. I don't think you should feel guilty, she made the choice so she should be responsible enough for her actions. She will have to learn her lesson the hard way. You trusted her, but she chose to break that trust. And I don't think YOU are depriving her of a bright future; she is depriving herself of that... But of course, should she choose to someday ask forgiveness for her irresponsible behavior, then you should forgive her and be there for her if she asks for your guidance. She's still your sister after all.

Hello, According to me what you have done to your sister is absolutely correct.According to your agreement she should not have boyfriend till completion of her graduation.By keeping bright future of your sister you have imposed restriction on her.so you have really more concerned about the future of your sister.But your sister has not recognised this. So you need not worry for stopping the support to your sister.