Interpretation Please!
By Jess
@JJ4Ever (4693)
United States
January 8, 2008 3:55pm CST
I need your help. Something happened to me during Christmas, and I have no idea how I feel about it or how to take it. Perhaps you can help me to better understand what's going on. Here's what happened...
My boyfriend and I have been dating going on four years. A couple years into the relationship, he bought me an expensive and beautiful bracelet that looks like diamonds all the way around it. Although they aren't real, the bracelet was made of sterling silver and was gorgeous. My boyfriend gave it to me one snowy evening on a covered bridge shortly before Christmas. It was very romantic!
Unfortunately, a month or so ago I was putting the bracelet on one morning and never saw it again. Up until then, I had never had problems with the latch breaking or the bracelet falling off. I was devastated because that piece of jewelry meant to much to me, especially in the unique way my boyfriend gave it to me!
My parents don't want my boyfriend and I to date because I suppose they have their reservations. I love my man very much and don't have any idea why my parents are against it. I've decided to continue dating anyway. After I lost the bracelet, my parents could tell that I was devasted. I looked long and hard for that piece of jewelry after it was missing. They saw how upset I was about it. It was so special to me, and now it's gone. The thing that made it worse was that my parents didn't want my boyfriend and I to be together. That made me even more determined to find my beautiful bracelet...but I never did.
Christmas morning, (a few weeks after I lost the bracelet), I located my stocking where my gifts from Santa were. (My parents still wrapped gifts from Santa for the sake of my ten-year-old sister even though the rest of me and my siblings know the truth.) Next to a 'Happy Holidays' balloon that was attached to a huge bouquet of flowers, I saw a small, rectangular box. I opened it up to find a beautiful (and expensive) diamond-like bracelet extremely similar to the one my boyfriend had given me.
I'll tell you right now, the bracelet was not the one my boyfriend got me. My parents bought me a new one to "replace" the old one. I don't know what you're thinking, but I was shocked and just wanted to cry when I saw it. My parents knew the bracelet from my boyfriend meant a lot to me, but it wasn't the same getting a bracelet from them as it was from him. My parents have also never given me flowers.
My question is, what are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think my parents were simply trying to be nice since I lost my bracelet and they thought I would want a newer, nicer one? Do you think my parents are trying to tell me to get over my boyfriend? Do you think they're trying to outdo him? Do you think they're trying to replace everything my boyfriend has done?
8 people like this
23 responses
@gettinggreen (125)
• United States
8 Jan 08
Hmmm.. It is so hard to know your parents motive without knowing what type of people they are, but in being a parent myself, I'm going to have to say that I think they were just trying to make you happy because you were so sad about it. It's hard as a parent to see your child distraught, for whatever reason.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jan 08
I really respect and appreciate your response from a parent's perspective. This is so helpful! I'm really pleased with all of the positive responses from my friends on this discussion. I'm not a negative person, but knowing my situation, you can clearly see why I'd feel this way. Your response has really helped me to see the situation from a different perspective. That's really important. Thanks so much and keep up the good work!
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Hi JJ4ever! Well I think you parents were really sweet to buy you a new braclet and flowers too! I think they did it only to make you feel better. I really dont know your parents or what is going on with you and your boyfriend to say they are trying to help you get over him. So enjoy your new braclett and be happy!
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Thanks, Terry! What a sweet response. I'm really pleased with all of the positive response I've been receiving on this discussion. I'm not a pessimist, I promise! (LOL) I guess being the situation makes me tend to be a little more skeptical. I'm in the process of working things out with them. It'll have to be a compromise as far as that situation is concerned because they want my boyfriend and I to call things off, but we feel a peace about being together. So, something has to give! But once again, I really like your response. It helps give the discussion a whole different meaning. A positive approach to everything is always best. I don't know what I would do without myLot friends! Keep up the good work. People need to see your positive responses everywhere! Thanks for the encouragement as well. And yes, I will enjoy the bracelet!
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
8 Jan 08
I don't think they were trying to out do him. I think they saw how upset you were and were trying to make you feel better. They probably had no clue if your bracelet was real diamonds or not. I would take the bracelet and be happy. If you and your boyfriend are meant to be, you parents will accept him.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
8 Jan 08
I appreciate your insight. I know parents have their children's best interest in mind. I hate to think the worst, but I was really rather shocked when I saw the bracelet and obviously didn't know how to take it or respond (other than saying "thank you," of course). I suppose I was probably biased because of how they feel toward my boyfriend right now, but as you said, if it's to be everything will work out in the end. I appreciate your positive note at the end of your response. Thanks so much for your answers. They really help me to see things "outside the box," so to speak. Keep up the good work, Sedel!
