If you'd lived my life, I doubt you would say that.

I despise ignorance and I get alot of it for being a single mother and being in the Army for as long as I have. My ex will always give me advice of what I should be doing or how I should be treating people. My answer is always-walk one day in my life, go through what I have been through and then you will see why I am the way I am. I get so aggravated with one girl in particular who has everything in life handed to her on a platter and she always tells me what I could be doing better or the "it isn't that bad" speech. Drives me absolutely nuts!!

I have your alibi right here. Just let me know the times you need to be visiting somewhere "else".

yes sometimes i also think so. i think that they should know better about my case before making any comments.There are mostly people who make comments without considering much and without knowing the background of all.

Breathe, Lecanis, breathe. Calm down. I am sure she was only trying to help. I doubt she was trying to upset you or hurt you in any way. You may not be ready to forgive anyone right now but someday you might be ready. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. I hope you have a friend or counselor close at hand. Someone you can talk to about your feelings. It might do you some good to explore the feelings and reaction you had when this suggestion was given. Understanding yourself may bring you lots of peace. We all have certain "trigger" words that we react to. When you ready, slowly think about the conversation again. Was there a certain word or phrase that really upset you? If so, that was most likely your trigger word(s). From there, you can figure out why those words upset you. Feeling like you are ready to kill and scaring yourself are not good. Understanding why words brought about this reaction can help you a lot in the future. May Peace be with you.

I agree, hun. You have to walk a mile in another man's moccassins ( or whatever that parable is) before you can even begin to know what they've been through. Don't let an annoying coworker get to you. She's just uneducated...

yeah it is certainly some peoples fault that they think they know everything and act os mr/miss knowalls.They kinda advise you to be calm or stable even if you are in the eye of the storm.Well,it happens lecanis,you meet all sorts of people and they tell you all sorts of things.It is up to you to take such things and take in the ones that are needed and pay no heed to such unnecessary things.

I'm like you and usually deal with things and respect that people have opinions different from mine and don't worry too much. But there are a few people who just get on my bad side sometimes when they go on and on about how I should think or feel and I've had a mind to tell them the off (but I've never done it). I've usually tried to remove myself and keep myself away from such people if I can help it...and if I can't...yes, I would tell them off one day. I always listen to people knowing very well that their life has been very different and even if they did have a similar past...each person reacts differently. Some people take parental physical abuse as an excuse to do the same on their kids and some would never abuse their kids just because their parents did it...an example which shows that people are different and depends on them to take a situation as they see fit.

Lecanis, Wow, it sounds as though you had a really rough day and I am so sorry for that. It kind of reminded me of when someone loses a beloved pet and some "well meaning" friend says, "At least it was only an animal"; as if that is supposed to cheer you up. There is no use in trying to explain your point of view to people like this. They don't get it, they have never gotten it, and they will probably never get it. You wil be wasting your time and your breath; and in the long run your anger will turn into bitterness and you will cause yourself harm. It is good that you RECOGNIZED how very angry you were over this situation and the fact that it frightened you. That alone, lets me know that you are on the path to dealing with situations that really stress you out. In the short time we have really known each other I have watched your growth and am so proud of the way you have matured as a person and as a mother. ~Blessed Be, Donna Momma

Lecanis, I am sorry I am coming to this 18 hours late. I hope you are feeling better by now.Your relation is the same reaction I would have had, I know a little of your story and my life has been closer to the b!ch's life but I can understand your feelings. And that's what was lacking in her, understanding. The understanding that not Everyone has had the white picket fence house and tow loving parents. And just because you didn't have all these things , you are not weird. You are just you.I bet if people gave some thought before they spoke, we, you and I , wouldn't want to kill them slowly when they speak.Your feeling are justified.I hope today is going better than yesterday. Take Care.

