What do you say to negative attitudes

Your friend sounds just like my husband. I try not to look at the negative things in my life, but the positive things. But this can be really hard to do when you are surrounded by negativity. I try to stay away from people like your firend, but I can't stay away from my husband so I try to ignore it most of the time. Some days that is too hard to do and he just gets me down too. We are actually seeing a marriage councellor because of this exact thing. It is helping somewhat but he still has a lot of those days when everything is negative. I would suggest you have a good heart to heart talk with your friend and explain to her that you can't take this negative thing of hers for much longer. Maybe she can work on it, maybe she doesn't even realize that she is doing this.

I feel the same thing as you do.My friend is so obnoxious!We try talking to him but he won't listen to us because he's closed minded.It's really getting on my nerves too.What do I do?Well,I try to avoid him sometimes so that I won't get annoyed by his words or actions.

I used to know a whole group of people like that. No matter what was going on in their lives, they complained constantly. They could win the lottery and they'd still find something to kvetch about. I finally established a rule that nobody was allowed to complain about the same thing three times unless they were actively DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. As soon as they started up I would cut them off and ask, "And what are you doing about it?" and if the answer was nothing then I would tell them I wasn't willing to listen to any more complaining. And I would keep cutting them off every time they started up again. It would make them mad, but I told them I wasn't doing them any favours by letting them complain endlessly, it was just using up energy they could be devoting towards looking for a solution. I haven't had to do that for a long while. For some reason people who don't want to do anything but complain tend not to want to hang around with me so much any more.

Your friend is lucky to have you to help her. She sounds like one who experiences allot in life. And she needs you probably more than you think. Being competitive with feelings (referring to the statement "I can top that") shows her neediness for attention. She probably doesn't realize she is doing it. Be a little more assertive and talk to her about her negativity, but do it in a way that doesn't make her feel small. Maybe get her to go deeper into her problems and start to demand solutions from her. It does sound like she's likely to go round in circles over the same type of problem which helps no-one, especially you if you have to listen all the time. Next time she says I can top that, tell her that you don't need to hear that, but need her compassion. These little things can change your relationship for the better.

All play their parts..button pushers etc.She may be giving you a lesson in how to simply walk away.I feel there comes a point when one has to stop and ask.."Hey,is this person worth it?" Some of my best teachers have been button pushers,some I have keept in my life,others I perceived as simply herding me in another direction. Some people come into your life for a reason,a season,or a lifetime.It's all good. Cheers

I try to anymore look on the bright side of things because I am such a pessimist that its really hard for me to think of anything positive. I've had a lot of people close to me in life tell me that I never have anything good to say about anyone or anything positive to say. I think it really depends on the mood I'm in.

I know people like that.I always keep a very decent distance from them.They have the power of killing your spirits instantly.

I know I am not being a very nice friend but I try to avoid asking them how they are as I know what they are going to say and I find them to be be really depressing, real downers. If they get started I just try to tune them out and think about something else. Every now and then I give a nod or a grunt just to keep them happy because they dont seem want your advice just a chance to vent.

Nice topic.But this one needs a debate.It cannot have a single answer. If you ask me what I say,then I will say,I never talk to them and stay away from them. Attitude is the first impression towards others.If that is negative them what else can I say. I try to be good to them.But if they showing too much attitude then I get out of their way. It was nice replying to your discussion. Have a good day.

sadly, this friend doesn't want to help herself. It is true that some people are only happy being unhappy. And, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because nobody puts up with this for very long, and people like this end up very very lonely. You might want to stop offering advice, because she is self-defeating and doesn't follow advice. She needs professional help. Good responses would be "I'm so sorry. I hope your day improves" or "That's really too bad. Life is tough sometimes", to show empathy. Oh, and how do I know so much? Because I was one of those people. Once I mae an effort to think more positively, friends came around, and good things came my way.

OMG! I worked with a woman like that and she drove me truely crazy!! I finally had to tell her I needed to keep our relationship on a more business level because I was getting too depressed worrying about HER problems. She was upset about it, but I couldn't take it any more. My counselor told me that this woman had missed learning how to retain caring from others as a baby. She said that this woman is like a seive, not a bowl. With a bowl, you can pour caring and attention into it and it will get filled up and be OK. With a seive, it doesn't matter how much or how often you attempt to fill it -- everything just keeps running out, so she's always on empty. Very sad, but this "friend" of yours sounds the same. Remember that no matter how many solutions you offer to her problems, she's going to go and do exactly what she wants to anyway. In fact, this is another way of "one upping" you, since none of your solutions are valid for her and therefore you are no better than she is! Best bet? Explain how negatively her attitude and behavior are affecting you and that you just can't be around that kind of energy anymore. Play (or be) too weak to deal with anyone's problems but your own, and let her know that you do love her -- but get away from her!!!! You can also try listening to her problems and then saying, "What are you going to do (about it)?" Don't offer any solutions. If she "doesn't know" what to do, tell her you're sure she'll figure it out because she's so smart and strong. The best way to end her competition is to stop playing her game. Life is too short and too hard to subject yourself to such an energy drainer/user like her. It's not your job to fix her problems, only she can do that. Protect yourself from someone who is obviously too damaged to reciprocate the love you have to offer! God bless you for putting up with her for so long!!

