I should know better...

Hey there lecanis. I drink. Boy do I drink! I know it's bad for me but, I drink anyway. I'm a redneck girl living in a redneck community and we all get together and drink every chance we get. I'm actually starting to video some of the stuff that goes on around here for my new website in hopes that others will find it funny and keep coming back to my site. It's worth a try anyway. I really need money to pay my debt and I can't think of any other way to do it right now. So, I drink and I drink. LOL I have a really crappy past and I think of it often and then......I drink and I drink. LOL Hey lecanis, have one for me will ya?

Lecanis, More than anything I would love to pull you onto my ample lap, put my flabby arms around you, and let you lie your head upon my shoulder and cry the tears you need to shed for the past, the present, and the unknown future; all the while stroking your hair, patting your back, and whispering loving and comforting mother-like words to you. I hope you could feel the emotion in that and dwell on it for just a minute or two before you move on to the next paragraph. Now, it is time for the true mother/friend love to express itself. You are a bright young woman and know better than to drown your sorrows in a bottle of anything. Not only that, you are actually encouraging others to discuss their own demons; and I know you are aware that if they have these demons, at this time especially, it may encourage them to think about reverting to them. You have Dusty, my dear. I know that sometimes even care for him is overwhelming; but you are a wonderful mother. You may not know how to parent perfectly the way that a book tells you how to, but you parent with love and that is "perfect" parenting. When one of my children once said to me, "You have no idea what it is to be 15 years old!", I could easily reply, "Yes, and you have no idea what it is to be the mother of a 15 year old - it's a first for me, too!" Think of what you are going through as "growing pains" of a sort. You are going through a new phase of life. You are growing, learning, and changing. Look at all of the things that have happened just over the past few months. -You have had to take Dusty for several doctor's appointments to finally get a correct diagnosis on him -You were not able to find a local doctor to take him to -You worry because of his seizure problem (but you need to relax a bit - his medicine should control it) -You have had one diagnosis that kept you from working for several months and decreased the family income -You have had to go to several doctors, some very far away -You don't have a car of your own and due to medical problems you have had to ask people for rides to even the long distance doctor appointments -Your family doesn't even count as family so they can be of no help at all -Your friends have all got other interests and jobs and can be of no help at this time -Your husband works midnight shift and can't go to day time or overnight appointments with you -All of a sudden your diagnosis was changed -You were put on a different medication -You were told you could go back to part-time work -Going back to work is very stressful because you were greeted with a lot of new employees that you have no idea who they are and they had no idea you are a senior employee -You are still unsure if the medication is "really" going to help control the vertigo -Your marriage isn't as stable as you would like it to be -The holidays are here and the joy on other people's faces as they are shopping makes you sad Now, Lecanis, which ones of those things can you address and change? Instead of drinking, what you should be doing is sitting with pen/pencil and paper and make a Plan of Action. If you actually put a Plan of Action down on paper and break it down into small, easy to achieve goals so that you can see that you are making progress; you will have something to smile about. My S/O is working tomorrow, probably until at least 2:00. If you want to call me, you know that I am here. If you want me to help you set goals, you know that I will do all that I can to get you started. I do hope that my seemingly harshness is not perceived as such. It's just that when you love someone and see them standing at the edge of a mountain peak, you have to yell at them to get away from it. And I do love you, Lecanis.~Donna

I too shouldn't drink cos of Meds and only recently have I actually made a point if sticking to it, as the after affects are not great i feel more like I am slipping into the blackness that follows me around after I drink, and for a week after life seems a bit harder than it already is. One thing I partake in still that I wish I could not is, listening to certian songs and music when I already feel like the world would be better off with out me, which only seems to make me think and feel that yes I am right, and it would be best. I feel so stupid for listening to this when I know damn well it will just make me remember the sh*t times I went through and go through. I thank god I have my hubby and son as if it were not for them I would have given up a long time ago. I see them and I fight it, I know that they are the reason I don't give up and let the dark shadow that follows me around just over my shoulder get to close. I know that even when times are going well and I feel okay that it is just hanging there waiting for it's chance, for me to let in in and listen to it. I to have post tramatic stress and this time of year seems to be so much worse than others, but I know that what I have now is worth it, it is what I put up with growing up that makes me want to leave not what I have today, yet the shadow over my shouldr remains. I hate the feeling of the darkness as you say threating to swallow and consume all that I am and know. You are here today lecanis and you know and have dealt with so much more than most people and have survived. There are scars left behind but you are here. That in itself show's what kind of person you are, and you know like me what is a good thing to do and what is not,yeah you probalky shouldn't have had a 'strong' hot chocolate but you knew that, and I think life isn't happy or sad, we just are, we sometimes just go through the motions to get to the next day or even minute, but we still get there. I have raved on I know but I am in a 'mood'. I hope you have a good christmas lecanis and don't allow the past to creep in. (wish it was that easy hey!) All the best =)

When I am very sad or hurt, I usually emotionally shut down so that there is a wall between my family and I. Then I get busy. I am one of those people that if I am not in a good mood, I work physically, like I am trying to work it out that way or just work until exhausted so I then sleep to forget why I am feeling bad. So I guess what I do is shut people out of my life and to keep busy makes it easier to keep them out..