Yeah, sometimes I feel alot like that...I don't usually get into a brawl over it...but I have gotten so frustrated with them that I just UNLOAD everything horrible that's ever happened to me and THEN ask them if they could forgive ALL of that! Usually their priceless expression is enough to mollify me to walk away after that.._

I know very well what you are saying some people feel they have the answers to everything but have experienced nothing. One of the reasons I've spent so much of my time online working with victims of abuse - I've been there, I know first hand what a victim is feeling and also know what words will help and what ones will only push them over the fense. I've 'been there done that'. You can't let these type of people rule your life though - your doing good don't let those thoughtless words get you down. Your the better and stronger person for your experiences.

I am getting angry with her just from your discussion. I have met MANY people like this! I can't stand them! I always think would your opinion change if you weren't born with that sliver spoon and instead had my stole Mcd's plastic one. Shut the F up! But then I think, well look where it is coming from. Would I REALLY want to be them, and the answer is ALWAYS heck NO. Also when I do meet in life people who are awesome and kind, I appreciate them a whole lot more, but of losers like this. Kinda like you wouldn't know what love was if there wasn't hate.

Sometimes people just have it too good and never touch the reality of life. Personally even though my life has been very bizarre at times and pretty tough all the time, I would much prefer my lifes experiences to living in a fairytale. If you have never felt pain, how can you feel empathy? If you have never felt sadness, how can you know true joy? If you have never cried, what is the true meaning of a hearty laugh? If you have never forgiven, how will you know how to ask youself? No I like living the earthy life. Others can have their fairytale perfect lives where everything is perfect and everyone lives a turn the other cheek life. I think their Reality Checks have all Bounced!! Shalom~Adoniah

I would have told her probably to walk a mile in your shoes and see how easily she would deal with forgiving people. Maybe because of her upbringing (if it was good) she has been able to forgive easily because she hasn't had anything major to forgive, which isn't her fault. On the other hand, I really despise people who talk about subjects that they don't have the full picture on or any idea of. You are really good at turning things around so this surprises me. It seems minor, you seem to deal with my deeper subjects but snottiness can get to anyone. Missed ya when I was away for a bit- cheer up my friend!

Well lecanis, I know how you feel. And you are more wise and experienced then she is in life, someday she will know. I know once you get mad and passionate about something its hard to let go, but i see this discussion is a month old, and i hope that you are able to see that its her ignorance not yours and that its not that big of a deal that she doesn't understand. YOU understand, so you are the bigger person, you are open to learning and she is set in her ways, but that's because she's inexperienced, some people are just no compassionate and understanding of other peoples situations, and that is THEIR downfall ;)

Guess one can only really experience the real thing if he or she has gone through it themselves. One can never really know how bad a fire can hurt unless he or she has hurt himself or herself before. I guess telling her off and getting all worked up about it is not gonna cut any ice with this girl. Ignore and move on. She is never going to see your point of view anyways. As long as she is leading her pampered life, she will continue to be ignorant of the suffering of those around her. Live and let live. If her time to know such feeling are up, she will experience it. Fate has a weird way of handing out experiences to people.