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I understand it's hard to judge what's going on in this situation without you really knowing my parents. However, they have stated why they don't like my boyfriend, but all of the support they use is from the past. My boyfriend is a new man now. He got help for his problems and is staying accountable with great people. I haven't been happier. My parents still stand their ground, but I'm so excited whenever I get to see my boyfriend. It's like magic, know what I mean? So yes, I've heard their end of things, but I see no reason to call things off. I'm the one who has to make the decision. Also, I haven't asked my parents about the bracelet situation, but I definitely intend to soon. Thanks so much for your input!
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
8 May 08
Parents for me will always be a parent! They always love their kids and willing to give anything that will make them happy! Maybe the moment you lost that bracelet, they have never seen you as a happy girl anymore, so they wanted to get it back by buying you the same jewelry! I don't think they want to replace everything that you're boyfriend is giving to you or he has done for you but they are just showing their love and care for you! Why don't you just talk to them and ask them to accept whom you love? if you can exchange your opinions in a nice way, you will listen to each other and your boyfriend will also try his best to do something for your parents to change their feeling for him, I know things will be possible!
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
9 May 08
You're right and I don't blame you the way you first interpret it, you are just carried away and still in doubt with their actions since they don't favor your fiance, parents always look for the best of their children and always they after for their happiness and I know time will come, they will see that in you, that you are most happy and contented with him and they will just support you!In a way, maybe they can't accept yet that their baby is started to be away from them, you know! adjustment in a way! take care!
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
12 May 08
I guess I'm a little too skeptical the majority of the time. My dad is a very materialistic person, so perhaps several of his genes were passed on to me. (LOL) I can't blame my actions on him, though. Because of this situation, I've become a very unforgiving person to my parents' actions. That's something I definitely should lighten up on. I don't think it matters why they do things. It only matters what's the right thing to do. That includes marrying my fiance! I believe in my heart that it's the right thing to do, so that's what I plan on doing. My parents might not be ok with it for a while like you said. I believe what you said is completely true, though. They'll come around eventually, no matter how long it takes, because they'll see how good my fiance (soon-to-be-husband) will be to me! I agree with you that it also has a lot to do with adjustments. I think it'll be just as hard for me when I become a parent to let go of my kids, so to speak. Thanks so much for your comment. I feel much better now!
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 May 08
Thanks for the encouragement. I really needed to read your response. There's definitely more to my situation than I've included in this discussion, obviously, but I believe what you say is true. My now fiance will definitely try his best to please my parents. I guess it's not all about the bracelet. They just wanted to make me happy and see me smile. They probably thought by replacing the item, the bracelet, they could bring back the smiling and happiness to my life. Perhaps it didn't quite go as they planned, but I appreciate their efforts sincerely. Nothing will ever replace my fiance's gift to me, but at least I know my parents are there for me as well should I need something to make me happy. They just need to see that my fiance makes me happy and accept him for who he is...that's a whole different story, though! (LOL) Thank you for your sincere response to my venting. I believe you capture the entire idea in your response. Take care.
