Why do women assume men think the same way they do?

" all women believe having a kid will automatically mature a man or make their relationship stronger?" This woman never wants kids. A child would ruin my marraige and cause my husband to leave me. If I ever lost my mind and decided to get pregnant, well for one thing, it's too late as I'm "spayed" and for a second thing, my husband would leave me. Having children to save the marraige rarely works. The stress that is there pre-children will be there post-children and will be there ten fold. Not only do you have a spouse, you now have a child to care for and for many spouses, it's hard or impossible to handle so they bolt. Mothers walk out on their kids, but not nearly as often as fathers walk out on their kids. Then it's up to the mother or the father to raise a child alone and without help. So sad. Personally I can't see why anyone would want to have kids in the first place.

I have known women like that, boy were they wrong! lol Usually, they ended up having a kid, getting a divorce, and wondering why it didn't make things better. If things are good in the first place, having a baby is not going to fix it. I agree, it's not going to automatically make the guy grow up or become more mature, if anything, those kind of guys will come to resent the child, because they are not number 1 anymore.

Be careful what you wish for. Imagine if all women were educated as to what we men are really like. Imagine if all women did not have the ability to go into denial concerning the nature and personality of their partner. Imagine a lot of long cold lonely nights!

It is very distressing when women get wrapped up in bad relationships they cannot see what they are in. I have had many bad relationships, but at the time I couldn't see what everyone else was telling me about the man being bad for me. I never thought I would find a man who would love and respect me for who I am but, I have and he is my husband and my soul mate. I love him dearly and he loves me. It is easy if you have an abusive relationship for that to carry on like a viscious circle. A lot of the problems for women stem from them not respecting themselves so men won't respect them.

Hell no I don't think that at all. Some guys do grow up after having a kid but I've noticed that most, if they were childish and immature before hand still remain that way. My kids dad is a retard... and before ya ask.. I never intended on having kids with him.. hell up until I got pregnant with my daughter I didn't even know I could have kids.(Medical reasons) When I got pregant again with my son.. I was seriously shocked.. I actually didn't find out I was pregnant with him till after we'd broken up. If you're already in a bad relationship most times having kids will just make it worse.

Strong Relationship in Marriage depend on the couple involved, their ways of life, character/ behaviour, upbring and level of understanding and love but not having kid, though it may contribute 10% into marriage life but does not guarantee stronger relationship

I am sorry but the women that think that having a baby will mature a man is also in desperate need of maturing also! Although I do agree that men do not have a maternal instinct...hence why it is called maternal. I do believe that men have their own instinct...paternal. It is not the same as a mother's and does not always kick in immediately. However, just because he is a father, does not mean that his paternal instincts will kick in. But the same for women too....not all women are meant to be mothers. As for these women taking a class in high school to help them get it through their thick skulls...hate to be negative Nancy...but I don't see that helping either. Because it would only be the mature ones that truly paid attention.

Actually I don't believe a kid would make a relationship stronger, but I believe a kid in a relationship will make the relationship stay together, even though it might be broken in some way or another. A lot of people use kids as excuses to make their marriage stay together, as they come up with reasons as to not hurting the kid. Honestly, I think staying together without love hurts the kid even more than we know it. Adults assume too much.

ah, "bandaide babies", don't you just love 'em?? no, not all women believe that having a baby will strengthen or fix a relationship, but there are pleanty of them out there, and yes i have met a few. personally i know for a fact that a "bandaide baby" is more likely going to kill a relatioship rather that save it, as i have had a few friends go through this sort of thing. they believed that having a baby would bring their partners closer to them, that the love of the and for the child would heal whatever emotion rift was in their relationships. however it worked in reverse as the men involved were sort of winding down from the relationships and didn't want the added responsibility, financially or emotionally. i am afraid that you will meet these sorts of people anywhere you go, and the best you can do is either stay away from them, or be a shoulder to cry on...