"Do you ever feel like telling someone that their opinions might change if they had your history and experience?" A few times yes, especially with some of my beliefs, perspectives, knowledge I've obtained thanks to those experiences. There are times on mylot I've been painted as something else and I keep telling people a good deal of what I say is from experiences (and/or the experiences of others). The most notable department would actually be dating/relationships/marriage. I've had a few more times of thinking the above quoted line than I have for politics (fact is for politics it really doesn't come to mind, but for the other topic it does). Truth remains though, people have mindsets and anything that breaches it or could even shift it a bit, thats a threat to them. Hence some bad reactions, some "preaching", a few "if only you were me" bits. "Do you ever get angry [at those] who try to talk to you about experiences they haven't had, as if they had a right to advise you on these matters?" Now here's where I'm more careful. If it comes to advice, one can give it but they should do it more as an "I'd do this" type of thinking instead of "You should" or much worse "You must" type of thinking. If you run into the latter of those two, thats the cue to mute the person in your head. I still say there should be a chance at listening to what the person has to say, especially if they aren't coming across too terribly. Telling a childhood story or some sort of event may lend insight to another persons life in the way of the topic or for something completely different (I've seen it here on lot and other places). Of course if there is something you've had more experience with, it can be annoying having to deal with someone else "preaching" to you. Again, its up to the situation and the person listening; a lot of it does fall on how the "advisor" is acting as well. When it comes to perspectives on an issue however, getting angry over another person's experience is rather pointless. Something happens, some of us see it, and plenty of times our experiences and perspective shape the event in similar ways; other times we end up with very different thoughts on the matter. Of course if someone was to use unrelated experiences to proclaim superiority or expertise on a subject, then annoyances/anger is quite understandable (i.e. someone saying they are a relationship expert by citing their work as a dentist... I kid you not I've seen this and worse) Here's where I get personally angry. The insults and shaming language are what get me from time to time. Can't help but get angry, but overall I know that its a sign that someone cannot debate. I think the other thing would be someone saying I didn't "react right" in an experience, had some of that too, most of the people saying it quite wrong too. They were not there, even if they imagine it they have a bias towards themselves (big surprise -_-) so a good number of people end up with more positive outcomes in the situation (despite how unrealistic it is). I mean here's the language if examples are needed. "Oh you did it wrong", "You didn't react right", "You're being unfair over it". Hmph. There have been times I didn't get it right, but not that many times. And if I do try to reveal the experiences people don't listen/acknowledge it, don't even try, don't place themselves right in it, or find another nonsense answer to the problem; all of them proving to me how little they are when it comes to the topic/experience in question. "If you'd lived my life, I doubt you would actually say that" To be fair, this can go either way both in argument terms and actuality. For arguments both sides can use this same sentence and they kind of do. Remember people are going by beliefs, experiences, knowledge, a lot of what was acquired in life. So its either said directly, or its implied and indirect, but it does exist; its unavoidable. In actuality, there is no way to say a person living someone elses life would react in the same way the said person did. Its possible, if I lived lives of other close people (from the past) I would have ended up better... or I could have ended up far worse. Life has its choices, its lessons, its events. People react differently to them as I've said. You and others may have chosen this Choice A - Reaction B - Event A - etc Presented with the same choice I may have chosen this Choice B - Reaction D - Event B - etc (Heh, sounding like a Visual Novel now, gotta be careful). But still the point stands. No way to tell if someone had lived your life they'd be thinking the same way. They might have similar thoughts or may change their experience, but its not certain. If I lived your life and you lived mine, you might be completely bored (given my life, work and interests), I might go completely nuts (if you know me well enough, and no offense is meant here). If you were in my past you might learn something or see some of the world different, but again, not certain. You may just react as you, and thats whats really important for this point (the same as if I was in any of your past moments. I may experience some pain no question and I may acquire more knowledge, but I may react different from what you did). I could go on, but I've had enough for now. Enough philosophy for now. Time for a drink.

i find that as i jolly well get older i have less tolarence for illgotten ignorance. balay well tell them where to get off! im ready to pop my clogs at any time so i will jolly well speak my mind! poppycock to all those minnie know-it-alls!!

I know exactly where you are coming from lecanis. I say "walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me" every time someone tells me I should forgive my rapist. I think it's horrible when people say I should forgive and forget. It's right up there with "God never gives us more than we can handle" So, if you are assuming that I even believe in God you are saying that God let me get raped because I could handle it? UGH!

I think some people just have the urge to tell others how better they are than them and how they would have done better in the same situations. My father is one of them so when I had problems he was all "I had worse problems at your age and I never complained like you". Some people instead only love the sound of their voice, so even if they have little information about something, they HAVE to say something. Like one of my classmates, when I told her I leaved my boyfriend coz I felt for him only friendship: "Ah, so you never loved him". It's better not to talk about your life with these kind of people