@clocks123 (1225)
• United States
9 Jan 08
i would ask your parents the questions you have just written about. perhaps they wanted to make you happy by buying you the bracelet that you lost. i would also discuss this with your boyfriend that you lost the original bracelet and now you have a new one that still is very special to you even though it isn't the exact one he gave you. the best to you
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Hi there, Clocks. Thanks so much for your honest response. Duh! I guess I could talk to my parents. (LOL) I've been putting off asking them about it, though, because bringing up my boyfriend is a sore subject at the moment. They don't even what to hear about him because they're very much against it. However, I did talk to my boyfriend as soon as I realized I'd lost the bracelet. He's so patient with me. I was more upset than he was, but he told me that he'd get me another one. He realizes how much it meant to me, and we're the only two who really understand how special it was. He said my next bracelet will be even better. He's such a sweetie. The thing is, I'm not one to be disorganized or lose things like that. That was probably the most frustrating thing about the situation. Once again, my boyfriend was very understanding. I also told him about the new bracelet, which he thought was a little strange. However, I really like your positive outlook on the situation.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I think they are just letting you know they love you and want you to have something pretty. Look at it that way. You know and they know the new bracelet cannot replace the other one. Don't torture yourself by trying to figure out why they bought you a new bracelet. Just enjoy the new one, and always remember the old one. Your boyfriend may someday get you another one from him. I had a special tennis bracelet that had diamonds and rubies, it was stolen. My husband had bought that for me. I see other bracelets and it reminds me of that one. No one can take away the memories.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
18 Jan 08
Hi, Polly. I really appreciate your response because you've had a similar situation happen to you. Thank you for sharing. It has shown me to be thankful for what my parents did and appreciate the fact that they love me. I'm also thankful that I don't know for sure what happened to my bracelet because if it were stolen I would've been very hurt. I would've felt that the person who took it didn't deserve the beautiful bracelet my boyfriend gave me! Of course, I'm glad you mentioned that my boyfriend might get me another one because he did about a week and a half ago! It's ten times better!! I still will remember the old bracelet and the wonderful memories I've had from it, but I really like everything my parents and my boyfriend have done for me since it went missing. Thank you so much for your encouragement, my friend. Keep up the good work!
@SViswan (12051)
• India
8 May 08
hmmm...I can't really say because I don't know your parents well.
If it were my parents who did it.....I'd be shocked...lol...coz they would expect me to move on. You have the person in your life...so you lost something that meant a lot to you....nothing can be done. They would never had bought me a new one.
But I know other people who would do it because they wouldn't want to see their child upset. They know it's not the same as the thing that they had...but it's just a small replacement to show that they care.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
10 May 08
I can understand how the bracelet cannot be a replacement for the one you lost.
Don't consider it as a replacement and you might not feel so bad. Just consider it a gift from your parents. I suppose you took it so personal because it happened soon after you lost the other bracelet.
I find that most of the time I get upset because of my expectations of how people should behave. If I stop thinking too deeply about people's reactions, then it doesn't really affect me as much as it usually does.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 May 08
I have to admit that I was very shocked. I didn't want to look sad or disappointed on Christmas Day, of course, but I was about to cry when I saw the bracelet. No doubt, it's probably one of the prettiest things I've ever owned, but it's the hurt that I felt from the entire situation. It was really weighing on me when I saw the bracelet. I let them know how thankful I was for it, although I probably didn't express it as much as I should have and would have had the circumstances been different. I was just confused. Later on, they told me how much the bracelet was worth, the sticker price on it just so I would know. I have to tell you that it was worth much more than the one my fiance gave me, but it's the thought that counts. The bracelet from my fiance meant so much to me. My parents' gift to me still means a lot, don't get me wrong, but it's in a different way. It's different just like my love for him versus my love for them. It just can't be compared since it's different. Thank you for your sincere response. I understand it's hard for you to know the way my parents are, and how the situation really went, but your response is very helpful. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Blessing to you!
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
12 May 08
You're right. I guess so many times, I just get so uptight because of my situation with my parents. It's made things so strange and awkward that I over analyze everything they do. I like your insight on this situation, though, because you're exactly right. If I look at it as a kind gift from my parents, it'll pull it away from the fact that they were attempting to replace something my fiance gave to me...it all makes sense. Thank you for your comment.
@jerritts1mom (816)
• United States
22 Jan 08
I think maybe a little of both.
Surely they don't want their daughter distraught,so they came to your rescue.Maybe a little part of them enjoyed it being of a fancier nature than what he may have been able to provide.
1 person likes this
@jerritts1mom (816)
• United States
23 Jan 08
I was worried it may have offended you!! I am at times a little too honest :(
I have one of those mothers that would kill to see my fiance fall, simply because she doesn't approve of his lifestyle.Though she would never do anything too obvious to show it....