Thankfully I don't know many women that think like that nowadays. Having a kid in those circumstances would be more of a problem than the fix for a problem. I don't really see that as maternal instinct at all, just ignorance and lack of maturity. SOme time ago I would be here answering this discussion telling you that the kind of behavior you are describing is a thing of the past, but I have had the opportunity of witnessing the same thing just recently so maybe it's still happening , I just can't figure out who could still think that way.

OK, I HAVE to respond to this one! No, a kid WILL NOT fix or save a relationship and what a terrible burden to put on the kid! 17 or so years ago, I got pregnant with my first child. It was a surprise. My relationship with my boyfriend at the time was pretty rocky. He just wasn't as grown up as I was at the time. Actually he had a pretty major case of the young and stupids. Now, I had always planned to give up a baby for adoption should any birth control methods fail before I was married. We even talked about it and he wanted to stay with me and be supportive through the pregnancy. I was 23 at the time and he was 21. I took some time and did a lot of thinking and a lot of praying and decided that I wanted to keep the child and raise it. I told my boyfriend at the time and he disappeared on me for 2 weeks without so much as a phone call. When he got back in touch, I ended the relationship because I knew at the time that he wasn't able to be supportive of my decision or be a Father. I never asked him for support or held anything against him. I cut it all loose and always had a place for him in my heart. Keeping that child was my decision and I didn't want anything from him. I kept Mum about him to my daughter as she was growing up because I wanted her to form her own view of him should she ever get to know him. Now we skip ahead about 12 years. I'm in the process of divorcing my abusive husband. I hear from my daughter's father. Keep in mind that I hold no malice for him at all and when we have run into each other, it's always been friendly and civil. He was just getting out of a bad relationship and it turns out never sired any other children. We discuss our past and I show him pictures of our daughter and the boy I had with my ex husband. We clear all the lingering questions up and lo and behold, he's grown up! So, he and our daughter get to know each other and bond well. We were married within the year and have been happily married for 4 years now. Our daughter has grown into a confident, smart young lady who graduates high school this year and starts college in the fall. She loves her Dad very much and it doesn't matter to either of them one bit that he wasn't around when she was younger. All that matters is today. So NO, not all women think having a kid will mature a man or strengthen a relationship!

I hope you don't lump all women into that group! There are plenty of rational, intelligent women that know that having a baby will not improve a failing relationship, or make a man more mature. It has nothing to do with maternal instinct! Some individuals are just in denial about their lives and relationships. And it goes both ways! Don't make it sound like women are the only crazy ones out there. I've known men who want to have a baby, or keep a baby to "save" their relationship. It has nothing to do with being female or male - it's all about what the individual thinks!

NO, I do not think this way at all. I think if the relationship is already having difficulties, having a child is only going to make it much worse. Having a child with someone, whether the relationship is good or bad, is not as wonderful as it always seems it should be. Even those in a good relationship, like my husband and I, had a lot of difficult times after having our daughter. He got jealous a lot when I had to tend to the baby more than I could just stop and do what he needed me to do. Having a child takes a toll on everyone at times, so to have one in an already unstable relationship is just absolutely foolish in my opinion. It doesn't make them stay and it doesn't make him love you more, if anything he'll run or just resent that child. My husband and I are a lot better now, but our daughter is getting older and doesn't require so much of my attention all the time, even though right now he is away over seas. He actually misses being at home now and wants to have that family time and alone time again. Having a child should be seriously discussed and both should want it and know what happens when you have one. God bless and I'm sorry for your friend. Tell her i'm thinking of her and she is in my prayers. I know it's hard to raise children with someone let alone without someone.