negative attitudes dampen the soul and make life more difficult and hopelesss when you have nothing but hope to cling on

i've had friends like this one before and believe me -- there was a point when i almost stopped and thought that maybe life is really miserable. i am a jolly person. i love to have fun a lot. i enjoy things. i have a very laid back attitude, but whenever i meet up with these kind of friends, i just couldn't help myself from falling into an unknown pit of depression. so i thought "no! i'm not gonna be like them." so i hang out with a different set of friends but when i later bumped into one of those very sad (i meant always sad) friends, i felt guilty. i was out having fun when one of my friends were feeling so low. but what was i to do? i tried everything already to brighten him up but none worked. i talked to him. told him what i felt about our friendship that i think i was becoming more of a shrink than a friend to him. that the only thing i needed to get was a sofa and a timer so we could start our session. i told him everything. he ended up hanging around with me and my new set of friends. and without effort, i found him coming out of his shell. he started to have real fun. i was scared for a while that maybe he was just faking it, for my sake. but then i found out that he's been going out with my friends already even if i was absent. we still have those dramatic moments once in a while but lately he's been able to turn any depressing moment around easily. he just needed support from a pack of wolves.

it is very annoying if you have a friend like that...you do not know what side you are...she/he might asking some advice but later on she insist her/his ideas...sometimes you felt bad but because of your friendship you can't...when i know the fact that her/his attitude is like that so much better if you look an alternative to make him feel that all his/her idea is acceptable of you even not...

Wow, I think you and I have the same friend! LOL. My friend is exactly as you described. There are times when I just have to tell her that I'm busy and can't talk to her and she'll have to call me tomorrow. I don't talk to her if I'm in a good mood because I won't be in a good mood by the time she's done. We go thru periods of time when she gets so bad I get upset with her and just tell her to say something nice or the conversation is over. That's usually when she realizes she's gone too far and she doesn't come around for a couple of months. My husband can't stand her being around so if he comes home from work and she's here he'll talk to her for a few minutes just to be polite and then says he's tired and goes into the bedroom to take a nap. I've tried so hard to tell her that her constant complaining is not healthy but it's like she can turn something as simple as spilling soda on her jeans into a major life altering catastrophe! I keep telling her that her life isn't as bad as she thinks it is but there's just no getting thru to her. She's been this way since I've known her, going on 18 yrs now. The sad thing is I know what a horrible childhood she had and that's why she is the way she is. She has such a good heart which is why we stay friends. But I worry about her Granddaughter a LOT. Her daughter is a mental mess and just as negative as she is. The Granddaughter who I love dearly, is one of the most intelligent 8 yr olds I've ever talked to. She's a straight A student, loves to learn, excels at everything she does and now because her mother has to work full time, my friend is helping raise her. I'm so afraid for this little girl but there's nothing I can do. She doesn't physically abuse her or verbally abuse her but the constant nagging and negativity is going to take a toll in the long run. It's very sad. I sympathize with you, it does get on your nerves.

I really do sympathize with people like that becuz they are really that negative. The operate on negativity. It isn't that they love the drama and negativity...it is more that they are unable to see the positive in any given situation. It is pretty sad really.

I have had friends like that and it can be irratating. I got into a slump a number years ago and realized that I had turned from a positive person into a complaining negative person with not much of a self esteem. When I realized this I decided that it was I that had to choose how I would feel and how I would react to others around me. I changed my attitude. I was positive and slowly I noticed that the people and friends around me either became more positive or moved out of my life. That's not to say that I don't have bad days or that my friends don't either, but I don't get pulled into their depressive trap. I will steer the conversation away from them and onto another nuetral subject. Or possibily something that they still get positively excited about. I also don't get caught up in the "I can top that game", I just refuse to play, even if I could top it. Good luck with your friend!

It is sad that there are so many people out there like that. As sad as it may be, they are a drain on your energy and patience. I don't think there is a way to rewire them. It may be time to move on.

tell her about the law of attraction!!!positive thoughts bring positive actions..I myself get annoyed at negative people with the "i can't" mantra... There is no such thing aS "I Cant" it really gets me going... the law of attraction is a powerful thing..you should look up the secret the movie...It shows you how to ontain the objects of our desires...Being positive in life is the key!! Or you could just tell her to change the record because you have had just to much of her moaning...it may be awkward for a bit but in the long run it could benefit you!