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
22 Jan 08
Thank you for your resopnse! You're the first person to mention that they might be having mixed feelings about their intentions behind giving me the new bracelet. Yes, the new bracelet is a little shinier and newer than the original bracelet, but the original has so much meaning behind it. However, let me also mention that only a few weeks ago, my boyfriend gave me a new bracelet that's the best of all! He's very clever, I must say. Thanks again for your response. It's definitely come the closest of any response to what I was thinking in regards to the situation.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
23 Jan 08
Hi, Jer. It's great to hear from you. My boyfriend is going to soon become my fiance (I have a gut feeling - lol). So pretty soon you and I will be in the same situation! To make a long story short, my parents don't like him and they show it to both him and me, which is not fair. I'm still living at home with my family, so that makes it really difficult. I don't know if you've responded to any of my other discussions, but I'd definitely like to share thoughts with you sometime on this! (Or just share situations now that I've met someone who shares the struggle.) You'll see that I have another discussion about the whole situation with my boyfriend and my parents. I think it's called "I've been backed into a corner" or something like that. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thanks for all of your encouragement, comments, and responses. Take care!
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
18 May 08
As a parent I would hate to see my child hurt over something that meant alot to them .. I would try and help them in any way I can to ease the pain .. It might have just been a lovely jesture.. Or they may have had an ulterior motive I don't know your parents like you do. I have to ask you a couple questions to get some things straight first.
1. Why do you think your parents don't want you to be with your boyfriend?
2. Has he ever did anythng to hurt you that would put your parents against him?
3. Have you plain just sat down with your parents and said Mom , Dad I know you don't like him and I respect that but you also don't know him like I do. You also have no clue how much we do care for each other I would really appreciate a logical reason why you don't like him with examples of what he has done for you to feel this way. Not just the feeling that he's taking my daughter away. Something solid.
I have to say that I'm a person who wants answers and I don't like the let's sneak around or make subtle hints that I don't like someone.. I'm point blank obvious it cuts down on mistaking something for nothing. LOL!! I would honeslty sit down with your parents and your boyfriend all in one room and clear the air. Be respectful and calm and listen and try not to get emotional and show them that your mature enough to make your own decissions. Also tell them that you are going to have to make mistakes sometimes and they are just going to have to let you do it how will you ever learn if you are constantly protected.
Another thing is maybe to show your parents that your guy ain't so bad do more things with the family with him. Like ask your parents if you can invite him over for dinner. Offer your parents some free time by taking the younger kids somewhere like to the park with him .. Get your parents to see him in a different light. Sometimes it's because the parents have seen him enough in a family setting.
One thing when I was 16-18 that me and my boyfriend did was take my brother to places that were similiar to slinky action zone, and we ran some of the errand and did some grocery shopping for my mom. She loved him .. LOL!!! She was ticked off when I broke up with him. LOL!!!
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
18 May 08
I also must add no matter how much I am going to hate some of the guys my daughters are going to date I would never try and compete with them because when all is said and done at the end of the day my daughters happiness comes first. I might hate the boyfriend but I have to trust her judgement because I raised her and I have faith that I have raised her to make good decisions. I do know that we all make mistakes and as a parent I'm always here for my child. So it comes down to this do you honestly believe your parents would have ulterior motives.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
19 May 08
I'm sincerely grateful for your response. I believe yours is the one I've been waiting for! Hopefully my clearing up some of the questions you had will help you understand the situation a little better. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on the issue once your questions have been answered.
1. Why do you think your parents don't want you to be with your boyfriend?
[b]As of Valentine's Day, my boyfriend is now my fiance! I'm very excited.
Anyway, to answer your question, my parents have already told me why they don't like him, but their reasons don't match up anymore. My fiance and I have been together for over four years now, but the first few years were a little rocky, if you know what I mean. We were just getting used to having that "significant other." Nowadays, we live and breathe one another...as in, we can tell exactly what the other person is thinking without even saying a word. He's someone I can share my thoughts and feelings with without having to worry about what he'll think. He had some protective issues as far as he would just worry about me. That's normal. I've talked to plenty of my girlfriends who said their men were the exact same way. Because of this, however, my parents thought he was being overprotective, controlling, and even abusive, which he was absolutely not. There are more reasons they gave me, but that's the biggest one. For lack of time, I won't go into the others. My parents just don't think he can take care of me.[/b]
2. Has he ever did anythng to hurt you that would put your parents against him?
My fiance has never done anything to me or to my parents that would cause them to strongly dislike (I won't say the word "hate," but I'm thinking it!) him...other than what I mentioned above, of course, which isn't any grounds for hatred, in my opinion. I mean, what girl wouldn't want the love of her life to be absolutely obsessed with her? (LOL)
3. Have you plain just sat down with your parents and said Mom, Dad I know you don't like him and I respect that but you also don't know him like I do. You also have no clue how much we do care for each other I would really appreciate a logical reason why you don't like him with examples of what he has done for you to feel this way. Not just the feeling that he's taking my daughter away. Something solid.