In most relationships i've seen having a baby only makes the matter worse. No not all women think that having a baby will fix thing i believe the only ones who think that are the ones who arent ready to give up one the man they have already lost. it kind of funny cuz in my situation my bf wasnt the stupid immature ones he didnt want a baby but things happened and i got pregnant and i thought that things were going to go down the drain but it didnt things between us got better and stronger and know he is totally in love with his son. but like i said in a lot of cases this doesnt happen it makes it worse and the girl is left on her own taking care of a child

women might have hoped for that to happen... of course, most women would like to think that men would change if they are already tied to an obligation, like having a child, or a family, etc. But it is far from the reality. i do not think all men mature when they have a child. i saw how my brother was when he has his first child, he still drinks, stays with friends till late night and drinks like he is single.

Well the way men think generally is different to the way women does because 'Men read news papers, women read mind' whereas the mind they read is just on how they feel. Some men are just irresponsible to their duties all they want is to get any women on their back for their own satisfaction, in the process when it result into kids they take off, but some women should just look very well befor they leap and they just ignore the bad attitude of the guy and still beleive they can change him but its wrong. Assumtion could be disastrous.

I've seen so many cases where the father even DENIES that he is the father of the baby. That's how irresponsible some guys can be. Just watch the Maury Show and you'll see what I mean.

The inate differences in how women and men think is probably one of the major causes of relationship problems.. We are the same species but quite different in our emotional and mental workings.. I know many women who think somehow a baby will magically change a man into someone he is not.. Many seem to think they can change a man from the start, and the baby is a last ditch effort in this.. Why can people not accept that the only person one can change is themselves? I have wondered this for many years.. Luckily I was raised by a mother who taught us this fact early on.. and she also made it clear that what you see in the beginning of a relationship is what you will end up with, so if it is not what you want, move on.. Men have an inborn need to fix THINGS, women a need to fix PEOPLE.. Why? I am not sure, societal expectations do not help, but even without those these things seem to exist.. It is difficult for men to understand the pressures placed on women by society to have a man, any man.. there is no term for 'old maid' meant to mean a man, why? Women are led to believe that without a man they are somehow a failure.. they therefore will settle for almost any man who is willing to be in a relationship, no matter how disfunctional.. they go in hoping to then 'fix' him into something they can acually be happy with.. perpetually, this fails.. I often wonder if women just ignore the facts presented by history, that a baby will not make a family, that if a man is not good father material, his name on a birth certificate will not make him a father.. how many single parents does it take for this message to get through? I am often as frustrated as you with this seeming 'head in the sand' outlook held by so many.. As a woman who has chosen not to marry I have been the victim of societal pressure to 'have a man'.. I have often asked why we are not pushed to have the RIGHT man or none at all.. No, my friend, not all women think as the one you describe.. Unfortunately, enough do so that these children continue to be brought into the world, not because two people want to have a child together but because someone thinks a baby is a magical superglue to mend a broken relationship.. in the discussion you described did anyone even ask why she would want this man if he was as she described him?.. Probably not, which only reflects the societal idea I mentioned, that any man is better than none.. Until we begin to empower our daughters to think for themselves and rely upon themselves and to never settle for less than the very best man, these things will not change.. there is indeed a paternal instict which is very strong in many men, I know several single fathers who fought for their kids and are fabulous parents.. but this instinct is developed only in men who are emotionally mature to begin with, I believe, it does not make them mature..

Hi uath13, Kids change entire family structure. That is the speciality of the kid. Women knows much better than men. Women by nature is a responsible human. But men are free birds. Kids can change them. After all it is his kid, his blood relation. The small smiles on the face of the new born kid induce the man's mentality and he may turn totally different after that. I have seen many men talk about responsibilities once they have kids.Kids are gods, they do not know anything excepting smiling at everyone and crying when they are hungry. Good Luck.

I think every situation is different and these women who think having a child is going to fix things are just in relationships that were doomed to fail from the beginning. I've other relationships and never once thought to myself, wow it would be great to have a baby with him so we could make this work. I don't even want children, not with anyone. My current boyfriend doesn't want children either. So the two of us are pretty happy in our childless home. I think there are other issues at hand with these women who think a baby will solve things. It sounds to me that they are actually pretty selfish and one thing you can't be when you have a child is selfish.