Hi Lecanis:):) Why are you so sad?Don't be sad my friend!:)BIG SMILE FROM ME TO YOU!!! I try not to do anything when i am sad,im hardly sad because i think of life and trying to live life day by day and not think about the future,its not right in a way to try to think so far ahead of our time and stay in the moment that we are in.When the rare day i am sad though,i call my mom and just talk to her about anything,like shoot the sh&t and blah,blah,like us women do,hahaha!I find something to do with my daughter,just looking at her face makes me happy and warm inside again.She is my sun which takes the black cloud away above my head.:)Hahaha,you don't whine,if anyone whines,it's me,hahaha.Talking to people helps change the mind onto other things. Peanutjar:)

lol i love you lecanis, I dont know you really but on mylot but you got good stuff to talk about. mind control sorry but thats what i say use your power to control your mind to make yourself happy unless you want to be in a petty party. Its hard sometimes but it works. the energy you let out is what you will get so just change that energy and than you will fill better. Its been a while since i been real sad but i just go roll a fatty and smoke LOL than im all better. and with that fatty being illegal i guess its doing something that i shouldnt be doing. its good to vent though let out that energy of sadness and build up some happiness LOL do i make sence?

Hi Lecanis.No one is completely happy here.Everyone has got their own share of sadness.Most of them come here to forget things and have fun with their friends for some time.Cheer up and make the bold right decisions as my friend Zu says and be the laughing Lecanis forever.We love you.

I do the same....drink alone when I'm sad.....I shouldnt because of my medication and I have to get up early with my brats as well (during the week) but also because of my self injury habits..When I'm depressed if I drink I drink to get drunk and then out comes "the kit"...never a pretty scene....Back in the day an even worse habit for me that I had no biz doing when I was depressed was getting high....I'd go out and get so stoned on the pipe there was no limit...I'd just smoke bowl after bowl after bowl, coming close to doing the funky chicken more than once back then..but I'd keep going..almost like a deathwish thing actually. I'm sorry you are having a rough go lecanis...Try to hang in there ya know, lean on those that care of course, stay safe and if you ever want to email me just to vent, chat etc please feel free to (I'll PM you my email addy..)

Hey lecanis I dont like you being sad. And I dont think you are whinning at all. Your just expressing your feelings. I do agree you shouldnt be drinking while taking medicines. Your not alone in thinking you could make your life better I think we think like that. Please cheer up.Hugs!

Well I know all too well how you feel as I have done it for years. It's been a couple years since I stopped which I had to do. I have always had some thing I did or used negatively and have an addictive personalty. It does get really hard to go through emotions solo now and I have a really hard time crying sober. I tend to spend time alone when I am down now and it does eventually pass. Hope you are feeling better soon, though I am not totally back to feeling better myself yet. Jeepers I wouldn't mind the snapps though.

well my friend try and cheer up, it will be ok.i am sorry you have to feel this way and i just hate to see people or my friends hurting because when they are hurting then so am i.so heres a great big hug and a smile coming your way.when i am sad i tend to eat alot of chocolate and i mean alot but you know that chocolate doesn't help my problem why i am sad, it justs makes me then feel sick so i try not to do that.well take care hon.pattie

What do I do (along the lines you described) that I know I shouldn't? Hmm. There are very few times I sit in the dark alone with a glass of straight rum, sometimes whiskey. Mind you its very rare to do it alone and in this state, but it does happen. I too think of past, present and future. It might be weird for some (and ammo for my enemies, whatever -_-) but from time to time I do this. Yes times of depression, but other times, its just random. There are times music is involved too.

just do it ,keeping your healthy,then you will happy.

Futures not to be...wow! That hits me right upside the head! Story of my life! I was on heavy meds for a long time so I couldn't really drink- let's just say I had a condition that I smoked a happy herb to help me out with chemo. Back then when I was bummed honestly I thought I was dying and I spent my life so sick I could barely move so getting high actually helped me get out of that bed. I guess at times I smoked a little more out of depression. I don't smoke anymore- the Cancer had left after surgery and chemo but..I had a biopsy yesterday and it's back. I don't know how severe it is but I will learn my fate I guess.. What gets me through is actually life revolving around me- the new life, the young life. My kids and my 2 puppies along with my handful of good friends and just pouring my heart and soul into them and my classes at school- I can't give up there- it takes my mind off of things and helps me not to feel sorry for myself! :) Find something to look forward too- for me- it's the cuddle hugs that a certain guy gives me when I see him, the few times we talk, glances when he is singing a song, my puppies running around fighting each other and my kids doing the same. I just try to find a little good and joy in everything around me and it makes the bad seem a little less bad at times! I dont know if this made sense but it's hard to put it into words! Keep your head up and find a little joy in something even if it all seems to be falling apart around you!! I saw you write poetry that really helps me at times as well- just pick up a pen and vent!If your pen runs out of ink grab another! :) As far as a marriage problem, the only advice I can give you there, if you guys are fighting (though I don't know the situation) is to walk away- life's too short! I know that's cliche but really it is! :) Your not whining either! Cheer up!! Try not too find too much joy in the snow though it's too cold!

You are not whining.Everything I do someone has said it is bad for my health.I eat what I like regardless of the fat content or salt. I don't sleep 8 hours a night. I am lucky if I get 6.I don't drink water. I eat and enjoy red meat. I don't eat vegetables.And I don't care.I hope you will feel better soon. Take Care.

Oh you really seem so sad... may I know why? Life has never been good to me, there are lots of struggles and problems that keep on hurting me. I am place in a situation where I dont know how to continue moving on. Life has never gave me the things that I wanted most... but do you know, everyday, I still find reasons to smile? My wonderful kids that never fail to make me happy... and the good friends taht I have that makes me love life more and more. Life is full of surprise and you will never know what will happen next. There is no assurance that you will be happy... but the thought that something might change is good enough. I know my friend taht there will be regrets in life... I believe taht all of us have one... for the things taht we should not have done, for the things taht we should have do, for the things that we should have given importnace, for the failures... but if you will think about it, those regrets, those failure, those pain, made you learn a lot in life. It made us stronger, wiser... Surely there would be more pain in the future, darkness would always threaten to swallow you whole. But if you stick with your strength... those pain would make you a better person in the end. And finally bring you to kind of life more than you ever waited...