My fiance and I have sat down with my parents many, MANY times to try to reason with them. They're so set in their ways. They're so against my fiance that it won't do any good anymore. They've convinced themselves that he is absolutely NOT the one for me, so there's no way to convince them otherwise. If I were in a life-threatening situation, and my fiance saved my life they still wouldn't like him. That's how much they're against him.
From all of this, all I can gather is that they're trying to live their life through mine. They're afraid to see me make a mistake or fall. They're afraid I might learn things the hard way. I surely hope there weren't ulterior motives through their giving me the bracelet, but I really don't know.
I could go into so much more detail on all of this, but I'll let you digest what I've written here, and you can add another come as necessary with what other questions come to mind. I'll do the best I can to answer all of your questions. In the mean time, thanks for your response. It's very helpful and reassuring to know that you view this discussion from a parent's perspective. Your response is just what I needed. I really look forward to discussing this topic further in the future. Take care!
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
10 May 08
jjar forever as a parent I do think that your
parents probably did not have anyulterior motive
but just simply wanted to make you happy again.I
doubt thatthey are tryin to replace everything
your boyfriend hasdone. I cannot answer all your
questions as I do not know your parents. You have
tohave a talk with them and ask them what you have
asked us. it will relieve a lot of the tension
between the three of you.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for your honest response. I really appreciate it, especially while it's coming from a parent's perspective. I know now that my parents weren't trying to harm me or hurt my feelings through this act of kindness, but the best way to know is like you said, to talk with them, which I have done. I know they were trying to make me happy, and the bracelet they gave me is very pretty and special. While it won't replace the one that my fiance gave me, it came from their hearts, and it's the thought that counts. Thanks, Hatley.
@Lambchoper (538)
• United States
17 May 08
I think your parents love you. I think they don't like to see you hurt. That could be why they were afraid of your relationship with the boy in the first place. Why don't you ask them all the questions you have?
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
20 May 08
I most definitely have asked them these questions. Yes, you're right that they don't want me to be hurt. Their giving me the bracelet was a kind gesture and very sweet of them. In their wishes to keep me from being hurt, I suppose they just don't realize that my being with my boyfriend at the time now fiance is what makes me truly happy. Their attempts to pull me away from him only upset me more. They have their reasons as to why they don't want me with them, but when it all comes down to it, they're trying to live their lives again through mine. They're afraid for me to learn the hard way. (That's not to say that my being with my fiance is a wrong decision!) We've been together over four years, so I know very well what he's like. I don't think they've given him a chance. I don't want to get on another completely different topic, but I really appreciate your insight, and you're exactly right in everything you said. Thank you for your honest response. You're very kind.
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
8 May 08
It sounds like maybe they were just trying to make you feel better and do something nice for you. Even though they don't approve of you dating this guy, I'm sure they didn't like to see you so upset over losing the bracelet that meant so much to you. I will say though, try not to analyze things so much in life. Does it really matter why they did it? Will it help you feel better somehow knowing exactly what their reasons were for giving it to you? You could ask them if you really want to know. The only reason I say this is because I used to analyze every little thing that people did so much in life that it ended up just stressing me out and making me irritable. Try to relax a little and appreciate the nice things in life. I'm sorry to hear about losing that bracelet, though. I have lost jewelry that was given to me by a loved one that passed away and I still am sad sometimes that I lost those things.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
12 May 08
That's very neat! I think you'll be a great counsellor. Wow, you're such a great person to have on myLot since there are so many people you can help here. It's all about helping others to see things from a different perspective. I believe you'll be very good at this. I know I'm kind of putting in a plug here, but if you'd like to check out some of my other discussions (if you haven't already), I know your response will be an essential part of all of them. I have several personal experiences of mine similar to this one that I've posted to get insight from others on how to handle them. You'll see what I mean...I really appreciate your participation in this discussion and look forward to hearing more from you in the near future! By the way, I've tried some of the things you mentioned in your response to this discussion as far as just trying to be more laid back and not over analyzing everything. It's made me a much more relaxed person this weekend! Thanks for everything and do keep in touch.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 May 08
Hi, Phoenix. Thanks so much for your insight in this situation. I really appreciate your advice as well. I guess it's hard to see the way I handle things personally just because I'm me! (LOL) I really like how you've looked at the situation from your own viewpoint and can really gather all you need just from that. I guess I never realized how hard I try to think things through. Yours is definitely the most unique response I've received so far! I really like that about it. I'm so glad you can offer up all of these good suggestions based on your own personal experiences. In that case, I'm thankful you've been able to help me based on your past circumstances. I agree with you as well. I'll definitely take that to heart...that it doesn't necessarily matter why someone did something or why something is happening. It's about enjoying life and getting through the hard times. I could feel myself relaxing reading your response because it's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. My sincere thanks goes to you, my friend. Keep up the good work.
