Today I told my 18 year old daughter not to come back home...

My heart goes out to you. Even though I have never faced that situation I can only imaging how hard it was. But I think you did the right thing. She needs to experience first hand how hard it is to make it in this world. Keep your chin up and I will pray that this will open her eyes. She should be very proud of the mother she has. It takes a good parent to do the tough things. Prayers and hugs to you.

I know exactly what you are dealing with because my mom went through the same thing with my sister. She had told my sister back in December last year that she was moving out and that she was going to have to find her some place else to stay because she couldn't continue occupying the same space as she did because she didn't want to comply with the rules of the house. I guess you did the right thing being that you had gave your daughter multiple chances to get it together and complete just one simple task which consists of getting a ged, getting a job, and keeping the house clean. She didn't do it so there for you had to let her know that you are a woman of your word and that you really and truly mean what you say. Then and only then will she realize that it is time to wake up and smell the roses and understand that you mean business.

Mine are all still young and although I suspect we may have issues with my step son later on he is only 17 and does go to school "frequently" and works a few hours 5 days a week so we aren't at that point with him yet. I just wanted to ofer a *HUG* from one mom to another. I may not be able to understand what you are going through right now but I can imagine it must be one of the most difficult things a mother can do. I hope you and your daughter can get through this difficult time. I think you are giving your daughter the most important lesson she will ever learn. It is up to her now what she will do with it. I'm sure sooner or later she will see that you are a wonderful mother for doing this.

althought tuff love is a hard thing to have to do sometimes im not sure I Could put my child out in to god knows what.Where will she go , what will she do , and if something hapens to her than how would you feel? I have had similar problems with my daughter , but we worked things out and now she is an adult and sees what she had done was wrong. good luck with this and I hope it works out for all.

We have had a similar situation, both with our sons and with my brother-in-law. Since the boys turned teen-agers, they knew the ground rule: we will support you while you are in school full time. If you drop out or go much beyond 18 without a diploma, you need a job. Period. You will be expected to pay a part of the rent/utilities and food bills. And do housework. Welcome to the REAL WORLD. They followed the rule. Sometimes they had to be rudely prodded. They would not have a job and still be sleeping while we got up to go to work. They had to get up with us and go out looking for work. Don't come home until you either have a job or it hits about 4PM. We put in a full day, so could they. They couldn't come back after we left to go back to bed because we locked them out. I know it sounds harsh. We just didn't want our boys to become lazy good-for-nothings. It seems to have worked. One of them is in the Army, one works at a home improvement store and one is working at a convenience store until he can get a good wood-flooring job. He likes to do floors. They still got to do their own laundry and help with the cooking, shopping and housework. If they were on their own, they'd have to do this stuff. So they helped me. AND paid their part. Well, some of it. Just starting out in the workforce, their checks weren't much. We only had them pay $50/week each toward household costs. The brother-in-law WAS a lazy good-for-nothing. We finally go to the point of locking him out if he went partying late at night. He could just sleep in his car. He didn't pay his part, so we told him to find someplace else. If his stuff wasn't out, it would be tossed out the window into the yard. If it got stolen, so be it. I know it's tough, but your daughter will end up a better person from this. She needs to grow up and this will help her to do this. If she has a key to the house, you might change the locks. Let her know you changed them and she can come get her stuff when you are there. Tell her you still love her, but she needs to grow up and get it together. The real world won't baby her. Good luck and keep your chin up! :)

It's hard to have to put your own child out, but it will be in the end for the best. My mother asked me to leave the family home when i was 18 because the choices that I had been making had a negative impact on my siblings. I had the tendency to move out, then move back in when i got tired of trying to be a "grown" up. So my mom told me that the last time I moved out, I could not come back. Her decision to finally put her foot down has been the best thing that she ever could have done for me. I own my house, engaged, and expecting my first child. My mother and I have a wonderful relationship and friendship. I wish you all the best, and think that you should stick to your decision.

I know it must have been hard, but you did the right thing. I'm not a mother, but I know my parents would have done the same thing. She is not going to do what needs to be done until she has no other choice. Tough love works. Especially when you went above and beyond the realm of fairness in giving her chances. I'm going to be praying for you, and I hope you can get some rest. That and the amount of work you do must be taking it all out of you.