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
10 May 08
I am glad I could help. This makes me feel pretty good knowing how my answer affected you because I am planning on being a social worker or counselor. I am trying to be a psychologist if I can get enough schooling under my belt. I like to help people through their tough times and also give them a little insight into their own mind and some insight into situations that come about. I'm glad I could present this alternate view to you and I'm glad I could help. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@jess629 (1)
•
20 May 08
i think they done it because they saw you were upset and they just want you to be happy i really dont think theres anything bad behind it. your parents sound really nice for doing this for you. please just give them a hug and tell them you love them. and your bf
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
20 May 08
I have reason to believe that you're exactly right, and I'm really glad you mentioned to tell them that I love them and that I love my fiance also. (He was my boyfriend in this discussion, but he's now my fiance as of Valetine's Day.) I know they have my best interest in mind. I couldn't believe that the bracelet they bought me is worth $400, I think! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the price tag. (They just wanted me to know how much it was worth in case something happened to it. They didn't actually pay that much for it, though.) It's a nice gesture on their part. I think they're just trying to make me happy not knowing that my true happiness would come in their being happy with my fiance. Thanks for your sincere response. I really appreciate it.
@vhansen (2029)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Owww,tough call.I think that if they were simply trying to make you feel better because they love you and don't want to see you sad,they would have bought a bracelet as close to the original as they could possibly find.THAT is what I would've done.They didn't,so it reads to me that they're saying 'See? We love you more and can take better care of you than he can.' Alot of parents feel that whoever their child is with isn't good enough for them.Did you tell them the story behind the boyfriend's bracelet? Or why you love him so much? If not,you should.This probably won't change their minds about him but perhaps they will at least understand your feelings and respect them.If you like the bracelet they gave you,wear it.I sincerely hope that someday you find the original.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Hi, V. Thanks so much for your insight on this situation. It's really hard to get into my parents' heads and see what they're thinking, but I believe you're right in them wanting to show their love for me. You also mentioned that it could be them saying that they can care for me better than my boyfriend ever could. Well, I'm the only one who can make the decision for myself. The hardest thing for me now is their feelings about my marrying my boyfriend anyway. Of course, my boyfriend loves me so much that just last night, he drove all the way down to see me (we live an hour apart, about 58 miles distance) and to talk for about an hour. He drove two hours to see me for one hour. Amazing and impressive if you ask me. And the best part is that he gave me a new bracelet that's even better than the original! It's still not the same as the original, but I love it. Thanks for your best wishes regarding me finding the original one, though. I still have hope it could turn up. I hope perhaps if it were taken by someone that they would have a change of heart and return it. It means more to me than it could ever mean to anyone else. Thanks so much for your help. Keep up the good work, my friend.
@citygirl (1080)
• Canada
9 Jan 08
I think your parents love you very much, and where hoping that the braclet would bring you some happyness even though it wasn't the same one. They couldn't replace the momentual value , but they tryed to replace the actual item, and the flowers all show they did this out of love for you and hopes to make you happy. I think you are lucky to have parents who obviously love you very much and have tryed in their way to make you happy or at least bring a smile. I think you need to get it out of your head that they are trying to replace things your boyfriend has done. If you are still seeing your boyfriend why would you even think they are trying to tell you to get over him. Just remember you are still living in their home and they could actually forbid you to see him and if you are too old for that they could still say as long as you are living here etc. Count your self luck girl, to have parents who are concerned and care, cause there are lots that don't. Good luck and all the best to you.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Do you want to know what I like about your response? You're exactly right! I like how you say for me to get the idea out of my head. The funny thing is that that's what my mom always tells me. Ok, I'm sorry if that was an insult that you sound like my mother, but since we are talking about my parents in a way during this discussion, it's legit. Anyway, you have very good points here. I know my parents love me and would do anything for me. I told my boyfriend right away about when I lost the bracelet he gave me. I'm not that type of person. I'm usually extremely organized, so that was one of the things that drove me crazy. My man we very extremely understanding and said he would get me another one - a better one. You're the first to see my breaking news, which happened just this evening! (Don't you feel special?) My boyfriend came to see me tonight (we live an hour apart) and gave me a brand new absolutely gorgeous bracelet! It's got even larger (mock) diamonds on it and it's the prettiest thing ever. It fits my wrist even better, and I can't wait to wear it. I love my parents' bracelet also. I guess I'm just so fortunate that everyone loves me so much and wants to make sure I'm taken care of. I'm not a negative person, but I do appreciate your optimistic outlook on this discussion. Thanks so much for your thoughts, City Girl! Keep up the good work.
@Mickie30 (2626)
•
9 Jan 08
You say your bracelet has gone missing or was it got lost? This is what I am asking? Did it go missing or was it lost? Could it be that your parents hid this bracelet from you to course the situation of splitting from your parent or is this the way you percieve it? Because it comes across that either you think your parents moved your bracelet and bought another one better to make up for it or did they not lose it and out of the kindness of their hearts buy you another one? Hope this makes sense.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Hi, Michie. I understand what you're asking. I was wearing the bracelet when it either slipped off or broke and fell off. My parents didn't hide it or anything. They wouldn't be the type to do that. Once my bracelet fell somewhere, I believe someone might have picked it up and stolen it, although I certainly hope not. I surely hope it turns up or I'm able to find it someday. It could be in my bedroom or it could be at the restaurant where I ate that particular day although I look thoroughly both places. My parents bought me a new one because I was so devastated over the old one being gone. It was very special to me obviously because of the fact that my boyfriend gave it to me in a very special way. I hope to find it someday.
@dutchess67 (917)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Short of actually asking your parents what their motivation was, I doubt you're going to be able to know what was behind it.
I have say though that is sounds to me as if your parents knew you were upset by the loss of the token from someone you cared about and tried, though perhaps a bit misguidedly, to replace it. It sounds to me as if their hearts were in the right place even though you would rather have had the one you lost. I would simply be grateful that your parents care enough to try to make you happy.
I think I'd sit down and talk with your parents about your relationship though. If you love this man as much as you say you do, it sounds like the relationship is there to stay and your parents should accept that. It couldn't hurt to find out what exactly their concerns are and try to address them.
Good luck and I hope you find your bracelet.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Thank you for the wise advice. The relationship issue is a completely different thing that I don't want to go into right now. Although I should tell you that that's being addressed with my parents also. It's been a long and difficult time. Hopefully soon it will be straightened out. I would love to find my original bracelet. That would be a dream come true, but in the mean time I will enjoy and be thankful for my parents' thoughtfulness and love for me. Thanks so much. I enjoyed reading your response!
@ldybgsgma99 (798)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Have you asked your parents why they bought you the bracelet? Maybe they were trying to make you feel better. I rather doubt that they were trying to outdo your boyfriend. I don't like the man my daughter has but I would never do anything to hurt her because of him. That is her choice not mine and I have to be gracious and accept him. If he is what makes my daughter happy, then so be it. I am sure your parents probably feel the same way.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jan 08
I couldn't have said it better myself. A common trend to the responses I've been receiving for this discussion suggest talking to my parents about it, which I actually never thought of. I suppose maybe I had a "blonde moment"? (LOL) Anyway, I really appreciate your insight as a mother who has a daughter who is dating also. I really see where you're coming from and I know that's exactly along the same lines as what my parents see. The last thing I would want to do is hurt them, and I know it's the same on their end. Thanks so much for your wisdom in responding to this discussion. I really appreciate what you've had to say here. Keep up the good work!
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
9 Jan 08
I think your Parents love you very much and just wanted to make you feel better by replacing your much valued Bracelet. Its not uncommon for parents to be disappointed with the partner their cherished daughter (or son) has chosen. Time will usually tell the story and very often it turns out an ok choice.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jan 08
I'm happy to know that it isn't uncommon for parents not to favor their child's significant other. I'd never had a problem like this before, but I know they have their reasons. Like you said, it will all iron out in time. Time can reveal many things also. I really enjoyed reading your response because you've given me hope! Thanks so much.