I have not found myself in that situation as of yet, my daughter is only thirteen. I don't think you did the wrong thing. I think you did what you needed to do. She was not respecting you, your home or the fact that you are working to support yourself and her to provide a home for you and she and she is just letting you do it, without a thought to help you. It is time she got a reality check. Tough love is very difficult to do, but sometimes necessary. I am saddened that you have to go through this, because I know it has to hurt you, but your doing the right thing. Standing strong and ensuring she understands your rules and how you xpect things to be done. you have gone the distance with your daughter. Now it is her turn.

Well my friend,I know this wasn't easy by any means,but I think it was the best thing for the both of you right now,she needs to get real and grow up,life isn't easy and as long as you were going to let her fly by in life she would have,maybe she will come around,pray give it up to God and trust that He has a plan. I wish you the best and please keep us updated.

You did right, and it appalls me that she would not even think of doing any work around the house on her own, just to help her mother, who is obviously working more than she should. By the time I turned 15, I could literally run a household on my own, and by 18 I had already had one job working for someone other than myself. By 16, my sister and I were both working alongside my mother in sales. Not even doing a load of dishes at 18 is ridiculous, and I probably would have put her out sooner. If you're not in school and you're not contributing to my household in any way, you have no business being there. It seems like she's the kind of girl who has to take a few knocks to learn properly, but she'll eventually do it. If she wants to survive, she will. Blessed Be

So far for the exact situation like yours, not yet, terri. A similarity to it, yes, I did encountered previously to my younger sister(16). I mean on attitude issue. But put up decision making while we are at rage always not a precise answer that we will have. I think better to discuss with her in a friendship manner and not in directive manner. I mean to have her sincere help in a respectful way to get things done. Every action there will be reaction. The new problem that will be, if she does really not making her come back, where should she stay?. The embarrass moment for us if any people know, just because of that 'dishes' problem. It is all about attitude problem and need psychological solution rather than verbal and body contact punishment. Even though chances had been given to her.

Hi Terri. I understand how hard for you to speak that out. However, maybe I was wrong but parents do regret when they spoke that out, aren't they? Well, I am just a 18 years old daughter of my parents. I never experience that but my parents did. I mean there are times they are really cross and angry and they will yell things out which they never think they will, which is a sad case. However, I understand parents have their own pride as well. It's ok, everything will be fine, at least my sister is still at home with me after all. Haha. I mean what is the difference between family and friend will be family will never disown you even though they said that. Take care and all the best to you.

Hi. how are U today? I was going through the discussion list and i saw yours. I had to stop and say something.i feel sorry for you and your granddaughter. I feel sorry for your grand daughter because she is missing out on the opportunity to bond with her mom, and will suffer in result of your daughters' poor choices. U are only one person. U cant do everything. U did what U felt U had to do. U are head of household. U have to do what U feel is the right thing. I have never been in your shoes nor have i handled a situation like yours. I will say this I think your daughter will get a reality check about the way she is living her life. Hopefully, she will realize she has made some poor choices. She will realize what glitters out there in the streets is not gold. The people she hangs out with don't care about her. She will want to reconcile so she can make things up to you and her daughter. She can start taking responsibility and acting like the responsible adult she should be. You don't give up hope yet. God know what you are going through. God I believe will give her the reality check she needs. Keeping praying, things will get better. God bless you.

I am wondering if your daughter is suffering from depression. Her grandfather, then her boyfriend both passed away. That is traumatic! I do understand either a job or your diploma or be enrolled in school. I am sorry it had to come to this but I do understand your position. I was there once with one of my kids. Fortunately mine got a job within a few days and kept it for 8 years getting her GED at the same time! I will keep you both in my prayers. I hope your daughter will stay in touch and face the reality of life. I know its not easy but you have been patient! Tough love is always hard! I would also consider suggesting to her about depression and that there are medications to help it and control it. I have several family members that suffer from depression and know how devastating it can be. My thoughts and prayers are with you both during this difficult transition!

Gone, they will very happy to move out, to get rid of their parents.